Author: Angel Marie
Title: "In The Course Of Naivety"
Summary: Takes place during TheRealMcCoy's "A Toast to Pandora". Can Josh really be so dense?
Spoilers: Only for whatever TheRealMcCoy has prepared.
Disclaimer: I don't own the people, you know I don't. Arron, WB, NBC, John, etc. I don't own the idea either. Totally Kimmie's.
Rated: PG
The day had been slow. Or as slow as was expected with three bills on their way to the hill. Josh had just had lunch and was waiting for Donna to head off to take her own.
"Josh! I'm going." He looked up from his notes long enough to see her heading down the hall. No sooner was she three steps that he noticed her stop and hesitate, turn around and head back.
"What's wrong?" He leaned forward to look out the door.
"Just the phone." Shrugging his shoulders, he sat back and returned to the notes. He had read three lines before he stopped and looked up at the door. "Security's got someone at the door. They want someone to confirm her passage. She was asking for you." He gave her a strange look.
"Me?"
"Yeah. You don't think it's one of your fans, do you? Because that would be weird. They've never gone so far as to come into the building."
"I don't think so."
"Want me to take care of it?"
"Nah, go to lunch. Front entrance?" He stood and followed her out.
"Yeah." The two walked together toward the main hall and he watched as she walked out the doors. Turning like a soldier in cadence, he moved to the security desk.
"Someone's here for me?" The young black woman sitting at the desk looked up before pointing her pen in the direction of a few seats against the opposite wall.
"Said she couldn't set up a meeting. Know 'er?" Josh watched as she stood up and locked eyes with him, walking toward him. She was blonde, a little taller than Donna, but not familiar at all.
"No." He looked confused as she stood in front of him.
"I know you don't know me, but we need to talk." He just rolled his eyes.
"You know, you're the Brave Little Toaster. None of your buddies have ventured this close." Two of the security guards standing by the door moved towards them.
"I'm not a Lyman Hoe." He turned and shook his head.
"Guys, can you take care of this." The two started towards her and panic overtook her face.
"I know the father!" Josh stopped in his tracks. Turning back, the security had her blocked and was trying to lead her out.
"Let her go." He turned back to the security desk and leaned over to sign the clipboard. He looked up in time to see her straightening out her jacket and shoving her chest up at them as they moved away. He couldn't help but shake his head. Hopping just a little bit, she skittered to a stop beside him. "Let's take this to my office." She beamed.
"Okay."
The two walked in silence to his office. Just as he closed the door, the one adjacent opened.
"Hey, do you have that memo on—"CJ stopped as she saw the two. "Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting something?"
"No, what is it you needed?" CJ walked in and started talking, not oblivious to the girl's stare.
"I need the memo on the 207." She turned so her back was to the girl. "Is she one of those wackoes?" she mouthed out to him. He gave a small, almost un-noticeable shrug. CJ just widened her eyes at him, telling him all he needed to know. He waited for CJ to leave before acknowledging this girl's presence again.
"So, how do you know Donna?" The girl began to look around, picking up things.
"Well, the thing is, I don't know Donna." She turned just in time to see Josh roll his eyes and head back. A crazy smile crossed his lips.
"Great."
"I know she's pregnant though."
"How?" Leaning against his desk, he watched her pacing and looking.
"I just know things. It's complicated, alright."
"So if you know she's pregnant, who's the father?"
"Josh, haven't you done the math yet?"
"Math?"
"She's like two months along."
"So?"
"So! She hasn't dated anyone in like six!" She looked directly at him and he had a perplexed look on his face. "Two months." Still nothing. "Know anyone she was with ten weeks ago?" Blank. "Oh my God. Josh. How long ago was that drunken night of beer, Chinese, and Tequila. Which, by the way, nice combination." She made a retching face.
"So we got drunk? What's this got to do with her being pregnant?"
"You don't remember the night."
"No."
The girl rolled her head back, grunted, and then took a deep breath before facing him again. "You're the father, Josh."
"The father of what?"
"Of the baby."
"What baby?"
"Donna's baby."
"Who's the father of Donna's baby?"
"You are."
"I am what?"
She hollered out in frustration. "THE FATHER!"
"The father of what?" The girl was standing next to the door by this time. Falling back against it, she began to bang her head in a steady thumping rhythm. After a minute of two, she stopped.
"Try to follow me." He stared at her and seemed to be sincerely trying to concentrate. "Ten weeks ago, you and Donna got drunk. You got really drunk. You admitted loving her. She admitted back. You said you were better in bed than republicans and so tried to prove it. She's pregnant."
"I am better in bed than republicans."
"I have no doubt," she continued without a beat. "You're the father."
"What father?"
"To Donna's baby."
