I sat in first period, staring at the clock as it's small hand ticked away at the seconds. It was the start of yet another school year, and the first day back was always antagonizing. It wasn't like I worried about what I was going to wear, sense I've been wearing the same things every day sense freshman year- skinny jeans, moccasins, and any assortment of t-shirts or hoodies. And it wasn't as if I needed to worry about my hair, either. It was a big mess of curls, and there wasn't much I could do about it. What DID worry me though, was the fact that there was going to be a whole new year of school with new classes and new teachers and new routine. Change scared me, almost as much as not being in control scared me.
The bell rang and I headed off to my second period class- health.
Those are the thoughts I had back in September. Now it was the week before Halloween, and things have calmed down a bit. Kinda. Patch, my awesome boyfriend, was still, in fact, awesome. Vee was still my best friend. I still wore the same clothes and my hair was still as unruly as ever. The only thing that changed were the barriers I was building up between Patch and I. Between Vee and me; also, my mother. It's been a year sense the first time I did it, and it's only gotten worse sense then. I don't know how nobody has found out my secret yet, but it was getting harder and harder to keep it.
There was a reason I was anemic.
There was a reason I was so depressed.
There was a reason for the "birthmark" on the inside of my wrist.
I stopped before school, of course. Because I felt better, and I didn't feel the need to do either of those things anymore. But after that thing with Jules happened…It all started back up again.
My hands got soaked with vomit and blood everyday, and my head felt like it was spinning. I spent my nights sleepless and tried not to let Patch invade my thoughts too much. Which I somehow managed to accomplish. Three weeks. That's all it took to get back into my bad habits, back into the same routines and same pain. I was dieing very slowly. And I wasn't sure how exactly I was still managing to smile through all of this. Then one word came to my mind. The one word that sent my heart into a frenzy and made my body quake with lust.
Patch.