A/N: This is my very first songfic. Whoohoo! It's about...well, you'll figure it out, you're a smart person. It gets better after about the fourth paragraph/stanza thingy...at least I think so. So stick around...the action picks up! Yaaay...I like action. I really suggest looking up this song when you get a chance...the beginning is face-melting...love that lady's voice. Ah!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters even barely mentioned. :)
Enjoy.
It hurts to breathe...
That constant aching on my back, every time my lungs fill with air.
I've held my breath plenty of times. More like exhaling and then refusing to inhale.
It gives me an empty feeling, and I black out after a few moments.
But at least it's something,
Something to do.
You try
your hardest
to perfect your explanations
I've tried to tell them all. They never listen.
I've warned them plenty of times, telling them of the horrors that will come if they don't do something.
They lock me farther and farther away. Away from civilization. Away from anything that would cause me to have an 'incident.'
Like I would leave this place before they saw how wrong they were. That the crazy kid was telling the truth.
Nothing gets a reaction out of them. They still are ignorant to my screams and cries.
At least I can say I tried.
...Right?
You lie
until they've run out
of questions
They ask questions, always. Constant questioning about anything and everything, as if they think I'm going to deteriorate if I don't answer them.
As if my memory would disperse and scatter and I wouldn't be insane anymore if they just asked the right amount.
Like I would forget what I have dedicated my life to.
I dedicated my life toward saving mankind from...
From...?
Images and memories of a green child mocking me, constantly fill the answer. I know his name, I know his inhuman race...I just...
I'll remember, later, I always do.
They ask about everything except why I'm here.
It's the most infuriating thing, to try and warn them, while they give no reaction or acknowledgment that I even said anything.
They ask about my childhood, about my dad, about my sister, about the school I used to go to.
I lie to them as much as I can.
I tell them my childhood was spent trying to stop my alien father from world domination and my sister and I were the 'best' of friends and school was actually an alien facility planting subliminal messages of how to destroy mankind.
Just to spite them...just because they never ask about...
They never ask about...
About...?
...Zim...
I always seem to forget the chill of hate and fear that goes along with that name.
You can only move
as fast as
Who's in front of you
My body aches more and more in this place.
I try and run around to shake off the atrophy of my muscles, but since I refuse to eat and this cell is so small, it's been a battle I've never won.
Why do I feel like I've never won anything in my entire existence?
Whatever memories and feelings they're trying to replace are tormenting ones.
I begin to think that maybe I should just comply with them and forget everything.
Then, I have the dreams. I'm chasing this laughing figure, he's fading fast and I can't reach him in time. Then, he stops and I can't get around him to see his face, but he continues to laugh at me.
I know he's laughing at me because he's pointing at me, suddenly facing me in his frightening glory.
And those red eyes...they burn holes in mine.
But I'm determined...I fight him.
It's a battle of two people who respect each other as rivals but despise what their purpose in life is.
And I can't help but know if I fail...so will he.
And if I forget...it will all be over.
And if you assume
Just like them
What good will it do?
But I can't help but question sometimes, is that a good thing?
All of this.
Torment.
Hunger.
Suffocation.
Over.
...Is it worth it?
So find out for yourself
So your ignorance
Will stop bleeding through
I've tried so many times to push myself far enough to just go with their program...
To just forget. Be happy.
I fail miserably.
Mostly because it's like that moment before I pass out, when I'm holding my breath back, that moment of panic.
The feeling you may not survive.
That breathing isn't all that bad.
You've been doing it forever.
That remembering isn't all that bad.
You've been doing it forever...
Only
one thing
big enough to fill the void that's inside of you
I have not had any visitors.
At least not any I can remember
I had a father. I had a sister.
Their names fail me.
I see their faces.
Their mocking faces.
And then, I exhale.
And I clench my teeth while my body prepares its panic.
I think about how it could all just scatter like dust. Dust that floats downward after I exhale.
I watch the dust settle on the padded floor.
And I wait.
