I haven't told any of the others, I already know what they would say. For all of their good intentions, I know how wrong they really are. My powers aren't a gift, they're a curse! They don't know what it is to be 'Rogue', they don't know what it is to be a prisoner inside your own skin. Before I kissed David and this nightmare reality took over I was just Marie. Marie, who would wear these little tank tops, and short shorts in the summer. Marie, who was known for her piano playing rather than her "Touch of Death". After my disastrous first kiss, and the ensuing bullshit, it was easier to just be Rogue. I thought if I could forget Marie then maybe, just maybe I wouldn't choke on the bitterness of reality. Rogue was the one that learned to survive on her own for eight months on the road, and the one who learned to fight. Rogue is the young woman with the old eyes and the memories of three lifetimes. When I look in the mirror I see Rogue; the jaded, lonely, untouchable girl. The others only see their teammate, their friend, the daughter they never had, but lately…. Lately I've had Marie on my mind.
When I first heard about the cure, I felt like I was dreaming. I suddenly saw the world in a different light. For the first time since I manifested, the possibility for touch loomed like Technicolor in my black and white world. Of course I won't rush into anything; I have too much Logan in my head to go into this blindly. I'll find my facts and make an "informed decision". But I know, more than anything that this is what I want. All the dreams I had of a normal life and a family, all the dreams that I told myself could never happen; suddenly, are at the edge of my fingertips. For the first time in two years, I have REAL hope.
Rogue closed her journal and lay back in her bed with it tucked closely to her chest. Visions of picket fences and a brown haired baby with hazel eyes danced behind her closed lids. She felt his presence before he spoke, and shifted her eyes over to the figure in her doorway. Logan was leaning casually against the door frame, an as of yet unlit cigar hanging from his lips.
"Hey kid."
"Hey yourself."
"I thought you southern belles were supposed to have manners." Logan smirked as he lit the cigar.
Rogue sat up and threw her legs over the edge of the bed.
"And what do you mean by that sugah?" she drawled the last word out emphasizing the Mississippi in her voice.
"I've been here five minutes and you still haven't invited me in."
Logan was in one his unreadable moods, and it didn't go unnoticed. Rogue lifted one eyebrow in mocking imitation of the man before her, which produced yet another smirk from him.
"Never known you to be one who needs inviting sugar, but come in I suppose." She gently pat the bed beside her in invitation.
He entered the room and quietly shut the door behind him, before sitting next to her on the bed.
They sat in companionable silence for several moments, before Logan pulled her into his side. She laid her head on his shoulder enjoying the closeness of a person unafraid of her skin. He never denied her simple physical contact, and he never flinched when she came close; even though he'd been on the receiving end of her touch more than once. She let out a contented sigh before she began speaking again. "So I suppose you came in here to tell me something."
Logan took a long drag from his cigar before answering.
"The Prof is sending me and Scooter to go investigate a couple of suspected labs. I wanted to let you know I might not be around for a while."
"Oh." She felt herself tense and tried to relax her shoulders in an imitation of calm.
"What kind of labs?"
"The kind that give us nightmares kid." She could tell by the finality of his tone that he didn't care to elaborate any more than that.
"Oh."
Silence reigned for several minutes before he spoke again.
"Hey Marie?"
She lifted her head to look up at him, "Yeah sugar?"
"You always listen to such depressing shit?"
She grinned as he stood and headed for the door. "It's not depressing Logan, its Classical. It's supposed to help you relax." She feigned an indignant pout and crossed her arms over her chest.
He let a half grin escape, "Well, I don't know about you but I've been here for five minutes and I already feel sorry for myself."
Marie rolled her eyes as he turned away and began to walk down the hallway to the elevators.
"Be careful!" She yelled to his retreating back, before settling back on her bed and closing her eyes.
I spoke with Dr. Agee today; he's the doctor at the institute. I had to fill out some forms, medical history and stuff about my "abilities". I gave a false name in case I chicken out. Apparently the cure involves weekly visits and "Gene Therapy". Have I mentioned how much I despise needles? I asked a million questions, and I think I made him slightly nervous. When I think about it, I suppose I sounded a little like a conspiracy theorist…. Or a tax auditor. After all, if you had deadly skin wouldn't you be so interested in a cure that questions took a back seat? Some of the questions I asked had "confidential" answers, and that made me slightly uneasy. He did mention that Essex laboratories provided his financial backing though. I know I've heard Hank mention a Nathaniel Essex and his research on genetics before, and if Hank admires the guy it has to be legit right?
