reflections
Roy looked at his reflection in the cracked mirror, starting to forget where he was. Suddenly he was in ishbal again looking at his reflection in a different cracked mirror. he forgot that here he was in sweat pants and a T-shirt and drunk. And that in ishbal he was in his uniform and sober, if you could count his state of mind as sober. He looked the same then as he did now, with huge black bags under his eyes, unshaven, haunted, dirty, a murderer of innocent people, only because they had dark skin and red eyes, and in the name of protecting the country he called home. it was sick he thought still staring at the mirror,
"I don't deserve to continue living, why am i still standing her after what I did, how many people I killed how many families and lives I destroyed just because I was following orders."
He glanced at the door to his apartment, hoping someone, a certain someone would come and rescue himself from what he was contemplating, no not contemplating anymore, there was no one there now, no one to stop him, finally he could free himself and take him self away from the messed up world and free his mind of the crimes he had committed, and the guilt that accompanied it.
Reaching slowly for his belt, where he kept his gun he slowly drew it and pointed at his forehead.
"time to bring judgment upon myself for what I have done, judgment for the two doctors I murdered for trying to help people, for their daughter I orphaned, for the hundreds I killed on the front lines, for those I was forced to torture and experiment on, for those who ended up dead because of me, because I failed to protect them. . . Hughes. .."
He thought of his friend Maes Hughes who had been killed by an unknown assailant just two weeks ago, Roy blamed himself. if he had ordered Hughes to stop the investigation into laboratory five he would have never ended up dead, and would never have left a wife and child behind grieving.
Roy's mind made up even more now after remembering how he felt about Hughes' death, he centered his now trembling hand and slowly inhaled.
"I'm sorry, I've failed you"
He whispered thinking of one of his closest friends and as her face popped into his head as he was pulling the trigger, time seemed to stop at that one moment, he couldn't do this anymore, but it was too late now, then he jerked the gun to the side just as it fired and the bullet flew into the wall, the shot and recoil seemed to wake Roy up from the trance like state he had been in, the realization that he had almost done it again and come closer them almost ever before scared him the gun fell out of his hand and clattered to the floor as he collapsed
his apartment door flew open just at that moment as he was falling and a woman ran in "ROY!" she yelled and ran to him, relieved when she saw no blood. Roy looked up at her, and a wave of gratitude washed over him. This woman was his saving grace.
"Thank you" he whispered
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