Those things about you.
Chapter one: Confusion.
The rain poured down on him. Soaking his clothes, soaking his hair, soaking his body until it started trembling and shivering.
What's happening to me?!
Slowly, he forced his feet to move, the one for the other, again and again. Silver hair fell straight amongst his face. His clothes were ripped and it was clearly to see he was just back from a mission. His one vision was blurry, because the rain filled it with water, dripping over his cheeks, almost like he was crying.
His heart was. Screaming out in confusion, struggling for not breaking, it continued to beat.
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!
He didn't know when it happened, even less how, but it happened.
What happened?
I don't know.
"Sensei? You'll get sick like this" she said.
"Saku-chan?" he looked up, not even noticing she held an umbrella above his head.
"Don't call me like that, Kakashi-sensei!" she said, her face changing from innocently smiling, to semi-angry. "It makes me sound like I'm a kid or something!"
"You are" he grinned, patting her head.
"Argh!" she looked angry, as she placed the umbrella above her own head, so he got wet again. "That's what you get for calling me a child!"
He smirked a bit. "I'm so sorry, Saku…ra-chan"
"You said it again…" she muttered.
"Not true, I corrected myself at the end!" he said, smiling.
"Hm, yeah, I guess that's good enough" she took a step closer, protecting him from the rain.
Wrong… This is wrong… right?...
"Did you eat anything already, Kakashi-sensei? It looks like you just got back from a mission? You're not hurt, right?"
"No, yes and no" he smiled.
She laughed, realising she asked too many questions after each other. Well, not that many, but either way…
"Okay, then that's decided" she said.
"What?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"That I'll bring you home and cook for you. I'm bored anyway" she said, looking at his wet face.
"You just want to see what's under the mask, don't you?" he grinned.
"Of course! I mean, how long do we know each other now?"
An eternity.
"I don't know, quite long I think" he said.
"And I still haven't seen it… that's just cruel!" she said furious.
He looked at her eyes, blazing up with the familiar fire. She was so beautiful, he thought, but stopped that immediately.
Wrong! This shouldn't be happening!
"Some persons I know for a longer time then you, haven't seen it either" he grinned, "maybe that helps, Saku-chan?"
"YOU SAID IT AGAIN!" she said as she pushed him from under the umbrella, under the pouring sky.
What's happening?
Kakashi smiled at her, waving his hand: "ah, gomen, gomen. It's just that it sounds so –"
I don't know. You made me forget everything about common sense.
"So?" she repeated. "If you give a good answer, you can step back under the umbrella."
"Oh, in that case I'll say it sounds so cute" he winked, "just like you are."
"Hm… It's a lie, isn't it?" she grinned, "but okay, step back under my umbrella."
And he did.
It's not a lie Saku-chan. It's something else. I don't know what, but it's not a lie. It's something of those things happening, those thoughts in my head, those feelings you're making me feel. It's one those things I can't name, I can't understand, I can only feel. It's one of those things about you.
"We're here, Kakashi-sensei" Sakura-smiled.
Kakashi nodded, opening the door and letting Sakura in. As he closed the door behind him, he watched Sakura walking in, switching on the light. A sigh escaped her lungs, while she commented: "still messy"
She had been here many times, and almost saw it as her second home. She didn't really know how it happened, but in these passed years, they grew pretty close. Maybe a little to close. She just couldn't help it, but to feel so happy whenever he was near. He made her feel save, with one word, he made her heart beat faster… why? She didn't know. She didn't know a single thing anymore, but she didn't hate it. She learned that when you let Kakashi enter your life, not much things are for certain anymore. Only one thing would be clear: no matter what, as long as Kakashi was around, it would be alright.
A sneezing sound woke her from her daydreaming.
"Come on, go take a shower before you get sick" she tried to stimulate him to move his lazy feet.
"Hai, hai, I'm leaving already" he grinned as he took of his shoes and walked to the shower.
She leaned forward, and searched in his fridge for anything she could use to make some dinner for him. Of course, she got used to it, all there was, was food of a questionable expired date and nothing she could really use.
"Okay, then he has to eat eggs…" she sighed. "Or maybe…"
She stood up, slamming his fridge closed. As she walked towards his bathroom, she leaned against the door.
"Oi! Kakashi-Sensei!"
"Nani?" she heard him calling, almost inaudibly through the sound of water falling against the ground.
