** I do not own any of the Star Trek characters except for Amelia, Skylar and the name Torres. Contains fould language and sexual content. Viewer discretion is advised. Because apparently you are watching a television show now **

Part Uno.

It was well past two-thirty in the morning, yet the DJ was still going strong as another heart-pounding beat started up. The dance floor was a bit lighter in terms of its inhabitants, but those who remained were the ones known for shutting clubs down. As the strobes, colored lights and lasers cut through the darkness in a rhythmic charade that was almost as drunk as the life forms who sat around the edge of the floor in the lit up seated areas, the dancers stayed true to their inebriated devotion. Toward the center of the dance floor, Montgomery Scott caught a glimpse of Lt. Amelia Takashi, Helmsman Hikaru Sulu, Ensign Pavlov Chekov, Lt. Nyota Uhura, and Captain James T. Kirk as he brought the glass of Scotch to his lips and took a swig of it. Chekov and Sulu had just finished a bump and grind sandwich session with a giggly Amelia and were now pulling Nyota into the mix leaving Jim nodding to the beat by himself. He watched Amelia fall against Jim in a fit of laughter, her voice masked by the electronic one going on about having her drum beaten hard as the captain took this opportunity to dance with the Lt. She shook her head and tried to pull away from him with her grin plastered on her red face, but Jim was a very smooth man; not taking no for an answer, he brought Amelia into his arms and they began to sway very off beat to the music. Scotty couldn't help but roll his eyes as his glass collided hard with the table top, sloshing Scotch onto some of the cards in front of him.

"Hey!" Dr. Leonard McCoy grunted, pulling his own stash of credits and cards away from Scotty. "Watch it, I don't want that crap all over my hand."

Scotty gathered his own cards. "Thinkin' about having another martini, there, doctor?"

Bones glared at him. "It's a Mint Julep."

"It's a glass of milk."

Spock set down an empty glass that had once contained a beer called Gray Moon. "I believe the doctor is in fact drinking a Mint Julep, Mr. Scott."

Scotty raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you drunk yet?"

Spock looked at the fifteen empty glasses that had now formed a barricade around his hand of cards. "I believe I am feeling something."

Each of their movements slower than usual, Scotty, Bones and Lt. Skylar Pike all widened their eyes in the direction of the Vulcan.

"Well after fifteen glasses of Gray Moon, it's a medical fact that you should be on the floor in an alcoholic coma," Bones barked.

"I feel something," Spock said and he bent so that he could look under the table.

Skylar placed a hand on Spock's arm. "You gonna throw up?" she asked.

"Aha," they heard Spock say as he sat up again. "Doctor, you are caressing my leg with your foot again."

Bones' eyes widened with embarrassment and contempt. "That's not me you pointy-eared bastard! I'm touching Amelia!"

Skylar laid down her hand. "Amelia's on the dance floor with Captain Creeper, numb nuts."

Bones whirled around as he saw Amelia grab Jim's hand and begin to pull him toward their table. "Dammit," he muttered. "I was sure she was still here."

"Jim certainly has a way with the ladies," Scotty remarked almost mystically.

"No, Jim has a way turning his creeperisms into charm so as to get stupid women to sleep with him," Skylar commented as she began to place her bet. "I'm raising five."

They all placed their bets. "Yeah, well, despite that, he gets laid," Scotty sighed, throwing his credits in. He laid down his cards. "Nothing. Again," he stated in defeated and began to finish his Scotch.

Bones slammed down his losing hand and began to gulp down his drink.

Skylar laid down her hand with a hopeful look in Spock's direction, but it turned sour as soon as the Vulcan revealed his full house. Spock cocked an eyebrow at her. Gritting her teeth, she wrapped her fingers around her own Gray Moon.

"It is the rule, Skylar, that a losing hand is followed by the quick consumption of one's drink."

"If it makes you feel any better, Scotty, I'd have a regrettable night with you," Skylar stated, glaring at Spock as she began to down her beer.

