Perhaps it wasn't just a game.
Susan sat in her sister's old bedroom. Pictures of lions and fawns filled the many notebooks her sister had kept.
'Narnia' Susan mouthed as she ran her fingers over a picture of a lion.
She remembered now. a old house, with a big cupboard.
Wait.
No.
A wardrobe?
Perhaps.
It was in the professors house, the one they stayed in during the war.
Ahhh yess.
Susan remebered that for other memories as well.
The professors godson, Jeffery, was it? He had stopped by on his way to training.
She was twelve, he was nineteen.
When she wasn't playing with her siblings, she was with him. She feigned a
The last day he was there, he kissed her.
Ahhh yess, her first kiss.
Susan was convinced she was in love.
What a fool.
"are you done with the boxes sweetie?" Her Nan called. Susan yelled back a lie and closed the one notebook and went on to another.
The name Narnia sounded familiar now. Peter and Lucy used to whisper to it in the hallways late at night.
Susan, having read to many of the yellow papered romance books that used to circle among the girls at night, thought they were whispering their love for each other.
She confronted peter about it some years earlier, but he kept using that Narnia excuse over and over again, until she slapped him and threathened to tell Father.
He placed her against a wall and told her to be quiet.
After that, things were never the same.
On holidays, when they were in Chapel, susan used to look over at Peter, and smile. He would look but he never smiled.
Susan stood up and went to the window, opening it slightly, before lighting a cigarette, paying attention to each one.
Marie had taught her how to smoke. Marie, the diplomats daughter, had attened the same boarding school as Susan. Marie had gotten the attention of the school by insulting the French teacher, calling her a Nazi symthizer.
"But its popular to be a symthizer.' She heard one girl say. Marie lit one and blew smoke into the other girls face.
Marie had been close to both Susan and Lucy, and lucy had shown her the diary entires of hers, featuring Narnia.
That may have been when she stopped beliving, because Marie didn't know it was real, and all Susan wanted was Marie's approval.
"your sister, she is, good writer." Marie said once during their secret meetings.
"yes." Susan said without a pause.
It was during that same one that Marie asked if Susan had ever had kissed a boy.
Susan nodded.
"how did he kiss you?"
Susan paused.
"show me" Marie said in that thick Parisan accent.
Susan quickly gave Marie a peck.
"No dearie, show me." Marie leaned in and gave her a movie kiss. Susan backed away, unsure, before heading back into the dorms.
Three days went by before Susan had the nerve to kiss Marie back. The smoking stopped soon after. Marie spun tells of her old boarding school, before the war. There was a older girl, who had been her 'lover'.
"Did you love her?"
Marie lit a ciggertee, and shrugged. "possibly. But she is back in France, and I am here."
Susan brought Marie home for Christmas. Susan told Marie that they had to be quiet.
"I am catholic my dear, we are bread to be quiet."
This affair had continued for two years. They were never found, in fact their friendship was smiled upon. There were whispers, yes. But they were among the younger girls, who didn't realize what the word actually meant.
Marie's father was transferred to Dublin. The last time she had seen Marie was in their usual place in the forest. She felt Marie's hands upon her body, the quite whispers exchanged between them.
'I'll visit you on next break.'
'of course we'll write.'
'Naturally we'll attend Uni together.'
'I love you Susan.'
A pause.
"I love you too."
Susan and Marie wrote sometimes. She attempted to visit the following Christmas, but a letter from Marie arrived in the post soon afterword's.
"This is my goodbye" Susan found herself saying outloud. Susan stuffed the cigarette out and flicked it into the garden, closing the window as well.
Nan called from downstairs, telling her tea was ready.
Susan sat on Lucy's bed, holding the croqute lion Lucy had made the previous year when she had the flu.
"What would you do Lucy?" she asked the little lion.
Next month was Christmas. One of Peter's friends, Buddy, had been asking if she wanted to come to his parent's estate for boxing day. Nan wanted her to go, hoping that Buddy's mother, the horrid creature, who give Susan the peach color boulder she wore on her finger. 'he's a nice boy.' Nan kept telling her.
Nan called once from down stairs, telling her the tea was getting cold.
Susan called back and grabbed the little lion.
Later in the evening, Nan did needlework while susan lounged in the chair, listening to the radio talk about the little prince's birthday. Nan talked about who was getting married, who was not.
Susan held the little lion in her hands, before going "I think I'll return to Uni."
Her Nan perked up. "but how, you haven't got any money!"
"yes I do. Father left some. And you have some, don't you?"
Nan shook her head. "and tell me, Susan, what do you wish to do, after you get a useless degree?"
Susan looked at the little lion. "I think I'll write a book."
"about what?"
"a children's story."
Nan huffed. "and what will you call this story?"
"the seven friends of Aslan."
Nan said nothing more, just going back to her needlework. Susan smiled, as she held the little lion close to her.