We can surely find a small light
Deep in the darkness
Looking for the jewel's sleep
I believe in the power to overcome the night
A pair of gray eyes snapped open in the middle of the night.
Mikasa Ackerman blinked, and then rubbed her eyes. She sighed. Their expedition was going to be later at dusk. She needed more sleep-they all needed to- but her recent nightmare kept her awake. Thoughts of Eren Jaeger's fate swarmed her mind; both the good and bad ones troubled her all at once. Her heart pounded anxiously in mulling over the bad possibilities that could happen to the boy who saved her life six years ago. He was the hope of humanity, but he was more than that to Mikasa. He was her ray of sunlight amidst a dark day, a spark that triggers an upsurge through her very being. He was a part of her.
She never wanted to lose the boy; never in a million years.
She looked over to her side, and observed her roommate Sasha Braus sleep peacefully on the other bed, saliva dripping on her brown hair. The half-Asian envied her expression. It was like she didn't care about anything.
Mikasa wanted to feel that emotion, just for that night.
She closed her eyes. She wanted to sleep, but the thoughts of Eren in the battle-to-be stopped her from feeling any drowsiness. The more Mikasa forced herself not to think of it, the more her heart pounded wildly. Her mind flashes her memories of the boy: his gaze upon her when he told her to fight, the sadness in his eyes in losing his mother, his anger in the titans and his vengeful oath to kill them, his determination to survive in the training corps, and all the struggles he had been through just to be a part of the Scouting Legion.
He doesn't deserve to die after all that he's been through.
She sat up and sighed frustratingly. Her senses were now vigorous, alert. As she wasn't able to go back to sleep, she stood up, planning to move and walk around so that tiredness might lull her to sleep.
But the upcoming battle still worried her. Eren's fate still worried her.
Mikasa stopped her pace. She scolded herself for thinking about Eren again.
But you always think of Eren, said a small voice beneath her.
Mikasa sighed as she grabbed her scarf and wore it around her neck. The fact that she often thought of Eren wasn't new to her.
She slowly crept off the room she shared with Sasha and walked along the corridors, hoping that it would tire her to sleep.
The corridors were dark, but the girl's eyes had grown accustomed to it. Her ears could only perceive the sound her feet made when she stepped until sometime, a muffled singing voice could be heard somewhere, taking the girl's interest. Who was that? Mikasa curiously followed her sense of hearing, her feet leading her to where she thought the voice came from.
As she walked farther, she knew she was close; the muffles slowly turned into words.
…straining…singing voice…share…moon…softly…
Mikasa failed to notice that she was already at the area of the boys' dormitory, which was right of that of the girls'. Her feet blindly led her to a room that was certainly familiar.
Eren's…room? She wondered. The singing voice was now clear and crisp, and all Mikasa had to do was place her ears by the knob of the door to know if the voice came from there. True to her instincts, the singing was from there.
Because you'll go alone towards the place
where night is falling on this shining field
Right now, I'll hold on the strength of our entwined fingers
and I won't let go of your loneliness
Mikasa then immediately recognized who was singing. The voice belonged to Armin Arlert, a friend she and Eren grew up with.
"You're still awake?"
Her sudden interruption abruptly stopped him, and he was startled by it.
"Huh? Oh-uh, M-Mikasa?" a small, stuttering voice replied her question from the other side of the door. Armin's awkward tone made Mikasa realize what she just did.
"I'm sorry for interrupting you," She quietly uttered through the door.
"Uh, n-no it's okay, come in."
She turned the knob and entered the room. Upon entering, her eyes immediately darted to the bed closest to the door. It was occupied by a sleeping Eren, his light snores indicating a comfortable rest. She glanced at his peaceful sleeping before looking back at Armin, whose bed was just next to his by a half-meter distance.
"Why did you pass by here?" He asked. Armin was sitting on his bed, his pillow pressed against the headboard of the bed to cushion his back. He blinked at her, wondering why she would walk around in the middle of the night.