Scotty chuckled, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. "Aye, lass, there's a sure way to ruin a good thing you got going."

"This damn Vulcan," Bones muttered as Spock began to gather and shuffle the cards again. He put his hands on the table top and leaned in towards Spock. "I'm down one hundred credits, I'm not playing against you again."

Spock eyed him. "Are you being sore, doctor?"

"If I was sore, I'd be in Sick Bay right now! And it's a sore loser, not just sore!"

"I think we're all going to be in Sick Bay tomorrow," Skylar said, eying the table top.

"My damn liver hurts," Bones spat just as Amelia came up from behind him and planted a kiss on his cheek. Bones beamed as Scotty scooted over to allow Amelia into their circle. "You didn't let Jim get you pregnant, did you?"

"You'll have to run a test on me tomorrow," Amelia replied playfully as she took a seat on his lap. Just then Jim swayed up to the table between Bones and Skylar, placed an elbow on Skylar's shoulder to lean on her before she promptly stood up and allowed him to stumble against the table. Hardly noticing his folly, Jim took a seat on the stool, smiling at Bones. "I'd never knock her up. I'd totally use a condom, bro." He slapped Bones on the shoulder.

"You disgust me, Jim," Bones returned with a sarcastic grin.

Jim looked to Skylar, who was now sitting in Spock's seat, the Vulcan now standing and shuffling the cards in his hands in boredom. "Thank you."

Skylar offered him a sarcastic smile similar to Bones'. "It's the gentlemanly thing to do."

Jim clapped his hands together. "So, what game have we got going here?"

"There is no game," Bones replied hotly. "We all just lost money to Spock after several rounds of poker."

"And no clothes?" Jim laughed.

"This is a public establishment, Captain," Spock reminded him.

Jim waved his hand at this. "C'mon, Scotty, you didn't remind Spock of the golden rule?"

"Golden rule?" Spock repeated, eying Scotty.

Scotty shook his head and looked up at Spock. "The golden rule states that whatever rules the captain deems fit, goes. In this case, if strippin' was necessary, we should all be naked."

"No, not all, Mr. Scott," Jim reminded him firmly. "If you want to join them out on the dance floor, then by all means, go for it. I was referring to the other golden rule, in which the rules regarding nudity are strictly enforced upon the women."

"You're an asshole," Skylar remarked simply.

"I do not think that is Federation appropriate."

"Of course it's not Federation appropriate, Spock," Amelia laughed. "Jim is just being a dick, as per usual."

"But haven't any of ya ever noticed that even as a dick he still gets women?" Scotty questioned, turning to Amelia. "I mean, even you lass had a go with him."

"A go?" Bones repeated.

"A dance, babe," Amelia clarified as she faced Scotty. "And that's all it was, Scotty. If you'd ask me to dance, I'd totally say yes."

"I asked you to dance and you said no," Jim reminded her.

"I think Skylar already covered as to why you had to force me into an awkward middle school slow dance, Jim."

"I don't like to dance," Scotty sighed. "I can't help but say that it does get a bit weird around here with you all havin' each other to cling to."

Spock took a seat on the stool Skylar was now pulling up to their table. He placed the deck of cards upon the table and clasped his hands together. "I'm sure there are quite a number of lonely eligible suitors in this establishment, Mr. Scott. During our fourth round of poker I could not help but count the numbers of single women that passed by our table, well over seventy –"

"I'm too drunk to follow your logic right now, Spock," Bones irritably announced. "I'm getting another round. Anyone want anything?"

Everyone nodded except for Spock. Scotty stood with the doctor. "I'll go with ya. I want another – a double, now that Mr. Spock has successfully depressed me with his mathematical certainties."

"I'm quite surprised that you as an engineer did not formulate the total," Spock said. "But I suppose a hindered state of thinking and a depressed disposition could contribute to –"

Before Spock could finish, Skylar promptly grabbed Spock by the neck and forced him into a kiss. Bones walked around their side of the table and patted her on the back, offering a firm "thank you" as he and Scotty passed.

