Veronica Mars (Nobody Ever Warned You)
By
You Lately
Time and Place: Logan had just inexplicably broken up with Veronica. Alone and heartbroken Veronica decided it would be best to stay busy and avoid Logan and her regular routine for a while. To pick up some extra money and be conveniently away from her phone, Veronica decides to pick up a few extra weekend shifts at her old job as hostess at the coffee shop. But her face can't hide what her heart is feeling.
Author's Note: The Poem in this story "Memories of an Attic" was written by youlately and is copyrighted and property of youlately.
Chapter 1 (Each Day's the Same)
It still sounded the same, the clank and din of people talking and eating; the unmistakable sound of people having fun and laughing, but to Veronica it all seemed like muffled noise.
Alone inside her head Veronica went through the motions: She greeted the customers, she carried their menus, and she smiled as she led the joy-filled customers to their tables. To everyone around her, everything seemed as if life was exactly as it should be, but what they could not see was the ever so slightly turned down corners of Veronica's mouth as she turned away. They could not see her pursed lips, or eyes on the verge of tears, or feel the young broken heart that was pounding inside her chest.
"Have a nice evening." She would say with words that she herself could not hear.
"Is there anything I can get you." She would say smiling without looking anyone in the eyes.
Veronica waited for the night to end, but heard only the ticks of an imaginary clock inside her head torturing her with the ticks and tocks of a clock that was standing still. Each day was the same. No calls, no emails came.
Veronica did not see the customers that night; they all looked the same. They wandered in and were connected to a world that she was no longer part of. She heard their voices, but they were distant, she heard their laughter but they were not amusing, she saw their smiles and wondered what would make her smile again?
They could not sense her desire to run, to scream; but where would she go to get away from herself?
Veronica barely noticed the group of five people that just walked in. Normally she'd take interest in their Irish accents, and their funny wit and humor. Normally she would even remember that they had been in several times over the last six months. But Veronica wasn't feeling normal. Veronica grabbed five menus and led the three young woman and two men to a round table in the center of the coffee shop.
Molly leaned forward and whispered into Nicholas's ear.
"Oh fine. You bring us here again just to pout and stare at the poor girl and never say a word to her." Molly said in a thick Irish accent.
Patty chimed in: "Honestly Nicholas, I think they have laws in America about this sort of thing." Patty added. "Why don't you just speak to the girl?"
"And she doesn't mean ordering espressos from her until you have a heart attack!" chided Molly. "Just ask her, and see what she says."
Veronica showed them to their table and seated them and asked: "Is there anything I can get you? Your server will be Andy." She said automatically.
"Yes!" said Molly giggling.
Veronica turned and looked at her.
"Nicholas here would like whatever takes the longest to prepare, the longest to serve, and the longest to eat. And then I think he would like an order of courage to…" before Molly could finish her words Nicholas kicked her under the table.
"I'll see what I can do." Veronica said with a disinterested pretend smile.
"Wow!" said Patty. "I'm no psychiatrist but is that even the same girl you've had a crush on for the past six months?" Patty asked.
Nicholas quickly stood up and left the table. He followed Veronica back to the counter. He was right behind her when she turned right into him. She bounced off his hard body and the menus hit the floor.
"I'm sorry." She said. "I didn't see…"
"It's my fault, I wanted to catch you before you're too busy. It's Veronica isn't it?" Nicholas asked in an Irish brogue.
Veronica waited. She was praying it wasn't going to be another date she'd have to say no to, but she braced herself for the worse and was prepared to give the standard "I'm sorry but.. speech." Veronica looked at Nicholas and thought he looked kind, and certainly didn't object to his good looks.
To her surprise Nicholas said little.
"You don't even know who I am do you?" he asked.
Veronica shook her head and waited.
Nicholas shuffled his feet a bit and then looked Veronica straight in the eyes.
"My band and I have been coming here for six months, I guess mostly because I always like to see if you're working." He said directly with a slight smile.
"Here it comes." Veronica thought to herself.
"I don't know what's happened?" he said flatly looking at Veronica's puffy eyes. Veronica was now a little bit afraid of what was coming next.
