A/N: The opening lines of dialogue in section two are from Skins. Marvel characters belong to Marvel.
i.
"This is Sif. She can hit harder than anyone I know. Besides me." Thor was smiling and the sun was shining in his hair and Sif felt warm. Standing next to Thor was an odd little boy with a long, pinched nose and straight black hair. He was unbearably skinny, scrawny even, like the beggar children on the side of the street that her father told her not to talk to. As the boy didn't respond (just looked at her with those beady eyes), Thor talked for him.
"This is Loki. He's my brother. He was run really fast. He'll be seven in eleven days."
"Can he run faster than you?" Sif asked Thor. Her father said she had a talent for causing problems, for saying the wrong thing. She had learnt to indulge in it, to say exactly what would get under a person's skin and make them want to hurt you.
"Of course not. I'm the fastest in the world." Thor said proudly. Loki bit his bottom lip and ever so subtly rolled his eyes. Sif decided she didn't like him. Thor was probably the fastest runner in the world and the nine realms and the whole universe.
"We can race." Loki suggested. It was the first time he was spoken and Sif found that he had a drawling, high voice.
"I'll beat you!" She spat. Loki made a face that on anyone else would have been a grin, but on him looked like a grimace. Thor was smiling widely, oblivious and ready to play.
"Ready..." Thor called.
"Set... Go!"
Loki would have won if Thor hadn't smacked the back of his neck, causing him to run away crying.
ii.
"I love you."
"Don't lie."
They laid on the bed, facing each other, a tangle of sheets and limbs. He was her first and she was conscious of trying to remember every moment, to lock away every sensation.
"I didn't think you liked me." He said.
"I'm stupid." She replied simply. It was all she could think to say. She was stupid for drinking so much, for indulging such a sick little fantasy, for feeling sorry enough for herself and her virginity to take Loki of all people. He was the impish, awkward brother of the love of her life.
Though she'd kept these sentiments tucked inside her heart, Loki's eyelids drooped and his all-knowing crooked smile fell the tiniest fraction. Could he read minds? Could he taste the shame that rolled through her body?
"I'm sorry I was not adequate." He said softly. Sif felt her heart shake a little. What could she say? That he was perfectly adequate, that he had done what they set out to do, but that he wasn't whom she wanted? And that was putting it kindly. The words "drunken mistake" also came to mind.
"I said I love you. I've always loved you. For years." Sif said. She was terrible liar. Always had been. Her hands always shook and her face went pink. Over time, she had found that saying the awkward, honest thing was easier. She should know better than to continue to try and deceive him. She wished she didn't feel guilty. She was a woman now. Wasn't that supposed to be freeing?
"Stop lying to me, Lady Sif." His words were harsh. Lady Sif. It was far too appropriate, too cordial for the man who had only recently been moaning for her.
That was when a funny thought hit her, so funny that she smiled.
"Are you amused by something?" he asked, still cautious.
"Loki, was that your first time as well?"
He paled only for a moment before regaining his composure.
"I've been with plenty of women. I've been with women who are thinner and more beautiful than you could ever hope to be."
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Loki winced.
Sif felt tears welling up on the sides of her eyes. She knew perfectly well that she had been awful with no sexual experience to speak of and enough ale in her blood to kill lesser women. She knew she was clumsy and manly and altogether unattractive. That was why she had to wait until she was seventeen to finally make love.
"I lied." Loki said. Sif punched his arm and he winced.
"That was cruel. I didn't know you were so awful." She said with as much venom as she could muster, trying very hard not to cry. She had already made enough of a mess.
He reached out and touched her face and Sif was sure she was going to burst into tears. His long, delicate fingers were cold against her cheekbones.
"You're really lovely." He said and Sif realized she was crying and she hated herself for it. Loki lifted an eyebrow.
"You should be happy. Not many girls can say they lost their virginity to a prince."
Just not the right prince.
Sif tried to smile. It hurt. Everything hurt, really. No one told her that making love was so painful.
"I really do like you." She said, desperate to reclaim some sense of control over the situation. She was going to make this a happy night. Loki bit his bottom lip and she suddenly realized how young he looked.
"I told you to stop lying, Sif."
iii.
Sif loved Fandral. She told herself that every morning as she brushed her hair and every night as she listened to him snore. They were good together. They both liked swords and athletics and fighting and he loved her. Why shouldn't she love him?
When Loki was brought back home, gagged and chained, the Warriors Three watched him be escorted to his cell.
"I always knew he was bad news." Fandral said cheerfully as the worn, oh God, painfully thin figure limped by. Sif thought she was going to be sick. She had never seen someone so frail, so emancipated.
"Better he's here." Hogun said solemnly.
Sif lay in bed that night, reciting her prayers and her lover's name over and over again until it stuck in her heart.