THE CRAZIEST TOTAL DRAMA EVER!
It's Isabelle, the bookworm half of Lilo-and-Isabelle, here with the first ever fanfic from both of us! Our first fanfiction, Crossing Over, was written only by me. (You can find it in the Maximum Ride/Kingdom Keepers crossover section. I'm the one on the top.)
Lilo here, the artistic half of Lilo-and-Isabelle, and this is technically the first Max Ride fanfic involving Sym-Bionic Titan, My FAVORITE series! Here's the stats -
NEW:
Host: Chloe Jordan – though she's more of a not-so neutral figurehead than anything; Chris & Chef are major in this series
Players: Characters from Maximum Ride, Sym-Bionic Titan, and Harry Potter are competing with past Total Drama Players
Challenges: Duh!
Location: Abandoned facility in Death Valley (It was the cheapest place available for use!)
Episode 1: Welcome to Insanity
PART 1
(Chloe is standing in the middle of the desert. Behind her is a nondescript building. She wears an outfit you would probably see on an anchorwoman, and she holds a microphone.)
CHLOE: (holding the microphone at a distance, tapping it) Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? (Stops tapping) It is? Oh. (Bring it closer to her and gets into reporter mode) This is Chloe Jones, and, yes, this is still Total Drama. Unfortunately, Chris McClain will not be hosting, on account of the fact that HE'S BEING A TANTRUMMING CRYBABY!
CHRIS: (offscreen) Am not!
CHLOE: You so are. You're mad that the guys in charge told you it would be better to do Chef's idea for an All-Star/Celebrity season than have a Total Drama Mariner
CHRIS: (still offscreen) Total Drama Mariner was so better!
CHEF: (offscreen) Yeah, right. That boat you bought wouldn't last a week.
CHLOE: (yelling at CHRIS and CHEF) Shut up and let me host! Sheesh. (back to host mode) Anyway, this season of Total Drama will be BIG. In addition to the past seasons' big players, we will be bringing in some pretty famous people. All in all, 24 contestants will compete for the big prize of ONE MILLION DOLLARS. However, only one will win on THE CRAZIEST TOTAL—
(camera zooms out a bit) DRAMA—
(camera zooms out even more) EVER!
(theme music. Da-da-da-da-da, you know the drill)
(BACK TO THE SHOW. FOCUS ON CHLOE AGAIN. This time you can also see Chris and chef)
CHLOE: Alright. Today we're welcoming aboard our 24 contestants. One team, chosen entirely by Chris McClain, consists of a selection of past seasons' players. They will be arriving on a bus pretty soon. The other team, chosen by Chef, has some pretty famous characters from other things, though he woul dn't tell me a b o u t m o s t o f t h e m . T he y 'll be coming by that old plane from season 3. If the hunk of junk doesn't crash, it's no thanks to Chris—
CHRIS: Ha ha, very funny.
CHLOE: Anyway, let's see who'd come first—
SFX: HONK-HONK!
CHLOE: And, apparently it's the bus.
(fix on the bus driving in, stopping too close to Chloe for comfort)
SFX: SCREEEEECH!
CHLOE: (Stops for a second to check she hasn't been hit, and then putting on an announcer voice) And here they are, Team All-Stars:
(Focus on bus doors as they open)
CHLOE: Beth!
(Beth walks out as CHLOE says it)
BETH: Yes!
(She walks off. Harold starts on the step out)
CHLOE: Harold!
HAROLD: Awesome! WHOOOAH!
(Harold has just been pushed down the steps of the bus by Duncan. CHRIS TRIES TO HOLD SNICKERS)
CHLOE: (in a sort of shocked voice) DUNCAN!
DUNCAN: What?
HAROLD: Ugh… I'm all right.
CHLOE: Off the bus, Duncan. Now.
DUNCAN: (smirking) alright
(steps off. Chloe watches Duncan intensly to make sure he doesn't step on Harold. Gwen comes into view.)
CHLOE: Gwen!
(Steps off the bus. LESHAWNA comes into view)
CHLOE: Leshawna!
LESHAWNA: Whooa!
CODY: WHOAAAH!
(Cody has tripped on his shoelaces and sent him and Leshawna falling down the steps)
CHLOE: And apparently Cody too.
CHRIS: HA-HAA-HA-HA-HA! That is hilarious! Ha-HA!
