Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
I have no excuse...
This is not a full story. I was bored and I imagined what the first thing Jiraiya would do if he landed in the twenty first century... and you know... with the amount of... urrr daring women, Jiraiya goes...
Jiraiya looked around him. What the hell was going on? The world must have changed to his wishes! Was that... a MINI SKIRT!? That... THAT woman was only wearing a bra and pants! It was too much for Jiraiya. A large amount of blood squirted out of his nose and he fainted from blood loss, collapsing on the ground.
People stared at the old man lying in a small pool of blood. The source of it seemed to be his nose.
"What a pervert!"
"Hmph, an amateur."
"A public disgrace!"
A brave little boy, despite his mother's insistence not to, approached the man lying on the ground. In his hand was a long stick, and to everyone's surprise (And some peoples amusement) he gave the old man on the ground a poke with the stick. One, then two, then three; all in rapid succession. "He won't wake up. Is he dead?" The boy asked, looking up to his mother.
The boy's mother shook her head, "No dear, that man is a bad man. He's just thinking of bad things, that's all. Best not to touch him; I don't want you catching his stupidity."
"Okay mama." He said, giving the man a final poke with his stick before leaving with his mother. (Little did anyone know he would someday grow up to be one of the most perverted teen males, boasting at how that creepy old man he once poked when he was five would be ever so proud of him.)
As the pair walked away and the passer-byes slowly began to go back to their normal daily routines, Jiraiya's stiff body began to quiver slightly. His nostrils gently flared. They expanded and contracted repeatedly. It was as if they had a life of their own. Suddenly, Jiraiya's eyes shot open, revealing his creepy vibe filled with passion towards obscenity.
"MILF! Where is the MILF?! She was here just a moment ago!"
His trembling glance shot around helplessly like that of a little girl who just lost her favorite teddy bear.
"Her breasts! They were ridonculous. I could smell it through my thick curtain of unconsciousness! Where did that MLIF go~~~?"
Anime tears poured down Jiraiya's cheeks. But as quickly as the tears had come, he remembered that there were more half naked women around him.
As Jiraiya saw more and more beautiful women with various assets, he blushed and giggled like a high school girl high on pink cupcakes and unicorn farts.
There was so much potential! MUST USE FOR REAAASERCH!
If this was what women wore around in the middle of the day, he needed to find the red light district! He walked- Jogged… No of course not. He shunshined to the nearest busty woman he could find. Her's were bigger than Tsunade's!
"Are you from the red light district?" He asked while leering at her assets.
She slapped him.
"You dirty old man! How dare you! Why don't you go masturbate by yourself in front of a computer!" The woman cried, casting the man a glare.
Jiraya summoned a giant toad the size of a car in a poof of smoke and jumped on it in a victory pose. "I'm not a dirty old man! I'm a... (drumroll) SUPER PERVERT"
The woman looked freaked out and started backing away from Jiraiya muttering "I'm hallucinating, I'm hallucinating, there is no way a huge toad could pop out. There is no way that there is a old man with white spiky hair who is a... a... SUPER PERVERT!" She screamed, turning and running away from Jiraiya, arms flailing.
Jiraya stared at the woman's glorious assets as she ran; it was a lovely sight. Wow! Tsunade would've killed him and other female ninja's would've beat him till he ended up in the hospital if he were to ask them if they worked in the red light district. This world was great! The only retaliation was a slap! A SLAP! And it didn't even hurt!
What was a computer? If you could masturbate with a computer, it (or she; hehe) couldn't be THAT bad could it?
Jiraiya looked around him again and saw "30% off all Computers!" He found it! He rushed to the store and went in. Strange machines were everywhere! He'd never seen these before; how peculiar. He saw a bored clerk half asleep on his desk.
"You!"
The clerk jumped. He asked, "Can I help you?"
"Where can I find a computer to masturbate off of?"
The clerk was astonished. This guy has no limits; he asks the first person he sees where he could find a porn site? "You want to visit a porn site on the computer?"
"What's a porn site? Is it filled with porn magazines?" Jiraiya asked; face transforming into a drooling mess.
This guy… Was he born in the 19th century or something? The clerk wondered, But I'm kind of glad he hasn't discovered a porn site yet. Look at his drooling! He'd probably stay in front of a computer all day without leaving. But it's important to make sales right? Besides it's really boring in here and I haven't been on a porn site in ages. Heh Heh... The clerk smiled, an evil grin plastered on his face. He rushed to the doors and locked them.
"I'm going to teach you the fine art of porn surfing!" The clerk said, pointing at Jiraiya proudly.
Jiraiya looked bewildered. "Porn surfing?"
The clerk went to the nearest computer and beckoned Jiraiya over.
-(hours later)-
Jiraiya and the clerk had gigantic nosebleeds spurting down their faces. They were both staring at the computer screens as if there was no tomorrow. Jiraiya's notebook was bursting with notes.
The clerk glanced at the clock on the computer.
"I need to close up now." He said, looking back at Jiraiya, only to find him gone. The only evidence that the perverted man had been there was a puddle of blood from his constant nosebleed.
The clerk shrugged and said, "Meh.
Many thanks to my friends Asian Golem (I really don't know why she wanted to be named this, but... well... it's her choice. :D) and SoulEaterRomanceFan
They edited and added new ideas to my story :D
YAAAYYYYY! REVIEW PLZ !