[The Gryffindor students are gathered in the common room. They are enjoying a quiet, dignified evening]

Seamus: "FOOD FIGHT!"

Lavender: (disgusted)"You great prat. And you expect us to have a food fight with no food?"

Seamus:(near tears) "Oh dear..."

Harry: (brightening) "Hang on a second! I've got some crackers in my pack. (pats Seamus on the shoulder) "We
can have a food fight with them."

Seamus: (tearfully) "Bless you, Harry."

Harry: (extracts crackers from pack with excitement) "I've got them!"

Ron: (giddily) "Ooooo....goldfish crackers!"

[Slytherin enters the common room]

Snape: (leading the pack) "We love the fishes 'coz their so delicious!"

Slytherins: (echoing behind) "Got Goldfishes." (they start punching eachother)

Harry:(stuffing crackers in his mouth) "'Sheez are purty 'chasty."

McGonagall: (sweeping in with a flourish of her robes) "GET OUT OF MY COMMON ROOM!"

Snape: (waggles his behind at her) "Make me!"

[Snape is abrubtly turned into a candle stub]

Draco: (rushes foward) "Oh dear, oh dear!" (hugs candle stub close)

McGonagall: (waving wand madly) "Now you lot! Get out!"

[The Slytherins shuffle out depressingly]

Gryffindors: "Yay!"

McGonagall: (waving her wand toward the Gryffinders) "You too!"

Ron:(hand on his forehead) "Oh dear, she's gone mad with power!"

Hermione: (pulling out a wand) "We must duel her!"

Gryffindors: (matter-of-factly) "Yeah, like we pay attention when spells are taught."

Hermione: (the insolence of her classmates is nearly painful) "Ahh..er!"(wrings hands)

Harry: (still shoving crackers in his mouth)

Ron: (pulls various items from his pocket) "Well, we can pelt her with stuff." (extracts a Chia pet) "Ooo! I forgot
about this!" (unwraps Chia pet)

Seamus: (brightens) "We must fight her with the crackers!"

Ron: (absent-mindly) "Uh huh.." (drowns his Chia pet in water)

Harry: (hugging crackers to his chest) "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! You CAAAAAAAAAN'T!"

Hermione: (examining a cracker) "Yes....just the right size and weigt for an airborne attack...."

Ron: (pounding a fist on the table) "GROW damn you!"

McGonagall: (raises her wand high) "EXPECTO PATRONUM."(grins rather stupidly)

Hermione:(questionably) "She isn't very bright, is she?"

Seamus: (struggling with Harry) "Gimme those crackers!"

Harry: "But I'm hooked on them!"

Ron: (brightly) "I'm hooked on phonics!" (turns to Chia pet) "I WANT MY BLOODY MONEY BACK!"

Hermione: (clutching head, for the thickness of stupidity in the air is deafening) "Ronald! You have to wait more
than TEN SECONDS for a plant to grow!" (falls to the floor, writhing in the once blessed gift of her intelligence, and
muttering something about photosynthesis)

Ron: (pouring more water on his Chia pet) "Are you alright, Hermione?"

[The cracker bag that Harry and Seamus have been fighting over splits, and the delictable little fish crackers spill out
and shower over the common room]

Harry: (watching helplessly) "It is like....a fountain of cheesy magnificance!"(eyes glitter)

[The Gryffindors scuttle about, gathering the crackers for ammunition]

Gryffindors: (poised with fistfulls of crackers) "HaAAAyaaaaa!"

McGonagall: (raises wand again) "ORCHIDIOUS!"

[The Gryffindors pelt the crackers at their once clever and sensible Proffessor]

McGonagall: (shielding face) "Ach, ouch! Foolish childr- OUCH! They HURT!"

Harry: (scrambling around to collect the rickashayed fish-shaped crackers) "My fishies! MY FISHIES!"

Ron: (grabs his Chia pet) "TAKE THIS!" (hurls Chia pet at McGonagall)

[McGonagall ducks out of the way, and the Chia pet wallops Hermione on the mouth]

Hermione: (teeth falling from mouth) "My 'tweeth..."

McGonagall: (crackers overpowering) "OW-" (falls on the floor with a thump)

Hermione: (walks up the McGonagall, prodding her with her wand) "I 'thwink 'threez 'ched."

Ginny: (jumps on a table) "I RULE THIS SCHOOL NOW!"

Gryffindors: (gasping with laugter)

Ginny: (menacing) "If you don't listen to me, I'll open the Chamber of Secrets again!"

Gryffindros: (grumbling) "All right, all right..."

Seamus: (whispers to Hermione) "We can't even hit her with the crackers, Harry's eatin' them all."

Harry: (burps) "Ohhhh...I don' feel so good."

END

A/N: Hmm...it seems in all my stories, Harry has a fettish with something, and someone dies.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, er- Chia pets, or those delightful little Goldfish crackers.