The crackling of the small fireplace in the stables has returned to brighten up the silent nights at Skyhold. Blackwall is there staring at the flames again, lost in deep thought.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
The tavern is dim, dusty, smelly, the booze tastes like dragon piss and the coveted blunting of the senses has yet to come. He needs wine, more wine, but that unspeakably loathsome lubber keeps harrassing the maid who's trying to bring it. I-need-that-fucking-wine! Anger overcomes him and one second later the drunkard is laying on the floor, broken teeth floating amidst a pool of blood. Other attendants attack and he makes short work of them, those who are about to join the tussle slowly return to their half-filled mugs pretending nothing happened. A man sitting in a corner on the other side of the hall is silently observing the scene. Difficult to tell his age, his face is hidden under a thick black beard but he must be in his forties, and his piercing eyes are... piercing him.
The man nods at him but he turns away and walks back to his wine. It tastes terrible but Maker's balls it's strong! A sudden dizziness catches him. Good. Two gulps and the mug is empty again, he gropes for the bottle but it's not there anymore. He lifts his head and finds himself vis-a-vis with two dark, scanning eyes that are now piercing him from up close.
He leans to grasp the bottle but the man moves it away from his reach again.
"Who the heck are you and what do you want from me? Sod off and leave me be!"
The man doesn't look impressed. "I can tell a tormented soul when I see it and I just thought I might be of help." His voice is pear-shaped, firm, somehow soothing. "Furthermore I just saw you fight, and it happens I'm searching for men who can kick arses. So, it looks like we need each other, isn't this a wonderful coincidence?"
"Help?" His laugh comes out harsher than he wants. "I'm beyond help unless you can erase my past and you can't".
"Actually, I can. Warden Constable Blackwall at your service."
That night Warden Constable Blackwall told him that joining the Grey Wardens meant erase a man's past, whatever it was. He said it was the start of a new life, a chance to atone and become someone to be proud of and not just a quick way to escape justice. Thom hadn't spoken one word about himself but his recruiter must have developed a keen eye over the years, and, somehow, he knew. Anyway that was exactly what he wanted to hear and needed to believe, and for the first time in his life he thanked the Maker.
The day after they set off at dawn, headed to the Storm Coast.
During the long journey that followed they had the chance to know each other well enough to develop a good friendship and a deep mutual respect. Norman Blackwall was the very embodiment of selflessness and courage, a man Rainier didn't believe could exist in the real world, and the fact that, among all the wrecks he must have met in his travels searching for new recruits, he had chosen to recruit him becoming his mentor helped him regain the self-respect he had lost along the way. He felt reborn.
Then, the very evening he was supposed to undergo his Joining, they were ambushed. Blackwall had brought him to the Storm Coast because there wasn't supposed to be a massive presence of darkspawn, just some scattered groups of lesser hurlocks hiding in the caves.
Sadly things had changed from the last time he was there.
An unexpected, overwhelming horde of well armed generals and emissaries pushes them up the slope, trapping them between the enemy and the overhanging cliff. An Ogre charges, "Run!" he shouts, and takes the blow in his stead. He jumps from the cliff, the high tide prevents him from dying smashed on the rocks but he's wearing armor and struggles not to end up drowned like a rat, the backwash slams him against the jagged rocks, the pain is excruciating, salted water fills his mouth.
It's over.
He awakes several hours later, and several miles away. Face down on the sand, his whole body aching, he rattles spewing out a large amount of salted water. It takes him some time to remember, and when the memories of what happened come to him he bursts into tears, cursing the Maker for having taken away from him the chance of a new life and a man like Blackwall from a world that was in desperate need of heroes.
In that moment of utter desperation words echoed in his mind. Being a Grey Warden is not just about sensing darkspawn, it is an ideal, a way of life, it's a promise.
And so it was that Thom Rainier found the resolve to reclaim what life had just stolen from him. That day he became Blackwall in order to give back its hero to the world thus pursuing his cause, embodying his ideal, taking him as an example to follow.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
The longest and most straining, exhausting day of her entire life was finally over.
A long, hot bath and a clean, comfortable outfit on her skin had turned the tension in her muscles into a drowsy weariness but Evelyn didn't give in to the tantalizing call of her cozy bed. She had been nibbling at the little food she had forced herself to eat hoping all the while to hear the padded footsteps announcing his arrival. There was so much to talk about. Rescuing him from jail hadn't been exactly what one would call a neat job, there were going to be consequences for the Inquisition's reputation, that was little but sure. Give him to the Wardens seemed the best solution, a punishment to the eyes of the world but also a way to keep him safe from the clutches of the law.
