I know it's easy to say
But it's harder to feel this way
I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
Joshua Radin
2:29 AM
Happy New Years. I was happy counting down the clock till midnight.
Cinderella must hate me... and every other person doing the same silly little thing, awaiting another new year to start over with fresh promises, and new opportunities.
I flip through the channels (I once again spent New Years with my little brother... which is so freaking sad), and I can't find anything to entertain my mind, to distract me from thinking about...
You.
Tall. Smart. Charming in every way, except for the Prince Charming kind; the Prince Charming to a Bunny Princess kind.
Every time I sign on, I look hard at my buddy list and search for your name. I no longer notice his name plastered onto the screen. I see yours.
I guess I might like you. But nothing would happen between us if I told you. I don't think I should like someone I no longer talk to.
But I can't help it. Once it's gone I still have this need, this urge to hold on.
Every time I see you or hear your voice, I do something silly and embarrassing. I hope you know... I was actually maybe hoping you would notice me somehow.
It's so easy to recognize you sometimes. It was easier to recognize you when you had that crazy head of hair that went off in different directions. A bird would have loved to hatch her eggs in it.
My mind drifts back to the memories I had of you, and I remember when it was finals.
The final ringing bell resounded throughout the hallway, and breaths of sighs could be heard simultaneously if you stood still and silent and just listened. The hallways soon became crowded, and my studious friend pulled me along through the sea of people screaming about summer, weeping for joy that they were now free from the prison they call school.
"Ami, where are you taking me?" I asked. " I am in desperate need of sustenance, and you're depriving me, taking me further and further away from my beloved vending machine! Can't you hear my stomach? It's saying 'feed me, feed me Usagi, before I collapse and die of hunger because of your careless friend who does not want you to eat, and plans on making you a walking stick, and' --"
"Oh, be quiet," Ami interrupted. "I just need to know what I got on my Geometry final, so I don't have to fret about it when my mother asks me how I did. I'm sure the vending machine can wait for you. It's not like it's going to run away."
"How do you know? What if it decides that today is the day to finally escape this sucky school and it is running away from me at this very moment? What if our rival school secretly dug a hole underneath the vending machine to steal it as their senior prank? What if---"
"Honestly Usagi!" Ami huffed. She pushed her glasses up with her index finger, and glared at me. I gulped as I stared helplessly at the person who would someday be the one to save me when I choked on my 100th chicken bone, who would be the future doctor to my children, and also to the famous husband I had yet to romantically fall in love with (I prayed everyday that it would be Milo Ventimiglia). But today she would be the one who could kill me without mercy, if I didn't keep my mouth shut, and obediently follow her. So I did.
Even though she was stubborn like a mule, she still feared her little German Geometry Teacher, who yapped away in his country's foreign language when he got mad. That doesn't explain why she dragged me, the only girl scared of thunder (they make that loud noise), and dentists, along for the scary ride, away from Mr. Vending Machine . Just as we were about to step into the classroom The German Instigator screamed, "NEIN!" at a helpless little freshman who began laughing at him. Was she crazy?! We were spooked. She quickly turned around, and I followed in suit.
"Oh, God, that man scares me," Ami breathed out.
"Just wait 'til your grade comes in the mail," I replied back.
"But I can't! I need to know now. I can do this, I can do this," Ami repeated in a mantra.
"Good. You're on your own now. Wish you luck!" I shouted, as I scurried off to save Mr. Vending Machine from being stolen.
"USAGI! Get back here!" I heard Ami shout. I laughed crazily, most likely out of hunger.
And that's when I heard it. Another laugh that could only belong to the one boy I always denied myself of.
I saw you near the lockers, and a smile slowly spread across my face like the Cheshire cat's smile slowly appeared before the rest of the body did. But I found that there was someone next to you that day. A tiny freshman girl, looking up at you in admiration, and you know what? I was honestly surprised. Since when did girls begin to notice that you? I thought I was the only one who didn't feel repulsed by your hugs. I thought I was the only girl who could fully understand just how wonderful you were. I thought I was. But I wasn't.
My thinking process was interrupted as I saw you walk down the hallway towards me. Ami caught up with me, babbling incoherently like a baby, probably still complaining about her Geometry grade that was left unseen. Suddenly, I felt as if I couldn't breath. My brain was lacking air, and I could no longer think for myself, I couldn't even talk. I panicked, and I turned in circles begging God to let me disappear like the magician I always thought I could someday be if I tried hard enough(eat your heart out David Blane).
"Abra Cadabra!" I whispered, my eyes clenched shut. I opened my eyes, and realized how dumb that was. I started walking, and awaited to face my doom of seeing you with some other woman. I was jealous. I walked faster, and I attempted to pretend that I never noticed you. My friend tried to match my pace. That was the first time I ever walked faster than her. My chubby legs move faster when motivated to (especially towards a vending machine).
I speed walked towards the finish line (passing you). I again, laughed crazily (in my head this time).
I ended up walking into a sturdy wall... with boobs. Big boobs. Pamela Anderson's rival boobs. I almost fell backwards, but Makoto caught me in time without knocking the wind out of me with her air bags (hehe). I stood up straight, looked over my shoulder, and wondered if you noticed me make a fool out of myself. But you're at the door with that freshman girl (later I would learn her name: Hina), walking out, and I realized that you didn't notice the ruckus, you didn't notice me, while I noticed you, and the girl who was beside you.
"Sorry Usagi!" Makoto said, her voice booming loudly through the halls. Freshman still jump at the sound of it, unable to become used to the volume.
"Are you okay?" Ami asked. I nodded, as my face turned red out of embarrasment.
"Usagi?"
I looked up at both Makoto and Ami, and soothed their worried faces with a huge smile, and shouted cheerfully, "Let's go get ice cream! I think that vending machine can be stolen away from me today. Makoto, you drive, okay?"