Drabbles 2
- Live well or live hell; you are the one who choose.
1. Friends
-Your friends, his friends, your juniors, and your seniors realize and knew about the tension that seems to surround both of you. Heck, you are even willing to bet that the whole school knows, including the teachers and the staffs (That is what you get when spending majority of your free time at school together). The problem is he does not know and you, as brave as you are, are a coward when facing this kind of matter and therefore refused to tell him. As a result, both of you never spoke of it. You found that you are tired of the stares, giggling and winks that seems to rise in volume every time you are seen with him. To make the matter worse, he didn't even seem to notice his surrounding and continue with what he is doing while you suffer with embarrassment every time a student or a teacher passed both of you. And you can't help but to think that whoever that makes up the quote 'ignorance is bliss' is a genius. You want to throttle him sometimes, whenever he keep sending you those innocent smiles because you know people around you can practically see you turn into a love-struck mush and only turn to tease you behind his back. Few friends tried to subtly (you are so frustrated that he doesn't understand, their 'subtle is not subtle at all!) tell him about this but their effort remain futile and he remain clueless. You know that they are getting desperate (after 2 years) and are ready to just dump the truth to him and move on with their own lives. You notice this through the increasing amount of time they tried to tell him and managed to intervene just in time (you still wonder what will actually happen if you didn't) You said that you are not matured enough to handle this matter yet, practically begging them to let this matter rest. You know that he is still unsure about relationships as he did tell you about it. You hoped that that this will remain and he won't get a girlfriend anytime soon. You are an idiot.
2. Girlfriend
- The first time you even managed to get around this topic, you stumbled on your words like a scared kid facing her scary teacher, wanting to go to the toilet but not knowing how to ask. There was a rumor that a girl in junior form (from the same dorm) is his girlfriend and you are kind of sick with the pitying glances that are directed toward you by your friends. That week was plain hell. You asked with a steady voice, sounding so uncaring of the answer but you are trembling all over inside, praying that it is untrue, that he'll wait for you. He laughed and just tells you that she is like a sister to him. He said that if he get a girlfriend, you will be the first to know (you don't know whether to cry or laugh over his statement) You thought everything will be okay again. You are wrong, again. He dropped the bombshell to you not a week after that, happily telling you that he got a girlfriend, that the girl confessed quite a while ago but willing to wait for him. You make yourself sound excited for him, asking him this and that while teasing him. Then and there, you build a façade ad wall of your shield become thick as it had before you met him. You revert back to your old self within minutes of his announcement. He didn't notice but then again, since when he does? You make yourself in control, making yourself comfortable sitting beside him before starting to read the newspaper like always. But you notice that the usual silence is no longer comforting and you grew restless. You quickly excuse yourself after that. You remain the same, nothing change with your interaction with other people or with him. Only you know what is happening inside. You are broken, as simple as that. That night in your room, in the isolation that you imposed on yourself, you open yourself, lose all your self-control and that night, you cried for the first time because of a guy. Now you know why even the first stage of love are called crush; it bloody hurts. For the next 6 months, you no longer actively seek his companionship. You bloody well know you are running away from the facts. You only didn't know whether to call it as solace or escapanism yet.
3. Help
- His confession aside, you still help with his work as both of you work in many committee together. You remain professional with your work, that is your principle and you will always stand by your principle, the matter of heart aside. But you cannot deny that twinge in your heart every time you see him. He is confused and hurt. You know. Your friends are confused. That is obvious. But you cannot help but back out for a while. This game between hearts already broke you once. God knows what will happen in the future. You are scared, you are in pieces and you don't know what to do. Before you do anything foolish, you decided back out for awhile because if you are broken again, you know that you will be left with nothing. Glass can only be broken for how many times before it become unrepairable. You become a workaholic and that for some time take your thought off things. You become so busy that you don't even notice that he is watching from the sidelines, so hurt and confused. You are so busy that you forget that before your crush develop; you swear to remain by his side no matter what happen. You forget that he is your friend and the bond that both you have is not a small replaceable matter. You are in the middle of a week long convention when your younger brother called and said that he asked about your condition and why haven't you picked up your calls? (Later you learned that he missed you even if he won't say so. He asked his junior at his dorm who are in the same school as your brother to passed his greetings to you) You explained to him that that reception is bad in the place the convention was held and he is lucky to get her at that time, chances is only 10%. After that, you started to remember again and you started to think. You come in terms with the facts of life and reality. You come back feeling at peace with yourself. You started to hang out with him again, accepting that he can no longer be yours. You let him go but you know that your feelings won't just go away. However, you'll take what you can get. If you love someone, set the person free. If the person doesn't come back, then the relationship is just not meant to be…