As Skylar pulled away from Spock, he said, "As much as I do not regret your action, I was in the middle of a thought."

"No, Spock, you were in the middle of convincing Scotty to kill himself. Then the Enterprise would be screwed and it would be your fault."

"That was hardly my intention," Spock returned. "But the Enterprise would be able to function, regardless."

"You underestimate the power of the red, my friend," Amelia interjected. "Without us, there'd be no you."

"Yeah, without those brains and me saving your ass, you'd be a sitting duck," Skylar added.

"You are pretty expendable, Spock," Jim agreed. "I, on the other hand, am the captain. If I were to be terminated –"

"The percentage of ship-wide gonorrhea cases would subside," Amelia finished for him. Jim glared at her. "What? I'm the dating the ship's Medical head. I know the stats of what goes around."

"In the captain's defense, I really do not believe his sexual activity is the leading cause of sexually transmitted infections on the ship."

"Thank you, Spock."

"His sexual activity is limited to himself or to Nyota."

Both Amelia and Skylar began to laugh while Jim glared even harder at Spock.

"You are obviously having troubles wrapping your head around the concept of man to man talk."

"I am not a man, captain. I'm a Vulcan."

Bones and Scotty appeared with the drinks and began dispersing them about the table. Out on the dance floor which was still pulsating with music, the crowd had lessened. In a flash of purple lighting, Scotty saw Chekov with his head against Sulu's chest as they slow danced to the quick-paced music.

"All I heard is that Spock's not a man," Bones said. "What did we miss?" he asked, as Amelia stood so that he could take his seat and she could reclaim hers.

"Oh, we were just going over the concept of man to man talk. In fact, I was just going to remind him of some of the details he's shared with me pertaining to Skylar and him in the bedroom."

Skylar slammed her beer down on the table, scowling between Jim and Spock. "Hey!" she shouted.

Jim smirked at Spock. "Where was that little heart tattoo located on her body again?"

Skylar socked Spock in the arm. Unfazed, Spock looked to her. "I do not understand why you are getting physical with me."

"You told Jim of all people about that?"

"Jim informed me that it is a part of the human friendship paradigm to share intimate details about one's sexual experiences."

Skylar turned and socked Jim on the thigh.

"Hey!" Jim hollered. "Watch where you wound, Sky!"

"I will not be the subject of your whack-off fantasies!"

"Whoa," came the voice of Sulu, who was holding up a very drunk Chekov. Assisting him was Nyota, who appeared to very buzzed. "As much as I'd love to indulge in this particular staff meeting, I'm heading back to the hotel room with Pav. He's about to knock out on me."

Nyota released Chekov and placed a hand on Jim's shoulder. "Jim, you were going to show me something upstairs, weren't you?"

Jim eyed her in confusion. "Wha –?"

Nyota's nails dug into his shoulder.

"Oh-ouch! Yes!" he yelped, standing beside her. He looked at the table and gave them all a dashing smile. "Yes, that's right. There's this, um, transmission thingy that Nyota wanted to play with … with … Yeah."

Scotty took a large gulp of his Scotch while Bones just shook his head. Spock cocked an eyebrow and looked to Nyota. "Transmission … thingy?"

Nyota sighed and grabbed Jim by the collar. "Goodnight, Spock. Goodnight you all." She drug him off into the bright lights, Sulu and Chekov in tow. On the dance floor, the dancers were now moving like zombies as the music continued to shake the club.

Amelia looked around the table. Scotty was tapping on his glass expectantly. Leonard was mindlessly humming off beat to the music. Spock was shuffling the deck of cards again while Skylar was leaning against him, her hand in his lap. Amelia smirked. "Are you two bored?" she asked of the couple.

Skylar sat upright and took her hand away from Spock. "I'm not tired."

"Are any of you ready to leave?" Scotty asked around the table, a hint of urgency in his voice.

