Wrote this kind of stream of consciousness thing from Maura's perspective. I haven't written anything in a ridiculously long time, but for some reason, today I just sat down to write and something actually came out of it.
This is a monologue.
The set up: Maura is kneeling in front of Jane's grave some time after Jane has been killed in the line of duty. Set 3-4 years after 3x10.
Dammit, Jane. How could you leave me like this? You promised me forever. Statistically speaking, the odds were never exactly in our favor, but you always kept your promises to me. I never imagined this would be the first you'd break. We wasted so much time denying that our friendship was the cornerstone of something deeper than either of us could have predicted.
If I had just told you I loved you when I first realized it myself, would things have been different? Would you have been able to admit your feelings then as well. What if we'd been braver, sooner? What if Lydia had never deposited her baby on my doorstep? Would we have still figured it all out ourselves?
Oh, listen to me. I hate "what ifs." However, I can't seem to make myself stop wondering. I'm sure my grief has altered the chemical processes in my brain resulting in these constant questions of how things may have gone differently if we'd just had more time. I used to find comfort in my facts and science. These days, not even a challenging autopsy helps to clear my mind.
I drift back to memories of you, of us, of the time we had together. I dream of what could have been in our future if you had just waited for back up. Why didn't you wait for back up? You were never invincible Jane, no matter how much you seemed to think you were!
Michael asks after you and I don't know how to explain to a three-year old that you aren't coming back. If it weren't for your mother, I imagine the poor boy would be traumatized by the scientific explanation that immediately came to mind. Her version of angels, heaven, and you guarding the pearly gates was better. Much better. I can almost picture you, protecting us still.
Oh, Jane, I don't know how I'm supposed to do this without you. I can't raise a child by myself. I don't want to. You were supposed to do this with me. I don't want to do it with anyone else. I need you to be with me!
He reminds me of you, you know. He has your eyes. I suppose technically, they are Tommy's, but I think of them as yours. Tommy might have sired him, but Michael is our son. Yours. And mine. I will try to make sure he is more like you than like me. Though, that shouldn't be a problem. He already has the Rizzoli flair for dramatics and your unflinching stubbornness. He laughs like you, boisterous and unrestrained. I still look for you when I hear it.
I wish you could be here with me to watch him grow up. I promise I will never let him forget you. I'm sure Angela, Korsak, Frost and your brothers will help with that. They all miss you so much.
I miss you.
I love you.
Goodbye, Jane.
So, what do you guys think? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Also, would anyone be interested in a story from this premise? I was thinking of developing it into one if there was any interest.