~So like many teenagers my age my job sucks (Insert penis reference here)
so I said to myself "Why not write a story about it?" then asked why was I
talking to myself in the first place. Any this story's about a kid who works at
a poke mart and boy does his life suck~ Lord Lupin VII
"Shitty job, shitty paycheck, shitty lifestyle, but hey I guess that's my shitty life
my name is Isaiah but everyone calls me "Izzy" or "Dizzy" some prefer "Diz" I don't
really care it's an alternative to "Loser" or "Inbred", now back to my rambling
I live in Sunyshore City in the Sinnoh Region. Whole bunch of crazy trainers come here
for parties and to sit in the sun, personally I've lived here my entire life and I hate
everything about this place, let me guess you probably think I'm just whining because I
don't fit in right?, wrong everyone's in love with the leader Falkner he has a mild case of
pedophilia when it comes to young trainers begging for "lessons" and I'm pretty sure he
has an acute case of syphilis, because one time at a party I went to the bathroom after him and there was blood in the bowl, real gruesome Van Wilder shit, poor guy even if your tall blonde and handsome you still have to pay for an erection with infection.
That's not even the jist of it all. My roomate Colin spends his rent on pot every week
because he believes he's a spiritual medium and the blow gives him "visions" whatever
the hell that means. My mother and Father recently passed in a genetic testing experiment something about a prehistoric bug with a cannon I don't know. So now you
understand a little bit about my really shitty life. In a dead end job, no family, girls think
I'm a nerd, my boss is an old pervert in a city filled with men who are also perverts
Now do you understand my pain?
8:40 AM Monday
"Shit Colin, I'm late I told you to wake me up early man!" Izzy screamed
Colin was in the living room with incense sitting indian style, meditating
"Shh, Diz mother earth is calling me brah, she's saying she loves me with open
arms"
"Stay off the goddamn pipe Colin!, and our rents due what am I suppose to tell
Mr. Yuga again?"
"More eggrolls please" Colin said as he started laughing hysterically on the couch
watching Sword Art Online for the 19th time
"That's not funny it's insensitive to other cultures, at least tell me what you did
with it?"
"I bought 7 ounces of pure Shaymin seed" Colin said with a smile on his face
trying to get a reaction out of Izzy
"Dude that's the fifth time you've wasted your check on weed!" Izzy burst into anger
as he tried to fit his pants on. And belt at the same time
"Dude what's the point of being a pokemon botanist if I don't know what herbs do
what?"
"Doesn't mean you have to smoke it all buddy!, C'mon were 22, not 19 anymore
I can't just sit here get high and watch anime all day!"
"C'mon what happened to Dizzy Izzy, get so high he couldn't feel his face
anymore?"
"Dizzy Izzy grew up and you should too, I love ya Colin but you've got grow up
sometime" Izzy gave Colin a stern look as Colin gave him puppy eyes and winced
"Well I bet some good old Vileplume gold and the melancholy of Haruhi Suzimiya, might change your mind?"
"Did you say Haruhi?"
"The entire season and the movie, Netflix baby!'
"Okay but only two episodes" Izzy took his shoes off and gave into temptation
9:50AM
The guys had been on the couch lighting bongs and watching Haruhi and her gang's antics as if it were the last thing they were to ever watch slowly but surely
two episodes became 5 episodes and Izzy's boss was gonna be pissed.
"Dude I get tears in my eye every time she does that, it's sooo funny" Colin said
as he lit another joint on the couch
"I know it's awesome, they just don't make anime like this anymore"
"Dude weren't you suppose to be at work or something?"
"Shit, Now I'm even more late, Dammit man this always happens!, I try to move
on with my life and you keep holding me back with your suck ass personality
Colin!" A high Izzy shouted to his friend
"Dude are you serious?, I didn't put that bong to your mouth and make you smoke
it!"
"You might as well have!" Izzy shouted as he began to break down
"Listen don't blame me, blame Haruhi she's the real addiction here"
"Don't you dear blame Haruhi for your bullshit!, it's your fault not hers!"
"Well listen here ponyboy! While you've been arguing with me it's already 10AM
your 2 hours late dipshit!"
"Don't you call me a dipshit, dipshit!"
"I'll call you whatever I want, dipshit!"
"Listen call me a dipshit one more time and I'll kick your ass Colin!" Izzy
bit his lip and made a fist ready to make Colin eat his words
"Dipshit, Dipshit, Dipshit!"
Izzy charged after Colin and tackled him over the couch, Colin had the upper
hand because him being a little chubby he could easily overpower the skinny
Izzy.
They tumbled on the floor smacking each other until a lamp fell over and hit Colin
in the back Izzy immediately sobered up and was worried about his friend
"Dude are you all right?"
