Unwanted Distraction

A/N: Not mine and never will be but I can play.

I was at the bonds' office picking up yet another pitifully small check when I got that fateful call. This check would give greatly depleted bank account a necessary boost even though its total was a measly thousand dollars.

There were many reasons why I was so low on funds this month. One of these reasons was that my POS car although hadn't been bombed or exploded did suffer from mechanical failure. This required a visit to the auto repair shop where I was being charge fourteen hundred dollars for a transmission overhaul.

Next was a shockingly obscenely large Victoria Secret bill that was a result of spending spree of retail therapy prescribed by Dr. Lula. Joe, who I have had a long off/on relationship and I had another falling out. As a cure for depression, Lula felt that this would be the wisest course of treatment and I had readily agreed with her.

You would say a check for a thousand is hardly insignificant. That is if you hadn't had a month of costly expenses like I did or had a steady paycheck then I would readily agree. Only problem is that my paychecks were few and far between. My account had lowered at an alarming rate due for hit after hit for money.

A tradeoff of being bonds apprehension agent had developed so that even though I didnt have to punch a time clock since my hours were irregular was that money was sometimes tight.

Chasing a fugitive is anything but predictable. Some people just don't want to go back to jail or even be re-bonded. I often have to camp out in my car for hours and occasionally days trying to bring in a skip. Chasing people is not my idea of a good time either.

I have destroyed more clothes and cars than most people have ever had. Gelatinous substances coat my body on a regular routine Eww, they even gross me out. I have to shower constantly to get the stench out.

Low level bonds return smaller amount of money for me, I am just not good enough as a FTA to go after the more dangerous ones.

Right now my bank account was at all time low and I needed money desperately. The check that was going to be deposited in that account would scarcely make a dent in my obscenely large credit card bill this month. I was in desperate need for money before the creditors beat a path to my door. I had just started to walk to my car when I heard the shrill, distinct ring of the telephone. My ring tones were on the fritz and I didn't have the money to get it fixed.

Unbeknownst to me, this was a call that would change lives. Unfortunately I didn't have a snowball's chance in hell to knowing that. Had I had some form of ESP, I would have never ever taken this call. All of this said and blithely unaware, I quickly answered my cell phone when it rang. I checked the caller ID but couldn't recognize the number. Currently free from any stalkers and knowing it wasn't my mother, I took the call. That would be my first mistake,

"Hello," I answered tentatively, not knowing what to expect.

"Hello, is this Stephanie Plum?" an older male gravelly voice inquired,

Thinking to myself, I wonder who this can be. The voice on the phone sounded vaguely familiar but I couldn't place it. With a great deal of trepidation, I asked my own question, Yes, it is. "Who's this?"

"Les Sebring, Ms. Plum. I am ... "

"Sorry to interrupt but I know who you are. How can I help you?"

"I can't go into specifics on the phone, Ms. Plum. Are you available for a meeting at two at my office this afternoon?"

"Yes that would be fine." That reply would become my mistake number two.

"Thank you, I'll see then."

As soon as Mr. Sebring said the last word, the phone line went dead as he abruptly disconnected the call. I was left standing in the street with static blaring in my ears. At least his phone manners are better than some other people I know although abrupt. I guess Mr. Sebring has better things to do besides mindless chitchat,

Maybe he was a no nonsense type of guy, I didn't know well enough so I wasn't in the position to make any judgment calls. My only direct involvement was during the nasty business with Abruzzi when I was investigating the disappearance of a seven year old girl.

This was done as a favor to my parents' long time next-door-neighbor; I searched for her granddaughter and great granddaughter, Evelyn and Annie Soler, (who was the seven year old girl who also was a classmate of my niece Mary Alice).

An hour later, promptly at two o'clock, I arrived at the office of Les Sebring. Great, I noticed that Jeanne Ellen Burrows was already seated comfortably by Mr. Sebring's desk. Great, now I had to contend with Catwoman too.

There was something about her that just didn't gel. It might have to do with the fact that she possessed the quiet, cool competence that I lacked. Usually, she reminded me of the female counterpoint of Ranger. I guess that galled me to no end.

