Tony had awakened early in the morning full of dread and sadness. He didn't want to get out of bed at all. Pepper was still sleeping beside him, but not even her fair face could pull him out of this low. He looked over to his bed side table staring at the clock as time ticked and ticked and ticked. Even though it was a digital clock, but that was besides the point. He had stared at the clock for so long he was sure he was going to be seeing red numbers appearing on the back of his eyelids for the rest of the day. Like he cared. Today wasn't a day to care. Today Tony would be alone. By himself. Pepper knew to leave him alone on this day. She knew. Everyone close to Tony knew.
Raising his arms above his head, he got a whiff of something awful. Was that how he smelled every morning or was it just his body's way of telling him to suck it up and get out of bed? There was no way he was going to be able to spend his day in hiding smelling like that. Taking one last look at his clock, he decided to get out of bed. But he just sat there on the edge of the bed staring at his bare feet. A huge weight weighed down on his shoulders immobilizing him. He really wanted to stay in bed. Maybe he could after he took a shower. He looked up at the door on the bathroom and groaned. On these days, he wanted to install a moving floor so he didn't have to walk, but Pepper wouldn't let him do anything out of a random act of depression.
He finally got enough juice to get out of bed and grab his robe. He only wore it when he wasn't going to change out of was his way of telling Pepper that he was in full blown "no messing with me today" mode. Pepper didn't like seeing him like that, but she knew it would only last one day then it would start getting better and better until he was back to the same smart mouthed jackass she came to know and had tried yelling at him to snap him out of it once, but it had ended with Tony busting out into was so absolutely shocked to see him like that, she didn't know how to react. So she just turned around and slowly walked away to leave him there sitting in the floor crying. She didn't return for nearly two weeks after because she didn't know how to face him.
Tony padded across his bed room, making the thirty step trek to his bathroom, made the ten step trek to his shower and turned it on. The steam was soon pouring out of the couldn't help but wonder if this shower was what he really needed to pull himself out of the dumps and get on with his life. He doubted it. There wasn't a thing on this earth that could pull him out of this. Well, there was one thing, but that was impossible. Even for Tony it was impossible. It had been far too long for it to happen. Ten years is a long time. Pepper had said that to him once and it just ripped him apart. He knew it was a long time, but he hoped with every fiber of his being that it wasn't impossible. But with each passing year, it seemed more and more impossible to Tony.
After his shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and walked over to the mirror. Wiping a still wet hand across the mirror reveavled a very tired Pepper standing at the door. Her arms were crossed her eyes narrowed with tiredness. She had been up late last night picking up Tony's mess. She wasn't ready to get out of bed. Tony, not pretending to see her, grabbed the toothpaste getting ready to brush his teeth. He stopped when Pepper sighed. He grabbed the edges of the sink, almost as if bracing himself for what Pepper was going to say to him.
"You look awful, Tony. Why don't you come back to bed?" Pepper mumbled rubbing her eyes. Tony couldn't tell which emotion was in him first, but all of them went through him at once. He gripped the edges of the sink tightly not even looking at her reflection in the mirror letting her figure out his response on her own. There was no way Tony would be able to sleep today. Not with this on his mind. He was sure he was going to pass out into an alcoholic coma before days end as this day normally ended. He couldn't take the pain, the misery of knowing he wasn't there. That he could've done something to prevent it from happening.
After making himself not smell so bad anymore, he walked out of the bathroom, then the bedroom and headed towards the kitchen. Pepper was in there making coffee for him. He wouldn't be having any. He walked to the freezer, opened it, and grabbed out three bottles of whiskey then a glass and headed towards his lab. Pepper had learned to let him do what he wanted on this day because it wouldn't help in the least to fight with him. On any other day, he would listen to her, but not on this day. She wasn't really sure what it was that made him so upset about this day. Well, she could understand, but why it had effected him this way for so long. It was almost as if he had found out that day.
She wondered why it ate at him so bad every year. She was sure he blamed himself, but how could he when there was nothing he could do about. She didn't know many details, but she knew enough to know why he was sad, but to bed this sad about this after so long was just... not Tony. She hated to see him like this. She hated seeing him so out of character. On any other day, he'd be flaunting himself in front of every camera, but not on this day. On this day, no one would believe that Tony Stark actually existed. She wanted to ask him about it, but she knew Tony wouldn't tell her. One day though, one day, Tony would move on and return to being the man she had fallen in love with. She just didn't know when that was going to be.
Little did she know, that day was today.