CHLOE: You okay?
CODY: Yeaah…
LESHAWNA: Get off!
(Cody gets off. Leshawna get up, and both she and Cody walk off)
CHLOE: Heather! (waits a few seconds) Heather?
HEATHER: (offscreen) COMING!
(Heather comes out wearing a blonde wig)
CHLOE: Another wig, Heather? I thought you had hair implants—
HEATHER: (ticked off) Don't. Ask.
(Walks off. Noah appears in the doorway)
CHLOE: Noah!
NOAH: (sarcastically) You could've just said hi.
(BOOTH TIME!)
CHLOE: Razzle-dazzle-frazzlin'-bleep-blop-bleeh! I try to get everyone a good welcome and this is what I get?
(BACK TO THE SHOW)
CHLOE: Uhhm, just this way (points in the direction of the others)
COURTNEY: (at doorway) Um, HELLO?
CHLOE: Oh! Oh, right. Courtney!
COURTNEY: (a little annoyed) Finally!
CHLOE: Trent!
TRENT: WHOO-HOO! WHOOPS!
(tries to ride on railing but there isn't one – he tumbles out.)
CHRIS: A-HAAA-HA-HA-HAA! What a dunce!
CHEF: Oh, good gravy, what's next? (laughs along)
CHLOE: (teed off) If you guys aren't going to shut up, just get out of here. (they shut up) Thanks. Justin!
(Justin walks out, strutting like a peacock, striking a pose every now and then)
CHLOE: That was… interesting. And now, last bu not least, Owen!
OWEN: Coming! Oof! (Gets stuck in bus walkway)
(DUNCAN, CHRIS, and CHEF start laughing)
COURTNEY: Oh no, not again!
HEATHER: Someone needs to cut down on the cookies
CHLOE: Shut up and help me get him out!
(A bunch of teens pull him out just in time for)
SFX: WHHHHHRRRRRRRRR
CHLOE: And there's the plane!
(The plane lands… well, not smoothly, but not crashing. The only malcunction is the landing gear giving way after it finishes slowing down.)
(the door opens and out comes OCTUS disguised as Newton)
OCTUS: This isn't Hawaii. This is a desert.
CHEF: CHLOE!
(BOOTH TIME!)
CHLOE: Okay, okay! I replaced Chef's old buddies from the B-Team with three average kids. But I had a reason. From what I heard, the Celebrity Team is GOOD. He was talking about how all of them were supergood and that Chris wouldn't underestimate him again. All-Stars couldn't stand a chance if I left those three on. I had to put in three average kids to level the playing field. Besides, the B-Team is not a group of teens, okay? So don't poison my meal.
(BACK TO THE SHOW)
CHLOE: (trying to avoid Chef and is talking to Octus) Welcome to The Craziest Total Drama Ever. I'm your host, Chloe Jones. I—
SFX: BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!
(Quick explaination: That was GAZZY)
LANCE: (offscreen) Evacuate!
(Everyone on the plane runs off)
CHLOE: (shocked) I see that the other two are coming out with—wait, was that HARRY POTTER? And Ron? And Hermione? And Max and Fang and Ig-Ig-Ig-oolmp (passes out)
(BOOTH TIME!)
CHRIS: Ha-HAAA! Did you see that? She was out like a log!
(BOOTH TIME 2!)
CHEF: THAT is why I didn't tell her about the other kids. Next time, Chloe, DON'T leave your books in the kitchen. Score one for Chef!
(BOOTH TIME 3!)
HAROLD: OOOOHH! She was all like "Glide like a butterfly, sting like a bee," but one of those redheads left her acting more like "Squashed like a bug!" Maybe I have a chance.
(BOOTH TIME 4!)
CHLOE: (Blushing) Okay, okay, I like Iggy. So? Who doesn't?
(BOOTH TIME 5!)
COURTNEY: That dark-haired kid with the purplish-blue T-shirt is HOT. I wonder if he's single.
(BACK TO THE SHOW)
CHRIS: I was WONDERING when she'd shut up. (Picks up the mike and pulls out a piece of paper) Anyways, we have here today Harry Potter!
HARRY: 'Ello.
CHRIS: Ron Queasy!
