How it all began...
AN: I don't own Harry Potter and I don't own J.K.Rowling In fact, J.K.Rowling is a living person so she can't be owned. The question is, does JKR really own Harry Potter?
Chronology (in relation to the real world) was tweaked and is not entirely accurate.
Also, I know very little about judicature.
Joanne Rowling sat in her favourite café. Her daughter Jessica was with her. The cup of coffee on the table had gotten cold but she didn't mind. She was scribbling something in her notebook. Then she dropped her pencil and stretched her back. After a while, she started to leaf through one of the screenplays in front of her. It was for one of the Star Wars films. Then she dropped the screenplay and opened the second book of the Lord of the Rings.
After a few minutes, she stopped working again and massaged her temples. It was hopeless. She was divorced, unemployed and with a small daughter on her hands. She was trying to escape from that misery through writing but even that wasn't going well. She had assembled many elements from popular films and books to use in her book but she missed a hero.
It wasn't so easy to come up with a catchy hero as one might think. At first, she had thought about a woman. A poor, unemployed, divorced women with a kid. Then she had realized that she had been thinking about herself and had changed her mind. The second attempt had not been much better: a man. A poor, unemployed, divorced man with a kid.
An hour later, the café became full and the owner told JKR that he needed her table. She didn't want to buy another coffee so she went home. When she was halfway home, it started to rain. She hid in a narrow side-alley where she and her daughter were reasonably protected from the rain.
As JKR was putting a plastic cover on her daughter's baby-coach and as she was taking out her umbrella from her bag, two urban lowlifes crept behind her. The men looked at each other and then drew flick-knives.
"Give us all your money! Now!" shouted one of them.
JKR froze and turned towards them. She completely froze and wasn't able to do anything.
"Are you deaf?!" barked the other man. "The money!"
JKR somehow forced her body to move and took out her purse. One of the men snatched it.
"What's this?! Only five pounds?! Where's the rest?" shouted the man after he opened the purse.
JKR started to stutter and after a while, she managed to say, "That's all I've got."
The two men looked at each other. That wasn't in their plan. Then they regained their composure.
"Nonsense! You surely have a lot of money somewhere." said one of the men.
The other one added, "Yeah. We've got a theory about that, you see. Mothers with kids are bound to have a lot of money. You see, mothers with kids are married to rich husbands who have good jobs. So..."
"Stop explaining our work to our victim you dolt!" interrupted him the first one.
JKR stuttered, "But... but I'm divorced. I live on a welfare."
The two men looked at each other. Then Jessica started to cry and the whole situation became really lame.
To save their face, one of the men pointed his knife at JKR and ordered, "Give that bag here! We'll look ourselves."
Suddenly, another person arrived at the scene.
"I think that this is the time when you should go away." said a voice behind the two men.
They turned around and saw a very young man. One of the lowlifes approached him with his knife ready to strike.
"What do you want asshole? Are you looking for something? Troubles maybe?" he said.
The lips of the young man twitched but he controlled himself and replied, "Me? One would say that it's you two who are looking for troubles."
"Yeah? And who is going to cause them to us, heh? You asshole?"
The lips of the young man twitched again and he challenged the lowlife, "Call me asshole one more time. Please."
"You are asshole, asshole."
The young man then moved towards the criminal. The criminal thrust with his knife but the young man easily evaded. Then he grabbed his arm, twisted it and in a blink of an eye, the criminal had the tip of his own knife on his neck. The young man was holding him from behind. The other lowlife panicked and decided to take JKR as hostage. She tried to fight him off and then it happened - the young man reached out with his hand. Some kind of kinetic energy soared through air and the lowlife was disarmed and knocked back. The young man slammed the criminal he was holding in a wall and approached the disarmed one. But the criminals weren't waiting for anything and ran away. The youngster let them go and turned his attention to JKR.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
JKR clearly wasn't okay - she was quite shaken.
"It's over, they are gone." he continued. Then he bent over the baby-coach and looked at the crying baby.
"Gutchy, gutchy." he told to little Jessica.
After a while, JKR calmed down. The young man wanted to go since he had got something very important to do. However, being a perfect gentleman, he felt an obligation to stay for a while.
And then JKR's tongue finally untangled and she asked, "How did you do that?"
"Did what?" asked the young man.
"You disarmed him. With some kind of force, like a Jedi."
The young man just laughed and then said, "You are in shock. I think you need a cup of hot cocoa. What's your name?"
"Joanne... Rowling."
"Nice to meet you Mrs. Rowling. I am Potter. Harry Potter."
***
Eleven years later:
Harry and his wife Ginny returned from a mission. They separated from the non-psi-ops who had been on the mission with them and after a brief respite, they set out for the debriefing room. On their way, they entered the command center of the psi-ops program. It was filled with computers, big screens and cubicles.
"Hey! Yet another total success." greeted them Ron, Ginny's brother.
"Yep." replied Harry and then asked, "Listen, were you on your guard today? Because of you know what?"
"Oh yeah. I watched everybody like a hawk. Nothing today."
Then they were approached by a woman in a white lab coat. It was Hermione, Ron's wife.
"Hey guys," she told them. "Would you come in the research center later? I have something to show you."