I wait for the emptiness in my lungs to match the emptiness I feel all over.
Its just a breath away
It's painful. But it feels good.
Like this is how it was meant to be all along.
No air in my lungs, no blood in my veins, and no thoughts in my mind.
And that's all I've wanted all along.
You can breathe today
Something that was meant to be.
So many
lies swirling
All around you
You're suffocating
It's so hard to tell what was real.
Imagination is such a vivid enemy.
Supposed memories fill me to the point it seems I'm begging with myself to breathe.
My mind is frantic, but I'm stubborn to see what spills out in these moments.
The empty
shape in you
Steals your breath
You're suffocating
My jaw drops from fatigue, but I won't let myself inhale
The room fades to a horrid, empty black.
I won't let myself inhale.
My mind is pouring out images and memories to try and distract me.
I will not inhale.
Logic forces me
to believe in this
And I have learned to see
My hands are becoming numb.
I will not inhale.
I can't feel my legs.
I will not inhale.
My eyes are watering, empty tears are streaming down my face, as if my body is mourning for itself.
I will not inhale.
Everything, everyone I have ever known, is screaming at me, telling me to breathe. I try and scream back.
I will not inhale.
Zim is in front of me. Smiling like he always did. His eyes are burning holes in my chest, trying to force air into me, trying to pierce the emptiness and letting it flood out.
Trying to force me to breathe.
I will not inhale.
And I can only say
what I've seen and heard
Zim is still shaking me. His claws are digging into my neck, trying to cut a hole in my neck. Trying to make me breathe.
I...will not inhale.
My body is becoming weaker and weaker, as I don't even try to fight him off. His face is melting from malicious...to fear...?
I...will...not inhale.
He won't stop shaking me. He's screaming something. There is a ringing noise over everything. I can barely hear the words... "I'm sorry!"
I...will...not...inhale...
Tears are running down his face too. I didn't know aliens could cry. My head falls back from weakness, my body hits the ground coldly. He must have let me go.
Why can't I stop convulsing? I don't think he's shaking me any more.
And only you can choose
And every choice you make
will effect you
Search your own self
I...will...not...
He's still yelling, I must be laughing, that's why I can't stop shaking. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. He doesn't understand why I'm laughing and yells at me angrily.
I...
He's telling me he's sorry, he doesn't know what to do.
Like he cared for me in the first place.
I tell him this.
He screeches about how we were equals. How he...he doesn't finish; his tears start up again.
It's so funny.
It's not funny.
I can't breathe.
You can breathe
today
I don't want to.
Breathe
No.
Breathe
NO!
Big enough to fill the void that's inside of you
It's just a breath away
I can't believe that.
I can't inhale.
I...won't.
Zim is fading away. I'm being carried. Two figures are dragging me away, they're tugging on my body.
Everyone's watching.
They're pulling on me harder and harder.
My spine is popping. My skin is ripping like paper.
I can't breathe.
I'm tossed in the darkest water I've ever seen.
I can't swim. I won't swim.
I'm drug towards the bottom quickly. Like my body is made out of lead.
It feels like lead.
The pressure is unbearable.
You're suffocating
I'm suffocating.
My heart is beating slower...I'm going to die.
I'm forced to inhale.
Everyone laughs at me for waiting so long. How I eventually did try to breathe. Their taunts are drowning me.
The liquid enters my lungs, heavy.
I try and cough it out, only water spills in and out of my mouth.
The darkness envelopes me.
And I can't breathe.
My last coherent thought is breathless and is left incomplete
You
can breathe today
I know no time.
I awake, breathing peacefully, probably for a sickening number of hours.
But it's not that bad.
I've been doing it forever.
Breathe today
It hurts to breathe...
That constant aching on my back, every time my lungs fill with air.
I've held my breath plenty of times. More like exhaling and then refusing to inhale.
It gives me an empty feeling, and I black out after a few moments.
But at least it's something.
Something to do.
Breathe Today.
By Flyleaf