Understanding Why

Chapter 1: Caretaker

A/N: Hey, this is my very first Chicago Med story and it's going to take place after the episode "Monday Mourning." Although I have mixed feelings about the episode, I felt it would be great to explore the feelings of each of the staff members and add in some characters from the other Chicago series of shows. I hope that you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: Chicago Med and all related characters as well as characters from Chicago Fire, P.D., and Chicago Justice are property of Dick Wolf and NBC. I only own the plot and nothing more than that.

Summary: After Dr. Wheeler's death, the Chicago Med team is trying to process why this would happen and what they could have done to prevent it while also seeking help from others of their Chicago Family.

Sharon Goodwin sighed as she made her way to her desk. It was the day after Dr. Wheeler's death, and she just couldn't contemplate going on about her day as if nothing had happened the day before. She still couldn't comprehend that a member of her staff had committed suicide and that she had been unable to prevent it from happening. It made her feel like a failure and like she wasn't fit to lead this hospital anymore.

She remembered how it had been on the morning it had happened. Dr. Wheeler had come into the hospital and had wished her a good morning as though nothing was wrong when his whole goal had been to take his own life.

The questions kept nagging at her like a swarm of flies.

How could she have missed the signs?

Why hadn't she inquired about his well-being?

How could she be considered a good head of hospital when someone had just died under her care and she had done nothing to stop it?

She tried to shake these thoughts from her head. Now was not the time to dwell on these matters. It was time to get to work.

22222

When the day was finished, Sharon cleaned up and left making sure to bid everyone a good day. She fell into step with Dr. Charles who had just finished up his own work and was headed home for the day.

"Good day, Daniel?" she asked him in an attempt at conversation.

"As good as can be expected I suppose," he answered. "How are you holding up with all of this?"

She sighed. "I still can't believe it's real," she replied. "How could I have missed the signs? Why didn't I just ask Dr. Wheeler what was troubling him? We could have prevented this from happening."

Dr. Charles shook his head. "No, we couldn't have," he said. "Even if you had asked Dr. Wheeler what was troubling him, he probably wouldn't have opened up to you. I've seen this many times where patients act like everything is fine even when they aren't fine and are depressed. Many of my own patients have committed suicide just like Dr. Wheeler did."

"And how did you feel when it happened?" she asked him, hoping his answer would give her some insight into how she was feeling and what she could do about it.

"I felt awful about it at first, but then I told myself there was nothing I could have done," he replied. "These types of patients don't tend to open themselves up to anyone and instead choose to hide away and pretend that everything is fine when it isn't."

"I just wish there was a way to prevent it from happening again," Sharon said softly.

"Most of the time, this stuff isn't preventable unless the patient opens up about it themselves," he said gently. "It's a sad state of affairs, but that's the way it often happens. You can't keep beating yourself up over this, Sharon. You have to tell yourself that there was nothing you can do and try your best to move on from it. I know it isn't easy and the staff is having a hard time as well. All you can do is reach out to them and help them through this as best as you know how."

"I know, but I just worry about something like this happening again. What if it does and I can't stop it?"

Dr. Charles laid a hand on her shoulder. "I know how you feel, Sharon, and I felt that way too, but all we can do is go on and do our best to help those in need."

"I still think it would be good to offer some kind of counseling for those who may feel stressed about this job or suffer from some sort of depression," she suggested.

"I think that's a good idea and I'll see what we can do about that. For now, why don't we go to Molly's and try to cheer up a bit?"

"I suppose I could do that," she conceded though she truthfully just wanted to go home and go to bed. It was at a time like this that she wished Bert hadn't left her and she could go to him to seek comfort. He had always been her rock when things got rough, but now that was out of the question. She was on her own with this stuff now.

22222

Molly's was just as it should be on any night. The bar was packed with people and some of them were watching a baseball game on TV. Sharon spotted some of the other residents from Med as well as others from the police and fire department.

They walked up to the bar and were greeted by Christopher Hermann and Brian Otis.

"Nice to see you, Sharon," he said to her. "You too, Daniel."

"Likewise," Dr. Charles said. "Seems to be a pretty busy place tonight."

"Always is when the Cubs are playin'," said Hermann. Then his face took on a grave look. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss at Med. That had to be real tough on you guys and if you ever need to talk to anyone, we're always here for you."

The kindness of this gesture touched Sharon deeply. Many would think that the other departments had a deep respect for one another but that they just brushed each other by when they had to, but this city was different. Each faction was like a family and they all acted that way when anyone needed help such as now.

"Thank you for those words, Christopher," she said. "We deeply appreciate it."

"Any time," Hermann said. "Now, what'll it be?"

Sharon ordered a martini while Dr. Charles had a beer. He led her to a table that was close to a television.

"Are you a sports fan, Daniel?" she asked him.

He nodded. "I've always had a big interest in sports for a long time now," he replied. "I've been a Cubs fan since I was a kid. I tried to get my daughter into it, but she has no interest in that stuff and never understood my fascination with it. What about you?"

"No, I never had an interest in that type of thing. Bert was always into it and tried to get me to watch the games with him. He even took me to a Cubs game, but I barely paid attention to it."

"Ah, I see," he said.

"Who's your favorite player?" she asked.

"I really like Anthony Rizzo and Kyle Schwarber. Ernie Banks and Ron Santo were also my favorites as a kid. I like the current announcers, but nobody beats Harry Caray. That guy was a true legend and it's such a shame that he's gone. There won't be anyone like him ever again."

Sharon laughed. "Bert used to imitate him all of the time. He would usually do it to make me laugh even though I never understood what it was about."

"Did it work?"

"Yes, it did."

"I would try to imitate him, but it never sounded right."

"Well, since you're a fan, maybe you could help teach me the basics of this game if you want to."

He took a sip of his beer and smiled. "I would like that a lot."

The rest of the time was spent with Dr. Charles explaining baseball to her and both of them rooting on their home team. They sang along during the seventh inning stretch and enjoyed the time they had together. Sharon felt so much better and laughed when Dr. Charles attempted to imitate Harry Caray at the end of the game. His impression wasn't as good as Bert's, but it did make her laugh and that made her feel better.

This had definitely been a rough time and it wasn't going to get easier for a while, but Sharon knew that Daniel was right. All they could do now was try and mend what was broken and move on as best as they could. And Sharon was going to do her best to keep a closer eye on her staff and try to look for signs of what could be troubling them. There was no way she was going to let this happen to one of her staff members ever again. She wasn't going to fail anybody as long as she lived. She may not have been able to save Dr. Wheeler, but she was still going to try to prevent this from happening to someone else no matter what.

A/N: And that's the end of the first chapter. I really thought this episode was good and wanted to delve more into how it affected the characters afterwards so that's what this story will do. I hope you enjoyed this first chapter as I love the relationship with Dr. Charles and Dr. Goodwin. Feel free to leave a review and have a shelltastic day.