Plus I had a sneaking suspicion that Jeanne Ellen shared a romantic history with Ranger, not unlike Joe Morelli, my erstwhile boyfriend and his high school main squeeze Terry Gilman. Ranger didn't divulge and share secrets. I wasn't in any position to ask Jeanne Ellen.

The person Sebring and Burrows were looking for, they explained wasn't a skip. They were looking for someone, who was wanted in the questioning of someone's disappearance.

A condition of the job was that I had to agree to it without knowing the name of the person I was to distract. I had thought that was a bit peculiar until they told how much I would make from doing this job.

For one hundred thousand dollars, all I would have to do was get the attentions of the man that was wanted and get him to leave with me. That was a hell of lot of money. Most of the money had been earmarked already because my many debts. You can even say that it was spent before it was earned. For that amount of money, I would be tempted to nab my own grandmother if that was what I had to do.

The Intel they could provide, they did. I knew where, why, when and how to find this guy. The who was the only question left unanswered and this was crucial missing piece of the puzzle. Who was this person?

Maybe I should've been more insistent about knowing before I accepted the job but I really needed the money. Another motivating factor in deciding to take the case blind was that I wanted to do it myself. I was tired of having someone bailing me out all the time.

Jeanne Ellen looked like the cat that ate the canary when she handed me a Macy's shopping bag. In it, she said was my outfit for the distraction.

She also told me that I would have to be ready to leave at nine o'clock and that's when I would get the file with the specifics of the mark. I indicated that there would be no problem being ready and I would meet her downstairs in the parking lot.

With that done, I left Sebring's office and went to Big Blue, which I had borrowed when my car's transmission died. In my car, I investigated what was in the bag and I was dismayed by what I found.

Don't get me wrong, the dress in it was beautiful. It was even a Versace but it was far too short and something I would have to go commando in. The dress was black silk and nothing would be left to the imagination when I wore it. Damn that Jeanne Ellen Barrows for getting under my skin once again.

Something was nagging at me that whole situation because it was far from normal but instead of listening to my reservations, I decided to just do my job since I had already promised to do it and had no prior engagements that night. To show good faith on their part, Sebring handed me a check for a thousand dollar that just solidified my determination to do the job. I was now up to mistake number three.

I took a two hour nap when I got home to push away all the nagging doubts that were worrying me about the whole situation.

Although I did sleep, it wasn't restful and I had a nightmare about Ranger needing me to save his life. Desperately trying to untie Rangers hands amidst a raging fire, my fingers were all thumbs as I was unable to untie any of the knots successfully. I was jerked back awake with my heart thumping wildly.

I felt horrible and knew I must look that way too. Every part of my body hurt and I decided to take a bath to both soothe my muscles and calm my nerves. The bubbly warm water worked its magic and soon I was fast asleep once again. I don't know how long I was asleep but when I awoke the water had turned a dangerously frigid temperature.

Checking my cell for the time, I cursed under my breath when I saw how late it was. As quick I could, I drained the water and took a very fast, hot shower.

I was able to get myself ready on time as I performed all my beauty rituals. Now it was time to tame the Brillo pad that people would claim was my hair. My hair was now rough, wiry and frizzy from my soak in the tub. Ruefully smiling to myself, it was time to get to work. Combing the miracle hair taming serum through my rebellious locks, it never failed to amaze me how fast it works. Mr. Alexander was a genius and should really market this stuff. He would make a fortune on it.

I was putting on my dress and zipping it up when I heard my cell phone. Glancing at the clock, I noted with glee that I was ready as I put my matching black 4 inch FMPs with a black beaded clutch. Carefully as I could on high heels, I went downstairs to meet up with Jeanne Ellen.

Parked right outside my apartment buildings back exit was Jeanne Ellen's sleek Jaguar. Without any hesitation I went in and was greeted with a curt, "Hello Plum, glad to see that you're early." As Jeanne Ellen said this she passed me a thick manila folder.

I started to read through when I heard an audible gasp that came from me. That's when I discovered who the mark was and I didn't like it. The man I was supposed to distract was one, Ricardo Carlos Manoso.

"Isn't Ranger in the wind?"

"That's why the bench warrant was issued because local law enforcement feel he is evading questioning, but he was due back two hours ago and then our contacts reported that he is expected at the nightclub."