"But I know whatever has happened it can't be good." He said slowly looking in Veronica's eyes.
"I don't know you well enough to tell you every things going to be alright. I don't even know if it would be true? Nicholas added.
"I wish I did know you that well, and make you smile like you used to." Then Nicholas shook his head as if to change his mind.
Veronica forced a bit of a smile, and then purposely pulled her lips in and bit her lower lip to stop. She felt a welling up in the pit of her stomach.
"But whatever this pain is, I think it's part of you now." He said cryptically. "I don't think anyone should try and take it from you. I think what ever it is, it isn't something that ever goes away." he said brushing her hand as he handed her the fallen menus.
Veronicas eyes started to widen. "Is he some sort of mind reader?" She wondered?
"It's unfair to you that I have seen you for six months and that you have never seen me before tonight. I feel like anything I say will sound uninvited. Or even worse: a bit creepy." Nicholas paused.
"The band and I want to ask you a question Veronica. When you get a break would you sit and have a drink with us?" Nicholas asked.
"It could be a while." Veronica said trying not to say no.
"Well then the slower our food arrives the better?" he said in a cheerful Irish cadence.
Veronica was going to say no. She did not want a date or a romantic interest, but the detective side of her got the best of her and she really had to know what the band had to do with anything?
"I'll try. My break is pretty short." She said not committing herself completely.
For whatever reason Veronica suddenly noticed the smell the scones baking, and the brewing coffee filling the café with the aroma she loved so much. The customers didn't seem nearly as abrasive, and It did not seem like an hour went by when Janet relieved her for her break.
Veronica approached the table and they were laughing and telling stories that all seemed to be ending in people embarrassing themselves. Veronica quietly sat down and gripped her decaf lowfat latte expecting the worst and hoping for some kind of graceful and quick exit.
The other young man with wild tosseled black hair stood up and with overly grand arm gestures and began to go around the table and loudly started introducing everyone.
"Aye and who could be more quiet and yet so deadly than our own master of the penny whistle Celia." Sean said with a bite in his words.
"Oh you be quiet now. If anyone is silent but deadly it's the likes of you!" bellowed Molly as everyone howled with laughter.
"Oh and that lovely Siren of the night is our own Molly, our lead singer, and all around matron of mayhem." Sean said bowing.
"And Patty the finest fiddle player this side of Ireland." He said pointing to the red haired beauty.
"And of course you've met your own personal stalker-boy Nicholas, the not so brave and afraid to talk to girls guitar playing Irish lothario." He said as everyone slapped the table and agreed with yelps of affirmation.
Veronica mostly sat still and looked around with her eyes trying not to look at Nicholas who was clearly embarrassed.
"So you're an Irish band." Veronica asked.
With this the entire table stopped as if on cue and looked at her incredulously.
"Irish? Ya mean lass we still have a bit of the auld accent still?" Sean said exaggerating his already thick accent.
Everyone laughed as Veronica blushed.
"Sean shame on you. We didn't invite the lass over to taunt her with your witless banter." Patty said.
"The truth is we want to ask you something?" Molly added putting her arm around her firmly.
Veronica sat still.
"Do you know what a play-date is?" Mollys asked Veronica.
"You mean like when parents set up days for their kids to play with other kids?" Veronica asked bewildered.
"Exactly!" Sean said. "No matter how bad it goes, your family will get you through it."
"OK?" Veronica said. "And this affects me how exactly?" she asked timidly.
"Well its none of my business, but I sort of asked around tonight and … "
"What Nick's saying is we've all been through this." Molly said. "Men at best are complete idiots when it comes to love, and at worst clumsy as elephants when it comes to telling a girl he likes her." She said looking at Nicholas.
"Honestly you'd think the word itself was made of choke-cherries." She added rolling her eyes.
"So what we decided is that what you need is a play-date." Said Patty smiling.
"Here's the thing lass, the band gets to play a big Gala in Palm Springs next week-end, and every year the owner of the resort lets the band stay and use the entire facility for free." Sean explained.
"It's everything you could ever want in a week-end!" Celia Beamed. "Horses, and facials, manicures, pedicures…."
"We get our hair done, and have massages…" Molly added.
