1. Seamus is not 'After me lucky charms.'
2. Go up to Malfoy and say 'Make like a ferret and bounce.'
3. Humming the Imperial March when Professor Snape enters the room is only funny once.
4. When Lucious Malfoy visits, however, it is always funny.
5. I will not make any jokes about Lupin and 'His time of the month.'
6. Painting a lighting shaped scar on Colin Creevey's head is a cruel joke.
7. Especially if he then is convinced that he is Harry's evil twin.
8. Announce that there will be a show in the great hall called 'The Incredible Bouncing Ferret, starring Draco Malfoy!'
9. Feed the first years, the mouthy little git's they are, to Sid the Squid.
10. Or Aragog.
11. Or Fluffy.
12. Tell the first years that getting Snape to laugh get's you 50 house points.
13. Tell the first years that what Snape wants for Christmas is a vulture topped hat.
the first years with stories of the omniscient author that controls all our Destinies.
15. Have the house elves put on a performance of 'It's a Hard Knock Life."
16. Breed a Liger.
17. Give Lupin ANY chocolate on the full moon. Any!
18. Sing 'We're off to See the Wizard' when sent to the head masters office.
19. Allow Peeves to rewrite the school song.
20. Call Ghost Busters.
21. Put the Gryffindor's and the Slytherin's in a room to see who comes out alive.
22. Take bets on the outcome of the battle above.
23. Use the Polyjuice Potion to turn into Malfoy and ask Luna out in the great hall.
24. Go up to Voldemort and say 'Dude, have you ever had a girlfriend, like, ever?'
25. Make a list of 25 things I cannot do at Hogwarts.
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