Up or Down

Pairing: CLC

A tribute to Sorceress Fantasia's Vanilla/Vanilla Souffle, Dualism, and The Writer You Fools. I admire you all. Please accept this first-time yaoi with patience. Set mostly in the world Sorceress Fantasia created for her fiction, "Vanilla."

It felt like his breath was breathing through my very bones. - Leon

Typically, cold winter days were Cloud's equivalent to Yuffie's acute love of broiling hot summer evenings- when the sun went down anyways. He liked how the slightest bit of light would refract thousandfold upon the pure snow, creating a dazzling world of ice for his mind to wallow in. Wallow in the way that silence insinuates, and in many cases inspires. But this kingdom of purity wasn't his to rule; that he was well aware. So he worshiped this pedestal of vanity, of delicateness. In a word, beauty. A word that stirred the notion of vanity with the very mention if it, and held the power to create such a notion within a person.

He was in love with winter, in its beauty, and with vanity. Obsessed with vanity, with never becoming vain on behalf of the white-laden trees. Silence seemed the best way to not speak of this near-vanity to others, thus creating the illusion that he himself was vain. An innocent soul with an innocent view, a perspective that others would look upon in a fashion this quiet child wouldn't understand for a very long time. Cloud believed he had nothing, visibly and internally nothing to be vain of.

Pity, no one saw him this way. So Cloud spoke to none, and none spoke to him. Eventually he was barely known at school, merely a name on an attendance sheet that substitutes often assumed was a girl. He certainly resembled one, with shimmery amber hair, complexion as white as the virgin snow he so loved to surround himself in. Yet his eyes... no one ever could or bothered to discern the colour of his eyes. Aqueous, oceanic, or like a blue sky; people learned not to use those adjectives when the subject was Cloud.

He was ice. With a heart like the melting snow of spring, or a bird's overture to the bursting meadows. Truly a warm and caring person- just one of the hidden gems of life waiting to be discovered by the right person. Cloud. Sculpted. Delicate. Fragile. But no one spoke to this figure of spun glass. At one point in life, Cloud would spend his days in snow castles, safely burrowed under those trees he loved so much where ice would form like little walls in his familiar hangouts. It was safe. And cold.

And it disappeared all too quickly.

And not just because of the summer sun making it's way across the horizon, scorching away the last bit of beauty Cloud could hold in his hands.

---

"But Cloud, honestly. Doesn't it make any sense in your silly teenage mind that you might need companionship?" Six a.m., and his mother still insisted on this argument that spanned nearly a decade. He was quite sure he couldn't count how many times she would mention this daily on fingers and toes combined. It was a constant in his life. An annoying constant he hoped would dissolve into an annoying variable.

What's that saying about hopes and fishes? Or was that wishes and fishes? All the same to him. Cloud stared squarely back at his mum, noting with an internal flinch that she showed no hint of wear on arguing this.

"Mum. I'm going to say this every time you ask, the same way you always ask, in the same way I'm sure you will continue to ask." Again, no note of wear. If he wasn't so sleepy this morning, he'd be fairly pissed. He had a right to be.

"I don't care. Have no need to. Just drop it mum." Feeling a bit like a gladiator in a death match, he carefully avoided looking anywhere but pointedly in his mother's eyes. Eventually she turned her own away, smoothing her pink-and-chocobo-print nurse scrubs in an obvious gesture of irritation, and mumbling exasperatedly under her breath.

Cloud returned to devouring his hazelnut eggs- a little specialty he often indulged in when forced to eat the dread morning meal. Hazelnut coffee creamer with two eggs, microwaved and eaten with a spoon. Not too sweet, and not too blase. Also the only thing he would eat for breakfast, whenever mum Eleanor wasn't working the night shift and thus able to stand over him in the morning demanding he eat even a little bit of brekkie.

Now, he was by no means anorexic, bulimic, dieting, or emo, but the only meal of the day he liked to eat was supper. That was gorge-time for him. And was probably the only reason he weighed as much he did, which, even among the thin girls of the school, was under-weight for any guy.

Eleanor opened her mouth to answer him, 'with her usual reply,' Cloud drily remarked mentally, but no sound came from her. Just a click of her teeth as her mouth came together in a small, sad smile. Affectionately she ruffled his spiky hair, a twinge of his father's memory in her heart at the hair she used to run her fingers through of ebony. Instead of the gold she did now.

Cloud quickly stood up and placed his dishes in the sink, grabbing the cloth and scrubbing the egg out quickly. Egg stuck horribly to dishes, and he didn't want to irritate mum if the bowl came out dirty from the dishwasher later. He never saw the sad smile Eleanor wore that deepened when her eyes fell on his form. 'So thin...' she thought. 'And yet I can't change his ways.'