While both men were distracted, Ginny crept away with a foxy smile on her face. She winked on a guy and he gave her a package of blue-tack. Then she passed a woman who gave her a piece of paper. Ginny then worked her telekinesis. Pieces of blue-tack shot through the air and landed on a nearby cross wall. Then the paper discreetly flew towards the wall as well. Harry looked at Ginny and she just smiled at him, no concentration was visible on her.
"OK. See you later." said Harry to Ron and wanted to proceed with Ginny to the debriefing room. Suddenly, he froze. He saw the paper on the wall.
"Ron!" he shouted.
Ron came and looked in the direction in which Harry was looking. On the paper was a caricature of Harry and Ron in a middle of something that could be only described as a very disgusting pornographic interaction between two members of the same gender. It was clearly downloaded from the Internet since the men on the drawing didn't look like Harry and Ron but like certain famous actors.
"Who did this?! Who put it here?!" yelled Ron and tore the paper down.
Harry angrily looked around and saw a bunch of people watching the scene. He approached them and menacingly repeated Ron's question. Then he remembered something he saw in a certain adaptation of Peter Pan.
"I know who it was!" he said and pointed in the middle of the bunch. "It was you. Yes, you!"
Harry kept pointing with his finger and advancing. The people in front of him were stepping away. But in the end, instead of ending with one suspect, he wound up pointing at a water tank.
In the meantime, Ginny came to Ron, took the paper from his hands and loudly said, "Oh come on people! This is not funny and it's disgusting. Harry and Ron are not homos!"
People started to laugh when they saw her stern expression, especially those who knew about her participation in the matter.
"This is nothing to laugh about!" continued Ginny. "Do Hermione and I have to show you that they are really hetero?"
The waves of laughter got even stronger after that.
"What the hell is happening here?!" boomed general Kingsley's voice suddenly. Everybody fell silent.
Ron approached him and told him, "Sir. They did it again." and showed him the picture.
"Well, well. That's serious." said Kingsley and looked at Ginny. When she grinned, he continued, "Check the security cameras' records them."
After the debriefing, Harry and Ron met in the security room.
"Okay, here it is. There is no picture on the wall now." said Ron as he was playing the record frame by frame. "Then this man passes and when he is gone, the picture is there."
Harry stroke his chin and said, "I know him, he is a prude. There is no way how he could put a picture of such a nature there."
And so the mystery of the offending pictures was left unresolved.
Harry and Ginny took a walk home then (the lived in a bungalow at the base). Harry was silent and Ginny decided to breake the silence.
"Is it such a big problem that..." she asked.
"Yes honey, it is. It offends me." interrupted her Harry.
Ginny sighed and said, "Somebody is just having a bit of fun. Are you so much peevish that you can't even take a joke anymore?"
"This is not about what happened today. What is happening at the HQ is a mere remainder of what is happening around the whole planet. My name is a laughing stock. That stupid, ungrateful ink-jerking woman made me look like a complete idiot. And do you know what is even worse? Those pathetic fanfiction writers. Especially those who write slash. Why do they think that I would ever want such relationship with Ron? It's disgusting."
Ginny felt a pang of guilt. She decided to make up for it and pressed herself more tightly to Harry and proposed, "You know, Lily and James are probably asleep by now if they obeyed Hermione and went to bed."
Harry's breathing quickened. He grabbed Ginny's hand and they ran for the rest of the way.
They found a note from Hermione in their kitchen. It said something about Lily's homework being checked by her. Ginny and Harry then took a quick peek on their children. Both James and Lily were soundly sleeping. However, Harry noticed a book in Lily's hands.
"What's that?" whispered Harry curiously. Lily was barely able to read and the book didn't look like a picture one. He silently crept in the room and took a closer look. His eyes widened and anger flashed through his face when he saw the title on the cover. He took the book, walked out of the room and closed the door.
"Look what I've found." said Harry and showed it to Ginny. The title read: "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone."
"Well, it seems that she's got something to read when we were away." said Ginny.
They went to the living room and Harry said, "How could Hermione let her buy such a thing? Doesn't she know how I feel about this?"
"Well, as I know Hermione, they probably visited a book store while we were away. Lily could hide it among the other books they were buying."
Harry grunted as he took it all in. His own daughter was reading a literature that was ridiculing his name. A literature that invaded his privacy and stole his name. That was the last straw. Harry's fingers gripped more tightly on the book and a bit of power was accidentally released. However, it was unfocussed and volatile. Every bit of the book was suddenly pushed or pulled in a random direction and it burst in a cloud of paper tatters.
"That's it!" said Harry angrily (but he still perfectly controlled the volume of his voice - he didn't want to wake kids). "I've let JKR to get rich on my name without my permission. I've let WB to make those stupid films. I've let that mannequin and stripper to play my character. And I've even let all of that to make people doubt my sexuality! But I have enough! Do they want a war? Then they will have one! Muhahahaha! Hahahaha!"
Ginny watched as Harry whispered his madmanish monologue. She was worried. When Harry finished his hushed evil laugh, Ginny asked: "Honey? Are you OK?"
"Uhm... Yes, yes. I'm sorry, I've got to go."
"Where?"
"I need to talk to Ron."
"Now? It's night."
"Yeah, I know. It's important."
"OK. Tell him to return that CD I've lent him."