"Are you, Scotty?" Amelia asked, sensing the change in his tone.

"No, I want to stay," he told her. "I'm ready for another round, Mr. Spock." He began to pull out his wallet when Bones held his hand out to stop him.

"You're drunk, Scotty," Bones told him firmly, slightly slurring. "I will not be responsible for your eventual gamble into poverty so that I can watch this green blooded son-of-a-bitch roll around in your hard earned engineering funds."

Amelia slapped Bones on the thigh in reprimand.

"Wow, you're kind of being a douche bag, Bones," Skylar told him.

"What is the logic in rolling around in his salary, doctor?"

"I know," Skylar interjected, "Since Scotty is wallowing in depression; Bones is acting like a dick as usual and Spock is driving us all insane because of his lack of social skills, and this alcohol is really starting to rile me up, I propose we play a game."

"One that doesn't involve money," Bones added.

"I suppose one would have to have money to play a game that requires it," Spock remarked.

Bones appeared hostile. "And you wonder why I'm a dick to him."

"Okay!" Amelia called over the music. "I say we keep everyone honest with a round of Marry, Kill, Fuh …" She paused and looked around as Skylar and Bones began to smirk. Scotty seemed lost as he made eye contact with her, and Spock was waiting expectantly.

"Um," Amelia continued, "Well …"

"I'm unfamiliar with the word 'fuh,' Lt."

"It's fu –" Bones began but Amelia elbowed him in the abdomen.

"Leonard, you know I hate coarse language when used drunkenly. Besides, we're still in our Starfleet uniforms. We need to set an example."

Bones rolled his eyes and took a swig of his Julep. "Yes, dear," he muttered.

"Well, I'm not about to go around saying 'Marry, Kill, Intercourse.' I mean, come on, Ams, we're all adults here," Skylar countered.

"I can't stand that word, it's just so … so empty," Amelia stated.

Scotty brightened up. "What about 'Marry, Kill, Make Love'?" he offered.

Skylar laughed. "That's the point though, it's not who would you make love to – it's who would you …" She paused as she got a warning glare from Amelia. "… spend a regrettable night with."

"Well, since I am involved with this game, I offer the term coitus," Spock said matter-of-factly. "The term merely means intercourse between a male and female, and Amelia can satisfy her need for the illusion of love and Skylar can recall on her regrettable nights."

Skylar's jaw dropped.

Bones lifted his glass to Spock. "Thank you for satisfying my woman."

"The more your mouth opens tonight, the less of a chance you and I will be having coitus for the next three months," Skylar spat and took a long sip of her beer.

Spock raised an eyebrow in confusion over what had just happened. Scotty placed a hand on Spock's arm. "I feel your pain."

"Everyone wonders why I do not participate in the shore leave paradigm."

Amelia clapped her hands together. "So, shall we begin?" She looked around the table. "Okay, since I picked the game, I get to ask first. The rules are you have to answer honestly. Like I said, we're all adults, it is just a game and as the asker you can mix up genders if you're feeling extra drunk tonight. So, Leonard –"

Bones paused mid-drink. He set his glass down.

Amelia continued, "Marry, Kill, Coitus?"

Bones thought for a moment. "Well, let me see … I'd kill Chapel … I'd marry –" He paused and looked at Amelia who was smiling at him brightly. Bones grinned quickly. "Well, of course I'd marry you, dear." Amelia giggled and he touched her nose. "And I'd spend a sincerely regrettable evening with …" He looked around the table, catching Skylar's glance as she quickly shook her head at him. Bones looked back at Amelia. "Um, Ensign … Torres."

"Torres?" Amelia questioned. "Who's Ensign Torres?"

Bones laughed nervously. "Ensign Torres ... she's just one of the ensigns that frequent the Sick Bay."

"Torres? The one from my department?" Skylar asked. "The busty one?"

Bones ran a hand through his hair and chuckled, giving Skylar a strained smile. "She's not that busty..."

