Your Guardian Angel: "I will never let you fall"
a/n: The song I used is "Your Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. The idea just kind of hit me that the song matches Wolfram's Point of View… Oh well… I just don't think I delivered it quite well…
Part 1 – Prelude
When I see your smile
tears roll down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger
I've figured out
That as the world turns colder and breaks to my soul
And I know, I'll find deep inside me
I can be the one
Wolfram's POV
There you are, smiling again. Really, I don't know where you get the enthusiasm to smile like that after experiencing millions of near-death or Armageddon experiences. Oh well, that might be just why we all are drawn to you… your smile…
Despite your contagious smiles which affect everyone, friends and enemies alike, can't there be a smile that you can flash for me alone? I'm getting tired of trying to earn your attention each and every time. Every time you turn your attention to another, I feel fired up that I want to burn whoever it is since I'm well aware that I can't burn you. I feel tears roll down my face, ones that I cannot restore, ones I cannot hold back, ones I cannot return… ones which have fallen for you.
I feel insecure because that you can easily break the engagement and run to whichever girl you please. It's as easy for you, just as breathing is. If you do, what can I do to change it? I've already done everything in my power to make you mine but regardless of all my efforts, you seemingly don't care and bluntly reject them. You didn't even hold back in telling me and the whole of Shin Makoku that our engagement was nothing but an accident and that you would willingly break it. If so, why continue it?
I want to be angry at you for rejecting me, yet continuing with the engagement. Me, who more or less half of the populace of this world would die just to be in your position as my fiancé, it is a fact that I know all too well. In fact, before you slapped me, many others have also done so that I have claimed to myself that one day my head would simply come off from all the strain my neck took from those blows. I am angry at you and there were times when I couldn't hold back and was about to strike you with my burning fist but then, I saw your smile and that was all it took to stop me.
I hate it, how you could befriend the most vicious of monsters just by your optimistic attitude, how you could make anyone side with you just by blurting out your feelings, how you made an honorable, proud mazoku like me fall for you just by your damned smile. When I think of it this way, it all comes back to your smile.
oOo Kyou Kara Maou oOo
When I see your smile, I feel irritated. You smile at anyone and everyone, allies or enemies, friends or strangers, alive or not. You smile at every thing. It was always that same smile. That smile that brought hope to this dying world. Your smile that brightened the dark skies, it held a power that I can't explain, and I'm willing to bet that no one else can either. All good points, but that's not what irritates the hell out of me. It's just that your smile is naïve and innocent. It was always the same, unchanging picture and emotion. Though being your fiancé, there isn't a time when you even flashed a smile at me that was different from all the others. The only one that I've seen you flash a different smile to was my brother.
When I see your smile, I feel rage building up along with tears. That smile that I've longed for you to flash on me, it was always flashed at him. That smile that would give anyone the impression of being important was always (and forever) for him and him alone. It angers me that it was for him and not for me. It was a fact that I can't change whatever I do. A million words wouldn't make you mine, I know because I've tried, obviously. Neither would a million tears, it might not be obvious but I know, because I've cried.
Thinking this way, I would always end up with the thought "Why don't I just ignore your stupid smile?" Yeah, but it isn't possible. Next thought would be "Why don't I just wipe that annoying smile off your face?" I could try but…I don't think I can…
Because then, I would realize that it was the same smile I would cry for…
It was the same smile I would die for…
oOo Kyou Kara Maou oOo
My happiness means nothing compared to yours which is why I must become stronger in order to hide my feelings, my pain when I see you happy with him and irritated when with me, because then, I know that you would force yourself to be with me even though you'd have loved to be playing with that stupid white ball with my brother. Then you wouldn't be happy. You have made it clear enough that even an arrogant brat like me has believed that you would never love me. After the cold fact has broken to my soul, it hurts, yes, but that was the reality that I couldn't change. I have been repeating this over and over but it is the truth that all my brooding has come across to. I must accept it…
I must but I can't seem to do so…
I would like to think and believe that one day in the future, you would reciprocate my feelings but seeing your efforts to ignore me and your affections towards my brother, I'm starting to believe it to be quite impossible…
…it was something that would never happen…
oOo Kyou Kara Maou oOo
Part 2
It's ok. It's ok. It's ok…
'Cause seasons are changing
and waves are crashing
and stars are falling all for us.
Days grows older as nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one
You're my true love, my whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
'Cause I'm here, for you
Please don't walk away and
Promise me you'll stay, stay
Wolfram's POV
I wonder, shouldn't I be giving up already? Yeah, maybe I should. This is really getting stupid. I'm chasing someone who doesn't even want to be in the same room as me. I wonder when the seasons would finally change. The winter seems never-ending. It's always cold, despite my element.
But you know, by your smile, I can withstand the coldness of the frozen night… (1) Well, it's not like it matters right?