"And us guys get to ride dirt bikes, play golf and workout." Sean added.
"Veronica, honestly this is a thousand dollar opportunity!
"And best of all you get to ride on the band bus!" Patty piped in.
Veronica looked stunned.
"You see the thing is Veronica, is we feel like we know you, but you don't know us at all." Patty explained.
"Well…" Veronica said trying to think of a way to say no. "I did promise my dad that I'd do something with him this weekend." She said making a lame excuse.
"Perfect! Bring him along!" said Molly. "We'll teach him some Irish clogging."
Veronica was taken by surprise. "You guys are really serious aren't you?" Veronica asked.
"I'm going to have to think about it. I should get back to work now." Veronica said knowing her answer was going to be no.
Veronica got up and shook Nicholas's hand. "I don't think you're clumsy at all. In fact I think the word slick, actually comes to mind." Veronica said turning to return to work.
"Ooh she called you slick. That's not good partner." Sean said to Nicholas.
Veronica heard what Sean said and smiled.
Molly got up from the table and went over to where Veronica was rearranging her pencils and menus.
"You know Nicholas is the heart and soul of this band." She said quietly to Veronica.
"What you don't know about Nicholas is that when he thinks no one is looking, he likes to fix people's lives."
"Is he trying to fix my life?" Veronica asked gearing up for an argument. "Is that what he's up to?" she asked suspiciously.
"Oh no sweety. I'm trying to fix his. I sort of owe him. Hell we all do." Molly said.
Veronica stopped what she was doing. People owing favors was something she knew all about, but watching people actually pay them back was rare in her experience.
"He's not the same person he used to be." Molly added.
Veronica looked bewildered. This was not starting out like a light conversation.
"Why?" Veronica asked.
Molly looked back at the table and made sure no one was watching. Molly took out a piece of paper with words written on it. It was a photocopy of something hand written and it was clear that Molly had opened it and folded it at least a hundred times.
Molly stuffed the paper into Veronica's hand. "Nicky doesn't know I made a copy of this. He can't ever know." She said seriously.
"Read this darlin. And then call me." She handed Veronica a business card with her cell phone number written on the back. "I'll have the band bus pick you and your father up at 6 AM next Saturday." Molly said holding and squeezing Veronica's hands as she handed her the folded paper and the card.
It seemed rather presumptuous Veronica thought that Molly would assume she would call?
Veronica had no time for any other mysteries. She stuffed the note in her cell phone case and went back to work.
As Veronica drove home she saw a drop of rain hit the windsheild. "Great!" she thought looking up at the sky. She could not see a single star shining. "Great More clouds, more rain." She thought.
When Veronica got home she quickly undressed and threw all of her stuff on the bed. She hung up her work dress and took a shower. She thought little about what had happened at work except that she wasn't going to get involved. She had a plan and it did not include love or romance, or bus rides to Palm Springs. Veronica turned on her computer for one last e-mail check and nothing was new, so she turned it off when she saw her phone next to her laptop. The corner of the paper that she had stuffed into her cell phone case was hanging out.
Never one to pass up a mystery, Veronica went to bed and turned on her nightstand light. She got under the covers and began to unfold the paper. It was a poem written by Nicholas dated a year ago.
Veronica read the poem, and then welled up with tears. She put it down and put her hands over her face. How small her problems suddenly seemed. She read the poem again and tears filled her eyes.
Memories of an Attic
Dressed in velvet and silk, adorned in gold and pearls.
There is the smell of dust, the smell of wood, of candles, and little girls.
The sun streams in through the window,
A shaft of sunlight warms the floor.
A cedar chest is filled with treasure,
And a smell that kids adore.
Half eaten cookies and milk dried on the glass.
These are the memories of an attic,
And the things that will come to pass.
Spiders are now silent on their webs so still.
Chips of white paint, flake from the sill.
Black wicks break, from candles cold.
These memories have now grown old.
But the heart of this father, once more cries,
As daughters grow and daughters die.
In the hazy heat of a summer's day,
Some will weep, and some will play.
The sun still shines through the window,
And the walls still look the same,
But there is no more laughter; there are no more games.
