New story!!! I hope you like it.

Don't get kidnapped.

Don't wreck any cars.

Don't burn down any buildings.

Don't roll in garbage.

Break up with Joe.

I read off my list of resolutions to Connie and Lula and watched their mouths drop open at the last one. Maybe I shouldn't have dropped the Joe bomb on them this way. I looked around the bond's office and sighed. Connie was the secretary at my cousin Vinnie's bond company. She was a few inches taller, a few sizes bigger, and a whole lot more Italian than I was. Lula was our file a clerk, my sometimes partner and former 'ho. Lula was dressed for a day of bounty hunting in skin tight jeans and an equally tight tube top in zebra print.

Lula and Connie were only two of the reasons my job was interesting. The rest though, like the kidnapping, wrecked cars, exploding buildings and constantly rolling in garbage, weren't nearly as fun as Lula and Connie were.

Both Lula and Connie, who weren't completely sane themselves, were now looking at me like I was off my rocker.

"You're going to break up with Morelli?" Connie said and looked at Lula.

"I can't marry him, so what's the point?" I asked. Morelli had finally proposed to me in an actual 'let's set a date' type of way and it scared the crap out of me. Morelli was a detective with the Trenton PD and we had a long and sordid history that started with him teaching me to play choohoo when were in elementary school and taking my virginity when I was sixteen, to our on again, off again relationship of the last few years. Morelli wanted a Burg housewife completely with 2.5 kids and a pot roast. I just wanted to not roll in garbage. Our priorities were slightly different. Add to that the fact that I might be in love with my mentor slash protector Carlos Manoso, AKA Ranger, and I had some good reasons not to say yes to Joe's proposal.

Both Connie and Lula looked like they agreed with me in a way, like they couldn't fathom letting someone that looked like Joe get away. I sighed, I'd already made me decision, this back and forth with me and Joe wasn't healthy. I was tired of getting yelled at about my job and about Ranger.

The door opened behind me and I would have known who it was even if Connie and Lula hadn't stopped breathing. Ranger pressed himself against my back and laid a kiss on my neck. I forgot about my list until he spoke into my ear. "Babe, that's a hefty list you've got there."

I turned to face him with a smile, "It's not polite to read things that aren't yours."

"I don't generally worry about being polite babe." His eyes wondered over me and things tightened low in my body and I licked my lips. "The guys are getting together tonight at the new bar on Oak Street. You going to come and keep me company?" I think I licked my lips again. A night with Ranger and the Merry Men? Yowsa. I nodded and Ranger let a hint of a smile show in his eyes. "See you at eight." Ranger walked out of the office and Connie and Lula let out their breaths.

"Oooh boy, I'm coming with you tonight!" Lula said. I sighed, this was going to turn into a big thing now, with outfits and everything. "What? You don't want me coming with?" Lula asked. Uh oh, I'd sent Lula into rhino mode.

"No! I do want you to come. But you know, Tank will be there." I recovered quickly. Tank and Lula had been broken up for a while now and things were still a little tense.

"That's his problem, not mine." Lula said. Okay then. I grabbed my skip files off Connie's desk and flipped through them. I could probably bring in at least two before I had to go get ready for the big night out.

"You wanna be my backup?" I asked Lula. Having Lula as back up was often like not having backup, but she sometimes came in handy.

"Hells yeah." Lula grabbed her bag and we walked outside. We looked between our two cars and Lula sighed, "I don't want to haul around no naked guys in my Firebird." I couldn't even argue, I was always hauling in naked guys. Lula didn't seem to upset; I was driving a nice car for once. It was a black Jeep Cherokee on loan from Rangeman and while I wasn't too excited about the probability of putting a naked man in one of Ranger's cars, it didn't bother me too much.

Our first skip was Patrick O'Malley and I knew from past experience that he would be found at McCarthy's Bar, even at noon. Patrick had been booked to appear on a grand theft auto charge. We drove to the bar and I grabbed cuffs and my stun gun out of my bag. Patrick was sitting at the bar, already dead drunk.

