Author's Note: Gossip Girl is officially the new love of my life. To all readers of my other stories, I'm really sorry, but it seems like this is the only fandom that inspires me anymore. I'm sure I'll maybe flicker back into One Tree Hill writing but for now, this is the only type of fiction I can write clearly.
Thank you so much to those of you that have been reviewing my two other one-shots, and I hope to post many more for you to enjoy and review! The feedback has been amazing and has really touched my heart.
I know that I've now written a Blair-centric and Chuck-centric, and I really wanted to pick apart the brain of Nate Archibald. I don't think the show has done the character the true justice he deserves. He has potential to be awesome, and hey, he's fun to write.
Enjoy! (And review!)
The Air We Breathe
The first day Nathaniel Archibald met Blair Waldorf, she told him they were getting married.
He had no say in the matter, she said, and the truth was, he didn't really care. Not even when she forced him to play house, and named all their children after herself.
So, from that first day of pre-school - now a blur of crayons, sand, and glue - Nathaniel Archibald knew that eventually, possibly after several failed attempts, him and Blair Waldorf would marry.
And he was completely fine with that.
Blair looks nervous and it makes him nervous.
She's so outgoing and pretty and popular and not afraid of her feelings. But she gets flustered around him of all people, and he can't for the life of him understand why.
"We, we don't have to do anything if you don't want." He whispers as she takes a step forward. The walls of her room are suddenly so blue, and she's every color right now, and he loves Blair Waldorf more than he loves his own parents.
"No, I want to." These past few months she's grown into her figure, and he's tried not to notice it. Breasts, hips, and thighs, and he doesn't understand how her parents are still letting them hang out unsupervised.
Their hands touch. Nate's skin tingles. Slowly, he lowers his forehead so it leans against hers, and she breaths softly.
He knows they're just teenagers - young ones at that - but he's so sure they'll feel like this forever.
Serena swirls her drink and winks at him from afar, legs up to there covered only barely by the short, crimson dress that seems to inch farther and farther up her thigh by the second.
She's so experienced, and Blair's so innocent.
He's not quite sure what infatuates him so much, but he likes the way her hair is long and unkempt, and how her teeth are slightly crooked, and how every time he sees her, she's in some ridiculously sparkly dress that seems to put all the attention on her.
Blair settles into his arms, and for once, the fact that they fit so well makes him feel uninterested and bored.
Serena licks her lips, and he wants her.
Chuck laughs lowly as he exhales smoke from his mouth.
They're sitting behind some bushes in Central Park that's rapidly turning into some sort of forest. He keeps forgetting where they are and where he lives.
"Nathaniel," his friend coughs, pushing his pipe down into Nate's hands.
But he's high enough, and his mother's already been on his back all week for "smelling like something very distinct". He almost wishes she'd come out and tell him to just stop smoking weed, but his mother seems to just turn away when she doesn't like what she sees.
He licks his lips, the sweet taste of pot still lingering on his lips.
Chuck's in his own world, rocking back and forth slowly and chuckling every so often. It's such an interesting sight that Nate would like to pat his friend on the back for being so damn funny.
They've tried absolutely everything together, except all the gay stuff, and Nate realizes this must be friendship.
"You're my best friend, man," he tells Chuck suddenly, feeling ridiculous even as he says it.
Chuck stops swaying, his red, glazed eyes staring straight at Nate's. "You're my best friend too. Always will be."
He smiles because he knows that even if things don't work out with Blair, or Serena, if that goes anywhere, he'll always have Chuck.
His father scoffs at him when he tries to bring up the possibility of a school other than Dartmouth.
It frustrates him more than anything else has ever frustrated him, and he's just so damn pissed off that he smokes the last of Serena's pot in his bedroom, coughing loudly whenever he hears footsteps.
He wants to escape. He doesn't want to be Nate Archibald anymore. He doesn't want to be a good guy that does what his parents want, that listens to his girlfriend like a whipped puppy.
He calls Serena not because he doesn't love Blair, but because he knows she'll escape with him.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
She's beautiful and she knows what she's doing and it's thrilling, but his hands stumble over her body unfamiliarly and she kisses so differently than Blair.
Serena moans and groans over him, whipping her head around in ecstasy.
But it's all just so wrong, wrong, wrong.
It takes him four hours of lounging around his house, listening to music, eating whatever he can scrounge up in the kitchen, making a half-assed attempt to do all his homework, and just staring at the ceiling thinking nothing for him to realize that he misses Blair.
It's funny. He's never missed Blair before. Well, sure-- he's missed her when he's gone on vacation or when they just haven't bumped into each other for a while during a school day. But he's never missed her. He's never felt that, oh-man-things-used-to-be-so-great feeling.
Until now.
He sits up because suddenly his head is spinning and he feels so strange, and he just can't believe he misses Blair.
He's pushed her so far away, he'll never get her back, but it's only now that all this is really hitting him.
This is the moment he's been waiting for since he'd realized he was sexually attracted to Blair when he was twelve years old.
She kisses him like she's kissed him a million times before, but this time they both know it's going somewhere serious, and it's the most intense kissing they've ever done.