"You'll be taking me out for dinner and tomorrow we go shopping so you have something eatable in your fridge!"
"But it rains outside!" he protested.
She sighed. He did get a point there.
"And beside" the water stopped and she could hear him quiet clear now. "I've got candy, cookies and chocolate! A lot of them…"
She laughed. "So you plan on eating cookies all night long?"
"You like cookies too, right?" it was silent for a while, "then eat with me."
The door opened and she turned her head unconsciously to see if the mask was still on. He wore nothing more than his boxers –and his mask of course...-
"Sensei… Put some clothes on" she commented.
She could count several scars over his body. It was no wonder, she could not even imagine how many people he must've killed, how much fights he must've undergone. But he never complained, he never said the slightest things about the pain she was so sure he felt. He only smiled, continuing his lazy life.
"Oi, don't stare at me like that, I might get wrong thoughts" he grinned at her as he pat on her head.
"Don't do that!" she shouted. "I'm not that little girl you used to teach anymore!"
I know, Sakura-chan. I know so good it hurts.
"You still behave like her" he said.
"I don't! And beside, I was only looking at your scars because they are terribly tended" she remarked.
"Oh, that" he sighed. "It doesn't matter."
"Ah… Sorry" she said, watching his face saddening.
"Iie, it's nothing" he grinned.
He lifted up his hand and ran trough her pink hair, slowly caressing her cheek.
"As long as you make sure there won't be a single scratch on your face, it's alright for me" he whispered.
Why am I whispering?
Without knowing why, Sakura stepped, like she was being pulled closer to his body by some incredible attraction, closer to the silver haired jounin. Staring in his one visible eye, she felt his hand burning on her cheek, his fingers caressing her pale skin.
Wrong… So wrong that this feels right…
The world seemed to stop turning, not a sound resounded. Everything else vanished, the only thing there was, was them, standing so close to each other. So close, yet so far. Just like always, just like they'll always be. She was nothing more than a dream, so close when you fell asleep, when you dreamed, and unreachable when you woke up again.
What's happening...? What… Did I just do…?
"Kakashi" she whispered. "W-What are you doing?"
I don't know… at all… anymore…
"The cookies are in that cupboard" he pointed suddenly, turning around, only acting normal.
"O-Okay" she answered, not knowing whether she should hate herself for breaking the moment or reward herself because she did.
"I'm going to get dressed" he said, walking –maybe a little faster than normal- to his room. Almost slamming the door behind him, he sighed, leaning against the door, sliding to the ground.
What am I doing? What am I thinking?
He closed his eyes, fighting some kind of feeling deep inside.
I don't know at all. I don't know anything.
It sounded so sweet; it crossed his mind, her voice, calling his name. Her eyes, captured in his gaze, her lips, only an inch from his.
He sighed. What on earth was he doing? He quickly stood up, almost commanding himself to stop thinking about Sakura like this. She was Sakura, Sakura Haruno! He never thought of her in this way.
What way?
And he didn't get why he started doing it now. Changing clothes, he thought about anything as long as it wasn't her. He looked at the pouring rain, but immediately his mind wandered off. Sakura stood there, in the pouring rain. Why? He didn't know. A faint, almost cynic smile crossed his face. There wasn't much he still knew. There only was that… feeling… or maybe even that was a wrong word. He didn't know. He just didn't know.
"Sensei? You didn't fall asleep didn't you?" Sakura shouted.
"Coming!" he shouted back, turning around and opening the door.
"Great" she grinned, taking the cookies out the cupboard.
Kakashi walked to the box of cookies and picked one out.
"Come" he said, turning around as he ate the cookie, so Sakura couldn't see his face.
He walked to the couch, and he heard her following. Sitting down he looked at her and smiled.
She smiled back and sat next to him, grabbing on of the cookies.
"So, why were you walking in the rain anyway?" Kakashi asked, while hiding his face as he ate.
"I, uh" a blush coloured her face. "Just, coincidence I guess."
Confusion. Pure confusion in her eyes. Don't you know either, Sakura-chan? Are you just as lost as I am? Or am I just imagining things? I don't know, Saku-chan, do you?
"Sure" he said, clearly not believing her, eating another cookie. "It's only normal for girls to walk about midnight in the pouring rain."
"Okay, okay" she gave up. "I was… waiting…"
He raised an eyebrow.
