I can't remember the first time I saw you, but it seems that it must have been a lifetime ago. What I do remember is the sound you make when you laugh, the way you play with your hair when you're nervous, and how much you hate it when you cry.
You hated me just as much that day, I'm sure, even if it was only because I had wandered into the room not knowing you were there. But there you were, crumpled into a corner, trying to mop up your quickly-flowing tears with the sleeve of the sweater I'd given you for your birthday. I was unsure of how to react, of what you wanted me to say or do. You wanted something from me, but I had yet to realize what it was; I failed to see that you wanted me to care. Comforting people has never been a strong point of mine, so I ran, as fast and as far away as I could get. At the time, I thought it for the best and for that I'm sorry. If I could have read your thoughts and known that a kind word or two, a simple gesture of affection could have changed our lives forever, perhaps I wouldn't have bolted as I did. Then again, it's hard to tell; after all, perhaps any relationship that could've resulted would have been disastrous. The worst part is never being able to truly know just what might have been.
I'll freely admit that at that moment I was scared. I, Terri Tenjou, was scared out of my wits. I'd never seen you break down; you were always so strong, showing nothing but love and sisterly affection toward me. Little did I realize how I had saved you from the fate you had dreaded since childhood, and exactly how much that meant to you. More importantly, I didn't realize how you felt about me. Only later did I even have an inkling of that, and the realization was sparked by the whispers in the halls as I passed. I heard the voices even though I couldn't make out the faces; the people were as shadows to me. As I passed, they spoke of you and me and how close we were, how we were practically inseparable. How they'd heard stories about how close we really were. It was at that moment that I first had the thought that perhaps your feelings for me were more than friendship. By then, though, it was too late. Or was it? I became obsessed with knowing, and in the process began falling for you. I was afraid to let you know then, but this is for you. It was the only way I could think of to tell you my side of the story from the beginning and to tell you exactly how I feel without running away directly afterwards. It hasn't been a long time, but perhaps my side of the story will make more sense to you once you understand it all. There are so many things I've never told you, and you deserve to hear each and every one of them. I don't even know if you've realized that anything is different between us than there has ever been, but I owe it to you to tell you just what's happened, both before I ever knew you and during the time that you've been part of my life. I fear to lose you, but I fear more to lose what could be. It is as a result of that fear that I write, and I only hope that perhaps it will allow you to understand me, and perhaps open your heart to me.
Andie dear (I know I'm the only one allowed to use that name for you), please realize that I never meant to hurt you. I simply didn't think that a girl like you would care that way for me. You always seemed so perfect, fulfilling your role exactly as you were supposed to and never looking back. You knew your place in the school hierarchy and how to live within those confines. As for me, I only knew that I had no real place. After all, where do you put a girl who dresses and acts like a boy, not caring what others might say? Where does she fit, and how are others supposed to react to her? I didn't know, and perhaps I didn't really care. All I knew was that it was my fate to be strong and to save someone, to become the prince that I had met and been beguiled by in my childhood. Little did I know the person I'd saved was you, even though I knew how much I meant to you and that I had somehow 'saved' you from something you dreaded. You would never tell me what would have become of you if I hadn't arrived at Rose Collegiate, though. That was something I had to learn on my own.
Would it have killed you to explain your fate? On second thought, scratch that. I can imagine just why you didn't tell me. Despite that, I do remember your whispered confessions during our late-night talks, when you would hesitatingly mention the boys who had used you and scarred you, then suddenly stop with a terrified look in your eyes. It was those nights when you would beg me not to leave you alone, but to lie with you "just until you fell asleep." This I did for you more nights than I can count, because you needed me. You were my friend, and if sleeping in my own bed mere feet away wasn't enough for you, well, I was just going to have to do something about it.
So I did, and you were grateful. On those nights you would fall asleep with your arms wrapped around my neck, almost daring me to try to get away as a result of having no chance of doing so. I loved every minute of it, but never knew why. I assumed that it was the feeling of being needed by someone, anyone, that drew me in, but I have since realized that this was not the case. It was you. It wasn't about being needed by someone, but being needed by you, Andie, my 'rescued princess.' Your innocence needed to be protected, although those that came before me . . . those boys that hurt you . . . had only cared about taking your innocence away. But this was not before, and I most certainly was not the others. This was a new start for both of us.
