Warnings:This fic is slash and it's NC-17. If you don't like it don't read it.
Spoilers: No spoilers.
Disclaimer:Not mine.
A/N:I hope you like it. I didn't get much beating for it so it might suck really hard. It's not a stand alone and I'll try to publish the other chapters pretty fast. 1st I need to write them and beta them. (:
It was late at night and JD was on a night shift. The lounge was dark and empty. He was sitting in it, crying. Until then there wasn't really time for him to sit down, and think about it. He wasn't sure if he was glad or not that he had some time off.
He was crying hard, like he hadn't cried for a long time. The tears were falling out from his eyes, trying to take away the pain, but they didn't help a lot. He felt disoriented and alone.
Suddenly the door opened. Dr. Cox stepped into the room. JD noticed the light and he quickly swung his head to the right and tried to wipe away his tears, trying to hide that he was crying. It was too late. Dr. Cox had already noticed. JD sobs were pretty loud and his face was pretty wet before he managed to stop.
Dr. Cox stood in the door way, his hands crossed. He looked at JD with a questionable look on his face.
JD's eyes squinted because of the light that came from the door. "Hey", He tried to put a fake smile on his face, "I… I was just trying to catch some sleep. I'm sorry. I'll be out of here in no time." He rose up from were he was sitting.
"Sit down Newbie." Dr. Cox said. JD sat down.
He didn't want anyone to see him crying. Especially Dr. Cox. He felt so ashamed and embarrassed. He wanted to bury himself. He thought of just running away from the room and hoped that Dr. Cox would forget that he saw him crying. That probably wouldn't work, so he stayed put.
Dr. Cox walked over to JD. He stopped next to JD and looked down at him.
JD looked up to him with a worried look on his face.
"I think I'm going to regret asking this but, what happened? Did you break a nail?"
JD looked down and let out a sigh. He didn't want to hear Dr. Cox's rants and jokes right now.
Why won't he go? I know I'm not going to talk with him about it. He doesn't want to listen anyway. I really hope he'll just go away and leave me alone.
Perry looked at JD and was waiting for him to speak. After some time of staring at JD he set down next to him on the sofa. JD didn't look at him.
Both of them were too afraid to talk and didn't know what to say. Perry thought that JD used to get too emotional about too many things and would get sad about stupid things, but when he walked into the room it looked like JD was really sad.
Dr. Cox crossed his arms and looked at JD, "So?"
"Dr. Cox, it's a really long story that covers pretty much all my life and starts with my childhood, it's not that simple to tell it in one sentence. Do you really want to hear it?"
"Well, you'll give me the short version of it."
"I..." He sighed again. Should he tell Dr. Cox or just go away? This was one of the most important and personal things in his life and he was afraid of what Dr. Cox might think about him after he talked to him. But it was Dr. Cox, and he always looked up to him, he was one of the people he trusted the most and cared the most about.
"I spoke to my mom earlier. That's why I cried."
"What happened? Did she tell you that you're sissy? I tell you that all the time and you don't cry."
"No, she didn't call me a sissy, and maybe I don't cry when you're being cruel to me but I really don't like it, and Dr. Cox, please stop doing this. I can't tell you those things if you'll keep being so sarcastic." JD couldn't believe he told him that but he couldn't tell him if he kept making fun of him and breaking his spirit.
JD was surprised but Dr. Cox didn't respond to that remark.
"I talked with her today after I didn't talk with her in about 6 months."
"You didn't talk with your mother for 6 months?"
"Yes. That's how it is with us. We don't talk almost ever. We talk to each other once every few months and sometimes even years. The last time I saw her was 3 years ago."
Dr. Cox didn't speak. He was a little shocked about what JD was telling him. He had a hard time growing up and he knew how it was to not get along with your parents, but he didn't expect that JD would've some of the same problems. It seemed everyone liked JD. Why his own mother won't talk to him?
"We've got a pretty fucked up relationship. She hates me."
"Newbie, I hate you but I'm sure your mother doesn't hate you."
"She does. She hasn't told me she loves me in 13 years. I haven't been to my home in 3 years. Every time I talk to her she takes away every will I have in myself to live."
"What happened between you that you stopped talking?"
"Nothing."
"Newbie, don't make me get mad with you."
"Never mind what happened, and besides, she's right. I'm a loser. I understand why she doesn't want a thing with me."
"Come on. You're not a loser. Have you killed someone? Have you taken drugs? Have you burned the house or something like that?"
"No".
"So I don't think you did something that bad to make your mother act like that. She's an asshole and you shouldn't listen to what she says to you."
"You're an asshole too and yet you tell me to listen to you all the time. You always tell me how much I'm loser and how I'm bad at everything I do. When I need help and I go to ask you for it I trust what you tell me so I should trust you on that. If my own mother tells me I don't worth shit then she's right."
Dr. Cox never heard JD talk like that before. He wasn't sure what to say. He was an asshole and he always treated JD like crap so how can he tell him now that what his stupid mother said to him was bullshit?