"Bye mum, love you!" Quickly she called similar back to her son as he threw her a small (big for him) smile.

The front door slam resounded in the empty hall with an almost fateful ring. A different air seemed to hang about the fading-lilac house, as if it were breathing with a fresh set of lungs. Of course neither Cloud or his mother recognized the changed atmosphere- consciously at least.

5702 Ultima Drive was in an upper-scale neighborhood, all framed with picturebook lawns and two-car garages. Homes lined up in perfect format, with all fences in front white and in the back oak. Just the average subdivision, Hartstrife Valley. What made this average neighborhood not-so-average, were the inhabitants of Hartstrife Valley.

There was Yuffie, obviously, to the left as you faced it from Cloud's house. She alone made the neighborhood more... unique. Bright, mischievious, and an all-around troublemaker, Yuffie was better known as 'The Annoying One.' Or at the very least, 'She-Who-Could-Make-Leon-Cringe.' People generally didn't want to wind up her enemy. Understandably so.

For some reason, she was a great believer in Cloud Strife. Believer, that is, in that she could bring him to the light as the delectable little gay boy she knew he was. After all- Yuffie was a girl. We all know how girls are... especially how Yuffie is.

Pretty much the only other neighbor worth mentioning at the time, was a guy named Zack- a former ardent admirer of Cloud and heavy pursuer of him for years. But the episode in junior high had struck him to a realization, and he'd moved onto a private school- clearly deciding to fully Cloud and all ties to said boy. There'd been a confession of feelings... in which Cloud had vehemently decided he was not gay and had said as much to Zack. Neither had quite gotten over the experience- Cloud from guilt and Zack from pain. The few times either spotted each other in the nearby Conoco, there were hasty movements to leave and not be seen.

Apparently his parents hadn't fully agreed with striking the association- they were still living in the same neighborhood right?

Cloud's house was mostly no different from it's surrounding comrades, but there was one obvious difference. It was lilac. Femininely lilac. Not the barely-there-pass-for-dull-beige-lilac. Freakin' shout-in-yo-face purple. Even if it was fading and in slight need of touching-up. It was still glaring. Glaring, and to the male-eye, a full-out feminist declaration of war.

Yuffie had always just took this as divine proof that Cloud preferred those of his own.

It was a few blocks to the high school, and the few blocks took about twenty-thirty minutes to cover- depending on how panicked the student was concerning their tardy count. Unless of course, one had a car. Cloud didn't. And didn't see the necessity much either. Why waste money on gas and further push the environment into instability when walking was just as effective and twice as healthy?

Besides, it helped keep him slim. Not that he cared, of course...

His soft navy cargos, darker tee, and stark black blazer in double small did not even skim his body. The black leather belt was looped nearly twice around his hips, and the solid black sneakers peeked out beneath the almost-too-long cargo pants. Yet he was beautiful, in that eerie sort of way. If only happiness would bloom brighter in his cheeks and eyes...

But then he'd be noticed. And God only knew, Cloud did not want to be seen.

So he continued on his merry way at sunny 6:50 a.m. Class at 7:30 gave him time to put up with the bullies, clean out his locker from more straw wrappers/napkins/other items others deemed his locker fit for stuffing. He took a quick look at his once as he rounded the first block- 6:59. Perfect. Time was actually on his side today. Smiling again, (he was on a roll today) he tugged the sleek black bag tighter over his shoulder. Today felt right. Definitely a good day.

And for once, Mrs. So-and-so across the street didn't throw her paper at him.

---

"Leon."

Named brunette gazed exhaustedly back at his stone-faced friend, the beginnings of a hang-over glare seeping into his eyes.

"What." Riku's eyes narrowed at the tone. Gods above, he hated when Leon drank like a fish and came to school the following morning with the temper of a raging bear. Or, in general, acted like a raging bear. Just more when the hangover added to it. Heaven forbid when it was concerning an easily-resolved issue- one his pal doggedly refused to fix.

Stupid Leon. Still pining over Cloud and doing abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Stupid. Fucking. Leon.

"You know I'm your friend right? And that the tone you just treated me to was the infamous one reserved for all the fan girls that piss you off the most right?" He wasn't sure if he his aim for slight humour was on the mark, and when the already engraved scowl on Leon's face deepened significantly, he knew for sure it wasn't.

Pinching his fingers on the bridge of his nose, Leon snorted disdainfully.

"Yes Riku. I'm fully aware you don't have breasts and a squealy voice with which to piss me off with. I'm also fully aware that you've noticed my hangover, so if you don't mind, I'm going to take another couple ibuprofen and suffer through first hour and second hour." He was about to lift his book bag and make for the halls when he saw Cloud arrive. Riku was saying something about 'his own goddamn fault,' and, 'freakin' dumbass,' but Leon couldn't manage to focus on it.