I don't want to get my hopes up, but it's pretty much impossible at this point. I saw Kitty and Bobby today in the library; they were all over each other! I couldn't help but think, 'I could be able to do that in a few weeks.' I suppose I should be angry that my ex was publicly shoving his tongue down Kitty's throat, but I just can't be bothered. I must've been wandering around with this stupid grin on my face after that, because Jubes has been following me around with this LOOK on her face. She may act like a ditz, but she's no idiot. Thank god she isn't a mind reader, I'd never hear the end of it if she knew what I was planning on doing. I'm really serious about this. All I need to figure out now is how to get Miss Jubilation Lee off my ass long enough for me to go through with it. That might be the hardest part of all…..
Rogue woke up early hoping to avoid her roommate. Jubilee had been watching her the past few days with suspicion clear in her eyes. Rogue had just finished drying her hair when Jubilee walked into the bathroom fully dressed.
"Hey Roguey, you're up early." Jubilee flashed Rogue the suspicious glare she'd become familiar with over the last week.
"No earlier than you Jubes."
'Best offence is a good defense,' Rogue thought to herself.
"Well I figured we could hit up the mall, spend some quality time together. You've been so BUSY lately, hardly see you around anymore."
Rogue could tell she was fishing, and knew she would have to be more careful. No one else had been curious about her activities, but she knew it was only a matter of time before someone else's red flags were raised.
Rogue wasn't prepared for the brick Jubilee hit her with.
"Ya know chica, it's ok to be angry."
"What?" Rogue was suddenly very confused.
"About Bobby and Kitty. It's ok to be angry. You don't have to be so damn nice about it. It's gotta bug you. I mean he was a real asshole about it, it's not like you can control your skin thing, and besides there are ways around it. You've got that huge collection of scarves; I mean silk is a turn on right? You're too good for him anyway, any guy that would leave you for KITTY is clearly only thinking with half a brain, or hormones. And besides, I've caught Bobby naked… you aren't missing much anyway." Jubilee finally stopped her tirade long enough to take a breath.
Realization dawned on her, and she had to suppress the urge to smile. Jubilee thought her breakup with Bobby was behind her strange behavior, the thought of Rogue wanting to be cured obviously hadn't crossed her mind.
Jubilee looked at Rogue thoughtfully before continuing. "And besides, it's not like this cure shit they keep talking about is even in the question. I mean, that would be selling out, that would be letting hate win."
The twinge of guilt Rogue felt was palpable. It must have shown in her face, because the next question Jubilee threw at her made her feel trapped. "You weren't thinking about it were you? The cure?"
"Of, of course not Jubes. I mean, I thought about it but, I mean, I would never do it." She half stammered the lie before she felt the guilt wash over her in waves. She hated lying to her friend, but she couldn't tell her the truth.
Rogue's answer seemed to appease her however, because the next thing she knew Jubilee was dragging her to her closet.
"I hope you weren't planning on wearing THAT to the mall." Jubilee eyed her outfit with a grimace and began rummaging through her wardrobe. "How are we EVER gonna find you a hot rebound guy if you insist on dressing like a nun? Hasn't living with me taught you ANYTHING chica?" Jubilee sighed in exasperation while perusing the articles of clothing in front of her. After several long minutes and flying articles of clothing, Jubilee emerged with a triumphant grin from the depths of the walk in closet. In her hands was the sheerest piece of material Rogue owned.
"Slip this over one of my tank tops, and those cute little leather pants of yours, and the boys will be dropping at your feet in no time."
She tossed the shirt to Rogue and began digging through her own drawers.
Rogue grinned as she began to change.
'God, where the hell am I?' Rogue sat up groggily.
"Ah, you're awake my dear."
"Dr. Agee?"
"Anna, how do you feel?"
'Anna? Oh, Anna. I'm Anna. Gene therapy. Dr. Agee. Check. He's looking at me. I suppose I should answer him.' Rogue processed everything as the fog in her brain began to clear.
"Is that supposed to happen?" she asked tiredly.
"It's a normal reaction dear, nothing to be worried about. You may be sensitive to touch for the next several days however." Dr. Agee put his hand on her arm to help her off the exam table and she winced.
"Lucky for me people aren't waiting in line for physical contact then, huh Doc?"
The doctor grinned as he showed her to the door. "You won't have to wait much longer dear. Soon you'll be like any normal girl. I'll see you next week Anna, do try and get some rest."
Rogue hailed a cab and headed back to the mansion on Greymalkin Lane.