Everything that has happened is irreversible, right? Because if isn't then I'll stop that wimp from even slapping me in the first place. It was his fault! If he didn't do something so stupid, I wouldn't be in such a predicament right now. I swear that I'll kill him someday…
That's a mantra I've been repeating in my head ever since I realized what I felt for that wimp. Who am I kidding, right? There's no way I can kill him. He's the king although a wimp. And besides, I'd have to kill myself after killing him…
He knows that I love him, I know he does and that's why there's no need for me to tell him. It's plainly obvious. He would have to be the stupidest wimp in the whole universe if he doesn't. Well, he isn't so he has to know, right? I think he isn't… I hope…
Yeah, he knows and that's why he's avoiding me. I heard him talking to… Conrart. I silently plead to him not to cast aside my feelings, to acknowledge them if not return them. I just wish that he knew how hard it is to see that he's beside me, yet I can't touch him for he'll hate me and become more unreachable. To know that he's right in front of me, yet I can't try to catch him for he'll go further away. It's hard and unfair. Conrart never needed to chase after him for he would always gladly come to him. Am I really that hard to accept?
I was always there for him. I still am and will always be until death takes me away. I would never let him die before me. It is I who would die first. It is I who'd die for him and not the other way around. He is far more important that I would ever be. I'd protect him until I can no longer do so and for that, I ask nothing in return… Just for him to promise not to walk away and stay by me… Even if he doesn't love me back… even if he hates me…
His smile would suffice…
His presence is enough…
It always was…
oOo Kyou Kara Maou oOo
Part 3
Use me as you will,
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning grey
I will never let you fall,
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Wolfram's POV
You can use me as you please, although I doubt that you would. You're simply too kind, too kind that you'd rather walk away and leave me than use me and stay by me. I'd rather have the latter though because then, at the very least, you'll be there. Know that it's fine with me as long as you're there… as long as that smile is on your face, I'll be fine…
I'll be there for you, but there'll come a time when I am unable to because, as I said, I won't let you die before me. I am sensing for that time to be fast approaching, with all the talk that a group of humans from an unallied country are plotting an attack. You are too much of a wimp to want them dead, and that's why we must protect you. If ever that is my end, I will not regret protecting you with my life, for then, at the very least I have been able to fulfill me promise of saving you even if the sacrifice has to be me.
oOo Kyou Kara Maou oOo
Part 4
I will never let you fall,
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Wolfram's POV
The battle has begun and we fought amorously to protect our country and our king, who was stupid enough to be in the battlefield instead of being safe in the palace. This is one of the two occasions when I'd rather that he's not with us, if not with me. No matter, I have no intention of backing out on my word, I'll die before him. And the time gap won't be a mere second! I'll make sure that he'll die years after I do.
I felt pain shoot out in my systems but I didn't care, I needed to protect him because he's a wimp incapable of protecting himself! I can hear him, my brothers and some other soldiers calling me, telling me to stop already and leave the fighting to them but I still insisted and fought until someone managed to attack Yuuri… After which, I have fulfilled my promise…
…my vow: to protect him until my end comes…
oOo Kyou Kara Maou oOo
Darkness has engulfed me, is this 'the point of no return'? I can see no one, feel no one… And for the first time in my life (can I still consider death a part of it?) I felt happy for being alone…
…for at least, then I knew that you were safe…
Part 5 – Finale
I will never let you fall…
Even if saving you sends me to heaven…
I promised you before that if ever you shall fall, then I will fall with you… However, when the time comes when our situation is reversed, even though you'd do the same, I'd make you let go even if it meant burning the hand you hold me with… I'd rather die with that than perish knowing that it had been my fault that you had gone with me… Even though I've made it clear that I want to stay with you, I'd rather that I fall alone than die together with you…
…this is the other circumstance that I'd rather be alone than be with you…
oOo Kyou Kara Maou oOo
I died for you, to protect you and rid you of that irritating fiancé. I've done it because I know that it would be best, considering that you're having a hard time dissolving the engagement because you're afraid to hurt me… I hope that I've taken that burden off you by dying…
Just promise me you'll be happy, wimp…
I promised to be with you through it all… I'll be Your Guardian Angel then…
When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger
I've figured out
That as the world turns colder and breaks to my soul
And I know, I'll find deep inside me
I can be the one
I will never let you fall,
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
It's ok. It's ok. It's ok…
'Cause seasons are changing
and waves are crashing
and stars are falling all for us.
Days grows older as nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one
I will never let you fall,
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
'Cause you're my…
You're my true love, my whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
'Cause I'm here, for you
Please don't walk away and
Promise me you'll stay, stay
Use me as you will,
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning grey
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven…
…I love you, wimp…
Always be happy because that's how I want you to be… (2)
-Wolfram von Bielefeld
oOo Kyou Kara Maou oOo
– I got it from the translations of 1/3 Junjou na Kanjou by Siam Shade
– My sister shared this quote with me. She was the one to invent it.
a/n: so? I'll be putting up a sequel in Yuuri's POV entitled "Forever Love: '…'" I haven't thought of a quote from the song to put so…
I'm still working on Chapter 4 Possessiveness… I've got the idea and I'm just trying to figure out how to put it to writing…. Please be patient, ne?
R&R Please!!!