Title:He is My Hatred, He is My Love
Author:Saiai44
Status:Oneshot – No possibility of a sequel.
Rating:Mature audiences required.
Pairing:SasuNaru
A/N:This is a very old fanfic (my first actually) that I decided to edit and re-upload.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and make no money off this.
He is always smiling, laughing as if nothing in the world affects him. I want to break him. It's a sadistic fantasy but that's what I want nonetheless. A true ninja shouldn't be like he is. A true ninja dirties his hands with the blood of his enemies…their death. You don't laugh as if you haven't plunged a kunai into their chest. You don't smile like you haven't seen the blood trickle from the corners of their mouth, gasping for their last breath. Watch the life leave their eyes. What we do is murder, plain and simple. I hate the fact that he makes me forget these realities with those idiotic grins. I hate that he is slowly melting the ice that has encased my heart since the death of my kin. Nowhere should there be laughter. Nowhere should there be smiling. He shouldn't shine so bright in a world so dark. He needs to be broken. I will break him.
I despise that mask of smiles. I see the way the villagers look at him. I have felt the heat of their hate scald my skin as I have walked beside him. I have heard the insults. Witnessed the violence. I have seen him shrug it off with a blinding grin like it all doesn't exist. Like he is normal…loved. How? How can he be happy with all the hate? Revulsion? With the loneliness that slowly drowns you whole? I feel it within my own heart. A pain in my chest so deep that it makes my body numb. I quiver whenever I see family affection. Love. A crying child sheltered in the arms of their mother. The pride of a father. Siblings playing. It burns through my soul, incinerating what is left of me. But he takes it all and smiles. He laughs. People hate him and he pretends. Pretends it doesn't hurt him. I insult him. Yet he still desires my approval, my recognition, my acceptance. Proof that he is worthy of living. With this knowledge I continue to tell him that he is an idiot, dead last. He still comes to me, eyes shining with the love of a brother.
I hate him.
I want him to feel pain from my very hands. My own pain. I want him not to smile. Not to laugh. I want to extinguish his light.
I want him to hate me.
I want him to love me…because I love him.
I'm a walking contradiction, a mixture of emotions. I hate him most because I love him. He is slowly bringing me back from the depths of my own hell, a hell created by someone I loved…love. My revenge is wavering due to the depths of his azure eyes. The desire to save him…like he is saving me. I no longer understand what I'm thinking, feeling…becoming.
Because I love him, I hate him. Because I feel, I must break him.
He is my hatred. He is my love.
…
The dying embers of the setting sun shone through the tree branches, warming the backs of two shinobi whose eyes were fixated on each other from opposite sides of a small clearing, grim determination evident on both of the their faces. The leaves of the trees guarding their battleground, rustled as they readied themselves once again, moving into fighting stances, ignoring the heavy breathing coming from their mouths. The tension in the air so thick it suffocated.
Sweating. They stared. Panting. They waited.
A single leaf fell silently between the men, adding another dying green to the grave of leaves that fell before it. A gust of cool air ghosted over their sweaty bodies causing a shiver to crawl up the spine of the blond haired one.
Eyes of onyx bled crimson. Hypnotising commas of black spun wildly as they gazed into cerulean, darkening under the scrutiny. The eye contact signalling a silent agreement, an agreement that meant their fight was going to the next level.
Anything goes. Just don't die.
The cool breeze blew a black strand of hair onto a pale cheek causing a brief tickling sensation. The black haired man stood defensively, hand hovering over his kunai pouch, ignoring the itch to tuck the rogue piece of hair behind his ear. The other ninja crouched to the ground like a natural predator, his slightly elongated nails digging into the earth. The smell of freshly overturned dirt assaulted his heightened senses before lunging at his prey, instincts taking hold.
A boisterous laugh filtered through the sounds of clashing metal and ragged breathing.
"I see you're more serious than usual today, Sasuke-kuuun." Naruto chuckled, a foxy grin in place as he mimicked his opponents many admirers.
"I'm always serious." Sasuke smirked, as he barely dodged a well-placed kick to the face, "Dobe." He added as an afterthought.
"Well, in that case," The blond withdrew into one of the many trees surrounding the area, "I'd hate to disappoint you." A whisper of 'kage bunshin no jutsu'could be heard, dragged along by the early evening wind. Five clones popped into existence and encircled the Uchiha.
Sasuke's Sharingan eyes raked over the foliage for the real Naruto, "Usuratonkachi," he finally locked eyes with the boy, not at all perturbed by the clones that surrounded him, "When will you grow out of that juvenile technique?"