Waiting for what, Saku-chan? An answer? You won't find it. I'm not finding it… Waiting for what, Saku-chan?
"Not for what…" she looked away, "for someone…"
"Who?" he simply asked.
An answer kept out. Looking away, she quickly stood up, asking: "do you have anything to drink?"
"I've got some Sake…" he said, "and maybe there's some milk left too."
He decided not to ask any further about it, because –obviously- she didn't want to talk about it. Perhaps she didn't know either.
"What are you gonna drink?" she asked, taking two glasses.
"Make a guess" he grinned.
"That will be Sake" she grinned back.
He nodded.
"Great, for me too" she said as she poured the Sake in the glasses.
"Oi, aren't you to young to drink that, Saku-chan?" he grinned, knowing very well she was old enough.
Old enough for what? To drink sake… I still know that…
"You bastard!" she said as she took the first things she could grab, smashing it toward his head, laughing.
He easily dodged, laughing.
Why?
She walked towards him, giving him a glass.
I don't know.
Drinking, in a way she couldn't see his face, he listened to her talking about what happened these passed days. Stories about Ino, Naruto, Shikamaru, and almost every other single leaving being in Konoha were told as he sat down and listened, drinking. He didn't know why, but he liked listening to her voice. Maybe because she sounded so different from what he usually heard. She wasn't anything like the screams he heard at the battlefield, nothing like the last words of dying people, nothing like the crashing sounds of realising you're alone again. She was like Sakura, full of life, smiling, laughing and full of smart remarks. She was like nothing he could describe. Even when the stories didn't interest him at all, if Sakura was telling them, he would listen. Just because it was Sakura who was telling it.
Why? What's so different about her? Why?
As Sakura filled her glass of Sake again, she tried to see his face. He just listened to her telling the most boring stories ever, drinking and hiding his face. His one eyes looked off, like he was dreaming of something.
"Now!" she shouted to herself, jumping on Kakashi, taking his hand moving it from his face.
It was a second, only a second she saw what he was like under the mask, but then he shove it up again with his one free hand, while he fell of the couch. They fell on the ground, unconsciously their hands strangled in each other. With his back on the cold floor and the weight of Sakura above him, her pink locks falling around her face like the frame of a photo, he wasn't sure how to act.
Sakura's face was only a few inches separated from his. He couldn't help it, but his one eye went down to see her lips. She held her mouth a little open; he could see her white teeth. As he turned away, afraid to be captured in her emerald gaze, he saw another thing, catching his breath.
Her little, delicate hand lay upon his, their fingers strangled in each other. He saw how he, without knowing himself why, tightened his grip on her hand. So beautiful, in al it's simplicity a picture that burned in his memories. Breathless, somehow completely silent, he watched her holding his hand, like she never wanted to let him go.
When did this happen to us, Saku-chan? When did we become like this? What is happening? What are we becoming? Do you know?
"K-Kakashi…sensei…" she whispered, like the words were drowning from her mouth, but she didn't want to say it.
He slowly turned his head back to her.
"I…I'm" she said, staring at the mask, his lips hidden under it.
You're… What are you, Sakura-chan? I don't know.
"I only wanted to see your face" she said, but he wasn't sure whether it was an apology, or something she told herself as to explain how this happened.
"Don't mind" he said, having the hardest time to sound like he always did.
"O-Okay" she said, getting of him.
She looked at the window.
"It stopped raining" she remarked.
He only nodded, feeling like there was nothing he could say anymore. A strange feeling seemed to suck all the words away from him, leaving him speechless. It hung in the room too, an air of… what?
"I think I should go now…" she said.
Without waiting for an answer, she stood up, hiding her eyes under her hair, walking to the place she left her umbrella.
"Don't forget, we'll be shopping tomorrow" she said, but she didn't even look at him.
"Bye, Kakashi-sensei."
After those words she closed the door behind her and he could hear her footsteps. She wasn't walking, she ran.
"Bye, Saku-chan…" he talked to the closed door.
What happened?
He slowly walked to bed, falling on the mattress. He was too tired to change his clothes, so he just closed his eyes.
What happened just now?
The picture of Sakura's hand, so delicate and fine, in his, holding on to each other with an unknown call of… -of what? - float before his eyes again. As he slowly sank away in a pleasing darkness, the usual answer came to mind.
I don't know…
At all.
Anymore.