"I was walking around, and I heard you sing," she said blankly, and sat on the right side of Eren's bed. She reached her hand out to him and slowly stroked the brown locks of his hair. No involuntary response came from him. She thought of her nightmare-the bad things that could happen to Eren-and frowned. He doesn't deserve this, she said to herself. There was so much more they had to do…so much…
She reflects back at the way he'd smile whenever he'd accomplished something, whether it was a kind or insane act. She remembered how he giggled whenever his mother would occasionally baby him and he wouldn't feel annoyed at all. She could hear his triumphant laugh he made when he first used his three-dimensional maneuver gear. All her happy memories of him rammed into her mind, all at once, and it pained her heart to think that the boy himself might just become a memory to her.
"I see," a smile tugged at the corners of the other boy's lips. Armin ran his fingers through his tousled blonde hair that reached his chin. "Eren's really hopeful this time, you know? He said it better be worth it that we already have at least our own rooms," he added. Mikasa smiled at the sleeping boy. Their group of cadets used to sleep together-the boys and girls were separated-in a huge dormitory, but a series of bloody events ended the lives of important officers in their sector, hence a lot of vacant rooms. The three of them were part of the selected cadets to be given the vacant sleeping quarters. Their spaces in the dormitories were given to transferees from other military sectors.
"Why are you still awake?" She faced Armin, her hand still on Eren's hair. The blonde wore an upset expression on his face, his blue eyes almost looking gray against the dim moonlight provided by the only window in the room that was near his bed.
"I-I was just worried of what might happen during the battle the way you worry about Eren right now."
The girl looked down at the sleeping brunette. When it came to Eren, her intentions were easy to read. Mikasa looked back at the boy she was talking to. "You too?" she asked.
Armin made a slight nod. He adjusted the pillow on his back, leaning on it again. "I couldn't really sleep. I might have been overthinking about the scary outcomes of the battle. I've been nervous, too."
"I understand," Mikasa replied. She could see through his unease. They were going to retake the walls that were taken away from them by the titans five years ago. There was so much at stake; perhaps almost every single gamble had already been done just to fulfill the very mission. "After all," she continued, "it's already bound to happen. I'm just as distressed as you are."
"The future can really be frightening," the blonde remarked in a hushed tone.
Mikasa scooted over towards the foot of Eren's bed and leaned on the end board. She gazed upon his innocent face as he slept. What, really, could happen? How drastic will these changes be after the battle? More thoughts came and troubled her and she felt perturbed. She looked back at Armin, and noticed that his head was completely leaned on the wall and his back in the pillow he placed behind him. His eyes were shut, but then it was opened within seconds, accompanied with a sigh.
"It's no use," he said with a sad smile, "I'm too terrified I couldn't even sleep." Armin lowered his head down, his palms resting on his folded knees. "So much could happen once we engage in the battle. Things will never stay the way they were. Eventually, whether we like it or not, things can suddenly change."
Mikasa nodded, returning the same expression to him.
"What was the song you tried to sing to yourself?" She asked, trying to divert them from the upcoming expedition.
"Huh? Well, to be honest I can't remember how it's called," Armin looked into space to recall what the song was called. "I often heard it when I was younger; it just came to me all of a sudden. It's-it's about holding on to someone you love in a grim situation-I remember how dark the song really was…the way it was sung was full of love, but there was also woe, like the person was hurt, and hurting, at the same time."
"And tonight's a perfect timing to remember this song?" Mikasa looked at the blonde before catching another glimpse of Eren.
"Well," he answered with a small grin, "I guess I've contemplated too much on the battle my thoughts reached that certain memory."
"Oh."
A small chill ran through Mikasa's body. She straightened the scarf on her neck, making it reach her chin. Her warm hands rubbed her arms that were covered by the sleeves of her nightgown. She looked past Armin to the only window of the room. She observed how deep and starless the night was. It was dark, ominous, and bleak, just like the way they anticipated the battle. They could never predict the real outcome, but just like wishing for a bright day, they knew they had to hope for their victory. They knew they had to stay alive for the ones that they love.
But at the moment, they needed to sleep.
"Armin," Mikasa called, now leaning on the board at the end of Eren's bed, "can you sing that song again for me?"
"Huh?" For a while the boy was slightly surprised, but he smiled.
"Oh, alright," he said, and repositioned himself in a more comfortable posture. His lips reopened to sing the first verses of the song.