The costumes are just clothes now, and the children have all gone.
No more toys strewn, left stranded in the lawn.
The cedar chest holds these memories of a child once at play,
And there they rest, and there they will stay.
Remember ?
Do you remember?
A dragonfly flying, on a Summer's day?
Flowers like weeds that held our gaze?
A grasshopper jumping, from blade to blade?
Long afternoons we spent playing in the shade?
Of a tree we used to climb,
And never once did we ever think of time.
For a brief and fleeting instant, I do remember … heaven.
Heaven; is swaying on a branch in a breeze.
Heaven; is the smell of burning leaves.
Heaven; is a kitten in a sunbeam curled.
Heaven; is the smile of a little girl.
Bugs in a jar
Bare feet on hot tar
Puppies so cute and
Sand in a wet swimsuit
Pumpkins aglow
Angels in snow
And the smell of an attic from a long long time ago.
Heaven
The next day in school, Veronica headed for the cafeteria. The same old song seemed to be playing every noon.
Then she saw Logan walking through the Quad. She knew he was looking for her. Veronica turned and slowly walked away.
Logan made his quick once around through the Quad as each day he had become accustomed to doing, never knowing what he would do if he actually saw Veronica sitting alone. He finished his inspection and then saw just the briefest of glimpses of Veronica walking away.
Perhaps to others such a glimpse would tell them nothing, but to Logan it was like reading a book. He knew Veronica had seen him, he knew she chose to be alone, he knew she was emotionally in a bad place and he could do nothing, he knew he was a fool.
She walked away, Logan stayed. He was alone and didn't know what to do.
Veronica got in her car. She drove to her dad's office and hoped to put some hours in and to tell him about Palm Springs. But how? How do you just say: "Hey dad complete strangers want us to go with them to Palm Springs and one of them is sort of stalking me?"
But her dad wasn't home and Veronica didn't want to call Molly until she had talked with him.
Veronica went through case files and worked on her own project for an hour when she heard familiar laughing and loud talking in the parking lot. Veronica heard her dad's voice and went outside.
He was talking to Molly, Patty and Celia.
"Molly?" Veronica shouted from the balcony.
"Oh hi honey. " Her father shouted back.
"I was just talking to your friends about Palm Springs. It sounds great!" he said smiling.
Veronica made her way down the stairs and Molly hugged her, and put her mouth to her ear.
"Just in case you didn't read the poem we thought we better come visit you." Molly said.
Willing to do anything to take her mind off Logan he chirped in: "Hey I'm all for Palm Springs if you are Sweety." Her dad said happily.
"Oh she's coming, but first she's coming with us!" Patty said grabbing Veronica's hand and pulling her into the convertible. "We're going to teach you a couple of Irish songs." She said matter-of-factly.
"No sense watching the band when you can sing with us."
"Sing!" Veronica exclaimed.
"Everyone sings when we play Ronnie!" Celia shouted.
"And don't you say you can't sing, because we've already heard you!" Patty said pointing to Veronica with one hand on her hip like Mick Jagger would do on stage.
Veronica tilted her head in bewilderment.
Then everyone started singing together off key:
"One way or another, I'm going to get you, getcha, getcha, getcha, one way or a …" They sang as the car drove off.
The bus ride to the resort was long but what no one told Veronica or her dad was that the bus was more like an ocean liner than a bus. It lacked for nothing. Another thing no one told Veronica was that it was sort of a girls rule the world tour bus. Like only girls can do, Celia, Molly, Patty and Veronica bounced and sang, gossiped and giggled all the way to the desert.
The guys spent all day in the back of the bus doing guy stuff which pretty much meant draping their arms over the backs of the seats like apes and putting their shoes up on the cushions and playing poker and drinking cokes and dew until they turned green.
Veronica saw very little of Nicholas or her father on the way to the desert and surprisingly even less once they got there.
The girls all did their thing, and the guys did theirs and never did the two ever meet all day.
As promised it was a full day and the band got to play and ride horses and teach people to clog and do an Irish kick step or two. Veronica sang her three songs with the band and pretended to know the rest and nobody seemed to care. It was Celtic music made to stomp your feet to, not to be standing by like a lump listening. It was a dance, and Veronica and her dad did dance.
