After more than a year's absence, I'm back at the computer. I must say that my most creative hours happen to start in the early hours of the morning. Usually around four or five am. Now that I'm working graveyard shifts again I've received a surge of creativity and I'm working on like three separate HA fanfics at once. I'm really excited about them. I've almost completely finished this story and I will be posting the next few chapters in a timely fashion.

This story's setting takes place after The Pataki's spinoff. Arnold has been away from Hillwood for about three years. This first chapter is a bit gloomy but I'm sure football head will get over it. Enjoy!

I stopped counting the letters. They didn't address much. I would write about a strange looking mammal I would find in the trees or the constant rain that would leave as fast as it would appear. I wrote about my parents and the humanitarian work I was helping them with. At first, these daily excerpts documenting my life were sent to keep a connection alive. It wasn't a strong connection to begin with. Each passing day and each letter meant that my hope was depleting. I only received one reply.

After all these years, I still loved her. It seems irrational but I can't help forget these feelings I have for her. I know she hates me. How could it have gone so wrong?

My letters were usually short and poorly detailed. My truest thoughts were kept to myself. I wanted to know so many things about Hillwood, our friends, and most importantly, her. I also wanted her to know how much I missed her and about how important she is to me. I refused to put those thoughts in writing. I was afraid of scaring her away.

We had dated for years. From the fourth grade to the end of middle school I had developed a strong bond with a girl who held a passionate crush on me for the majority of her life. Things were great and sometimes challenging. We would fight and argue like any other couple. Any fight we had would actually bring us closer and make our connection even stronger. We became best friends. It remained this way until the summer before high school. My parents invited me to San Lorenzo. I had every intention of declining their invitation. I couldn't leave my home in Hillwood and I couldn't leave her. Despite sharing my desire to stay with her, she pushed me away. Out of anger and frustration, I decided to travel with my parents.

I've only ever received one letter from her. It came without any note of the sender but I recognized her purple pen, her ornate cursive, the way she doted her "I"s. I relished in the warmth I felt holding the lone sheet of college-ruled parchment. It was a familiar feeling I've experienced while in her arms.

The note contained only four words,

"I'm not strong enough."

How could I interpret that phrase? Was she not strong enough to keep this bond at such a distance? Perhaps she's already moved on, falling head over heels for a guy who could really give her what she deserves. Something I couldn't give it to her, especially while I hid in the secluded jungles of San Lorenzo.

I sighed as I took my pen. The words I planned on writing had been memorized for months. It wasn't until now that I had the courage to articulate them on paper.

Dear Helga,

I've been lying to myself. I thought that perhaps somewhere, deep inside you, you still managed to save some room for me in your heart. I understand now that all this wishful thinking isn't doing us any good. I still love you.

I'll stop writing.

Love, Arnold

I managed to reread my note over a hundred times. It was short and sweet. I couldn't think of any other way to improve it. I'm sure if I had her way with words this would be perfect.

The next morning I hesitated at the mailbox. I took a deep breath and the letter was sent.

Seems like a bummer, right? Poor Arnold.

~twelvepercent :D