Our room is a typical dorm room, despite its being somewhat small for two people. Bunk beds are placed along one wall; you sleep on the bottom, and have as long as I've shared a room with you. It's typical of you to pick the lowest place, since it's almost impossible to fall. For someone so brave, you're amazingly afraid to fly. So I sleep above, invoking the spirits of wind and sky, embracing their strength and changeable nature as one. It is my job to protect you, dear Andie, since you are at a loss to do it yourself. Before I appeared, you depended on the boys who fought over you, staying with whomever won the last battle. Although you did not care for any of them, you did whatever they wished to show your gratitude. Strangely enough, you still seem as innocent as a child, despite your sordid past. I can only think that you've blocked out those memories, since all I know of those times is what you've confessed when you're half-asleep and rambling, or when you awaken in the middle of the night, shaking as though a cold wind had touched you in your sleep. That is when the tears come, and I come to listen and to comfort you. Those spectres are brought in by nightmares, and I suppose I should be grateful that they don't haunt you during the day as well.
Instead, I have been driven to hate those who hurt you, and have sworn to myself that I would protect you as a proper prince would. It's a little sad, perhaps, that there is only one person who cares enough to protect you, but at least there is that one, and I have a sense of honour and duty. I cannot say as much for the males who attend this school. They are nothing like the prince I met in my childhood, the one who pledged himself to me, who taught me to be strong, the one I modeled myself after. As a result, I had to fill the void that was left.
I remember a day long ago, when I was a little girl. I was sitting in a forest behind my home, beside a pond that I had grown fond of. I often went there when life got to be too much for me, since no matter what happened, I always felt better after going there. Perhaps it was simply the serenity of the spot, or perhaps there was something truly magical happening there; I will never know. On this day, however, something unexpected did occur.
I had just learned that my parents had been seriously injured in a car accident on their way home from a shopping trip. It was also my tenth birthday, and we had had plans to go out for dinner that night to celebrate the occasion, but now it was a possibility that instead of celebrating, I would be mourning.
Despite my baby-sitter's protests, I ran out of the house wearing the party dress I'd picked out for the day, hair streaming as I flew to the one place I knew I could be alone in peace. I sat by the pond for what must have been hours, crying out of fear and hurt, but most of all for the unknown. If my parents died, where did that leave me? We had no known relatives, and I was an only child who was far too young to look after herself. There was little hope for me at that moment. Then, everything changed. Seemingly out of nowhere, a boy on a horse rode up in front of me. I'd never seen him before, but he seemed strangely familiar, since he looked exactly like someone from a dream I'd once had. He spoke to me, and my world changed forever.
"Do not fear, pretty princess. I shall not hurt you. I merely had to stop in order to observe such a beauty as yourself. How old are you, little one?"
Although I was shocked at his speech not only in its meaning but also its pattern, I stammered out an answer. "I-- I turned ten years old today. It is my birthday, sir..." I trailed off, unsure of what to say.
He smiled at my answer. "Only ten years old? Forgive me for my forwardness, princess, but I had hoped you were older. You see, I am a prince, and I find you quite beautiful. However, you are too young to be wed. I must leave you now, but I promise to return for you when you are of age." With that, he pulled something off his finger, leaned down and placed it on my hand. It was a ring emblazoned with a rose. "This ring will always remind you that you are safe, that I will come for you when the time is right. Farewell, pretty princess."
With that, he blew me a kiss and rode off. The only thing I could think to call after him was "But I'm not a princess! You must be mistaken!" Still, something felt right about the entire episode. Although it had been brief and strange, I knew that the prince had been telling the truth. As I pondered his words, I heard his voice float back to me through the trees. They felt like a kiss.
"You are of royal blood although you were unaware of it, my princess. And you always will be royal, whether you believe it or not. You cannot become less than you are." His tone changed slightly, then: "Be careful, princess; I want to find you safe when I return."
From that moment on, I swore that I would be as strong as the prince who had saved me from myself, that I would protect anyone weaker than me, anyone who needed me. It was a promise that held even more than I realized within it. Yet I would keep it despite its ramifications, despite how it changed me and how it would change others.