"You know I don't mean the crap I say." He said softly.
"I don't know." JD answered quietly.
"Well, I don't".
"When the one person that supposed to love you the most no matter what doesn't love you and tell you those things, you can't believe anyone else if they tell you something else. I try to convince myself that I'm not a worthless piece of shit but every time I talk to her again all my efforts go away JD." JD's voice was trembling. He was trying to stop the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes again.
"JD," JD looked at him. Dr. Cox had just used his real name. He couldn't believe he heard him call him by his real name.
"Listen to me. You're not a loser, you're not a piece of shit and you're not any of those things your stupid mother tells you you're." JD looked down.
"Look at me." Dr. Cox ordered. JD lifted his face and looked Dr. Cox in his eyes. They were full of worry and compassion.
"You're a great doctor and you're a great guy. I know I always rant you and I almost never tell you good things. I've got my own problems and it's hard for me to admit to people what I really think about them sometimes, but that doesn't mean that something is wrong with you," He paused for a moment. JD's eyes started to water again.
"I don't understand this Newbie. How could anyone not like you? Everyone in the hospital likes you. You're one of the most loved people around here. This place won't be the same without you," He paused and looked away from JD, he sighed and then he continued, "I couldn't pass the days here without you." He said quietly.
JD couldn't believe what he was hearing. He waited so long to hear those things from Dr. Cox. It meant so much to him. But right know it didn't matter and he found it hard to believe him. He hated himself for feeling like that. Dr. Cox finally tells him something good and he screws it up.
"Dr. Cox, thank you. I don't know what to say."
He sighed and put his head on his hands. The tears begin to fall from his eyes. "I'm so sorry Dr. Cox. I've been waiting for you to say those things for so much time and they should really make me feel better. But no matter what anyone says, even if it's you, I don't find myself able to believe those things. I want to so much but I can't." His crying grew stronger.
Suddenly JD felt a hand on his leg, clenching it, and then another hand came to his head and stroked his hair. It felt so good. The tears kept falling while Dr. Cox wrapped his arms around JD and drew him into a hug. JD leaned on Dr. Cox's chest and kept crying on his shirt.
"This is so embarrassing." He said between the sobs.
"It's ok." Dr. Cox said while he was stroking his hair, but JD felt so embarrassed and he couldn't stand the thought of looking so sissy and crying on Dr. Cox's shoulders. He pulled away abruptly and quickly wiped away his tears. He started to rise up so he could run away from the hospital and try to never see Perry's face again, but then Perry stopped him with his hands and pulled him back down. He turned JD's face to his own with his hand.
He was still holding him on his stomach with his other hand so he won't try to run away again. JD looked straight into his eyes. His own were red from crying and full of pain and sadness.
Suddenly Perry lunched forward and placed a kiss on JD's lips. JD was shocked. His eyes were still open while he noticed Perry's were closed. At 1st he tried to break away from the kiss and from Perry's grip. He was surprised and didn't know where the hell it'd come from.
Perry was kissing him? What? Really? Why? He thought that maybe it was one of his fantasies but then he pinched himself on the side. It hurt and he realized that he wasn't imagining it. It was real. And then it'd come to his mind that it felt good,
He knew it was complicated and weird but all that happened to him that day sunk in on him and he just wanted to forget it. So he stopped struggling or sitting there without moving and he closed his eyes and kissed Perry back.
As the time passed the kiss got deeper and deeper. JD tried to stop himself but he couldn't. It felt like nothing in the world could break him away from the kiss. The hospital could explode but his lips will still be attached to Perry's.
The kiss become more intense as JD wrapped his hands around Perry's head, stroking his hair with his hands. Perry's hands also took a trip on JD's body and they grabbed his back roughly. JD was starting to get turned on. It's been a long time since he kissed someone and the intensity of the kiss and the fact that the one that he was kissing was Perry, his mentor who always treated him like crap and was much older then he was, were making him go crazy. Desire and lust spread all over him.
Suddenly Perry pulled away from JD and looked him in the eyes. JD's hands were still on Perry's hair and they both breathed heavily. JD didn't want to let go. He was afraid it would end in a minute and then Perry would yell at him and he won't be able to see his face ever again from unbearable shame.
He swallowed hard and looked back into Perry's eyes.
Perry was wondering if he should say something and if so what he should say. He was shocked at what he did almost as much as JD was. Should he run away and hit himself hard on the head for doing something probably very stupid? Should he ask JD if he was ok with him just kissing him? Well, he did kiss him back. So maybe he was
JD was too afraid to say a word. He was afraid that anything he'll say might ruin the moment and will make Perry hate him forever.
Nobody spoke. They didn't know what to say. Perry figured out that they couldn't just stay like this forever so as he saw JD was still holding him close; he took the initiative once more, leaned forward and kissed him again.
This time JD responded right away and he roughly kissed Perry back
Perry didn't think that JD would be so wild and harsh but he liked it.