"Yeah I'm good just a little shaken up that's all"
"Listen I'm fucked up I can't drive to work
"Don't worry I drive high all the time"
10:11 AM
IN COLIN'S ACCORD
"Dude let's not fight again it sucks when we fight, I hate to fight" Colin
said swerving into lanes
"Yeah"
"And you were totally right I was being a hard ass"
"Suck ass"
"Yeah a suck ass"
"Can you forgive me?"
"Sure man, we'll always be bros"
"Now talk to me about, Farrah when is she coming to visit from Hoenn?" Colin
asked and it almost missed Izzy's mind
"Colin, NO! You are not having sex with my sister again she needs her mind clear
for this gym leader interview and your not gonna fuck it up!"
"Dude don't blame me she was the one who was all like "oooh Colin you make my
lips drip with passion everytime we kiss"
"Okay, nobody talks like that"
"People who get pussy do"
"That was high school she's older more mature, not a rambunctious slut"
"You guys are fraternal twins and she gets more action then you, not everything
runs in the family I see,
your like into that hopeless romantic shit, save that shit for lifetime where it
belongs"
"Dude fuck you, alright I'm sorry we all can't be Hugh freaking Hefner, If with a
girl it's for emotional not physical contact" Izzy begrudged
"That's why, you should've been born with the vagina" Colin took his eyes off
the road for too long and had to stomp an the brake right in front of a lady with a
baby. Who screamed "Asshole" Colin screamed back "Does he know the baby's
not his Bitch!"
"Dude stop my boss is outside"
"So uh?, you want me to come get you after?"
"Dude, go fuck yourself"
"I probably will
Izzy walked up to his boss Frank Tanner to beg for his forgiveness for being late for the third time in a month
"Mr. Tanner I'm sorry I got sidetracked again, It won't happen again"
"Damn, straight it won't if I didn't need this job to pay for third divorce I would've
fired you and kicked your ass a long time ago" Tanner said with grim look of disgust on his face.
"I understand"
"Do, you now I don't even want you in the shop today Bailey's on register
and Blissey will do your stock job today!"
"So what am I gonna do?"
"Mascot duty, my Ludicolo is receiving a check up today so you'll be wearing this
Tanner handed him a ludicolo costume that looked like it was used for other
"things".
"Don't forget to tell people they'll have to dance to get deals any lower than this"
Tanner said as he walked back in the shop
12:02 AM
"And don't forget people if you want a deal any lower then this you'll have to go
lower then ludicolo"
"Mommy does that man have a soul?"
"No, sweetie he's dead on the inside and out"
A passerby family said walking next to Izzy
"Ugh, fuck my life!" Izzy said as he took of his mask and began to sob hunched
over on the sidewalk
A girl with red hair made her way out of the shop to smoke a cigarette
"Woah, put the mask back my instagram is gonna blow up after this"
"What do you want Bailey you Instawhore"
"Oooh, nice comeback yet i'm the one in the cool air-conditioned store watching
tv because Tanner had a buisness meeting, and your out here sweating your balls
of, oh wait I forgot you don't have any balls, ha" The ice-queen bit
"Listen why don't you go find Amy Winehouse so you can go on a white trash
crack binge and leave me the hell alone"
"Just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean I like Amy Winehouse!"
"Yes, it does"
"Why are you bothering me anyway?"
"I'm on break"
"Great, I can finally get some air"
"Uh, sorry loser Tanner said no breaks for you today unless you want to lose your
job"
"Now I know how the slaves feel"
12:20 AM
"Don't forget if you want a deal any ahhh, Fuck this! Izzy yelled as he kicked off
his mascot head
"Uh, Isaiah Daniels? Is that you?
"Who the fuck wants to know?"
"Ashlynn Grayson from Sunyshore high" a girl with a nose ring and pink hair said
"Ashlynn, holy shit, how ya been"
"Good, so listen Saturday night I'm throwing a little reunion party and I would
love for your band to perform, if you still have a band that is?"
"You knew about Atomic Orgasm?"
"You guys were awesome"
"Everybody said we sucked and tried to destroy our equipment back then,
I mean now we go by Eveelution but back then is when I thought we rocked the
most"
"I did too, you had that totally badass Kurt Cobain thing working for you"
"You thought, I was like Cobain, Flattery will get you everywhere Madam"
"As long as it's with you good sir"
"Listen if your not doing anything tonight?"
"Sure here's my address 9:00 Ok" Ashlynn wrote her address and Izzy couldn't
believe what was happening right now. When suddenly the sound of glass
shattering could be heard.
"Help that guy just robbed us"
Nothing special guys just a romp because I was bored let me know if you like it and I'll update faster if not then whatevs
`Lord LupinVII