I do not own Code Geass.
Epiphany
Motivation
Tamaki Shinichirō knew what the others thought of him.
He had no special skills to bring to the table.
He wasn't an ace.
He wasn't a speaker.
He wasn't a strategist.
He wasn't an engineer.
He wasn't a manager.
He wasn't a treasurer.
He wasn't a reporter.
He wasn't royalty.
He wasn't a politician.
He wasn't a leader.
He wasn't anything really, except the friend of a friend of the original leader of their little group. He was just brash, hot-headed, impulsive, not-that-bright, doubting Tamaki. He had made peace with that.
He was still trying his damn best to become something better. Something more.
He didn't care anymore if history remembered him. It wasn't his history anyway, not really. This wasn't the age of Tamaki Shinichirō.
This was the age of Zero, of Kallen Kouzuki, of Tohdoh Kyoshiro, of Oghi Kaname. This was an age for heroes, for gods.
Not for little men like Tamaki. He knew this. He knew this as surely as he knew the sun would rise tomorrow, as he knew Zero would see them through yet another battle, as he knew that someday there would be a world where everyone could be free.
But still, he tried. How could he not?
He tried to be there when he was needed; always looking for anything he could do to help. It didn't matter what. As long as he could keep the important people doing what they did best, he would do it.
Loading weapons? Yes.
Organizing civilians. Of course.
Unloading crates of supplies? Why not?
Make someone smile? Always.
Even become a glorified janitor? If that was where he was needed.
He wasn't anything special. And that was why he couldn't hate himself.
Who could blame a little man for being pulled in by Zero? Even if Zero was only using him as fuel, using him to strive for more, to better himself, to reach for the future.
Tamaki would give everything he had for Zero. He was a literal star, burning bright and long and hard.
He would burn out.
They always did.
But damn it all if he would have any regrets when he did.
He had made his decision so long ago.
On that forsaken mountain, with death coming towards them, he had pulled a gun on Zero. He had threatened Zero. And lived.
Even with all his doubt, all his pain, all his anger, everything that made Tamaki the twisted little creature that he knew himself to be…
Zero had saved him.
Tamaki died that day. If he had his way, as he first intended, the whole rebellion would never have happened. Tamaki made a mistake. It was all he ever did.
On that day, he made a decision as well. He would cast himself fully into the war. Zero's war.
Tamaki Shinichirō died that day.
Tamaki lived on.
Tamaki, the useless one, lived on.
Tamaki, the guy everyone laughed at, lived on.
Tamaki, the man who lived each and every day only for Zero, lived on.
He was reborn that day, remade under the masterful hands of Zero.
He would die under those hands.
Tamaki had no pride as a man or a human or a pilot or a soldier or a commander or a diplomat or an engineer.
Tamaki had his pride as a servant to one of the world's new gods.
And that's all I need.
I know what they think of me.
I just don't care anymore.
AN: My muse is a fucking bitch.
I have so many other things already in my mind… new chapter for Hormones, ideas for Louise's summoning, hundreds of little things for Lelouch's Experiments, ideas for a quasi-sequel to Twelve, a half-assed desire to continue Damn Kakashi, cultist!Sokka, alternative ideas for the Worship!world, expansions on Movie Night, ideas for a series of drabbles for Dragon Age: Origins and Fallout- New Vegas…
It's just too damn crowded already.
And here comes along this little suckerpunch that wouldn't. Leave. Me. Alone.
*sighs*
Anyway… Tamaki is really a sad little character for me. Really, I just die a bit inside every time he messes up. He was crying when Zero reappeared, damnit. In his own, twisted little way, he and Orange-kun have some things to talk about.
I know many of you don't agree, but meh.
You don't have too.
Anyway. Chances are pretty high I'm going to let this snowball into a series. I've already gotten possible ideas for Oghi, Tohdoh, Rivalz, Canon, Guiliford, even Nina. So many ideas, so little time.
Oh, and don't take any of those as a promise, okay? For all I know this will stay a one-shot.
Until then, though…
Read, enjoy, review.
~GrinGrin
Written: 16/12/2013
Updated: 17/12/2013