Nicholas was a brilliant performer and like Molly said was the heart and soul of the band. He sang like an angel and played guitar like it was a machine gun.
Nicholas looked down at Veronica trying her best to fit in and learn the Irish way of things. Maybe it was just him that noticed, but Veronica was still not the girl he first met in the coffee shop six months ago. She smiled, she danced, and she laughed but she wasn't completely in the room. Part of her was somewhere else.
Nicholas put down his guitar, pointed to Sean to lead the band and joined her.
Taking her hands he quickly taught her the jig step and a hornpipe step. Then as if on cue, the lights dimmed, and Cecelia played a lament on her fiddle and Molly sang a lilting song of eternal love.
Veronica leaned into Nicholas and he could feel her tired body beginning to wilt.
Nicholas inhaled deeply and smelled all the things girls do to make themselves girls. Her hair, her neck, her body all had a different scent, and somehow none of it was ruined by the smell of horses still in her clothes. Then before Veronica could say thank you, the song was over and Nicholas was back on stage. Once again Veronica felt like part of her had left the room.
The bus ride back was quite a different affair than the ride there. The bus was dark, and people were tired. The bus was mixed with the smell of beer and Irish Coffee and several of the crew were already sleeping in the far back bunks snoring.
Veronica stayed near the front of the bus and curled up on her dad's lap, and the girls sat together with their head bobbling into each other as they compared fingernails and looked at hairstyle magazines. They gossiped about the rich and famous and the tourists of Palm Springs, some of whom were one in the same.
"Aye, Nicky, why don't you play us a tune." Molly asked.
"Yeah show us all your cowboy music!" Patty added.
"I think you mean French Café music." He corrected as Patty rolled her eyes.
Nicholas picked up his acoustic guitar and tuned up the strings. Veronica looked on tired but curious. Nicholas plugged into a little amp that was above the seats and started to play. Veronica laughed when he played Polly Wolly Doodle All Day and some other songs she hadn't heard since she was a kid.
Then Nicholas revved up the engines and started playing Django Reinhardt tunes. Cecelia joined in on fiddle.
Veronica's eyes lit up. Nicholas was good. Really good. No wonder they could afford a tour bus like this!, They were all really good.
When Nicholas ended with Django's signature song djangology, the bus was quiet except for some snoring in the back.
"I guess it's time to slow things down a bit." He said looking at a tired Veronica.
It was as if he was like a metronome. Nicholas quietly and without missing a beat, played a lively rendition of "Mr. Sandman" and the girls were quick to add the all girl chorus.
When he was done Nicholas started to put his guitar away.
"Oh give us another luv!" Molly blurted out.
"Yeah just one more!" Patty added.
So Nicholas smiled and put the strap over his shoulder and started to play a little lament by Chris Isaak. His voice was sad, and alone. The words came out like warm puffs of cotton-candy each resting inside Veronica's mouth until they melted and filled her mind with images and familiar feelings. Veronica closed her eyes. She tried not to hear the words. She had never heard this song before, and now was afraid to hear more.
"Forever Blue"
by
Chris Isaak
Nobody ever warns you,
or tells you what to do.
She walks away,
you're left to stay.
Alone forever blue.
The stars have all stopped shining,
the sun just won't break through.
Each days the same,
more clouds more rain.
you're left forever blue.
Forever blue 'cause you love her,
but she doesn't love you.
You did your best,
life did the rest.
you're left forever blue.
No reason left for living,
still there's a lot to do.
New tears to cry,
old songs to sing.
And feel forever blue.
And be forever... Blue
Veronica tried to stop, she tried not to listen: Her little body quavered and she choked back sniffles and tears, but it was no use.
Maybe it was the long day, or the suppressing of all her hurt for so long, but now it was back, she thought of the friends she had, the friends she lost, and the loved ones she would never see again. She wanted her mother and her dad together. She wanted her best friend back and the first boy who ever loved her to still be in her life. Everything was changing too quickly.
Veronica thought of Logan. Tears filled her eyes with the reality that calling Logan and falling into his arms was no longer an option.
