A/N: As you can tell, I have other things I should be doing. Procrastination is a bitch, but you guys benefit from it! This is short, but it's only part 1. I think it's going to be 3 or 4 parts in total. I have it about halfway finished, but this seemed like a good stopping place for now. Enjoy!
XOXOXO
Nicky sat in her bunk debating on whether or not she wanted to go to movie night. It had been a long day, and she wasn't sure if she even wanted to be around anyone. Her mood sucked, and she knew the movie would be shit anyways. From what the other inmates said it always was.
She had only been going to electrical for a week, but she already dreaded it every single day. Luschek was an ass. For whatever reason—that she still didn't understand—he had singled her out by the first day. His newt—his most annoying endearment out of the handful he'd bestowed upon her. Now it was a constant berating of harassment and mockery at her expense.
Nicky knew she shouldn't take it personally—hell, if they were out in the real world she'd give it right back to him. But they weren't in the real world. The power play between them made her miserable, and she knew she had to keep her mouth in check. She'd seen him give people shots for all sorts of arbitrary reasons.
"Hey Nichols," Lorna said, popping into her cube. The other woman had a knack for finding her when she least wanted company. "You coming to the movie tonight?" she asked, jerking her head towards the dorm exit. "I never heard of it, but it's something to do."
Shrugging, Nicky looked down at her hands worrying the edge of her shirt. "I dunno," she replied, running a hand through her hair. It was a familiar gesture in response to any sort of pressure or anxiety. "I was thinking I might just hang out in here, ya know?" she shrugged, offering a weak smile.
Lorna pressed her lips into a judgey pout and her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Sitting down next to Nicky she shook her head. "Why ya gonna do that? You can do that any night."
"Yeah, but it's usually crowded as fuck in here. Little peace and quiet might be a nice change," Nicky said, ducking her head. She didn't know how to explain it, let alone to Lorna. The girl was like a fucking ray of sunshine and seemed pretty clueless to her brooding nature. "You go on, don't want you to lose your seat kid."
Lorna stood up in front of Nicky. Instead of walking away, like Nicky hoped, Lorna leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "Alright, but if you change your mind…" she trailed off.
Nicky rubbed her cheek and waved the other woman off. "Yeah, yeah," she grunted, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks. Lorna had never once pinged on her radar, but there was something about that kiss that felt oddly less than platonic. The attention made her stomach drop, maybe Ms. Morello wasn't quite as straight as she claimed.
Grinning, satisfied with the results of her visit, Lorna headed out of the cube. Once out of sight, she cocked her head curiously and backed up. "I could stay with you if you wanted," she offered, biting her cherry red lip.
Shaking her head, Nicky jutted her chin towards the exit. "Nah, you go on ahead. Thanks kid."
Lorna stared at her for a moment, before nodding. She left without another word leaving Nicky alone with her thoughts once more. Footsteps echoed behind her friend, and if she weren't going crazy, it almost sounded like the other woman was skipping. Only Morello could be that fucking perky in prison.
Nicky flopped down on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn't figure out why she felt so damn empty. The fear she'd held before acclimating to prison was gone—had been gone for days. She knew that she had Red to thank for that. Being accepted and included in her family had probably been the best thing to happen to her since she'd arrived.
The loathsome voice in the back of her mind reminded her that it was probably the best thing that had ever happened to her period. Which, of course, translated into the doubt that it was only a matter of time before she fucked it up. Relationships of any sort had never been her specialty.
Red had quickly become her touchstone—her tether. She was the stable figure in her new life that she used to ground herself. It worried her. If things were different, she would have long ago pushed the older woman away in fear of getting hurt, but Red was different. It left Nicky vulnerable to disappointment and pain. This time she was prepared to take that risk.
Red treated her like she did all her other girls, but in moments when they were alone, she was softer with Nicky. There was a tenderness about her that Nicky never expected her to have. It was certainly unlike any attention Nicky had received before. Somehow Red managed to alleviate Nicky's fears and shove the voices from her head. She cared for her in a way that Nicky could believe in.
When Nicky spoke, she listened to her. No matter what the younger woman was rambling about Red paid attention. She looked at Nicky—watched her—even when they weren't interacting. Nicky would look up and find Red's eyes on her, and she could see Red's features soften. It was weird to feel important to someone, but Red made her feel special like she was actually wanted—like she mattered.
Sighing heavily, Nicky sat up. She scrunched her eyes and dropped her head. Her stomach felt twisted, and she suddenly felt an irrational fear that just kept building. It felt like it might push the tears that she didn't want right out of her eyes. It was a feeling that she was experiencing more and more often, and she had slowly narrowed down the cause. Well, the cause was still iffy, but the solution was easy.
With jerky motions and angry huffs, Nicky began to put her boots back on. The idea of tying the laces even pissed her off, so she just shoved them inside and let the tongues flop loosely about. Rising to her feet, Nicky ran a hand through her hair once more. She felt the tugging of need spurring her on, and she hated herself for it. All she knew was that she wanted to see Red.