"Anyway, Leonard," Amelia cut in. "It's you're turn. Thanks for your honesty." Her tone was even, yet Bones couldn't help but laugh nervously.

"Remember, it's just a game," he stated to the table. "And even I'm not drunk enough to let anyone's answers get to me." He smiled at Amelia. "Anyone." Amelia gave him a smirk and nodded for him to proceed.

"You guys disgust me," Skylar noted.

Scotty jumped in before anymore exchange could be made. "McCoy?"

"Well since someone's hopped on the dick train, I pick Skylar," Bones shot, pointing his glass in Skylar's direction. "However, since she's always game to up the ante, Marry, Kill, Coitus - female crewmen."

Skylar crossed her arms over her chest and snickered. "Oh wow, Leonard you sure play a dangerous game. Maybe next time you'll get all crazy and challenge me to jell-o shots."

"Dammit, Skykar, I'm off duty, I don't need your lip - answer the question."

"Well, per the doctor's request," Skylar started, "I'd marry Chapel to piss you off; have coitus with Amelia to prove I'm better in bed than you are; and I'd marry Torres to claim the jugs you can't help but admire with every physical you give her."

Scotty laughed, nearly spitting out his Scotch and he and Skylar high-fived.

"It is astonishing, your desire for revenge, beloved," Spock remarked.

Bones gulped down the rest of his Julep, wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve and then slammed the glass down. "How would you know what I'm like in bed? It can't be worse than sex with a Vulcan! He doesn't even have any emotions."

"Well, I suppose you'd be good with your hands, being a doctor and all," Skylar said. "You're gifted at probing."

"Thank you," Bones growled.

Scotty chimed, "It's just a game. Moving along."

"Alright," Skylar replied. She turned to Spock. "You, my love, are absolutely stunning with poker. Let's try your luck with Marry, Kill, Coitus - all male crewmen."

"I do not believe in luck," Spock replied simply. "And that is a simple question. It would be logical to kill Jim, have coitus with Hikaru and marry Leonard."

This time Scotty spit out his Scotch. Everyone sat wide-eyed, their stares locked on Spock before they all turned to a red-in-face Bones whose mouth was hanging half open.

"Spock - where the hell is the logic in any of that?" Bones demanded.

"It's quite simple, doctor; based on the fact that Jim is a promiscuous being, it would be pointless to engage in any emotional relationship with him as it would be damaging to myself. Hikaru is in fact homosexual and would enjoy a physical relationship with me."

"But so's Chekov," Scotty reminded him.

Spock looked at him. "Between both males, Mr. Sulu has more desirable features. He is taller, has darker hair and is older than Chekov. I would have picked you, Mr. Scott, but you are not of the homosexual persuasion."

Now everyone's mouths hung agape.

Scotty brought his glass up to his mouth slowly. "Umm ... why?"

"Because we would have something intelligent to converse about afterward, of course."

"And why the hell would you marry me?" Bones questioned. "That would be the marriage from hell! We can't stand each other."

"Because, doctor, your medical knowledge would prove to be most useful. You have saved the lives of others aboard the Enterprise countless times. You, like Mr. Scott, have a fervent dauntlessness that allows you succeed against the odds. Also, you seem to be quite nurturing despite your gruff exterior; and your humanistic passions, as innocuous as they tend to be, are quite fascinating. I can't imagine how stimulating being married to you would be."

Scotty and Bones exchanged uncomfortable glances. Scotty then gave a Spock a strained smile, tipped his glass to him and drank the rest down.

"Thank you, I guess," Bones replied slowly. "Just do me and favor and try not to imagine us married. Ever."

"This would be the first time the thought has ever crossed my mind, Leonard."

"Let's make it the last, shall we?"

Skylar immediately sat up. She eyed Spock sharply. "Are you saying that you'd rather have sex with Scotty because we don't have 'stimulating' conversations afterwards?"

"Of course not," Spock replied. "I said Scotty and I would have intelligent conversations. You and I spoon."

