Emmett the Tanpire
Emmett whistled a merry tune as he calmly unlocked the front door of the Cullen house and walked into the gigantic front room. He dropped his school bag on the coffee table and sank onto one of the plushy, cream sofas. He had decided not to bring attention to his little cough accident. After all they might not notice.
"Oh my god." said Jasper loudly from the armchair, the other side of the table. The Cullens and Bella of course, who was nestled on Edward's lap as they did the crossword together (something they had taken to doing lately) had watched him come in. Alice burst into hysterical laughter, rolled of the sofa, where she had been sitting moments before and started to shake uncontrollably on the floor.
I must add that Rosalie was absent from this little scene. She had been sent to the kitchen to make Bella's "dinner" so as not to disturb the happy couple as Esme put it. Bella "dinner" usually consisted of cereal. This is mainly done to the fact that Edward had once mentioned in passing that Bella quite like the food, promptly Esme had rushed out that very morning and bought five gallons of it. Bella felt rude to refuse the meal when she was the only one that ate it. This resulted in many nights of rice crispies and cornflakes eaten dry (the Cullen's didn't have a milkman after Jasper had scared him by dressing up as a vampire for an April fool's joke, but that's another story).
Now where was I before I went off on a mindless rant about rice crispies, ah yeas, Emmett. Emmett hid his face behind a newspaper but his forehead was still visible over the top and Edward and Bella noticed him now.
"What have you done?" said Edward, his jaw dropped, Bella nearly fell from his lap but he caught her just in time. Emmett didn't reply. Jasper covered his mouth with his hand, concealing a smirk.
"It was an accident." Emmett sulked. It was at this point that Rosalie came in. She scanned the room and her eyes fell on her husband, her scream rattled the rafters of the house.
"What have you done?" she yelled at him throwing her hands up in the air causing the bucket sized bowl of cornflakes to fall to the floor and scatter over the pure white carpet. "You look like you've drunk to much fanta." Alice was still screaming with laughter on the floor and this statement made her double up and she started rolling around merrily.
"I told the guy to give me a light spray okay?" said Emmett, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. Jasper starter to snigger and Bella struggled to keep a straight face.
"What possessed you?" Edward whispered almost in disgust, Bella rolled from his lap to join Alice on the floor, she couldn't contain herself anymore and rolls of laughter billowed from her chest.
"You. . .look. . .like. . . an. . .orange. . .with. . .a. . .curly. . .black. . .wig. . .on." gasped Alice as she struggled for breath, with this Jasper collapsed and sank down the chair onto the floor, his chest shaking with frenzied mirth.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" screamed Rosalie. "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SCHOOL LIKE THAT!" At this point Esme and Carlisle emerged from upstairs, gracefully gliding down to them to see what all the noise was about. When they caught site of Emmett, who had sunk so low in his seat his was practically one with the sofa, they quickly glided back up, Emmett pulled a face. The laughs of the three on the floor redoubled and Edward started to snigger.
"You. . .are. . .the. . .same. . .colour. . .as. . .Edward's. . .hair." Jasper struggled to push the word out but it only made them roll onto their backs and kick their feet up in the air. Edward frowned at them.
"It's bronze!" he exclaimed.
"Of course it is darling." Bella reassured him and clambered back onto his lap breathing heavily.
"If you died your hair white Emmett you two would be opposite and you could do a sort of double-act." said Jasper, reasonably seriously although his eyes were still bright with laughter. Their laughing had now reached new heights and Bella fell from Edward's lap again as he rolled onto the floor hysterically. Alice gasped for air.
"Hey Emmett . . . Emmett . . . you know what you are?" Emmett turned dry eyes on her. "A . . .tanpire." It was several hours before they stopped laughing.
AN: I hope you don't think I'm being too mean to Emmett in this fan fiction cause I love Emmett, he is a LEGEND, anywho he's big boy he'll be alright.