It was ridiculous. She and Red had just been at dinner together an hour ago. Even as a child, wishing that Marka would spend time with her or even talk to her—instead of at her—Nicky hadn't felt such a longing. She felt naive for even wondering, but she couldn't help but question if this was how people felt when they were homesick.
Reminding herself that Red wouldn't even notice her presence when she got there, Nicky stomped her way through the halls and towards the common room. There was no way she'd find a seat near the rest of the family, but all the same, she trudged on. It was a perverse sort of torture that she felt the need to inflict upon herself. She'd be in the same room, be able to watch her even, but this was not an opportunity to bond. It wouldn't be enough to quench her innate need for closeness.
Nicky shoved the door open, ignoring the glares she received from the back row. It was a stupid movie from who knows how long ago; what the hell did they think they were missing? She spotted an empty chair near the back but was stopped in her tracks. As if sensing her presence Red had turned around and was looking at her. She gestured for Nicky to come to her.
A lump formed in her throat, and her face fell into something akin to relief. Special. She nodded as though in a daze. It wasn't what she expected. How did Red always know?
Ignoring several more dirty looks and comments, Nicky made her way to the front of the room to where Red was sitting. "I saved you a seat," the woman said, her voice gravelly and low. No one dared to tell her to keep it down. "You're late," she chided, patting the seat next to her. With Nicky, it was always a balancing act between being firm and being loving towards her. There was a line there that she constantly teetered, depending upon what the younger woman needed and what Red wished to reveal.
The young girl had become an important figure in Red's life. Not only had she become another one of her girls, but she was quickly becoming the person Red confided in most. Nicky was level-headed, tough, and so very smart. She understood Red, but she wasn't afraid to tell her when she thought Red was wrong either.
She could talk to her without worrying about knee jerk reactions like Gina. That girl had a temper that caused her to act first and think later. As far as Norma went, she didn't always like to burden her friend with her own troubles or worries. She was a good friend and formidable enough to handle it, but she had a gentleness that Red respected.
Nicky felt Red's hands on her hips, guiding her as she crossed in front of Red to the metal chair awaiting her. They were strong and confident. She hadn't needed the stabilization, but she could feel her stomach knot at the gesture. Wanted. Before she could sit down, she couldn't help but notice the glare Gina was directing towards her. "What?" she hissed.
"Nothing," Gina snapped. She stared at Nicky for another moment before turning back to the movie, a snarl on her lips. Nicky could feel the wave of resentment crashing towards her, but there was nothing to do about it. She just wished she knew what Gina had against her.
She opened her arms in question, but Gina was obviously done with the interaction. She felt a hand circle her wrist and looked down to see Norma smiling at her in sympathy. Nicky nodded, knowing that she wasn't going to get any further response from Gina.
Sitting down, Nicky leaned over to Red. "What's up with the resident anger ball?" she asked. She felt like she still hadn't gotten to know Gina, but all of their interactions thus far had been short and unpleasant.
"Don't mind her," Red said, taking Nicky's hand in hers. "She's upset because I made her move seats." She squeezed Nicky's hand and looked at her with a knowing grin.
Brow furrowing in confusion, Nicky shook her head. What wasn't she understanding? "Why'd ya do that?"
"Silly girl," Red said chucking her under the chin. "I made her move so that you would have a place."
Nicky bit her lip. She was already fighting back a smile, but she had to be sure. "Yeah, but you could have saved me a seat anywhere. I'd probably be pretty pissed at you too."
Red rolled her eyes. "I wanted you with me," she said matter 'o factly. Before Nicky could respond, Red looked back towards the movie.
Sitting there with a dopey grin on her face, Nicky couldn't drag her eyes away from Red's profile. Special. Wanted. Loved? The feelings flared up within her and her eyes misted over at the sensation of belonging—the feeling of home.
"This movie is ridiculous. High Anxiety…" Red said, tilting her head towards the younger woman without taking her eyes off the screen. She didn't want Nicky to see how pleased she was with her presence. For a little while, she had worried that the younger woman wouldn't show up, but she was here now, and all was right once more.
Nicky took her first real look at the movie and chuckled. "Nah, this movie is great. Haven't you ever since a Hitchcock film?" Red's blank gaze answered that for her. "That's why it doesn't amuse you. Trust me—you'd love it if you knew what they were making fun of."
Snatching open a shower curtain a bellboy began thrusting a newspaper at the man inside."Here! Here's your paper! Here's your lousy, stinking paper! Happy now?" There was an angry strumming bar of music beating in the background with a jagged energy only seen in classic horror films. As the ink swirled down the drain the man in the shower, holding a now soggy paper, stared at the retreating bellboy in confusion. "That boy gets no tip," he deadpanned.
Red turned her head to give Nicky a skeptical look. She noticed the emotions welled up in the puppy dog eyes Nicky was looking at her with and chuckled. She shook her head in amusement and wrapped an arm around Nicky's shoulders. "Whatever you say," she said, tugging her girl snugly against her.
XOXOXO
A/N: The movie referenced is Mel Brook's High Anxiety(1977). It's terribly cheesy, but fun. It also spoofs some of the more popular Hitchcock movies so that can definitely make or break it.