Disclaimer: I don't own Law and Order SVU.
It's Not Goodbye…
He knows she's watching him, can feel her eyes tracking each movement his fingers make as they pack up his things. He doesn't look up, though, doesn't meet her gaze. If he does, he'll cave. His plans will fall apart and he'll stay in the desk across from hers forever. And that's just not something he can do. He has to get out of here. He has to keep his sanity. Staying in this unit any longer will only destroy him.
He killed a child, a child. That was the last straw. Even if the girl had crossed the line from victim to perp, she was still his daughter's age. She was still a hurting little girl.
And he had shot her, with no hesitation, after she took that last step forward, after she aimed her own gun that one last time. He had felt it then, her blood, leaking through his fingers and onto the cold floor. He'd seen her eyes fade. His mind had flashed to Elizabeth. She's still a baby! Yet, he had felt no regret. Because when she took aim, he had gotten scared- so, so scared- that she was going to shoot Olivia.
IAB may have declared it justified, but he was done anyway. His perspective was skewed. Jenna's face haunted him. And he couldn't take anymore, not in the SVU, not in the police force at all.
So, he can't look up at his partner now. He wouldn't be able to ignore her heartbreak. He just needs to finish up and walk out of the squad room. He needs to lose 'Detective Stabler'. Once he's out those doors, for good, everything will be okay. He'll make it okay.
A soft chuckle to his left breaks Elliot out of his thoughts. He glances over and sees Amaro and Rollins sharing a laugh. A wistful smile crosses his lips. The new detectives remind him of him and Olivia, years ago, before they became 'Benson and Stabler', the NYPD's highest case closure rate, before twelve years of seeing too much and too many complications got to them.
He'd only met them briefly when he came in earlier to hand over his badge and gun. Before that, he'd been on administrative leave and then some personal time while he dealt with his muddled thoughts and made a few decisions. But, from what he can tell, the newbies are doing well. Only a month in and not scared away yet. More importantly, after speaking with them, and checking out their files, Elliot feels a little better about them watching Olivia's back in the field while she trains them.
There's always Fin, too. Despite not always getting along, Elliot knows the other man will never let anything happen to his 'Baby Girl''.
Taking a deep breath, Elliot peers down at the box on his desk. It's full.
Starting his trek to the exit, he pauses, throws a glance over his shoulder to Olivia, "walk me to the car?"
Not waiting for the answer he knows is coming, he starts forward again, focused on getting through the double doors ahead of him. His goodbyes have already been said; he's meeting Fin and Munch for a beer later this week; when he'd handed in his gear, the Captain had shaken his hand, told him thank you for all of his years of service, and wished him a sincere good luck; all that's left is walking away.
When they reach his jeep, Elliot puts the box inside and finally turns to face her. He was right about what her eyes would say. Those dark pools hurt him. He knows how she's feeling; he's feeling it, too. All these years they've had each other's backs and now it's over. It's incredibly painful.
Giving her no time to react, Elliot brings Olivia close with a hand to the back of her neck. She stiffens for a brief moment, but soon gives in, her arms winding around him and her head pressed to his shoulder. She shudders and he knows she's holding back tears. His grip tightens.
She speaks then, her voice soft in his ear, "I'm gonna miss you, El."
"I'll call you," he immediately returns. "You won't even have time to miss me."
At that she pulls back, gives him a tight smile, "I should be getting back. Take care of yourself, Elliot."
"Liv," he protests, because he can see her shutting down. She's preparing to block out the pain of their separation, unsure if anything will be left now that they can no longer call each other partner. "I'm leaving the squad, not you," he emphasizes.
"I know," she smiles sadly and turns to walk away.
Elliot catches her wrist before she gets too far. He draws her near, moves his hands up to cup her face, and presses his lips to hers. It's only for a minute, just a gentle kiss meant to reassure her, maybe even to warn her of what's to come for them.
When he steps back, Elliot is met with Olivia's wide-eyed stare. With a smile, he runs a finger down her blushing cheek. "Olivia. I am going to call you."
THE END