Prologue
Draco's mind eventually shuts down. He's too tired to think any more, too tired to play the same ugly scenes in his head for what must be the hundredth time. He doesn't want to think about what Severus has done, what his father might have done. He doesn't want to feel the burn of magic flooding his veins or see the accusing glare of blood in Lucius' hair. So he shuts it all out, and concentrates instead on the low, smoky clouds. The setting sun lights the overcast sky from below with an amber glow, and spills its molten drops into the river. The rain drums against the hotel room window and runs in floods across the pavements. It casts ripples in the surface of the water and gently rocks the boats tethered to the side.
The sound of the shower in the next room stops. The door opens and a light is flicked on. Draco sees his reflection in the window, and Severus standing with a towel around his waist and his damp hair tied back. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, then closes the curtains.
"Why are you standing in the dark? Draco?"
Draco sits on the edge of the bed, his back to Severus, and starts to untie his shoe laces. Severus sighs and kneels on the bed behind him. He puts his hand on Draco's shoulder, and Draco shrugs it off.
"You can't just not speak to me." Severus' voice is weary. He doesn't know how much longer he can stay calm. He knows it's all his fault, but his patience with the boy is beginning to wear thin. He feels it fraying, like fragile silk. Draco slips his shoes off and then sits still, his elegant hands crossed in his lap. "Draco, I don't know what else I can do. If I could take everything back I would, but I can't."
"I know." He speaks quietly, but it's the first he's spoken at all in days, and Severus feels a small spark of hope.
"Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."
They're both silent for a moment, before Draco turns to face Severus. His grey eyes are guarded. "I want things to be different this time. No more lies, no more secrets. And you need to control your temper. You can't-" His voice breaks and he turns away. "I don't want you to hurt me again."
There's a sharp stab of guilt in Severus' chest. There are still bruises on Draco's wrists, and one on his ribs where his wand dug in. There's still a bruise on his face.
Severus' palm stings.
He reaches out and takes hold of Draco's jaw, turning his head to face him. Draco stops himself from pulling away.
"It will be different. Okay?"
Draco doesn't say anything. He knows Severus is trying, but he needs more than that. He needs Severus to understand how much he trusted him, how vulnerable he allowed himself to be. He needs him to understand exactly what it is he's abused and broken.
"Lie down."
Severus' brow creases as he draws his eyebrows together. "Draco?"
"Lie down."
He does, hesitantly. His hands clench and unclench, moving from his sides to rest on his stomach, then back to his sides again, unsure of what to do. Draco just looks at him for a moment, then reaches to remove Severus' towel. Severus instinctively grips it, then Draco's fingers brush his and he relinquishes his hold, raising his hips to help Draco slide the material from underneath him.
Apart from his shoes, Draco is fully dressed.
He straddles Severus' hips, and Severus gasps at the sudden friction. He runs his fingers over Severus' chest, which rises and falls in slow, deep waves, and he can almost forget. He leans towards the edge of the bed – another gasp – and, after some rummaging, pulls a tie from the trunk on the floor. He holds Severus' gaze, and Severus sees that his eyes are softer now, more blue than grey, and his teeth are worrying at his lower lip. Severus nods his consent, and raises his hands above his head.
Draco places two small kisses on his wrists and loosely ties them to the bed. He knows Severus would tie them tighter. But, then, they are two very different men. He brushes the pad of his thumb over Severus' bottom lip, before gently pressing his hand to his mouth. Draco shifts slightly, and his hand stifles the moan it elicits. Severus has been relieved of the power of speech; of the power to scream, should he need to. The power, even, to whisper a plea, and he thinks he's finally beginning to understand.
Draco glances at the light and it flickers for a few moments before going out completely, plunging the room into darkness. Severus is blind, and the only noise is the persistent tapping of rain at the window. Were it not for the weight resting on his hips and the pressure against his mouth, he could be alone.
He suddenly realises how exposed he is, how defenceless Draco could make him in their current positions, and it pains him to think that, even if he wanted to, Draco could never hurt him. And they both know it's a struggle for Severus to control his anger. They both know it's a struggle for him not to strike the boy and mark that perfect skin.
He feels the heat from Draco's body draw closer to him, and the scratch of linen against his bare skin. A cold, hard circle he assumes to be a button; Draco's hair against his cheek, warm breath against his ear.
"Legilimens."
Something pushes into his mind, and he panics and hurriedly blocks it. It's insistent, and gentle. It calmly exerts pressure, fades away, comes back. It's like the ebb of the tide. It's like Draco's mouth, his tongue, his fingertips.
Severus breathes deeply through his nose, and lets his guard drop.
Draco immerses himself, staying shallow enough to see the distorted light dancing on the surface. Thoughts drift over him, voices, memories. He stays away from the murky depths. He'd never intended to go far, but even this is too much. He pulls back.
He surfaces, and rests his head against Severus' shoulder. He removes his hand from his mouth and unties his hands. Severus wraps his arms around him and manoeuvres them until they're on their sides facing one another. He places his hand on Draco's cheek, and Draco covers it with his own.
After a while, Severus undresses Draco, and they both crawl under the sheets, curl around one another. They fall asleep, and for the first time, they are equals.