Pranking the Giant Killer Robot
Chapter one: Pineapples are people too!
There were seven of us. Seven people who managed to escape from GlaDOS. Doug Rattman was insane, but the only one that took on an active role in killing GlaDOS. James was the unofficial leader, the one that kept us together. Shannon was the stratigest, the one that kept us from being killed in our wanderings. Mickenna broke up fights and stopped us from tying each other up and throwing one another through windows in to test chambers. Seriously, once she had to stop us from throwing Skyla, our computer geek in to a test chamber. Morgan was our medic. He fixed up any wounds we got. And I was the cook, the one that found food and prepared it. Naturally, we got by and stopped ourselves from sprinting in to Her chamber cackling like lunatics by using humor. During the first year or so we were dealing with the awkwardness of figuring out how to live with one another, how to not die, and how to not go absoloutly freaking insane. After a while we had things figured out, and then we got bored. So we decided hey, let's do something stupid! At first we just played jokes on one another. But one day we made a mistake. I had found a pineapple (don't ask where) and naturally, Skyla had to grab it and go running off. Shannon was in one of the surveillance offices, watching a test subject in hopes that he would somehow escape, when Skyla ran in. With a deranged yell of "PINEAPPLE!" she threw it at her. Shannon ducked, the pineapple went through the glass, and hit the rooms only remaining camera on the wall. It fizzled a bit, fell off, and caught fire.
The test subject then proceeded to portal up on to the wall.
"Hi, I'm Morgan. Who are you, what the hell is that, and why are you here?" He said. By then I had caught up to Skyla.
"Skyla, why did you do that!" I moaned.
"It's not my fault! Shannon ducked!" She said.
"What! So it's my fault that you stole a pineapple from Erika, ran off, threw it at me with insane speed, broke a window, and hit the only camera!" Shannon yelled.
"Stop it! Somebody go get the pineapple, stamp out the fire, and let's get out of here before she does something!" I yelled. Morgan jumped down, stamped out the fire, threw the pineapple back up, and then stepped through his portal again. I started to leave, but Skyla turned around.
"Leave you portal gun. Actually, give it to me. It has a tracking thingamabob in it, and I can break it. I mean hey, if we can't keep it we might as well annoy GlaDOS even more."
Morgan shrugged and gave Skyla the portal gun. I facepalmed as she proceeded to do a very technical dissassembly by smashing it against the floor a few times.
It remained stubbornly intact.
With a war cry, Shannon snatched the portal gun, threw it to the floor, and snatched the pineapple from my hands and raised it above her head.
"Hey!" I yelled. "Pineapples are people too!"
"KAMIKAZE PINEAPPLE!" She howled before throwing the pineapple against the portal gun.
It smashed in half, threw out sparks and caught fire as the two portals winked out of existence.
We all stared. Tentatively I picked up the now scorched pineapple and kicked the portal gun back in to the test chamber. We walked back to one of our dens in silence.
"So," I said finally. "Anyone up for cooked pineapple tonight?"
"I thought pineapples were people too?" Morgan said dryly.
"Delicious people-pineapples." Shannon corrected.
"Hey. Can you treat wounds? Because the rest of us are hopeless at medicine and somebody's gonna need to deal with those holes in you." Skyla said pointing at the bullet wounds in his left arm.
"Don't worry, I'm a doctor. I just didn't have any materials in the tests to clean or bind them." Morgan explained.
"Oh, lovely. We have some bandages back in the den." Skyla said.
And so we gained a doctor and began annoying the giant omnipotent, homicidal, all powerful robot in charge of the facility that we were locked inside of.
AN: Well, that went well. The group is based of of several friends of mine. I will have ongoing chapters with their various escapades. If anybody here seems like a Mary-Sue, it shall be dealt with. And yes, Erika is a self insert of mine. I've done it in Star Wars, so I figured I'd try it here. Anyways, I don't own Portal, and I hope you enjoyed!
~Michelle Erika