He knows what they're about to do, and he knows he's done it before, but he's more terrified than he's ever been before and this he doesn't know why.
Nate makes love to Blair like he's been doing it all his life, and in some way, he has.
The first thing he does when he finds out is wills himself not to cry.
The words spill from Jenny's lips like an open can of worms, and Nate hates himself for asking for the stupid truth.
No, no. This is not true. Chuck would not do this to him. Blair would not do this to him.
Flashes of his childhood appear before his eyes and as he walks through the school he clenches his jaw as hard as he can-- so hard that he feels his teeth are about to crack from the pressure.
If he could scream right now without making a sound, he would.
His best friend and his girlfriend… the thought is so inconceivable to him though he'd once done the exact same thing to Blair.
Nate's first response upon seeing Chuck is to slam him against his own Goddamn limo, so he does, hard. Yes, this feels nice. He feels his own fingers slither around Chuck's throat, and he'd kill him if there weren't so many witnesses around.
"Did you sleep with her, huh?" Say no. Say no, say no, say no, say no, say no. Say. No.
But Chuck doesn't say anything, and that's proof enough for him. His friend's eyes tell him everything he needs to hear, and Chuck says something he doesn't quite comprehend as he begins to pull away, spewing unkind words of his own.
"Yes, Nathaniel. I took what Blair kept throwing at you and you kept throwing back!"
"Oh, so you screwing Blair for sport is my fault now?" But it is his fault. It really is.
"It wasn't for sport! She needed someone and I was there!" Somehow, these words shatter his heart more than Jenny's initial words did, and he wants to fight back, but he can't anymore.
He stumbles away, wondering if the last words he'll ever speak to Chuck Bass are, "You stay the hell away from me, Chuck!"
He hates himself more now than he hates both of them. This is all his fault; he's pushed Blair into Chuck's arms, and the thought is so disturbing he can't believe he's been so naïve to think she's missed him like he'd missed her. He can't believe he'd actually think she'd wait for him.
His best friend betrays him, and his girlfriend cheats on him, and somehow, all Nate Archibald can think of is how he caused it all to happen.
Alone.
He does everything alone. He lives in isolation when not at school, sleeping or trying to read or trying to figure out how he came to be such a mess. He really wants to smoke some pot, but Chuck is of course his fucking drug dealer and he really doesn't know where he'll even get any from. He laughs at the stupid, rich boy ironic piece of shit he's become.
He always figured that even if he didn't have Blair, he'd have Chuck. At some point in life, he'd probably thought he'd have Serena or maybe his parents, but now he doesn't know.
He's never realized how much he hates being by himself until now.
Silence gives him too much time to think.
Serena smiles her usual, crooked smile at him, but it's different than before. Less seductive, more friendly, much more surprised.
"Nate!" She shouts happily, springing into his arms.
He can't help but laugh as he takes a step backwards. "Serena, hey. What are you doing in New York? I thought I heard you were in the Peace Corps or something.."
"Yeah, I am!" She giggles, and he can vaguely recall what attracted him to her in the first place when they were in high school. High school itself seems like it happened a million years ago. Like it was someone else's lifetime, not his.
"Are you visiting Dan?"
Her eyes darken slightly, if not in a regretful manner and she laughs again, this time more humorlessly. "No, we're not -- well, we're not…"
"Oh!" Yeah, he gets it. "I'm so sorry.."
"A while has passed, I'm fine," she shrugs, but she doesn't really look fine.
"So, again, what are you doing in New York?" He's really happy to see her, he realizes. He hasn't spoken to anyone from high school since high school, and if he blocks out the bad parts, it was once a pretty enjoyable experience.
"Uh, well I'm just… visiting.."
Nate raises an eyebrow. A lie? "Serena."
"It's… I'm here for Blair's wedding. Maid of honor." She says the last part with a little smile and chuckle, and he wants to be happy for her and pretend like it doesn't matter.
"She's getti-- w-with Chuck, right?"
Serena nods solemnly. "They're still together. I can't say I'm not surprised, but I guess he's a better guy than I used to think he was."
"Huh," he smiles, looks away.
He's not really sure what he's doing here.
The church bells ring in celebration, and he sighs, hands shoved in pockets.
He guesses it's some of the masochist inside him coming out to play. He needs to see Blair walk out of that church with Chuck's hands laced in hers for him to realize what's really just happened.
The cab meter keeps going higher and higher, as the cab driver flips through a newspaper, humming softly to himself.
The doors finally do open, and Blair's never looked so beautiful than she does right now. Hair down and curled, eyes happy with her dimpled smile reaching far past her eyes. Chuck slips his arm around her waist and whispers something into her ear that makes her laugh. Eleanor, Bart, Serena, Lily, and even Blair's father and his lover follow in a blur.
What's strange is the first day Nathaniel Archibald had met Blair Waldorf, she'd told him they were getting married.
He had no say in the matter, she'd said, and the truth was, he didn't really care. Not even when she forced him to play house, and named all their children after herself.
He lets himself finally cry now for all he's lost.