Garfield was hungry.
His owner, Jon, had not fed him all day because he was out on a hot date that he wanted to go on with a lady. She was REALLY good looking.
"Hmmm. What am I going to eat?", Garfield thought. "I don't have thumbs which means I can't cook for myself. I guess I'll have to eat out. Much like Jon is doing right now."
Garfield looked up local restaurants in the phone book. He found one good one in the phone book. He liked it because it had an ad that read: "ALL YOU CAN EAT SUSHI!"
"All you can eat? Sounds right up my ally. I like to eat! And sleep!".
Odie gave him a look. A look Garfield didn't like. "Big, fat, hairy deal, dog", he told him.
Garfield paused before leaving the fireplace going, "Should I turn that off? Ehh. Odie will get cold. I don't like Odie though. Oh well, I've got bigger FISH to fry... in a raw sense." (Sushi is not cooked)
Garfield walked into the sushi place and was seated.
"What can I get for such a handsome cat?", asked the waitress.
"Just get me a pile of California Rolls and... don't serve ME," Garfield said.
They laughed.
Garfield ate and ate and ate and ate some more. It was all you could eat.
Soon, closing time arrived and Garfield was the only "person" left.
The Owner walked out, straightened his tie before speaking and said, speaking, "Honorable, Garfield... Respect is made for such eating skills but you must stop now. For I, Honorable Restaurant Owner, have been made with no more food because you eat so much!"
"What does this have to do with me? All you can eat is all you can eat, is it not?," Garfield replied as he shoved raw fish guts that was mixed with rice and seaweed into his big, fat mouth.
"Honorable Galfieldson, you have SHAMED me. You have taken all of my business this evening and made me but a lowly dog."
"Like Odie?", Garfield asked.
"I do not know of who you speak of but I venture to guess that this is correct."
"Hang on a second, guy. I'm ready for 16th's and don't have enough time to talk. Enough talk. More EATING."
Garfield ate the napkin because it had some rice on it.
"I have no more food! No more business! Now my daughter must walk the street to sell her dragon for money! My wife is on the floor from exhaustion from cooking for you. She will die soon because we have no public option for the health care."
A man from a insurance company jumped through the window, holding a briefcase full of files that spilled all over the floor as he jumped through the window.
"That's right, Honorable P.P. Platter! Your wife will die due to the actions of this gluttonous cat! Suck on that, fucker!"
The Owner guy had had enough of this. "Ohhhh!!!! You dishonor me, Garfield! You dishonor my family! I will sue you!"
Garfield laughed, "The sign said "all you can eat". Not my fault, jerk. Welcome to America.".
Ninjas came jumping out of the ceiling and shoved swords down Garfield's throat. He peed and crapped himself as he felt the life drain from his body. The obscene amount of sushi he ate that evening climbed through his esophagus and shot out like a fountain around the cold, steel blades that were protruding from his gaping, semilifeless mouth. The amount of toxins in his vomit caused the blades to melt, to the shock of the crazy ninjas
The light from his eyes began to fade slowly as a alien tore through his chest and took over the restaurant a week later and profited more than anyone would have expected with a fusion eatery in a lowincome, suburban town.