Their hands started to explore other parts of their bodies. JD moved his hands to Perry's back and then to his chest and then back again to his back. Perry settled for JD's waist which was driving JD crazy.
JD thought for one last time of the reason he was crying minutes ago, and as they dropped onto the floor of the lounge, those thoughts flew away from his head, and now he was just concentrating on his and Perry's hot bodies rolling on the floor.
The only times they would part their mouths were to take a breath of air, and then they would kiss each other again. Although the 1st kiss was the best, JD cherished every one of those kisses and just couldn't let go of Perry. It calmed him that it seemed like Perry felt the same way.
JD's hands started to explore Perry's body under his shirt, his fingers running all over his stomach and chest. That let out a moan from Perry's mouth.
JD smiled. He liked the sound of it.
JD's hands traveled down to Perry's scrubs bottoms and worked the not. He knew it was crazy. He didn't believe he was doing those things but he couldn't stop. He didn't want to.
He managed to free the not and he pulled the pants down slowly. Perry left out another moan. JD wanted to do anything he could to keep hearing Perry doing those things.
Perry's pants were half down his legs and then JD left them and wrapped his arms around his back. He clenched to Perry's body and he could feel his erection on his thigh as Perry could feel his too.
Perry wrapped his arms around JD's back and then lowered them and grabbed his ass tightly. JD was let out of the kiss by the sudden grab and moaned deeply. Perry smiled at him and JD smiled back and then he dove in and kissed him again.
Perry kept stroking JD's ass and then with a quick move he grabbed JD's shirt and lift it right off of him, letting their mouths part only for a moment.
JD rolled over and was on top of Perry again. He broke the kiss and reached for his shirt. He kept looking straight into his eyes as he pulled off his shirt.
The shirt was off. JD was wearing his scrubs pants and Perry was only wearing boxers.
They were hot, sweaty and panting. They knew what they were going to do would change everything forever, even more then what they've already done. JD wondered for a moment if they should stop and forget about everything that just happened and Perry was thinking the same. But nothing mattered. They wanted to do it. At that moment they wanted to do it more then anything else in the world. They'll think of the consecutions after it, right now they just wanted to do it. JD was lusting for Perry and Perry felt the same.
Perry rose from the floor and drew his body closer to JD's. He grabbed him gently and pulled him off of him. He directed JD's body to the floor and JD obeyed him. Perry rolled over onto JD's body.
JD would've liked to be the upper guy but he couldn't care less right now if it was him or not.
Perry opened the not on JD's pants and took them off of JD, throwing them behind him. He then took off his boxers and JD did the same. He put his weight on JD's body and adjusted himself on him. He looked JD once again in his eyes and then he leaned forward and kissed him passionately. As Perry's tongue entered JD's mouth, his penis entered him as well. JD gasped in pleasure and strongly grabbed Perry's back and neck with his hands.
Perry was thrusting into JD's body and JD was moaning and grabbing him hard. Perry started to feel JD's nails digging into the skin of his back and a light pain shivered in him but he didn't care. It all felt so good.
"JD…" JD heard Perry moaning his name and he rolled his eyes in pleasure. Not only was he using his name, but in this voice and in this position? JD couldn't ask for more.
They lasted for a long time. Thrusting and moaning, holding each other in sheer pleasure. JD felt like he couldn't take it anymore. He moved his head closer to Perry's ear and whispered in it, "Oh, Perry. I… I'm close. I'm very close." Perry smiled. He wouldn't mind doing this for a long time but he was close too and feeling JD's breath on his ear made him even closer.
"Ok." He whispered back. He thrust in him harder and quicker. They were just about to come when JD grabbed Perry's face gently and placed another kiss to his lips. They both closed there eyes. This time the kiss was much calmer and gentle. It intense as they both came together at the same time and it broke as Perry pulled out of JD and laid on him with his eyes closed, both men panting and trying to catch their breath.
They lay like this for a long time. Nobody said a word. Perry felt like he could fall asleep right there on JD's warm body but he knew it wouldn't be smart, considering they were in the hospital lounge.
JD spoke 1st, "Amm… I think we should better get dressed, someone could come in and see us like this and I don't think that that would be good." He closed his eyes and bit his lip, waiting in anxiety for an answer.
"Yeah, you're probably right." Perry answered and rose from him. He set on the floor beside JD and looked at him. JD set up, not looking at Perry. He grabbed his boxer from the floor and put them on. Perry waited another minute to see if he'll say something, but he didn't say a thing and he kept getting dressed, so he stood up and also started to get dressed.
"Amm… Ahh… could you give me my pants please?" JD mumbled in embarrassment and pointed to the pants that were lying on the floor behind Perry.
"Oh, yeah." He said and bent to grab the pants. He gave them to JD.
"Thanks." JD said quietly, all flushed and embraced.
When they were fully dressed JD didn't wait another minute. "I've got to go. This was a really long break and I've got a lot of work to do." He said and walked quickly out of the door.
Perry crossed his arms and stood there, looking at the door.