"You know Donna's baby's father?"
She dragged out her words to punctuate them. "I'm. Standing. In. Front. Of. Him." Josh began to look around the room.
"But it's just me and you."
"Yes."
"You're Donna's baby's father?" The girl fell back against the door again and whined as she knocked her head against it once again.
"Why is this happening to me?"
Josh continued on to himself during this whole ordeal. "Could you be standing in front of yourself? I guess you could if there was a mirror. But Donna said I knew the father and you said yourself I didn't know you."
"Yeah, that, and I'm not a guy." Josh didn't seem to be paying attention.
"But why would Donna sleep with you."
"She didn't sleep with me."
"But you just said—"
"--I said you were the baby's father."
"Who's father?"
"Donna's baby's."
"You know Donna's baby's father?" The girl closed her eyes and whimpered as if crying. Pulling away from the door, she stalked to over and grabbed his hand; dragging him to the chalkboard against the wall. She began to erase the little notes and picked up the piece of chalk.
"Try to follow with me." She began to draw on the board and Josh seemed elsewhere, looking at his watch. "Don't look at your watch. It sucks." He looked up at her and found she hadn't stopped drawing.
"How did you know—"
"I just did." She finished and looked at Josh. "Okay, now this," she pointed at the first picture, "plus this," the one beside it, "equals this." The last was a phrase. She then moved her hand under the first to a new group. "And that plus this," she pointed to the next, "equals this."
"You're a really good artist, you know that?"
"Thanks. Now focus." She watched as he nodded. "What is this?"
"A six pack."
"Right. Now that plus this."
"Chinese."
"Uh-huh. Equals this."
"An evening with Donna."
"Correct. Now when we take the answer to this equation and add it to this."
"Tequila."
"Right, we get this."
"A baby."
"Donna's baby."
"What about Donna's baby?"
"This is the way it was conceived."
"I don't think baby's come from beer and Chinese."
"And tequila. Don't forget the tequila."
"Whatever."
"And in this case, yes babies do."
"No, they really don't."
"Yes it really does."
"No. I may not have paid a lot of attention in health, but I paid enough."
"Well I'm glad you paid attention to something." She rolled her eyes. "Did you get something out of that? Even just a little?"
"I got some nice pictures on my memo board." She smacked her hand against her head and tilted it back.
"I just want to die," she mumbled. A knock sounded on the door and grabbed both their attentions.
"Yeah?" The door opened and Donna pocked her head in.
"I'm back from lunch. Who's this?"
"This is..." he paused as realization dawned on him, "hey, you never gave me your name."
"It doesn't matter," quickly she strolled to the door, pushed Donna out only a little and shut the door. Leaning against it, she pleaded to the Gods silently for one more chance to get this through. "Look Josh, I'm not a bad girl. I'm really not. But I'm likely to kill you if you don't get this." He looked at her confused. "Donna's going to make a big mistake and keep the knowledge of her baby's daddy from you."
"Well then tell me and I'll help."
"What do you think I've been trying to do?!"
"Well tell me."
"It's you, Josh. You. You, you, you! You, Joshua Lyman, are the father of Donnatella Moss' baby. You get that?"
"I don't think I'm following."
"OF COURSE NOT!"
"It's not that I wouldn't love to be the father. It's just, I can't be. I've never slept with Donna."
"Look at the board!" she pointed and shouted.
"They're nice pictures, I get that." Her head smacked the door once and she closed her eyes in internal pain.
"I give up," she muttered. Pulling away from the door, she yanked it open. "I give up!" Quickly she walked down the hall, heading for the exit. Donna quickly met Josh at the open door.
"What was that about?"
"I don't know. She originally was saying she knew who your baby's father was." Donna's face fell and she pushed him into the room.
"What? What did she say?"
"Oh I don't know. She rambled on and I didn't really understand it. She even drew some illustrations. Very odd bird." Donna looked to the board Josh indicated. Her eyes enlarged and she raced over to erase it. "Donna, what's the matter?"
"Nothing. It's nothing." She turned abruptly and leaned her back into an arch as she looked to him. "Can I get you anything? Coffee maybe?"
"A, you don't bring me coffee. B, it's after 2."
"Okay, so a Coke?" He looked at her odd.
"Sure." She moved past him and was at the door when he added, "It's just pictures Donna. Don't get so worked up. It's not good for the baby." She looked back and seemed stunned. After seeing no reaction gauging on his face, she smiled at him.
"Thanks. I'll get that Coke now."
Settling back into his chair, Josh shook his head and smiled. His eyes looked to the board then back to the door. Shaking it again, he opened the file from before and continued to read, placing his feet on his desk and leaning back.
"Strange girl, alright."