I was duped which made my blood boil in indignation. Knowing that I was played for a fool and being powerless to do anything about is a really unenviable position. I couldn't back out of it now even though I really wanted to. I had already paid some of my more urgent bill with the money that was already advanced to me. Shit, I was between a rock and hard place.

I shot a glance at Jeanne Ellen but she was calmly driving through the streets of Trenton to our destination a new nightclub, Fire and Ice. I was warring with myself how to go about this in a rational matter when I sputtered, "Is this a joke? Because if it is, it's not funny!"

Jeanne smiled enigmatically which I decided was worse than the blank face.

In a remarkably cool and detached tone said, "I agree, it's not funny. There is has been a bench warrant issued for the detaining and questioning of Ranger, for roughing up guy under his custody."

"Isn't there anyone else that you can get for the job?"

"Like it or not, you're our best hope for bringing Ranger in without undue violence or we wouldn't have called you in. I don't have to tell you that Ranger is armed and dangerous, so you must be careful. I doubt that he would ever hurt you, but you never know. Here's your wire, put it on."

Great, just great I thought to myself, I had gone out of my way not to be involved when Ranger was wanted for the Ramos murder and now I was smack in the middle of what was shaping out to be a major fiasco. Although I had spent a better part of my time denying it to Ranger and myself, I was very much in love with him. I would do everything in my power to make sure he was safe and sound.

I was uncharacteristically still and quiet for the rest of the ride. Deep down the pit of my stomach was churning and bubbling, I was not feeling too good right now. With all my heart, I wished that I had never agreed to do this. If I accomplished Rangers capture, he might in time forgive me but I could never forgive myself.

We pulled into the parking lot of Fire and Ice and gave the Jag to the valet. The waiting line was long but word from the management had alerted them to our arrival so we were ushered right in. Inside the music was so loud that a nerve on the side of my head started to pulse. Laser beams of red and blue lights alternated across the dance floor. Jeanne Ellen had an earpiece in her ear and told me that Ranger hadn't arrived.

For forty-five minutes I languished at the bar nursing a coke when finally Ranger arrived. The DJ had just put on an oldie, Fire and Ice by Pat Benatar. The words were so apropos how it described my feelings for Ranger, who did come on like a flame and then turned a cold shoulder. I did want to give him my heart but he would just tear it up like he did the day after our only night together.

Then I really noticed Ranger, he looked great in black dress slacks and a silver silk shirt. The only problem was he wasn't alone; with him was the most striking woman I had ever laid eyes on. I guess I had really played with fire and got severely burned. I had sat on the fence too long and lost Ranger forever in the process. Maybe I should have gone the casual sex route but I loved him too much to be able to do it. My throat had a big lump in it and I had trouble breathing as it constricted painfully making me choke. I barely croaked out an order of two shots of tequila when my night even got worse.

Into the club Joe Morelli and Terry Gilman strode, as if they owned the place. His arm was draped lovingly and possessively around her waist. I was shocked beyond belief; first of all I had thought he was working undercover and secondly because he was publically out with Terry. Joe and I exchanged a glance until he guiltily flushed an unflattering shade of red and dropped his arm. Guess that Joe's attention had been elsewhere during our so called cooling off period. Terry tugged anxiously at his arm and Joe pointed to me. I gave him a salute knowing that we were finally done for good this time. He gave me an incredulous look and mouthed, Thanks cupcake. I nodded and looked away liking the new mature Stephanie very much. I wished Joe nothing but happiness and I hoped that he felt the same about me.

It wouldn't do for me to get angry. Joe and I were in different places in our lives even though we were from the same background. He wanted a stay at home wife and I guess I wanted to fly. Only thing was, I wasnt quite sure how to yet.

At this time from the opposite direction walked Dickie Orr, my repulsive ex-husband and the skank who he boinked on our dining room table with: Joyce Barnhardt. That act alone saved me from a long but still disastrous marriage. I felt trapped and the DJ put on yet another oldie and it match the mood I was in. The song was Stuck In the Middle With You sung by the Stealers Wheel.

The alcohol got to me and I started to feel its effects. That was no surprise since I was not much of a drinker anyway. I needed to leave and it had to be now. There was no way I was going to embarrass myself with the audience gathered here.