Veronica's dad tried to comfort her but now Veronica's nose was dripping profusely. The look on her face was as if someone just told her, her puppy was never coming home again.
Molly stood up and grabbed a small blanket from her seat. She walked over to Veronica and gave Nick a secret swat as she passed him. He rubbed his arm.
Molly knelt by Ronnie and covered her up, and then just let a portion of her moist little face poke through. She wiped the tears from Veronica's cheeks and whispered loud enough for Nicholas to hear.
"Men! They're such bloody clumsy imbeciles." She said trying to comfort Veronica. "To play a song like that! I suppose he'd play "Wild Thing" at the Pope's funeral if he could."
Veronica smiled a little.
"I'm such an idiot." Veronica choked out the words.
"Nonsense. On this bus we're all family." Molly said revealing her true Irish accent. "You just cry luv. You cry like there's no tomorrow." She said putting her head next to hers.
"Tears is just the love that we can't hold in any longer." Molly said.
Veronica's father put a comforting hand on Molly's shoulder.
"Did ya have a good day Ronnie?" she asked hopefully.
Veronica nodded and sniffled.
"Did ya get to talk with Nicky at all?" Molly asked.
Veronica shook her head no.
"You know of all the clumsy oafs in the world when it comes to women, he's right up there with a bag of rocks." She said as she moved wet hair from her eyes.
Nicholas had put his guitar away and was pulling out the sliding bunk looking for all the world like he just drove over Veronica's dog.
"You know he didn't want to do this to you?"
Veronica thought about it and wasn't so sure? She was sure she saw the same pain in his eyes that she felt. It was the pain she felt for Lilly.
"I'll be alright now." Veronica said holding on to her dad's knee.
Molly nodded.
"Look Ronnie, the girls and I like you. The band likes you. Next weekend we play up in wine country and we get to play softball with the workers. These people love Nicholas. If you want to meet the closest thing he still has to family…. Well." Molly paused.
"I'd like that Molly." Veronica said thinking about the poem.
"About the poem Molly…"
"He never ever talks about it Ronnie. Never. My god! There's a poem I can't even show you." She said desperately." It's like looking at his very soul. "You can't ever tell him I gave it to you." She said putting a hand on Veronica's cheek as if taking her temperature.
Veronica nodded.
Veronica's father looked down at Molly.
Molly put a finger to her lips as if to shhh him.
"Girl stuff" she said.
He nodded silently with a imperceptible smile on the corner of his mouth.
Molly stood up and kissed Mr. Mars on his balding forehead.
"The best thing about Nicholas Mr. Mars, is what you don't know." Molly whispered assuredly.
Mr. Mars had no idea if that meant something good or bad?
Veronica slept for an hour with her head on her dad's lap. But there was no longer putting it off. Veronica needed to go to the bathroom.
She carefully and quietly made her way through the various partitions of the bus and came to the bathroom at the far back.
She washed her hands and looked in the mirror and felt a bit ridiculous. She was still made up in her weekend makeover and for all the world looked a bit like a cheap hooker. She washed her face and did what she could without a hairbrush and started back to her seat.
As she passed Nicholas's bunk his hand reached out and brushed hers.
Veronica turned and Nicholas sat up and beckoned Veronica to lay beside him.
Veronica laid down, and turned into Nicholas. He quietly whispered something to her in her ear and Veronica fell asleep in his arms.
When the bus pulled in to Veronica's father's apartment building, Nicholas walked Veronica to the steps of the bus and kissed her forehead. "Next week-end then?" he asked. Veronica nodded and quickly kissed him on the lips. Veronica took the small blanket with her and her gym bag and went up the apartment stairs.
Mr. Mars turned around to look at Nicholas standing on the bottom step.
"Do you intend on having sex with my daughter?" he asked. "I guess technically you've already slept with her." He said seriously.
"Not unless she falls in love with me the way I love her Mr. Mars."
"An honest if not disturbing answer." He replied. "I like you guys. But like you or not if you hurt Veronica I …"
"I know all about hurt Mr. Mars. If it helps, whatever this is, ... it isn't about sex." Nicholas said.
"It helps." He said.
END