(a bunch of people laugh)
RON: (Shocked about the obvious mistake) Bloody H—
CHRIS: Whoa, watch your words! I'd actually like to stay on this time slot. (looks at page and turns practically white like a ghost) Oops. Made a mistake. It was Ron Weasly. Sorry. (moves on) Hermione Granger!
HERMIONE: I still don't believe Hogwarts would let us go here!
CHRIS: Max!
MAX: Um, hey.
CHRIS: Fang! (Fang keeps quiet, just smirks) Okay… Iggy!
IGGY: Whazup!
CHRIS Nudge!
NUDGE: (Grabs mike and says really fast) Oh my gosh, I can't believe it! I'm on Total Drama! It is my favorite series ever and I'm gonna see more of my favorite character on there which by the way is Gwen - Hi Gwen! This is gonna be sweet! I'm looking forward to everything but Chef's cooking. He sucks at it which is odd for a guy named Chef. I hope he lets Iggy cook! He's really good, especially with lasagna! We just had it last week. It tasted like HEAVEN! The cheese was good and not too hard and—
CHRIS: (Grabs it back) Whoah, she's a motormouth. I didn't get half of what she said. Angel!
ANGEL: Hi!
CHRIS: And, last but not least, the guy who just made my lavender air freshener OBSOLETE. PU!
GAZZY: (A little annoyed) My name's the Gasman.
CHRIS: Oh. I thought it was just a joke on Chef's part. He wrote the list.
CHEF: Ha-ha, very funny. Besides, I need to get these three home (points to LANCE, ILANA, and OCTUS) and find my B-Team friends—
(A rock knocks him out)
CHRIS: Alright, who threw the rock?
(All of the All-Stars point at Courtney, who's whistling)
(BOOTH TIME!)
COURTNEY: Scooore! That kid's MINE!
(BACK TO THE SHOW)
CHRIS: Due to Courtney's corny little act, I think Team Celebrity's gonna need all the help it can get. (Walks up to Octus) Say, what's your name?
OCTUS: Newton
ILANA: Ilana
LANCE: (raspily) Lance (heaves on the ground until he blows)
(BOOTH TIME!)
OWEN: Man, I better be careful around the Gas-man. It's bad when you make such a cool guy like that vomit
LANCE: (outside stall) I heard that! (Owen farts) Oh! (strained) Oh, that's fowl! (knocks door harder) (sickly) Let me in!
OWEN: I gotta go! I think he's about to blow!
(BACK TO THE SHOW)
(Chef and Chloe comes to)
CHRIS: Chef, could you get that kid to a doctor? And how about Chloe gets some car refreshener to stick on Gazzer?
CHLOE: HOLD IT! One, his name is either Gazzy or the Gasman, not Gazzer. Two, WHEN DID YOU GET YOUR HAND ON MY MIKE?
CHRIS: Alright, maybe YOU take care of Mr. Heave-ho here.
CHLOE: NO, YOU LET ME HOST! The guys in charge made me host for a reason!
CHRIS: Yeah. To make sure this season is BORING!
LANCE: Hello? This isn't funny. (Looks like he is about to blow)
(BOOTH TIME!)
LANCE: I had a bad incident at a swamp. Some sort of creature bit me on the leg, and I became sick for weeks. For this reason, swamps, snakes, and gas-passing seem to cause to (throws up in mouth) blow. (throws up in mouth again) (frantically) I think I'm gonna be sick!
(turn his head to his left to try and barf in the toilet, but misses and spews toward the ground)
(BACK TO THE SHOW)
CHLOE: Hand over the mike! NOW!
CHEF: I've already got the kids inside! Stop arguing before I get the mike!
(They shut up, and Chloe grabs the mike. Chloe flashed a grin and they walk inside)
(Show everyone inside the building. The room's lights are sort of flickering)
CHLOE: (whispering to Chris) Dude, where did you get this place? It's a dump.
CHRIS: (whispering to Chloe) On iBay
RON: Anything you want to announce to us? Like maybe this is just a bloody practical joke?
(some other kids snicker, but mostly from Team Celebrity. Team All-Star knows this isn't a joke)
CHRIS: (grabs microphone) Ha-ha, very funny, but yes there are a few things. To the left is the Team All-Stars's sleeping quarters, to the right is the Team Celebrity's sleeping quarters. The bathrooms are the first left down the main hall. Report here tomorrow morning for your first challenge—
CHLOE: (To Chris) We interrupt this show to remind you that YOU ARE NOT THE HOST THIS TIME! (yanks mike out of Chris's hands) The guys in charge chose me. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that you were the creator and so-called producer, you would be out of here!