"When you admit that I'm better than you." The clones chorused.
"In your dreams, idiot." A calculating smirk tugging at his lips, his eyes still focused on the real Naruto.
"Every night, Sasuke-chan. Every night." The many Naruto's bellowed mockingly.
With that, the blonde disappeared completely, leaving five shadow clones in his wake.
…
Sasuke scanned the trees after dispersing the shadow clones with debilitating efficiency. Spotting the familiar chakra signature of his opponent, Sasuke threw a barrage of shuriken at the concealed boy. Naruto, hearing the rush of projectiles, dodged with an amused chuckle. Sasuke tensed at the laughter that assaulted his ears. An angry quiver racked through his body, overwhelming him.
This was not a game. Naruto should not be giggling like a child, as an enemy threw weapons with the potential to harm him…kill him. Naruto was not a ninja but a jester. Once again the pain the blonde should feel inside was being suppressed with that mask of blind happiness. Of blissful ignorance. Sasuke's expression grew sinister as the thoughts consumed his mind.
Ebony bangs shadowed Sasuke's features as he hung his head in malice contemplation. His crimson eyes glowed menacingly through the growing darkness of the clearing. Behind him, the sound of shuffling alerted Sasuke to his opponent's presence. Languidly, he raised his head and looked over his shoulder, the action almost appearing in slow-motion. A manic smile graced Sasuke's visage as the marks of the Sharingan whirled wildly. One thought alone was cycling through his shattering mind…
I want to break him.
Something inside the 'last' Uchiha snapped.
I want to break him.
Naruto flew through the army of trees preparing to leap on the other to disable him. He wasn't fast enough. Sasuke pivoted his body while raising a foot, landing a kick to the back of the blonde's neck. All that could be heard was the resonating clash of metal on metal. All that could be seen was a blur of navy blue and white versus garish orange amongst the dying colours of the oncoming autumn.
The laughter in Naruto's voice withered away with Sasuke's increasingly volatile attacks. The blonde's breath was ragged and he was finding it harder and harder to breathe, the Kyuubi busy healing a newly acquired broken rib threatening to puncture a lung. The blackening bruises on his face were humming with pain, blurring his vision. Naruto's head was banging like a drum. It was all becoming too much for him.
Naruto didn't have a death wish that day but it appeared that Sasuke was more than willing to deliver him one.
Naruto always saw seriousness in Sasuke's eyes when they sparred. Yet, he had never seen such an intense mercilessness flittering through those deep red eyes. It was all too confusing for the blond. Normally, one was out to prove his superiority, the other acceptance, acceptance that he was worthy of the one standing before him.
Now, one was out for blood, for pain.
The other… to escape. To escape before something happens that they'll both regret.
…
The dazzling pinks and oranges of the setting sun faded making way for the foggy greys and midnight blues of evening. A few stars glittered in the sky as the moon penetrated through the light evening mist. Humidity hung in the air yet a cool wind swept through the leaf litter, sending some to dance in the breeze.
Naruto came to a dead stop followed soon after by Sasuke. Naruto glared at Sasuke with anguish and bewilderment in his eyes, wheezing slightly with every laboured breath. Sasuke returned the glare, madness tinging their hue. A dirty hand wiped away a trail of blood that trickled down his ivory cheek, feeling a stinging sensation in the wound. The blond was stunned when crimson eyes returned to pools of black.
Sasuke eyed the forest floor, crunching a twig under his feet, "How?" He whispered somewhat dejectedly.
Suspicious, Naruto continued to stare at him before a confused "Huh?" slipped past his lips.
They locked eyes.
"How can you smile and laugh when all you receive is hate?"
Sadness overflowed Naruto's being, "I have my reasons, Bastard." He hung his head in shame, avoiding the questioning look from his opponent. He pleaded internally with the gods that this would all just end already. He had had enough for today…for the rest of the week maybe. The wounds that scattered his body screamed to be tended to and his almost depleted chakra was lulling him to sleep.
Sasuke's eyes were the last straw though. The pain, the sinister longing, the maniacal madness that spun in those deep disturbed orbs promised Naruto something unwanted. He didn't want to see those eyes directed at him, the eyes of his rival, teammate, and best-friend looking at him with such lunacy.
The last Uchiha stalked over to the blond with grim determination, closing the distance between them. The tips of his calloused fingers ran down the blonde's jaw-line till he was cupping his face with pale palms. Fingertips grazed tanned earlobes in an almost affectionate manner. Naruto unconsciously shivered at the touch. Cerulean eyes peered into smouldering black as if searching Sasuke's soul before Naruto made a lame attempt to extract himself from the other's touch. Sasuke's grip tightened forcing Naruto's eyes to stay locked with his own and feel the pressure of battle-worn hands against his skin.
