a/n: I'm notorious for dropping off the grid on here. Life often gets in the way of writing stories, unfortunately. Hopefully I'll be back for a little while. In the meantime, please enjoy this oneshot! Please review, because they make me happy and more willing to write haha :) Thanks!
Disclaimer: I do not own Bones.
Stupid, Straightforward, and Direct
Maybe he waited too long.
Maybe he joked around too much or maybe he should've been just a little more serious.
Or maybe he never even had a chance to start with.
He's never told Christine. Well, not all of it anyway. He certainly never told her straightforwardly or all spelled-out for her, like he should have ages ago. He was never very good at being direct with her.
He worried that she would reject him. Or, worst-case scenario, she'd take pity on him if he ever said anything that hinted towards his dilemma. So, like any other troubled teenager, he just left his true feelings unspoken. He kept his dilemma, his secret thoughts and feelings, locked away safely in the back of his mind. In the safety of the back corridors of his brain, logic and reason easily won against his weakening nerves. This prevented him from saying too much…like anything stupid, straightforward, or direct, for that matter.
But it doesn't mean he still doesn't feel those feelings that are cowering in the back corners of his mind.
Most of the time, it doesn't bother him. He grins and bears it. He takes it in stride and fends off the hurt with a sarcastic joke. He lies through is teeth without having to think twice about it. He is almost able to persuade even himself that his white lie had been the truth.
Because...What else can he do?
He can't tell Christine how much he loves her.
How just being around her brightens his day and makes his life worth enduring. He can't even begin to try to explain to her that she is someone that he could see himself loving every single day of the rest of his existence without the slightest pause or hesitation. It would never become boring or hard to be with her, and he would certainly never grow tired of her presence. Her presence is what he lives for! He would care and provide for her without a shadow of a doubt. He would do everything in his power to make her happy. To love her unconditionally and proudly, for the rest of his life.
He can't possibly tell Christine that he's never felt more alive, more human, than when she smiles at him.
Most of the time, Michael can convince himself it doesn't hurt. He can pretend that he isn't affected by her off-handed rejection. He can ignore that he doesn't feel like a consolation prize compared to all the other men she's dated. He can put on a brave face and hope it doesn't show that it absolutely kills him when she practically parades the other men around him and doesn't even seem to realize or even consider for one moment how much it affects him. He can barely stand it when he looks over to the love of his life and sees that she tying away on her phone, no doubt texting some new guy.
He had to pretend that his heart doesn't ache or shatter when it happens. Michael knows (and maybe he had always known) that it was never him.
It wasn't meant to be.
But sometimes, he can see the 'could-have-been'.
When he's talking to Christine on the catwalk at the Jeffersonian and they laugh about school or their friends or their nerdy parents.
Or when they're helping their parents with a tough case and they work perfectly with one another, practically reading each other's mind when it comes to new theories. They play off the others strong points flawlessly.
Or, when they're sprawled out on the couch in Angela's office eating Wong Fu's Chinese food take-out for the third time that week. When they fight over the last egg roll and Michael spills soy sauce on his jeans.
When they are together like this, so effortlessly, Michael's thoughts can't help but wander into a very dangerous territory. These thoughts corrupt his mind with 'what if's' and 'if only's'.
That's when everything hurts the most. That's when he can't pretend that the agony doesn't exist. That is when he cannot put on a brave face and pretend that everything is completely okay.
That's when he asks himself 'why don't you just tell her?'
He knows those other guys are just using her. He knows she changes herself to make them happy. He knows she deserves every ounce of love he could ever give her.
She deserves the world, and Michael would do anything and everything to give it to her.
Why doesn't she see that?
Because she is Bones's daughter.
She is completely oblivious to every hint of his feelings for her.
All that's left for him to do is be straightforward and direct…and very stupid.