Who Asked You What I Think?
The Fellowship had come together, perhaps for the last time, to talk over their experiences in the past few years. They had chosen Rivendell as their location, probably because it was so peaceful, and it brought back good memories of the past. Whether it brought up any bad ones, is not likely.
Pippin trundled into the room, with Merry close behind. Both were lugging a cart laden with food, though how they ever managed to get it all up the stairs in one piece was a mystery in itself. Sam watched the trolley with obvious hunger, Gimli turned his nose in the direction of the delicious aromas.
"So, Gimli. What did you think of your life so far, after everything that happened in the past little while?" Legolas asked, starting off the conversation.
"Ach! Don't mock me, laddie! Nothing good has come of it. I've been bored almost to tears," Gimil grumbled, pouring himself a pint of ale. Legolas smirked at his friend's foul mood.
Gimli caught the look and quickly retorted. "Well, how've you been getting on? Better than me, I'll bet?"
"I've been chased by so many mortals. How they ever got here is a complete mystery to me. Would you believe, some of them, or most of them, rather, had the nerve to call me Orlando Bloom. Who has ever heard of such a foolish name?" Legolas answered. He knew his popularity would be a tick in the dwarf's side, in fact, he almost enjoyed it.
"Why are you always the lucky 'un?" Gimli complained. "Ah well, I'd rather not be called bloom."
"Lookin' at the bright side, I see, Gimli," Pippin joined in.
"Did you do any better?" Gimli countered. He apparently was not enjoying the start of the conversation. He was quite edgy about the fact that his life was so dull.
"Well, I've had quite a few try and get through the Shire just to meet me," Pippin smiled proudly. "Isn't that right, Merry?"
Merry turned about in his seat, his eyes piercing. "It's not fair. Why do they like you better?"
"Maybe it's because of my humour and my muscle!" Pippin bragged. He stood up boldly and tried to flex his small hobbit muscles. Frodo playfully shoved the conceited Pippin, who landed right amid the food trolley. Gimli's eyes popped open, and he looked about to kill the indignant hobbit.
"Easy, Gimli," Merry said quietly, like a master to a dog about to attack.
Gimli turned his angry, beard-filled expression on the luckless Merry, his eyes filled with wrath. "Ye noo go about messing with good food, Master Merry. Would you like to join Peregrin, wallowing in the hot soup and all."
In an attempt to change the subject from a possible brawl, Aragorn spoke of his adventures. "I've had it just as bad as Legolas. There'll be no place where I can die peacefully when the time comes if those children will not stop entering into our world.
Gandalf had spirits almost as drowned as Gimli's. "Well, I've had no calls to me. But, I guess all is well, since I probably would have turned them into tadpoles sooner or later if they came to bother a wizard, old as I am."
A smile replaced Gimli's anger. Now, he could be just as satisfied as Gandalf that he was left alone, and not called ridiculous names, like bloom, or petal, or stem. "What did the lassies call you, Aragorn?"
"Some called me Viggo. Yes, Viggo Mortensen. I like the last part of the name better, though," Aragorn replied.
"Are you sayin' you want us to call you Mortensen?" Sam asked. Aragorn gave him a look that said "what are you talking about?"
Finally Pippin was able to wrest himself from the spilled food and stood up. Cake and bread were smeared on his face, pie filling and chicken, along with large amounts of ale clung to his shoulders. Gimli was trying so hard not to laugh that he looked like a balloon about to explode.
The others all had the same look, except for Pippin, of course, who felt like he had missed a big event. With a hurt expression, he sat down and began to eat the chicken, still covered in cake and bread.
"So, do we all agree that anyone outside of Middle Earth should be forever avoided?" Merry asked. Nobody felt like answering, so Pippin helped out.
"Put it to a vote! Raise your hand for "aye" and jump out a window for "no"." As soon as the hobbit had finished talking, everyone raised their hand, although Legolas was, at one point, looking towards the window, as Sam later observed.
THE END
Again with my possibly, and most likely annoying humour. I thought that this might be an interesting twist on Mary Sue writers, because you really don't get the opinions of the actual characters, just thoughts made to fit the plot of the story.
As you can see, this story really has no plot, but, it challenges most Mary Sue writers out there to think deeper about the characters, and how they might react. Of course, I'll get resistance for this, in fact, I almost expect it, since I am a deep thinker, I challenge what other people think they know, and that was really the point of this, besides the humour of it.
I hope you liked it, even if you are a(n) MS writer, because that's all that really counts with humour in anything. Of course this has a deeper meaning than just humour, so I advise you to think about it, before you write another Mary Sue.
Zealak Silverdirk