To tell the truth during all the months in which they had been a loving couple he very seldom reached her in her quarters, those few times always with the utmost discretion, always carrying a bouquet of flowers he handed her with a gallant curtsey. For you, Mylady.
Smiling at the memory she put on her cloak and ran down the stairs, headed to the stables.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
When he hears her coming he doesn't turn to look at her. "So, you actually do believe you'll be able to love me also as Thom Rainier? A pretender who lied to you from the beginning, a coward who..."
A long-fingered hand lays gently on his lips. "I will forever love the wonderful man I met in the Hinterlands, the knight in shiny armor I caught in the act of helping the commoners to stand against the bandits by themselves, I will forever love the hero who spent the last ten years of his life fighting to protect the defenseless against the darkspawn, and I will forever love the awesome warrior who repeatedly saved my cute heart-shaped ass in battle, and last but not least I will always love with all my heart the humorous, introvert, gallant, passionate, tormented and regretful old bastard with his stupid sad puppy eyes. If that man is the real YOU, then yes, I will forever love you whatever your name is, Warden Blackrain... Rainwall ... wait, who are you again?"
He chuckles. "I guess I deserve that."
Evelyn leans on his chest. "You deserve much more," she whispers before her lips touch his.
"And I will forever love you," he whispers before their lips join again, and now there is only the heat of his burning lips involving hers in a kiss so overwhelming to make her lose balance, their tongues engage in a passionate dialogue, their breaths merge, two strong hands caress her face, rough fingers gently insinuating through her hair, stroking her neck until he pulls away from the kiss to catch breath.
He rests his forehead on hers. "Blackwall will do, I got used to it but I'm not a Warden, not yet anyway..."
Evelyn throws a lopsided smile at him. "Ahem... actually, I spoke to Fiona about this and she told me that, being the Joining Ritual kept secret by the Order, according to the law one becomes a warden in the very moment he's recruited, whether voluntarily or by Right of Conscription. The Grey Wardens during the First Blight called themselves brothers and felt part of a secretive order even before the Joining Ritual was invented, and it took decades. This means you technically are a Warden, though a peculiar one whose Joining has been postponed due to unfortunate circumstances."
"Well, I hope that day will come soon since it's going to happen after we defeat Corypheus if I'm not mistaken."
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Sweaty and breathless, they are lying on the hay bales holding each other under a huge bear pelt, their bodies still hot.
"Remember when I told you about the Chevalier who wanted to train me? I didn't turn him down because I was an arrogant brat but because I knew that the training to become a Chevalier is brutal, inhumane, and I knew that the Order values strength and the honing of skills over honor. Furthermore, their loyalty to the Orlesian Empire is absolute and I didn't want to end up serving Orlesian nobility and their fuckin' Grand Game. As a kid I dreamt about epic deeds, I wanted to make the difference, make the world a better place. Joining the Chevaliers is usually considered just a quick way to improve social standing for lesser nobles and it didn't appeal to me. With time my dreams of youth were shattered by reality and in the end I found myself conforming to the very things I once loathed. In Orlais there's no room for things such as honor, selflessness, duty, sacrifice. All is about money, power and reputation, being compassionate is seen as a weakness while empathy is considered an embarrassing mental disorder to be ashamed of. There's no escape to the Grand Game if you live and work in Val Royeaux, pity the one and only time I let myself get involved in it I was so naive to trust an Orlesian noble's word. That son of a bitch got me framed, he had his dirty job done without shelling out a buck while I got my hands dirty with the blood of innocents. Once again panick seized me and I lacked the cold blood to think and act in time. When I was a kid I witnessed, frozen, two urchins torture a poor hungry dog, I remember my thought was that if the Maker was allowing it to happen there was nothing I could do. On the other hand the suffering of that innocent little thing made me feel so bad that I had to defend myself somehow, so I turned away pretending it wasn't happening. It was the real Blackwall who tought me that the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing, and since then I tried to follow his example. I'll never be fully worthy to carry his name though."
Evelyn snorted. "Why? Because you made a mistake? Because you have a past? Do you really believe that the real Blackwall was born a hero and that the man you met in that shitty tavern wasn't the result of a long and painful process of learning from mistakes? I want you to stop torturing yourself and belittling the man you have become."
"And what if I don't?"
"I'll start plucking hairs from your beard every time you do it again."
"I can't allow it, I'd lose all the power held within!"
"Try to stop me!"
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
They woke up at dawn, when the sun peeped out the horizon and a red light brightened their faces. They wished each other a good morning and laid down fondling each other until they found themselves making love again.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
Safe and solid, protecting and proud. He feels like quiet, stronger when you hold him."
There is no other man. He becomes the other man to do the things he can't.