The day I first saved you still lives fresh in my mind. I saw you standing behind a boy I vaguely recognized as the president of the student council like a trained puppy waiting for a command. he was facing another familiar-looking boy, and both were dressed in the stylish black outfits that the males of the Rose Academy are obligated to wear. Had they not been seconds away from violence, perhaps they would have seemed more handsome than they did at that moment, but in another way that hardly seems possible. Something about their determination was eerily attractive, and it must have been that which drew me closer. I had to find out what was going on, what their intentions were, and what role you played in the event.
By the time I had reached the place where you stood, however, I could not believe my eyes. The three of you seemed to be in a completely different place; the setting looked more like a castle courtyard than the school grounds that had been there a moment before. Both boys wore roses in their lapels, and one drew a sword. The other looked back toward you, and you gave him a sword seemingly out of nowhere. I couldn't figure out how you'd managed that, but then again, the entire scene was confusing to me then, like something out of a dream.
The next thing I knew, I heard the student council president say, "The rules are thus: whomever shall first remove the rose from his opponent's lapel shall be the victor, and as a reward shall win the Rose Bride."
I could only guess who he meant by 'the Rose Bride.' Although I didn't have a clue what was happening at the time. After all, you were the only female involved and you had already proven that there was something special about you, something that transcended the usual boundaries of existence. All of these thoughts came through my head in less than a second, and by then there was nothing I could do but interfere.
"Hey there! You two, boys, what are you doing?" I asked curiously. Then, angrily, "That girl is no one's possession but her own! Fight if you must, but leave her out of it!"
All three of you looked at you looked at me then: the boys with some sense of annoyance and a feeling that I -- a mere girl -- had no right to criticize neither them nor their actions. Your expression, however, was unmistakable as one of relief. Then one of the boys spoke, the president of the student council.
"You have no business here. This is her destiny, as it is ours. You do not understand how things work here and you should not be here in the first place." He advanced, looking as though he might attack despite his kind face and appealing tone, and I raised my hand to stop him. My simple action was enough to make him pause, but not for the reason I thought. The next words that issued from his mouth explained all. "Your ring," he said, "where did you get that ring?" He held up his own hand, and on his finger was a ring identical to my own.
"It was a gift, given to me long ago by a prince. He told me that when he returned for me, he would know me by this ring --" I faltered then, realizing my story sounded, if not completely insane, at least moderately implausible to anyone who had not lived it as I had. Why did I think that he would believe me? Then again, what else was there to say but the truth?
To my surprise, he didn't seem to care where I'd gotten the ring; apparently he'd just asked the question to mask his astonishment. As it turns out, these rings are the symbol that allow one to participate in these strange duels. They also had something to do with the student council, but I didn't pay attention to that. All that mattered at that moment was that there was a chance of getting that girl out of trouble, and little did I know then what saving you would mean. I didn't even know your name then.
"This ring allows you to fight for the Rose Bride, so if you wish to 'save' her, as you seem to believe you're doing, you are permitted to do so. I will step aside and allow you to battle with Sebastian, the current holder of the Rose Bride." He gestured toward the other boy, indicating that he was the one with whom I would duel.
"Where am I to find a sword?" I asked, unsure of the entire procedure.
"I will lend you mine for now," he said, proffering it to me in a noble gesture that might have made me blush if I hadn't been so overwhelmed by the entire experience. I took the sword from him, and as I did so he removed the rose from his lapel and put it on my own.
"Now, miss -- what is your name?"
"Terri. Terri Tenjou."
"All right then, Terri, the one who knocks the rose off the other's lapel first wins. There is to be no injury, as we are gentlemen here" -- he broke off for a second -- "I mean, civilized beings, and it is against the rules to hurt another. Whoever wins also wins the Rose Bride and all that she comes with."
Although it confused me, I didn't want to question his last statement. All I knew was that in order for you to have a chance at a normal life, I had to win. Otherwise, you may well have remained forever the property of an ever-changing group of boys. I forced myself to smile. "So, when shall we start?"
The president looked at me, then at Sebastian. When Sebastian nodded, he said, "You may begin whenever you are ready."
He took a step back to allow us room, and I took a moment to ready myself. What do you think you're doing? my mind screamed silently. You don't know the first thing about duelling. What makes you think you can win? Then, another voice: it doesn't hurt to try. There is nothing to lose, but if you win, you allow that poor girl a chance at life.