Skylar buried her face in her hands. "This is the worst drinking experience of my life," she muttered.

"Um, it's still your turn, lass," Scotty reminded Skylar, who was now peering out at the table from between her fingers.

"Oh, right," she said, depressed. "Um, Amelia. Go."

Amelia straightened up. "Oh … well, I suppose I would marry Chekov, have coitus with Spock and kill Uhura."

Both Bones and Skylar slammed their fists down on the table. "Spock?" they chimed together.

Scotty drunkenly laughed. "Explain this one."

"Well, I would marry Chekov so as to show him how to be a good domestic partner. I'm fairly decent at cooking, and Sulu loves to eat. So I'd want Chekov to be able to take care of his needs."

"But you'd be married to Chekov," Scotty interjected.

"I'd divorce him. He's gay, remember."

"And Spock?" Bones questioned.

"Well, I've always wanted to know what it would be like to experience … another being."

Spock nodded in approval. "Her logic is sound."

"Stay out of this you credit-robbing girlfriend stealer!" Bones seethed.

"And do we even want to hear your so-called logic in terms of Nyota?" Skylar pondered sarcastically.

Amelia smirked. "That's simple. She's friggin' hot. She deserves to die."

"That's settled then," Skylar said abruptly. "Scotty, you're last. Go."

Scotty looked around the table appearing slightly intimidated. Amelia placed a hand on his and nodded. "It's just a game, right?" he said. "Well, I suppose I would marry Amelia, being that I am her boss and all, I know how the lass operates and such; I'd have coitus with Nyota because she looks like she'd be a handful in the sack."

"And who would you kill?" Skylar continued, uninterested. "I'd like to go suffocate myself in my pillow in a timely fashion."

"Well, you."

Skylar looked at him. "Me? You'd kill me?"

Scotty nodded slowly.

Skylar stood up from stool with her hands on the table. "You know, if Bones would have allowed me the pleasure of choosing male candidates, I would have picked you to screw. In fact I already told you tonight that I'd have a regrettable night with you! I thought we were tighter than this, Scott. Why the hell would you kill me?"

Scotty chuckled nervous and sat back on his stool. "Uh," he said looking around for support. "I thought this was just a game."

Skylar pounded the table top. "Why, Scotty?"

"Gah!" he shouted. "Since we're supposed to honest, I figured killing you would be an accomplishment. No one can get a hit on you, let alone kill you!"

Bones and Amelia watched the display in utter shock while Spock turned to a seething Skylar. "That is an educated statement."

Suddenly Skylar ran her arm over the table shattering all of the glasses to the floor, Bones, Amelia and Scotty jumping out of the way. "Come on, Scott! Let's have a go!" roared Skylar as Scotty held up his arms in defense. "You want to kill me, kill me!"

Scotty yelled out "I'm sorry!" over the music while Bones and Amelia went to restrain Skylar. "That's enough, Sky!" Bones barked.

"You're going to get us kicked out – again!" Amelia shrieked.

"You think you're so tough, Scotty! We always start bar fights together – why not now, you and me?" Just as Skylar was about to propel herself over the table toward Scotty's jugular, Spock simply reached out and Vulcan nerve pinched her. In an instant, Skylar went limp and crumbled into the Vulcan's arms.

Scotty lowered his arms from his face, his eyes wide and alert. "Ho-ly-shit!" He looked to Bones. "I'm not drunk enough for this, are you?"

"Dammit, no," Bones replied, placing his hands on his hips.

Amelia stared at Skylar, still shocked. "She was a ticking time bomb. She usually holds her alcohol so well, too."

"I think it was the honesty aspect of it," Scotty concluded. "I mean, we're all a bit too honest when we're drunk, ya know? But having someone tell us to be honest while we're drunk …"

Amelia clasped her hands together before her. "It was my fault. I should have realized that none of us could handle such an honest game while absolutely plastered."

Bones placed an arm around her shoulders. "I'm sorry I said I'd screw Torres. In all honesty, I just said that name because I didn't want to say Skylar's and have you two bitchy to each other forever."