Naruto felt like his emotions were being ripped raw. The reality of the whole situation making them go haywire. The oppressiveness of Sasuke's hate caused Naruto to feel as if he were drowning, the sensation weighing heavily on his chest. It was as if the malicious intent that flowed off the Uchiha was seeping into his very core. He felt like he was being betrayed…again. By the very person whom he dedicated his life to saving. All the feelings that he buried at the Valley of the End were cracking through the barriers he subconsciously created to survive. The feeling of the person that meant the most to him plunging his hand through his chest, physically and emotionally, scarring him.
Sasuke's voice broke through the blonde's morose rumination as he questioned him just above a whisper, a hint of caring in his tone, "What reasons, Naruto?"
Silence.
"What reasons could you possibly have?" Sasuke questioned again, his voice growing in volume with every word. Slowly pushing the blond back into a tree, the hands never leaving the boy's face.
More silence. His reasons were Naruto's own and he sure as hell didn't fell like sharing.
"Tell me, Naruto." Sasuke spoke harshly. Lost was his concern, replaced with a mounting anger symptomatic of his crumbling self, "You're trying my patience."
Naruto's teeth embedded themselves into his bottom lip. Sasuke was freaking him out, treading on personal ground that Naruto felt best left untrodden. Alleviating the silence was the last thing on his mind.
The palms that encased the blond previously with concern forced the back of Naruto's head to smack into the tree with a sickening thud. Sasuke took a few steps back, staring at Naruto with disgust.
Shocked, Naruto's tan fingers sluggishly splayed themselves in blond locks unbelieving. Warm blood oozed from a fresh wound, stinging when unthinking fingers poked the gash, the agony coursing through his cracked skull intensifying his headache.
It was Naruto's nature to fight, to yell, and to do the unpredictable. This time was different. There was a mania that lay behind his teammate's eyes, flittering emotions that he couldn't even scratch the surface of understanding. Naruto's body was torn. Torn between standing stock still or running for its life. All the while Naruto could feel the fury rolling off the Uchiha like waves crashing into a shore. Black orbs returned to psychotic crimson with Sasuke's amounting rage.
It all came crashing down and Naruto willed his body to move but remained motionless. Staring into the Sharingan like a deer caught in headlights.
The Uchiha's patience had run out.
…
A smirk twisted Sasuke's lips menacingly, his face a testament to the insanity twitching inside. His crimson eyes glowed, his body jumping into action. Sasuke sent his body colliding into the blond, pushing him further into the tree. The wound on the back of Naruto's head hit the same spot causing the wound to tear more and fill his chakra deprived body with pain. Legs shaking, he fell to his knees while spots flittering across his eyes.
Sasuke retreated slightly at the motion, noticing blond dye itself a reddy-brown with the flow of blood, matting golden hair. Taking advantage of Naruto's dizziness, Sasuke knelt before the boy, his white-clad knees compacting the dew covered dirt, staining the fabric. Pulling tanned wrists to pin them above a downcast head, Sasuke held them in place with one hand and deftly grabbed a kunai from the man's pouch with the other.
It was almost as if time had gone into slow-motion.
The flickering of metal caught Naruto's eye. Lifting his head, glossy blue eyes focused on the face of his best-friend. The last Uchiha appeared emotionless but to Naruto he was overflowing with emotions he knew all too well. He saw it on the face of the villagers' every day.
Hate.
Revulsion.
Sasuke studied the glistening of the kunai, his reflection holding much interest. He could see he was broken. That he had snapped. And with this realisation, Sasuke pierced the kunai through Naruto's flesh, palm upon palm, to be held hostage to the tree.
Naruto's eyes opened impossibly wide, dripping with tears. His gaze penetrated Sasuke's as a pained howl escaped the blonde's lips, sending a shockwave through the forest. Scarlet lazily streamed down his arms, like the stream of his tears. The sleeves of his orange jacket stained with the red of his blood.
"Do you fear me?" A deceptively soft, caring voice questioned.
"Why…" Naruto choked out through the pain, "Why are you doing this, Sasuke?" His eyes screamed of betrayal.
"Do you fear me?" Sasuke repeated calmly, slowly.
The blonde whimpered, the pain shooting down his arms fogging his thoughts, "Yes."
"Naruto," Sasuke removed another kunai and began twirling it around his finger, "You are not a ninja. A real ninja doesn't smile or laugh. A real ninja does not shine in a world full of death. I want you to feel pain, knowing it comes from my hands. I want to break you. I will break you."
