Mistle-Terror
By CidGregor
Rated K+
This fic is dedicated to SleepGhost of Titans GO dot net. Happy Secret Stanta to you!
"Unnhh…Ohhh…"
Robin woke up feeling tired and groggy. His entire body felt sluggish and lazy, and it seemed to require an immense amount of energy to so much as wiggle his fingers. Fortunately his brain was working fine, and immediately recognized his symptoms.
He'd been drugged. It was wearing off, but it was there.
This was his first sign that something was wrong.
He forced his eyes open with some effort and looked down at himself first. He was sitting in a small wooden armchair of some kind, arms and legs tied down to the arms and legs of the chair with another binding rope holding his torso firm against the seat. His mask, thankfully, was still securely on his face, but his utility belt was gone.
Okay, he thought to himself. I've been drugged and kidnapped…but by who? And why?
He took an initial glance around the room to search for clues, which confirmed his suspicion that he was no longer in Titans Tower. No bedroom in their entire home base was this…pink. Not even Starfire's. She, at least, knew the meaning of the word 'restraint.' No, he realized; unless he was mistaken, there was only one person who would decorate a bedroom top to bottom in bright pink. And she was walking through the only door in the room, sashaying toward him in a sparkling and – of course – pink dress, ridiculously highlighted by his own utility belt around her waist.
"Kitten," Robin snarled.
"Aww, my Robbie-Poo remembers me!" she cooed and giggled girlishly.
"Trust me, you're a bit hard to forget," Robin threw back.
"Oooh, flattery will get you everywhere," she said, grinning and sliding up far too close to him.
Robin resisted the urge to vomit. "To what do I owe the displeasure?" he said instead, leaning as far away from her as the ropes would allow.
"Ohh, my. Right to the point, already?" she answered, stroking a finger across his cheek. "Don't you wanna get to know me first?"
"I don't know what you're on about, Kitten, but whatever it is, it won't work."
"Relax, Robbie-Poo," she cooed again. "I promise, you'll love it."
"I doubt that."
"Y'see, Robbie-Poo," she went on, ignoring him, "I've been feeling lonely lately, ever since Fang left for good, and, well…I'm sure you're aware tonight's Christmas Eve…"
She slid a little closer, practically sitting in his lap. "And I would just hate to be all alone for the holidays…wouldn't you?"
"Better to spend it alone than with you," Robin threw back with a smirk. Get her angry, he figured, and she'd be more likely to make a mistake. "This plan of yours is half-baked. It's never going to work."
"Oh, it will," Kitten insisted. "I didn't have daddy fill your tower with knockout gas and drag you out here for nothing. Now that I've got you, I intend to keep you. And your friends will never know what happened."
"They're smart. Smarter than you, anyway. They'll figure it out."
"Mmm…well, if you're right…then we better make the best of our time together…"
Again Robin had to resist the urge to vomit.
Kitten, meanwhile, unhooked a remote she had hung on his belt and clicked a button on it. Just over Robin's head, a small slot in the ceiling opened, and a short, vertical beam of metal descended from within. And mounted on the bottom of the beam…
Robin groaned.
"Why, look, Robbie-Poo…we're under the mistletoe!"
"You've GOT to be kidding me."
"Do I LOOK like I'm joking?" she snapped back with a wicked grin. "You might've gotten away from it at the prom, but I have you right where I want you now! So pucker up and gimme my Christmas kiss!"
"Over my dead body."
Just when Kitten leaned forward to try to steal a kiss from him, Robin thrust his forehead forward.
POW!
"AFFPHH!" Kitten reeled back, clutching her mouth. "You mab be bite by wip!"
"I won't lose sleep over it," Robin threw back, smirking.
Kitten padded her slightly-bloodied lip with a handkerchief and glared at him. "Alright, smart-mouth, you don't wanna kiss me under the mistletoe, how about you DIE under it instead!.!.!"
She toggled another switch on her remote, and above Robin's head, the red 'berries' on the mistletoe suddenly began to shine bright red.
Robin's eyes widened and then narrowed to slits in a span of half a second, and threw his body weight to one side, tipping the chair just when the mistletoe shot a bright red laser beam down at him.
TSEWWW!
It tore through the air in a second, but only shredded the chair instead of Robin's skull. He rolled to his feet, suddenly free from the splintered chair, and turned toward Kitten, but she'd already fled the room. Robin bolted toward the door after her, but it swung closed before he could reach it. Nevertheless he charged, lowering his shoulder and bracing himself.
WHAM!
He struck the door and bounced back, landing hard on his rear. The door had looked like flimsy enough wood to break through, but it was sturdier than it looked, and now his shoulder ached from the failed ram attempt.
"Turn ME down, will you?.!" he suddenly heard Kitten's shrieking voice from an intercom in the ceiling. "NO ONE rejects Kitten and lives to tell about it!"
A loud buzzing noise sounded, and Robin steeled his nerves as dozens of small slots opened in the ceiling and revealed just as many more clusters of mistletoe, berries glowing dangerously.
"Oh, sh--"
TSEWWW-TSEWWW-TSEWWW!.!.!
Robin jerked to one side, dodging the first laser, and had to bend over like a limbo player to dodge the next two that sailed through at an angle where his torso used to be.
TSEWWW-TSEWWW-TSEWWW!.!.!
More beams snapped on, forcing him to pivot himself again like some sick game of Twister and brace himself with one hand against the floor while a fresh beam shot by just under his armpit and another two precariously settled between his legs.
Robin sweated. He didn't dare move even an inch, or he was liable to slip right into the path of one of the lasers, and that would be extraordinarily bad. His eyes darted around rapidly, trying to find a hole in the crisscrossing lasers big enough for him to slip through…
"Oh, you're good, Robbie-Poo…but I'M BETTER!" Kitten shouted. "Let's see you dodge my mistle-lasers while they're MOVING!"