I took a seat next to him and he didn't even look up. I slapped a cuff on his right hand, "Patrick O'Malley you've missed your court date. I'm going to take you to get rescheduled," I said nicely. Patrick stood up, pulling the cuff out of my grasp and making me fall off the bar stool.

"Like hell you are!" Patrick took off running and I scrambled up and started after him. Cripes he was fast for a drunk guy. I watched as he ran up to Jeep, jumped in and took off. He might have been a fast runner but he was a crappy driver and he ran straight into a pole. Lula was standing next to where the car had been, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"You were supposed to stay in the car!" I yelled as I ran towards the now totaled Jeep. "Call 911!" I heard sirens and shouted never mind. I grabbed my stun gun and flipped it on, just in case. The passenger side door opened and Patrick flew at me. He hit me in a dead run and I pushed the button on the stun gun and watched him tense and then slump to the ground.

Eddie and his partner showed up first, Eddie took a look at the car, sighed and handed a twenty to his partner. "You couldn't have held off until tomorrow huh? Anyone hurt?"

"No, well, Patrick here seemed fine until I buzzed him. And I might not be okay when Ranger sees that I ruined another of his cars." I sighed as Joe pulled up in his city issued POS cop car. He got out and looked at the Jeep and gritted his teeth. Joe hadn't known I'd wrecked my car yesterday, or that I was driving a Rangeman vehicle.

"Am I going to need Maalox?"

"Not if you leave now."

"Christ. What happened?" I laid out the whole story, dancing around the whole car issue. "Alright. I'll fax Connie your body receipt. You remember I'm on tonight and can't do anything, right?"

"Yeah, its fine, I made plans." Oh crap. I hadn't meant to say that. Joe cocked an eyebrow at me and I tried to get Lula's attention to save me. She was standing as far away from all police activity as possible. I spied a black Porsche pull up out of the corner of my eye. I watched Joe's eyes track Ranger across the parking lot.

"Babe. That was brand new."

"Sorry," I said and glanced down.

"Hey its okay, the car is replaceable, you're not. Tank is going to take me back." Ranger handed me his keys and sauntered off. He turned around and shouted, "See you tonight!" Shit.

I looked at Joe who just shook his head and walked off, muttering about me being the death of him. I wiggled Ranger's keys at Lula who hot footed it over to me and slid into the Turbo. "You want to try bad guy number two?"

"Sure, we already had one bad thing happen, I doubt we'll get two." I nodded in agreement and went to pick up Tommy Lanker, he was a repeat skip, wanted on a theft charge. Tommy had stolen some naughty movies from the Pleasure Treasure. I drove to Tommy's house and heard the beautiful sounds of girl on girl porn coming from inside. Wonderful. I knocked loudly.

"I think that's 'lady loving 2'," Lula said. I gave her a look and she gave me one back that scared me a little. Tommy opened the door.

"Oh fuck. Did I forget my court date? Well I can't go now. I have guests." Tommy slammed the door. I sighed and opened the door, he hadn't locked in. I walked into the living room and stopped dead. There were two naked women covered in whipped cream and chocolate sauce on the floor, doing very naughty things to each other. Cripes, I was thoroughly straight but even I was getting turned on.

I tried to grab Tommy and he sprayed me with whipped cream. I jumped out of the way and slipped on something, going down and landing in the middle of the two girls. I was covered in chocolate sauce now and Lula was laughing her ass off. I looked at Tommy, "I'll make you a deal, you give me a towel and I won't bring you in tonight."

"Deal." Tommy gave me a huge beach towel and I left with Lula, covering Ranger's seat before getting in. I dropped Lula off at the office and went to my apartment. I opened the door and dropped my stuff in the hall. I walked into the living room and froze. Ranger was sitting on my sofa.

"Babe."

"I know. It involved two naked lesbians."

"I don't even know what to say to that."

"I need a shower. And then I need a drink."