Surrounded by the verdant green courtyard and bright blooms of flowerbeds encased by tan cement, Radiant High matched not only it's city but it's premises. Woven chairs and six-person pine round tables were tastefully placed about the area, and Leon felt himself stand up slowly, as if in a dream. There. Seemingly making his way to him. Weaving in and out of the tables.

Cheeks dusted pink with exertion. Natural gold spikes tousled as if just rolling out of bed. Sexy. And ohhhh boy.

Cloud. In blue. Pale. Gorgeous. Blue. Dark blue, light blue. Just blue. Just sexy. Leon licked his suddenly dry lips, pupils dilating and zooming in and out on the beauty in his sight. Sweating, shivering, and shaking all at the same time under his mahogany cashmere, he quickly wiped his palms on denim-encased thighs.

Ohhhhh today was a verrrrrry bad day for Leon, and one pair of glowing blue eyes were not helping. They were, in fact, making things worse, because Leon wanted nothing more than to stalk on over there and make one helluva scene with the blue-eyed babe named Cloud. For a moment the thought distracted him that perhaps, Cloud wouldn't mind.

There was a chuckle behind him.

"I was just going to tell you Cloud was here. But since you'd rather focus on your first two classes with Cloud and a hangover, I'll just keep Cloud's literature textbook with me. I mean, after all, I have that class with him too. There's no need for you to have to walk up to that delectable little blonde and have a conversation with him that could perhaps lead up to a date..." Riku stepped leisurely to the side of the brunette, and allowed his eyes to drift over to Cloud, whose hands were currently stuffed deep in his pockets. "Sound good to you Leon?" He hadn't even bothered to veil the amusement lacing his tone.

At the word, 'delectable,' Leon felt more than heard a snarl rip from his throat and watch more than feel his hand snatch his friend's collar in a death grip. "Never. Speak. Of. My. Cloud. Like. That. Ever. Again." He allowed his fingers to twist the poor green-striped polo one more time before letting go.

And then he wanted to choke himself with said fingers.

Riku was grinning like a Cheshire cat with Yuffie right behind him.

Oh. Fuuuuuuuck.

---

For every good day, there are at least double the bad days.

Good thing Yuffie was unique in every way, because somehow she just managed to completely bypass that irking rule of life. So when Riku came up to her twenty minutes before Leon arrived, (she was always early- it allowed her to set up her pranks in her preferred locations and in perfect privacy), and explained a very naughty plan to her, she couldn't resist joining.

Great days. Great summer days indeed.

According to Riku, Yuffie 'knew' Cloud best, though really no one knew Cloud in all his meek silence. And so asked for her to stand subtly nearby and just take his cues when Riku provoked a certain statement from Leon.

"Ready Yuffie?" There were definite hints of high amusement in Riku's voice, and a most certainly not subtle smirk of knowing anticipation.

"Whenever Squally-boy gets here!" She giggled. More like cackled. However one chose to take it.

Of course, she'd always known Leonhart's crush. It was obvious. Plain as day. At least, to the Great Yuffie's trained ninja eye. So when Leon threatened Riku about not speaking about his Cloud, Yuffie wanted nothing more than to shriek and dance. Which, normally she would. But this was top-secret.

Ish.

For the moment.

She stepped out from behind Riku, a matching grin on her face to the one in front of her. "So Squally. Go talk to him. We won't touch your Cloudster or say naughty things about him!" An innocent (about as innocent as a dog with a dead bird) smile stretched across her face and she waved him on. "Go on now!" She couldn't help but chortle evilly as Cloud's head whipped around at hearing his loathe nickname that only Yuffie called him. Or help the full-blown case of the giggles explode from her as Leon's face turned nearly as pale as Cloud's. Maybe finally the idiot would express his feelings. Dumb boys.

For a second, Yuffie swore she could hear a resounding, 'Ohhhhhhhhh. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.' in her mind.

---

Cloud wasn't sure what to think when he heard 'Cloudster' from across the courtyard, only to find a disturbed-looking Leon, a smug Riku, and a doubly-so Yuffie who was apparently giving Leon a talking-to. Just what did he have to do with anything?

Of course, as soon as the question passed through his mind, he watched with anxiety as Leon headed towards him.

There was something predatory in the way the man was striding so powerfully in his direction, something primal and distinctly in-control. This was the man of the school, the ice prince no girl nor boy could hold a candle to. Someone people were afraid of talking to, yet still admired widely and drooled over. Hot, strong, and brilliant, Squall (always known as Leon) Leonhart was every inch the living god that all proclaimed him to be.

Cloud just wasn't sure he liked this turn of events- few dealt with him and it was better that way. He was quiet for a reason, un-noticeable for a reason, and definitely frightened for a reason. If Leonhart walked up to you, in any fashion, it wasn't for shits and giggles. He had a point, purpose, and goal for speaking with anyone outside his circle of friends.