Softly straining my ears
For the quiet singing voice
We share the white moon's sigh
Kiss me sweetly
He sang in a hushed, sweet voice. Mikasa could notice how laid back he looked when he began singing. She gave him a small smile.
It's like we're lovers
Hold me tighter
Because you'll go alone towards the place
Where night is falling on this shining field
Right now, I'll hold on the strength of our entwined fingers
And I won't let go of your loneliness
A small light surely
Sunk into the darkness so,
Together we'll look for the dozing dreams of jewels
Faraway at the bottom of the night
As the song progressed, the girl couldn't help but lean on the board at the end of Eren's bed in a wistful way. Her senses started to cling to the song like a spell. Her eyes were now focused on her awake friend, and her ears his voice. She anticipated every word he crooned.
I want you to call me
With a name that is unique
It's sleeping somewhere in a world
That no one knows of
It will shine forever in my memory and future
I have the feeling that these compensatory wounds
Support my feelings
Right now, I want to thaw your heart
With pain instead of gentleness
Like a shadow that you can't run from
I'll always be close by your side
The tears that you dropped
Become sparkling jewels that decorate my fingers
The prospect of the song was full of grief, yet so full of hope. Her heart became calmer. She thought of the times when Eren made her hopeful. She would always see the sparkle in his green eyes as whenever he smiled. She knew what that sparkle was. It was hope.
She felt like her heart was smothered with a gentle kind of warmth. Thoughts of Eren did not bother her anymore; it made her want to be strong for him.
We can surely cross over
This shining field together
Right now, I'll hold on to the strength of our entwined fingers
And I won't let go of your loneliness
As another effect of the song, Mikasa's eyes were getting droopy from the sad song. Her eyes finally closed, but before her consciousness could drift off, her ears made it to the final verses of the song.
We can surely find a small light
Deep in the darkness
Looking for the jewel's sleep
I believe in the power to overcome the night
She finally drifted to sleep, peace overcoming her fretfulness.
"W-what the…Mikasa?!"
Eren's startled cry slowly woke Armin, whose eyes were still drowsy. A huge yawn escaped his mouth, and an odd pain lingered from the nape of his neck down to his spine, probably because he slept in a sitting position. His feet were so warm he felt like it could burn any moment. He looked at his brunette friend, who was stunned to see his foster sister -at least that's what Eren thought of her- asleep at the foot of his bed. The blonde immediately remembered what happened the night before and smiled at the sight before him.
"Good morning," he greeted.
"Why is Mikasa here in my bed?" Eren snapped anxiously. Armin only made a lighthearted chuckle.
"She had a nightmare about you. She had to check whether you were fine."
"Well she shouldn't have gone straight in our room and slept in my bed!"
"Oh Eren, it's not like you weren't used to her."
The moment Mikasa woke up, the boys' eyes fell back on her.
"Oh," was all she could say when she saw her friends.
"You can really be creepy, you know?" Eren told her with a terrified look.
"I had to check on you," she replied in the overprotective figure they knew.
"Then at least get back to your room after! It's not like Armin's going to strangle me here!"
"Good morning, Eren," Mikasa waved him off and stood up, stretching her arms. Armin could have sworn he noticed the girl flash a small smile at him. But only then did he return the smile when Mikasa was leaving and was humming a few notes of the song he sang to her. He was surprised she remembered the tune because he wasn't even sure if he could still recall how he sang it.
He suddenly recalled what he told Mikasa that night.
Things will never stay the way they were.
He froze. The horrid thoughts that kept him awake last night came back to him in questions. Will they succeed? Will they reclaim the land they lost? Will the three of them ever get to see the ocean?
He forcibly shook the anxious thoughts off and stood up.
"Eren, we better get ready," Armin reminded his friend. He heard him grunt in response and muttered something about girls suddenly creeping in bed. The blonde shook his head to himself and readied himself for what was going to lie ahead of them.
It was then the day when they would have to stand up to what they were fighting for. He may have had his fearful doubts, but he felt better after a late night's talk. He still wasn't completely confident about the fight, but as long as the Eren, and Mikasa, and he were together, nothing would be difficult. He prayed that they would make it together, and he hoped that they would never share the same misery as that of the sad song they shared that night.