"I'll wait." Ranger said. He stepped up to me and licked some chocolate off my neck. I checked to make sure my doodah wasn't on fire and then went into the bathroom to shower. It took a couple of lather, rinse, and repeats to get clean. I got out and walked to my room, feeling Ranger's eyes on me the entire journey.

I changed into a short dress with a low cut drapey front and some black knee high FMB's. I did my hair and makeup and walked out into the living room.

"Babe." Ranger gave me the once over. He'd changed while I was gone and I looked him over and licked my lips. Ranger was wearing tight jeans, which was a rare and lovely treat. He had on a tight t-shirt that hugged his muscles and stretched when he moved. His hair was gelled into sexy spikes.

"Right back atcha." We walked down to the car, the sexual tension zinging between us. I tried to ignore it in the car but I kept stealing looks at Ranger and licking my lips. I was contemplating jumping him while he drove when we got to the bar. I sighed and opened my door before Ranger could get to it. He gave me a hand out and we walked into the bar. The Merry Men were gathered around the bar and had already started their drinking. They looked at us and I got quite a few whistles.

I did a curtsy and sat down next to Hector, Ranger took the stool on my other side. Hector looked me up and down, "Damn girl." I giggled and the bartender came over. Ranger ordered us two shots of Cuervo, and I glanced at him nervously.

"Babe?"

"Fine." I slammed my shot and watched Ranger do his. The bartended poured us another and we downed those too. He put down lime and salt and two more shots each. Ranger looked at me with a smirk, "I dare you."

Maybe two shots were enough to impair my judgment, or maybe I just needed to let loose but I nodded and crawled up on the table. I hiked up my dress, grateful I was wearing boy shorts and not a thong. I laid back and grinned up at Hector who was looking at me with wide eyes. I propped myself on my elbows and Ranger slid the lime into my mouth. He shook salt on my cleavage and handed the shot glass to Hector. He licked the salt off my breasts slowly and then positioned himself so he could slowly lick up the tequila that Hector dribbled into my belly button. Ranger waited until it was almost as my underwear before licking it up in long strokes. He finished the tequila and took the lime from my mouth with his teeth. We got a round of applause and I hopped off the bar and pulled my dress down.

"Ranger I've never seen you like this before." I said with a giggle.

"I get once a year to let loose babe, tonight this body isn't a temple."

It might not be a temple, but I'd still like to worship it.

"Babe."

"Fuck did I say that out loud?" I asked. Ranger nodded. "My turn to do a body shot?"

"Babe."

"Take off your shirt and stand up." Ranger did as he was told, stripping off his shirt and leaning against the bar. "Perfect. Stay like that." I put the lime in his mouth and then tugged his jeans down a little and licked a line above them before shaking salt on his abdomen. It stuck where I had licked. Hector had the shot and I licked the salt off Ranger, feeling his muscles tighten. Hector poured shot fast and I licked up his body, drinking the tequila as I moved up. I took the lime from his mouth and sucked on it. There was more clapping and I turned to bow again. I looked straight into Morelli's eyes.

"Well, at least I know why you didn't say yes." Joe's eyes were dark and I started to walk towards him but he waved me off, "Not now Steph. Just go back to having fun." I watched Joe walk out the bar and knew he was walking out of my life. I looked at the bartender with a slight smile. "Dos mas por favor!"

"Babe, you okay?"

"I'm fine. It was on my list, remember?" I looked at Ranger and smiled. I was warm and felt good and Ranger wasn't a temple tonight. I sat down and pulled him towards me by the waistband of his jeans. I slammed down another tequila shot Ranger did two more; I did another to catch up.

"You better slow down Babe."

"Why?"

"You wanna be out cold before the ball drops?"

"Mmm…no. I'll have a coke please!" I said to the bartender. Ranger sat down next to me. I didn't stick to coke and everything started to pass quickly. I matched Ranger shot for shot and I knew he slowed down for my sake.

The clock finally struck midnight and Ranger kissed me long and hard.

I looked over when he let me go and saw Tank and Lula kissing. "I'll be damned! Look at that. It's a tequila miracle."

And?