Amelia looked up at him. "And I'm sorry I didn't defend you when Skylar said she'd be better in bed than you are."

Bones raised his eyebrows. "But, what about the whole marrying –?"

"If she were conscious, I'd apologize to Skylar for saying I wanted to kill her," Scotty said mournfully.

"I do not apologize for anything I've said tonight," Spock stated evenly. "I am a Vulcan. I cannot lie."

Bones and Scotty looked at him, opened their mouths to respond but then closed them; it was far too late and they were far too intoxicated to retaliate.

"I suppose we better head up to the room," Bones said to Amelia, giving her a squeeze around the shoulders. "Are you going to be able to handle your girlfriend's limp body up to your room, Spock?"

Spock easily lifted Skylar over his shoulder.

"Oh that's right; Superman originated from Vulcan."

Spock eyed him. "I believe it was Krypton."

"Shut up and go to sleep, Spock."

"Good night everyone," Spock said to them. "As much as I do not enjoy shore leave with any of you, this particular event was quite … fascinating." He then turned and headed towards the exit with Skylar over his shoulder.

Amelia turned to Scotty. "Are you heading up too, Scotty?"

Scotty shrugged. "Aye. There is nothing else for me to do here anyway, especially by myself."

Amelia frowned sadly. "You can come stay in our room if you want."

Bones immediately gritted his teeth.

Scotty shook his head. "Ah, bless you, Ams. I think I'll be okay. I need to sleep, anyhow."

"We'll need to do something fun tomorrow before we have to go back to the ship," Amelia suggested brightly. "Maybe we can hit the beach in the morning!"

"Ah, I'll see. I may just want to sleep." Scotty gave them a faint smile and placed his hands in his pockets. "I'll be seein' ya sometime tomorrow. Nigh'."

Amelia watched Scotty head slowly to the exit. She grabbed Bones' hand and gave it a squeeze as he disappeared into the darkness of the club.

"So," Bones said in a low register into her ear, "How about we play Marry, Coitus – uh, more coitus upstairs in the room?"

Amelia spun around, her brows furrowed. "Can't you see what's going on here, Leonard? Scotty is terribly alone and depressed – and all you can think about is sex!"

Bones grinned nervously. "If it makes you feel any better, I was thinking about sex with you."

Amelia crossed her arms over her chest. "Scotty is one of our friends. He's the only one in the group that doesn't have a significant other."

Bones sighed. "What are you saying, Amelia? You want to hook him up with somebody?"

Amelia beamed. "That's it, Bones! We can find Scotty a girlfriend!"

"When you say 'we' you mean like the girls, right? Like you, Skylar, Uhura, Sulu and Chekov?"

"You, Jim and Spock are Scotty's closest male friends. Your input is critical."

Bones picked the stool up from the off of the ground and took a seat. "Look, doll, as much as I admire you and your adorable and selfless crusades in making a difference in people's lives, whether it's dressing Spock up for a human date or finding the perfect woman for Scotty, me, Jim and Spock – especially Spock – don't really care. We're guys. We don't do stuff like that. We joke around, make comments about other women to each other, but that's it. We don't search for the perfect woman for each other. That's something you ladies handle for each other."

"Wow, Leonard, I would expect this attitude from Jim because he's a douche bag, and from Spock because he doesn't know any better; but you … I guess I had a lot more faith in you." Amelia quickly turned on her heel and began to walk away. Bones watched her, shook his head and sighed. Grabbing a lone shot glass with a tiny bit of alcohol left on the table, Bones threw it back and chased after her. Catching her by the arm, he spun her around.

"Dammit Amelia, I'm a doctor, not a match maker. But if it'll make you happy, I'll try to be one."

Amelia smiled broadly up at him and pressed herself into his arms. "Now, how about that game Marry, Coitus, More Coitus?"

Bones grinned, grabbed her by the hand and pulled her toward the exit of the club.