Naruto watched fearfully as Sasuke moved closer, his mouth resting at a tan ear, hot breaths sending unpleasant tingles down his spine, "And you're so weak that you'll let me."
Cerulean eyes glazed over, and more hot tears caressed his whiskered cheeks. The once expressive eyes of the blonde were replaced with the hollowness that he was now feeling inside.
…
Sasuke leaned over Naruto and slowly unzipped his filth encrusted, blood-stained jacket. The feel of the descending zipper reverberated through the blonde's entire body. The magnitude of the situation began to ring true. Sasuke took another one of Naruto's kunai and languidly tore the black shirt that he wore underneath. Sasuke couldn't help but snicker slightly at his teacher's words 'look underneath the underneath'. A faint vertical cut oozed a slither of blood down the slightly tanned torso of the boy, no, man, which Sasuke both loved and despised. Sasuke inspected his handiwork and, surprising them both, slowly licked away the trail of blood. Naruto shuddered, whether with revulsion or something else he didn't know. Sasuke felt the vibration and continued his ministrations on the younger man.
Sasuke reached up to Naruto's bloodied palms and touched them gingerly, dipping his fingers into the red liquid. He looked at his own fingers intensely before smearing them over Naruto's now exposed nipples. A soft pink tongue glided over Sasuke's lips, wetting them before heading to their destination. He licked at the bloodstained nipples, sucking them, biting them, until they were firm. A small gasp escaped Naruto's mouth.
Sasuke ran calloused fingers just below the band of the blonde's pants, earning him a whimper. Sasuke moved his face lower and plunged his tongue into Naruto's navel. Teasingly, he kissed and licked his way up the younger boy's chest, following the thin cut once more, the Kyuubi's chakra busy healing more serious wounds. During his ministrations, he listened to the pitiful noises that the other created, adding to his desire. Sasuke reached Naruto's collarbone and sucked. His incisors sunk into unscathed skin. Hard and painful. Marking the boy with his hate…his love. Sasuke's tongue continued its journey and tasted the salty flesh of the other's neck, marking more of the man with blue-black bruises. Sasuke tugged with his teeth the shell of Naruto's ear and nibbled.
Naruto was bursting with need at Sasuke's attention, but was sickened by the very the situation. The pain was melting into pleasure.
The clearing was scarily silence, except for the erratic breathing and panting of the two ninja. Hollow blue eyes began to beam with lust, lust for the man before him, the man that claimed he wanted to break him. Sharingan eyes mirrored the same lust before Sasuke's original purpose crept into his consciousness.
I must break him.
Then why do I also want to give him my love?
Another whimper saw a crack in his resolve. Brilliant blue eyes peered into his soul further breaking him down. He felt Naruto shiver underneath him, and finally his resolve shattered like glass. Sasuke found himself slowly moving his face towards Naruto's. Their lips met in a chaste kiss at first. Sasuke, with his burgeoning lust, bit at the other's lower lip painfully. He delved into Naruto's warm mouth and caressed the tongue of the smaller man with fervour. Soon the need for air forced them to separate. A soft pink blush tinged Naruto's tear-stained cheeks.
Sasuke ripped the kunai from its place in Naruto's palms and disposed of it quickly. With trepidation, he tentatively held the other's injured hands in his. Naruto looked at the display of affection utterly mystified. Before he knew what he was doing, Sasuke was lapping up the bloodied gash like a kitten would cream. Sasuke moaned, the desire scorching his rapidly heating skin. To touch, to feel, to taste and to be with the blonde before him.
"Why." Naruto asked quietly, perplexed. The pain, fatigue, and blood-loss were beginning to cloud his brain.
Sasuke pulled him into his arms. He buried his face into Naruto's neck, as he embraced him tightly. He inhaled the scent of the other boy. Yearning. Naruto, apprehensively, moved his rapidly healing hands, and hugged the boy back. Time passed silently. Naruto felt the heat of Sasuke's body leave his own, as he moved away slightly. He cupped the smaller man's face in his hands and held his gaze, and whispered:
"I want you to hate me, because I love you."
Hesitantly he let his hands drop to his sides, his black bangs covering his eyes as he looked down with shame. A wisp of leaves circled around Sasuke. With his final confession, he disappeared.
Naruto eyes widened at the words. He watched helplessly as the man escaped amongst the foliage of his teleportation jutsu. He stared at the place the other once stood. His body fell to the forest floor.
Naruto whispered into the darkness, his voice tinged with sadness, "I love you too."
He is my Hatred, He is my Love.
The End.