I took out my money to pay my tab and then I could make a hasty getaway, job or no job. The barman informed me that the bill had already been paid and I felt that familiar tingle before I actually saw him. It figures that the man in black was aware of his surroundings even when I was not.

Without turning around I said, "Hey Ranger, what brings you here tonight?" In a desperate attempt, I tried to feign an air of nonchalance that I clearly wasn't feeling.

"Babe, I just got back from the Atlanta Rangeman and I'm meeting some of the guys for some drinks. Come with me, there is someone I want you to meet."

That's okay, I was leaving anyway. The person I was supposed to meet obviously isn't coming." I was conscious of the fact that I was lying to Ranger which was making me feel even worse.

Black dots danced in my eyes as I started to lose consciousness as my whole world went black. I wasnt out long and when I came to I was under the scrutiny of two pairs of identical, concerned, chocolate-brown eyes. I was once again sitting on the barstool and I tried to get up to leave.

"Don't move, I want to check your pulse, said the beautiful lady who was even lovelier close up. She seemed to be vaguely familiar but I attributed to the alcohol's influence.

This is who I wanted you to meet. Celia, Stephanie. Stephanie, Celia"

"My brother has told me a lot of wonderful things about you. May I call you, Stephanie?"

"Brother?" Then I remembered that Ranger had told me about his sister Celia. "It's nice to meet you. Please call me Steph."

"I'm ok. might have gotten up too fast." Thankful that my blacking out did not create a scene. Then something caught my attention that would definitely cause one. While I was unconscious, Tank and Lula had arrived. Lula was wearing a micro-mini canary yellow dress with matching yellow FMPs. Joyce was yelling something at Lula, but I couldn't hear her over the blaring sounds of Circus sung by Brittney Spears. Lula went in rhino mode in less than ten seconds and pulled her tazer on Joyce. Then human domino rally commenced when Joyce passed out, she bumped into waiter carrying a tray full of drinks. On the tray was a carafe of red wine that went flying through the air dousing Jeanne Ellen, Joyce and Terry in the process.

Oh my God, I couldn't believe my eyes as another waitress lost her balance and slid on a slippery, wet spot and those three hapless women were splashed once again with a round of Cosmos and Bloody Marys. I felt a little bad for them but I was so grateful that for once it wasn't me that was a mess.

I poked Ranger lightly in the ribs and asked, "Is that how I usually look?"

"Afraid so, Babe. Betcha glad that it's not you, this time."

"I'm sure am." I said as I gave Ranger a wink. I did a mental happy dance that I didn't have shades of red stained drinks all over me.

Terry, Joe, Dickie and Joyce (carried by security) all left very disgruntled since it was only eleven o'clock, but both women were a frightful mess. Jeanne Ellen left soon after but not before giving Ranger a thumbs up sign. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why?

Once the dance floor was mopped clean, Ranger pulled me out of my seat to dance. Hastily excusing myself to Celia, we started to chat as she walked with us on her way to rejoin her husband. Unlike her brother, Celia was a delightful conversationalist that didnt mind sharing her knowledge about the Ranger and the Manoso family with me. I knew more about young Carlos than I knew about the adult Ranger.

We danced to Sway sung by Michael Buble. I had trouble dancing due to my drinking and being in Rangers arms. He started saying Spanish words that I recognized hearing when I had been asleep. I gave him an incredulous look as recognition filtered in my brain. Ranger had said amor which meant love in either Spanish or Italian.

"Why did Jeanne Ellen not try to apprehend you?"

"Babe, I had to be a bit upper- handed tonight. When you tried to make your relationship work with Morelli, I was afraid I would lose you. So, I decided to change my destination before that happened. That forced me into action and made me plan on way to distract you, Steph. I've always warned you that I was an opportunist and this time I proved it."

"What about your no relationship rule?"

""It has been as evident as the nose on my face that we do have a relationship already and I don't want it to end. You're very important to me. I love you!'

"Yeah, I know in your own way, right Ranger."

"No, Babe. I'm totally in love with you and I want the whole world to know about it, especially you."

"You love me?"

"Totally, babe."

"Ranger, I love you too."

Our someday has arrived and we would spend it together. We kissed. Ranger loved to kiss and loved to kiss him. So we kissed all night.