I'm sorry, Andie dear, but it never occurred to me that perhaps you were used to things as they were, but I like to think that you were, are, or will be grateful. Although you were trapped once, now you are free and can make decisions on your own without fear. You are a full person now, something they never allowed you to be. If I had not fought, you would have been bound to that fate for as long as you lived, and that is no life for anyone to have to live. So I fought for you, and through some otherworldly miracle, I managed to win. I didn't think any more of it once I left, simply thinking that now you were safe. I didn't know you or anything about you, and half-expected to never see you again. So, the next day when you showed up at my door and told me you were my new roommate, I was a little surprised.
You looked at the paper you held in your hand. "Teresa Tenjou? I'm Andrea. Nice to meet you. I'm supposed to be moving in here?" You looked so unsure, and technically my room was meant for two... so I let you in.
"Call me Terri. I hate 'Teresa'. Too formal for me. I'm not that kind of girl." I paused for a second, feeling slightly silly, then asked, "Um, Andrea? Do I, um, know you from somewhere?" Before you showed up outside my door and proved me wrong, I had actually thought that perhaps I had dreamed the entire episode, and that I just happened to have a particularly overactive imagination. Then you arrived and blew that idea to bits.
You smiled enigmatically. "You know the answer to that question, Teresa. I'm here as a result of your actions yesterday. I'm yours now. You won me away from Sebastian, although I think he's none too happy about it."
"You've got to be kidding me, right? I don't own you, you own you. You're your own person, you know. If you don't want to be here, you don't have to be. Frankly, I don't care either way." But you said that you wanted to be in my room, so I let you stay. Even though you insisted on calling me Teresa, and despite your constant deference to my percieved wishes, we became friends. Close friends, in fact. You were a sweet girl, and I felt at least partly responsible for you; after all, if it hadn't been for me, you would still be living the life you were accustomed to, controlled though it may be. However, you never expressed a desire to go back to that life, and you seemed perfectly happy with me. We were always together, and I got used to that. Once I did, it was actually kind of nice to have someone I could consider a friend. Having someone to talk about things with no matter what time of day or night, someone to laugh or cry with. Someone who cared. I wasn't used to that.
Gods, this thing is horrible, Terri thought as she reread her letter to Andie. Guess I'll just get rid of the evidence, and she'll be none the wiser. As she was crumpling the multiple pieces of paper, Andie burst through the door sobbing wildly while trying to babble something in Terri's general direction. Terri snapped out of her self-imposed daze and tried to figure out what had happened.
"Hold on; what's wrong? Try to speak a little slower -- calm down -- it's okay. Whatever's wrong, I'm sure we can fix it," Terri said comfortingly. Andie just looked blankly at her.
After a moment, Andie began to speak, slower and clearer than before, but still extremely hurriedly. "I was in class and I heard some people saying that Sebastian's going to come after you for taking me away from him. He thinks you must've cheated, and he wants to have a duel tonight, off school grounds." She paused for a second. "He's planning to kill you."
He's planning to kill you. Those words rung in Terri's head, provoking a fear unlike any she'd ever felt. Putting on a brave face for Andie's sake, she said, "Don't worry. I beat him once, and I'll do it again. All I need is a little time to prepare." And a lot of luck. After all, he's a master and I'm only a novice, if that. "Everything will be fine, you'll see. In the meantime, I'm just gonna run down to the student council office to see what's up, okay? I want to make sure that this is true and not just some rumour."
After Terri had left, Andie noticed a pile of crumpled papers strewn about the room. Wonder what these are. Maybe a paper Terri was writing and didn't like... she does get terribly frustrated with things like that. Out of curiosity, she began to read, realizing as she went that it wasn't a school paper, but a letter meant for her.
When she reached the student council office, Terri burst through the door to find the president looking mildly amused. "What are you here for, Tenjou? Don't you know you're supposed to knock before opening a door?"
"Look,I'm here on a matter of life or death, namely my own. Is it true that Sebastian is planning to fight me tonight off school grounds? There's rumours going around, and I'd like to know just what's going on."
He nodded. "Yes, Sebastian wants to even up the score, but he wants it on his terms. It's not just for the Rose Bride this time, even though you did damage his ego rather severely when you won her away from him. She'd been his for quite some time, and he'd won against many to keep it that way. You're not his favourite person, you know."
"Enough about that. What I need to know is when and where, and what the conditions are."
