Series: Voyager

Pairing: J/P

Parts: 1/7

Rating: G

A/N: I have been digging old stories lately. I'm hoping that they will help me find myself again and, most of all, invite me to write new stories. I corrected a few mistakes and decided to share this one with you. Thank you for reading.

Synopsis: Set after 30 Days. Will Tom and Kathryn be able to take back their relationship where they left off as Tom comes out of the brig?

Where They Left Off

1. The First Cup of Coffee.

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"Wake up, Mr. Paris," came Tuvok's charming voice from across the force field. "Your thirty days are over. You just have the time to shave and get into uniform before your meeting with the Captain."

"I see that she accepted my invitation," Tom said as he swung his feet off the bunk. "Did she say where we are supposed to meet?"

"She did not," the Vulcan replied. "I would stipulate that she meant her ready-room, Ensign."

He cringed at the blunt reminder of his recent demotion. He better had to get used to it now. This was just the beginning. Since when did he care so much about rank anyway? As much as he would of have liked to kid himself, he knew that his rank had mattered to him since the beginning of their voyage in the Delta Quadrant.

"Tuvok, Tuvok, Tuvok," he repeated, putting his thoughts aside. "Never make assumptions," he said as he crossed the threshold of the cell that had been his home for the last month. "It's good to see you too, by the way."

Tuvok replied by raising his eyebrows – so predictable. Tom grinned. He had missed the stoic Vulcan. He had missed all his friends. Confinement was bad, solitary confinement was cruel. The Captain had made of good job of letting everybody know that going against her orders would be met with negative reinforcement. Considering his past however, it was obviously that this particular psychological approach had never been very efficient in curing these maladaptive behaviours of his.

Tom cursed himself for the umpteenth time, wondering what was wrong with him. Again, he had acted before considering all the repercussions of his actions on the people that he cared about – disappointing the ones that trusted him and that had faith in him. Disappointing Kathryn ...

He had probably already lost more than he could imagine. It hurt. He wondered if this latest punishment would succeed in teaching him the lesson he needed to learn to stay out of trouble. Somehow he doubted it since everything else had failed before. He could be a stubborn man – a flaw he had no problem blaming on his father. However, when it came down to what he was ready to do or not do for Kathryn Janeway, it was something else entirely. He could remember a time when everything that she did, everything that she said was an inspiration to him. It still was. He knew he would be fooling himself thinking otherwise.

Tom went to his quarters, shaved, and changed. He looked at himself in the mirror and brought a hand to his collar. He was Ensign Tom Paris, again. The good years of being a Lieutenant were over. He might as well make the best of it. He knew better than anyone that a rank was not something written in stone, upward or downward. He had been an ensign before, he could manage, but could those around him do as well? He would find that out soon enough, he thought. All things considered, it could have been a lot worst.

He left his quarters knowing full well that what was about to happen could change one of the most important part of his life forever. He stopped in front of the door and rang the chime. On her invitation – at the sound of her voice – his heart skipped a beat. Tom walked into Kathryn Janeway's quarters.

"Good morning," he greeted neutrally, hoping that his nervousness would not show too much. As he had walked in, he had thought that the worst had probably already happened. Now, he was not so sure.

"Good morning to you, too" she acknowledged barely looking at him before rising up from her coach and making her way to the replicator. She ordered two cups of coffee. She then walked up to him and gave him a cup. They stood in silence for a moment. This first encounter in month felt rather awkward. "Do you really think that we can start back where we left off?" she finally asked him. There was a hint of defiance in her voice. She held his gaze as she brought her cup to her lips.

Tom found himself at lost for words. Suddenly, all that he had carefully rehearsed back in the brig had vanished. His mind was a total blank. He looked away for a brief moment and bit his lower lip. It was not the time to let his big mouth get away from what he really wanted to say. That said, what did he really wanted tell her? Even if he wanted to, could he make it work? Could they make work?

How could he ever expect her to trust him again, when he could barely trust himself. He took a deep breath and looked back at her, hoping that his expression would reflect the sincerity of his words.

"It's up to you, Kathryn," he answered her in a low voice. "I'm fine with what happened. I respect your decisions." Her lips were shut in a tight fine line, and he knew she was angry. "I did something that I knew wouldn't be without consequences. But Kathryn, I had to try. It was very selfish of me, I shamefully did not think about all of you, about the position I would put you in. I figured that if I had to die for something that I believed in ... for once ... that I ..."

Again, he fled her intense gaze. What was he trying to say exactly? His fingers held the coffee cup tighter. He felt a lump in his throat. Then, her hand reached for his cheek and brushed way the tear that he had never felt coming. He lost himself in the tenderness of her touch.

"I love you, Kathryn," he whispered. "I managed to hurt you nonetheless. I'm sorry ... If you want us to put a end to our relationship, I'll accept that."

"I was somewhat hoping that you would put on more of a fight to keep me," she said a bit teasingly, taking him by surprise.

Their eyes met. She had a sad smile on her beautiful face.

"Well ... I'm just beginning," he defended tentatively, a small grin forming on his lips.

"Tom, I know that you had to try. You would never have been at peace with yourself –with whatever drives you to do these things. Like I told you a month ago, I respect that. I wish I could have helped you. I wish I hadn't had to do what I did. But ..." She sought his blue eyes. "Don't ever put me in that position, again."

He wanted to make that promise to her, but the words got caught in his throat. He sighed. "I can't promise you that. I can try. I can't promise," he replied .distraught.

Kathryn surprised him again with a grin. "I don't think that you can promise, either. I'll have to live with you trying very hard, then," she added mischievously.

"So ... where does that leave us?"

She took his untouched cup of coffee away and put it beside hers on the table. Then, she lovingly put her harms around his neck.

"Where does it leave us?" she repeated. "It leaves us where we left off. That is, if you remember how to kiss me."

He smiled, looking down into her sparkling grey eyes. "Now, that shouldn't be a problem."

"I love you too, Tom," she said as their lips met.

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A/N: END of part one. There'll be more. What can I say? My 30 days aren't over ... Feedback always appreciated at

Isabelle S.

December 1999