Robin fought back the panic and spied his exit at last: the one under his armpit was just high enough for him to slide under on his belly. Instantly he pushed off with his hand and squirmed his arm clear of the beam. He dropped to the ground on his back and kicked off, sliding along the floor just as the lasers began waving back and forth.
"You can't escape all of them, Robbie-Poo!"
TSEWWW-TSEWWW-TSEWWW-TSEWWW-TSEWWW-TSEWWW!.!.!
Half a dozen more lasers snapped on. Robin back-flipped away from them as they chased him around the room, shredding every bit of furniture they touched.
"NO! MY DRESSER! MY BEANBAG CHAIR!" Kitten screeched. "HOW DARE YOU DESTROY MY ROOM!"
"They're your lasers!" Robin reminded her as he ran and dodged. How the heck do I get out of here? he wondered at the same time. There's only one door in the room, and 'I' can't bust it down…
TSEWWW-TSEWWW-TSEWWW!.!.!
Three more lasers missed him by inches and shredded Kitten's four-poster bed instead. And at that, a light-bulb clicked on in Robin's head.
……but maybe those lasers can……
He eyed the door, at the opposite end of the room. At least a dozen more lasers were sweeping back and forth between him and the exit, and who knew how many more Kitten could activate at the push of a button…
TSEWWW-TSEWWW-TSEWWW!.!.!
"Whoa!"
Robin leapt backward from another set of laser sweeps, and this time he could feel the heat singing his costume.
I can't split my attention like this…I need time to analyze their pattern, but I can't do that if I have to keep focusing on dodging…
Fortunately his eyes found the solution again; the laser marks on the walls only went up so high. Near the ceiling they were bare. If he could get up there and stay up there for just a minute, he could figure out the pattern of the laser sweeps. But Kitten had his utility belt…
"Guess I'm doing this the old-fashioned way…" Robin finished the thought out loud. With a loud grunt he leapt backward toward the upper corner of the room, jammed his feet against the two walls, defying gravity and holding his body aloft with the pressure, and keeping himself upright with a firm hand against the ceiling.
"How DARE you dodge my lasers up there! Who do you think you are, Spiderman?.!"
Robin ignored Kitten's continued screams and watched the lasers sweep back and forth for a long minute, looking for patterns, holes that he could slip through. In another minute, he had it down. Of course, that was the easy part.
Even if I get over there…how do I get the lasers to break the door down without my utility belt? he wondered to himself. There has to be something around here I can use…
His eyes wandered the room one last time, and caught sight of the shredded dresser…and the shattered vanity mirror that went with it.
Robin smirked to himself.
Gotcha.
He dropped from his perch, straight through a pair of beams that were sweeping the walls, and make a break for it.
TSEWWW!
He dodged left.
TSEWWW!
He twisted right.
TSEWWW! TSEWWW!
He leapt high and then immediately dropped into a roll, grabbing a sizeable chunk of broken mirror glass in each hand before finding his feet again.
TSEWWW! TSEWWW!
He leapt just the tiniest bit over one beam and ducked his head low under another that swung at him in unison.
"GET HIM, YOU STUPID LASERS!.!.!" he heard Kitten shriek, but to no avail. The lasers were on a set pattern, and it was far too late to stop him from exploiting it.
TSEWWW!
He spun to the right.
TSEWWW!
He pivoted left.
TSEWWW!
He ducked and threw his hands upward, angling the mirror shards just right…
TSEWWW-PING-PING!.!.!
The lasers reflected off the glass exactly as Robin intended them to, rebounding straight into the door, and instantly it splintered into dozens of pieces. Robin reflected the beams away, dropped the shards, and leapt through, landing square in the middle of Kitten's living room. And Kitten herself was sitting on the ground, shaking and staring wide-eyed at a computer desk across the room that the reflected lasers had blasted through and apparently very nearly missed Kitten herself, as the tuft of smoking blonde hair lying on the keyboard suggested.
"Hmph. Guess you'll think twice the next time you think about laser surgery," Robin said with a smirk.
Kitten let out a tiny squeak, and fainted.
"You've gotta be kidding me. LASERS in the mistletoe?.!"
"I wish I was kidding. Ugh…that girl is relentless…"
"LASERS. In the MISTLETOE."
"I know...stupidest thing you've ever heard of, right?"
Beast Boy's eyes lit up. "Are you kidding?.! That's the coolest idea EVER!"
"Man, why didn't I think of that?" Cyborg berated himself, staring at the confiscated device. "That coulda been the best prank I ever pulled!"
"…You two are idiots," Robin remarked. "I'm getting some coffee."
Robin strode away from them, shaking his head as he walked from the evidence room to the main living room, and in his distraction ran right into Starfire as he passed through the doorway.
"Oh…sorry, Star," he murmured, looking up at her. She was smiling kindly down at him, but did not say anything at first.
"…Star?"
All of a sudden she leaned down to eye level with him and planted a gentle kiss on his lips, pulling back as quickly as she'd moved forward.
"Merry Christmas, Robin."
Robin blinked, blushing slightly. "Uhh…thanks, but…why…?"
"It is customary, is it not?" she stated, pointing up.
Robin followed her finger.
"The act of kissing underneath the plant known as mistletoe is a most pleasant Terran tradition that I was most eager to participate in, and--"
She got no farther before Robin paled and ran from the green shrub as fast as he could go.
Starfire blinked.
She glanced above her.
She glanced at her feet.
She shifted her eyes back and forth.
She sniffed at her armpit once.
And at last she shrugged and followed him.
THE END