"Midnight tonight, in the clearing in the forest beside the school. And prepare for the battle to last until someone draws blood. Frankly, Tenjou, I hope it's you. Sebastian was never good to the Rose Bride. He just treated her like a toy that he could play with or ignore as he chose. His feelings are only hurt because he can't play with her anymore."
"I'll be there. Tell him if you see him that he'd better plan to fight for real. I won't be careful with him." With that, she walked away. Unbeknownst to anyone at Rose Academy, Terri had been in this position before. She may have been a novice, but she knew how to protect herself. Despite her seeming innocence, she probably knew more about life or death than any of them.
That night, she was ready. Andie by her side and carrying her sword, Terri strode through the forest confidently. No matter what happened to her, she'd make sure that Andie didn't have to go back to her old life, to Sebastian. She saw him in the distance, and her determination became stronger. He stood in the moonlit clearing looking like a young prince, handsome and proud. Terri knew there was no love in him, though; he was not like her prince and never would be. She wished the whole thing was over, that she could go home again and everything could be as it was.
As she walked, Andie was lost in thought, hardly noticing where she was. Terri has feelings for me. Why didn't she tell me? Scratch that, I know why. She was scared, and I can't blame her. It's the same reason I haven't said anything. But I won't do anything about it. After all, she must've thrown out that letter for a reason. She didn't want me to see it. Perhaps it's just better if I let things lie...
At least this time it's different. She doesn't want the Rose Bride and whatever that means. She wants me. Me, who I am on my own. Not what I represent, but what I am.
The next thing she realized was that Terri was gently tapping her shoulder. "Hey, Andie, we're here. Soon it'll be time for the duel. Wish me luck?" Andie hugged Terri suddenly, an outburst of emotion from the usually reserved girl. "What was that for? Everything will be just fine." Still, Terri hugged her back just as tightly, glad for the affection.
"It's just in case... you know, for good luck." Andie smiled shyly, not wanting to tell Terri that she knew about the letter. She'd be aware of her feelings later anyway, as long as everything went well, and she was sure it would.
"Five minutes. Duelists, assume your positions." The student council president was presiding over the match, bringing the grand total of people in the clearing to four. With a caring look at Andie and a killing one toward Sebastian, she took her place in the ring, taking her sword out of the sheath Andie had been carrying for her and held it close to her hip, using the defensive low guard stance that had proven effective in the past. Sebastian strode into the ring, the picture of confidence, stretching and becoming accustomed again to his sword, holding it high in the air. This position was then mirrored in the stance he chose: the high guard. He looked at Terri and said in the most mocking tone imaginable, "It's only fitting that the beginner use the beginner's stance. Couldn't deal with the high guard, huh?"
"We'll see who wins, Sebastian. Then you can make as much fun as you wish. Until then, keep your mouth shut. That is, unless you'd like to find out what cold steel tastes like."
"One minute! Take your places!"
The opponents took their places and stood still, and at the president's "Ready?" they both nodded. "Then the duel shall begin."
Neither moved as each sized up their opponent. The hate and anger that blazed in the eyes of both made it obvious that this battle would not be the usual ones fought at Rose Academy, but something far crueler. Each waited for the sign, the crease, that would tell them their opponent was about to make a movement, but it was long in coming.
Later on, Terri could not say what Sebastian's crease had been, or how she had recognized it, but recognize it she did. She struck before he had barely moved, and pierced the shoulder of the arm that held his sword. With a sickening crunch, his sword fell to the ground and he grabbed at his shoulder with his good hand, watching it bleed, the look on his face indicating the intense pain he felt.
"You little bitch! You've ruined me! I'll never fight again..." He fell, partly out of shock at being beaten and partly as a result of his loss of blood, and the combination caused him to pass out. When he did, the president of the student council leaned down and took the rose ring from his finger. Since he could no longer fight, he no longer needed the ring either. He handed it to Terri with a malicious grin, saying "You earned it. I'll explain everything to him when he comes to."
As Andie and Terri walked back to school, the girls were silent but companionable. Finally, Terri asked, "So where do we go from here?"
Smiling with a secret knowledge, Andie said, "How about we just go on as before? And who knows, maybe someday something new will happen."
Terri shot her a glance filled with suspicion, then smiled with relief. "Go on we shall, then." She tentatively reached out her hand, and Andie's reached out to meet hers.