CHRIS: I resent that!
CHLOE: So stop grabbing the mike!
(During the argument, Newton walks off to the bathrooms, opens up the door and-)
(BOOTH TIME!)
(See Newton peer in, turn and face the camera)
OCTUS: Um, guys? There's a video camera in the facilities.
LESHAWNA: (offscreen) AGAIN? Why is it always the restrooms?
NUDGE: (offscreen) Really? Letmeseeletmeseeletmesee!
LANCE: (offscreen) You mean I just announced my biggest secret on national television?
OCTUS: Apparently so.
CHEF: (offscreen) Clear the crowds! I need to go!
(BACK TO THE SHOW)
(We are in the Team All-Stars sleeping quarters. Courtney stands in the middle of the room)
COURTNEY: All right, guys! I think we'll need to vote for a team leader. All in favor of me leading the team raise your hand.
(only Courtney raises hand)
TRENT: All in favor of Gwen!
(A lot of people raise their hands)
COURTNEY: (grumbling) No fair!
(BOOTH TIME!)
GWEN: Me? Team leader? No way.
(BOOTH TIME 2!)
COURTNEY: NO FAIR! I am way more qualified than her! I mean, I am a bleepin' CIT. A CIT!
(BACK TO THE SHOW)
HEATHER: So, Gwen, what's your strategy?
GWEN: What?
HEATHER: Come on, the other team seems to be good. We need a strategy to take them down. Or were you too busy ogling the boys?
GWEN: I was not ogling the boys!
JUSTIN: It sure looked like it. Especially one of those redheads.
GWEN: Then you need to get your eyes checked because I was NOT!
OWEN: (Walking in) Hi guys! I got pizza!
(everyone stares at him)
(BOOTH TIME!)
OWEN: What? I thought everyone LIKED pizza.
CHLOE: (offscreen) I think it was because you were once again LATE and interrupted the meeting. Where did you even get the pizza, anyway? NO one's allowed to get out until they're voted off.
OWEN: It was on the counter in the kitchen.
CHLOE: (offscreen) Do you even KNOW who made it?
OWEN: Uhhh… It wasn't Chef.
CHLOE: (offscreen) How did you know?
OWEN: Because it looks GOOD. Do you know who makes good pizza?
CHLOE: (Offscreen as Owen looks like he is going to eat the pizza) One kid that could be here and that… is… OMYGOD DON'T EAT THE PIZZA!
(BACK TO THE SHOW)
(we are now in team celebrity's quarters. Chris walks in)
CHRIS: Have any of you seen my pizza? I left it on the kitchen counter and it better not be Owen who ate it.
LANCE: Then why not you ask him? Why come here?
CHRIS: I'm trying to eliminate all possi—
SFX: CRAAAAASH!
CHLOE: (offscreen) Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!
(cut to the kitchen. Chloe is on the floor with pans surrounding her, and the pizza is facefirst on the floor. Everyone rushes in to see the spectacle.)
CHRIS: MY PIZZA! Chloe, YOU did this?
CHLOE: (sitting up) I'm so sorry Chris. I'm so sorry Iggy! Owen grabbed the pizza and was about to eat it, so I grabbed the pizza and ran here, but I tripped on the pans and—
CHRIS: Hey, what are you doing apologizing to Iggy? It was MY pizza!
CHLOE: Cuz he's the only one who could've made it! I learned from experience that you and Chef SUCK at cooking and I assumed you didn't break my rule about getting any food from outside the facility… RIGHT?
(BOOTH TIME!)
(Chris's face is pressed up against the camera)
CHRIS: Okay, okay, I'm caught! It was Dice's Pizzeria! Now GET OFFA ME!
CHLOE: (offscreen) I'm not letting go until you apologize for messing up several minutes of the show over a PIZZA!
CHRIS: I wasn't the one who crashed about! Let me outta here!
(Cut to commercial Break la-da-da bored)
Would be totally cool if you reviewed! We'll be planning more episodes, including "Attack of the Friends!" Learn more at the end of next chapter
Lilo-and-Isabelle out.