Which numbered to five. In a school of two and a half thousand.

His sneakers were, of their own accord, scuffling on the grass and he quickly sat down. No reason to be standing up when Leon launched the attack that was bound to come. His eyes met dark-stained pine as he nervously slid his stuff to the side on the table, and timidly slid his eyes up to the rapidly approaching brunette. Cloud felt his own widen significantly.

Leon's eyes were dark and smoldering, and a wolf-like appearance was creeping onto his features. This was definitely not a good thing. Whatever Cloud did, he prayed to any god listening it wasn't too horrible to warrant a Leon-caused death.

---

Damn her. DAMN her! Leon gritted his teeth angrily as Yuffie continued to wave him on, and chanced a glance at the now raptly-paying-attention blonde. His eyes were wide with curiosity, anxiety, and fear was swiftly seeping into them. Even the posture was stiffening, and Leon could feel his hands clenching again.

Oh hell no.

No way was Cloud afraid of him. Was he? He couldn't recall ever doing anything even the slightest bit threatening in manner to his beauty... and then remembered the various times he'd 'handled' certain punks talking shit about Cloud. That news might've gotten around a bit...

Well. Now that Yuffie had provided an inescapable situation, he could damn well make the best of it. Or better, hope for the best. So with the famous confidence he so often exuded, Squall threw a half-glare at Yuffie and Riku one more time before heading off to the trembling blonde. The vision made him want to crush the delicate Cloud in his arms, and tear out his own heart for frightening his poor Cloud.

Ye gods, what a sap he was with Cloud.

And swiftly, a strange sort of feeling seemed to have locked down the area, with everyone stopping and paying attention to the powerful figure that was Leon- steps practically echoing in his own ears as he approached the now-seated blonde. There was no plan of action in mind, no thought of what-to-do-when in his head- with no hope there ever being either.

He was there. Standing not two feet from Cloud, watching him gaze up innocently, lips set in the most adorable expression with a slight tremble rattling his body. It took Leon less than a second to bend down, brush his right thumb over the soft pink lips of Cloud's, and move forward to whisper in his ear.

"Be mine, Cloud?"

It was sudden. It was shocking. And he knew Cloud was not going to know what to say. Or do. That much was obvious by the even more surprised look in his boyfriend-to-be's face and eyes. Leon smiled gently, encouragingly, embracing the quivering boy carefully.

Truthfully, he felt like an idiot for letting his desires run so rampant as to make the move so fast on Cloud. He'd spoken seven, maybe eight times to him in the last year? Leon, you're a moron. A stupid, insensitive, brutish moron! Oh how he berated himself, though not an entirely displeased with his actions either.

It wasn't like Leon ever really talked to anyone, above all Cloud. Always been a little too scared, a little too nervous, and just too damn chickenshit (as Tidus put it) to say anything. What if he'd terrified the blonde even further? Just going from nothing to everything in no time at all? What if Cloud didn't reciprocate? What if-

That thought would like to have been finished, but was stopped by the fact that there was abruptly more weight leaning into him. A bundle of warmth even.

A bundle named Cloud Strife, who had just fainted into the arms of Leon. Clapping and cheering erupted around the two, as the students clearly did not realize the love of Leon's life had just passed out- instead assuming it was a returning declaration of reciprocative emotion. So he did the only option ever present in his mind- swept Cloud up (marveling further at how small he was) and prepared to move in the direction of first hour.

Cloud wouldn't mind recovering in the arms of his new 'boyfriend,' now would he?

Riku was grinning like a monkey with a banana, Yuffie was jumping up and down in exuberant glee, and Tidus had just arrived on the scene with Selphie by the hand- gaping in shock at the scene Leon had created. The sounds of cheering drowned out the 'get-your-ass-to-class-bell' as Riku had dubbed it, but with ushering from the also-grinning teachers the students slowly trickled off to their classes.

Good thing no one had been close enough to notice the current state of unconsciousness the blonde was in.

Leon allowed himself a possessive smirk as he draped his leather blazer over his 'boyfriend' and grabbed his bag, before moving off. There'd be hell to pay later, he guessed, just by his not-so-innocent 'observations' of Cloud. No matter how quiet he was, the brunette knew there was a person lurking beneath the surface. Eleanor's services had been invaluable on that count. Undoubtedly, he had just launched a war of sorts- the sort he'd been extremely hesitant to invoke.

It was a small price to pay for the feel of Cloud in his arms.

---

TBC. Since I work two jobs, seven days a week, I write this in the wee hours of the morning. Forgive for any no-flows, errors, etc. I never have time to edit this with much of a mind.

Nescentia

Next piece due: First week in July; perhaps earlier.