I wrote this because I have to know that someone else thinks the same way I do. Even if it's only Kelly.
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It's a Thursday afternoon, and Michael made us all come in here for another one of his lame meetings. Whatever. At least I don't have to answer calls for a while. I'm really not in the mood for that right now.
I totally tried to tell Ryan about how suck-y my day has been so far, but he was all "I have to work now. Can we talk later?" Yeah right, Ryan. You're too hot to have to do any real work. Even Michael thinks so.
Speaking of Michael, he's still blabbing on and on about something or another. What's that written on the whiteboard? Ugh, I can't see from here. Everything is blurry! Damn it! But hello, it's not like I'm gonna start wearing ugly glasses or sticking lenses in my eyes. Gross.
Oh great, and now Jim is taunting him. He's actually just encouraging him to make this meeting that much longer. Shut up, Jim! Wow... has Jim's nose always been crooked? Maybe it's the angle I'm looking at him at. Maybe if I tilt my head...
OK, now people are staring at me.
Calm down, Kelly.
I hate my life I hate my life. Ugh! No one ever listens to me. I have no one to talk to anymore. The only person who ever understood me was my sister, but then she died and sometimes I just feel so alone.
Whoa. I just freaked myself out. Sometimes it just all comes rushing back to me, all of a sudden, this total rediscovery that I'll never, ever see her again. After she died it took us all so long to realize that, and every now and then I can delude myself into thinking that I'll see her next Christmas, or when I die, or something.
Why am I thinking about this?
Pay attention. Pay attention to... Dwight, who's now saying something.
Look at Angela. I really don't like her. She needs to lighten up. And now she's looking at Dwight like she wants to make out with him or something. Gross! I mean, yeah I kissed Dwight once, but I would never stick my tongue in his mouth. Well, not when I'm dating Ryan, anyway.
Wow. This is the stupidest conference room meeting ever. And that includes the time Michael brought us in here to talk about customer service, and ended up lecturing us about cartoon alligators.
This job is so weird.
I wonder if my mom got the voicemail I left her. Come on Mom, please respond! How long does it take to send a text message?
Well, it takes me like four seconds. I'm a natural.
But what if she's... oh no. I hate suspense!
Maybe I... did I turn my cell volume down? I don't think I did, but who knows. I wonder if I can pull it out and check without anyone noticing.
Aha! No one saw! Well, Oscar's looking this way, but he's probably just jealous of my pink celly. We totally need to go shopping together sometime.
No new messages.
I hate my life.
I shouldn't say that. I have a pretty good life. I mean-- oh my God I just got a text from Mom. I hope no one else heard that.
OK I guess they all heard that. Or maybe they're staring at me because of how cute I look today. I mean, I am wearing a new shade of lip gloss, so you never know.
No, it was definitely the cell phone. And Michael's pissed. I guess this meeting was about how much he hates cell phones going off or something.
Whatever, I'm checking to see what Mom said no matter how mad it makes my boss. This is kinda important.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
My family friend. My dad's best friend. Is dead.
I should have seen this coming. I mean, he had cancer. It's not like it's a huge surprise. Not to anyone but me.
Ugh, I have to get out of here. I think I'm going to cry. My throat hurts so much and I need to leave this room.
Where am I going? This is the break room. But whatever. I need to sit down. I need to think about my dad's dead friend and his wife and five children. And oh my God, they're the cutest kids too. This is like, really sad.
I don't want this to be happening. My father, with all he's been through in his life, now dealing with this. Not to mention how much of a disappointment I am as a daughter.
God, where is Ryan? Why didn't he follow me? Whatever, never mind. I don't want to talk to him. I know what he would say. That I didn't know the guy very well, that I wasn't even that close with him. Never any sympathy.
I wish she were here to talk to me. She was my only friend. I should have been the one to die in that car crash.
God, how embarrassing would it be if I started crying right now?
If Ryan were here, he'd be all "What's wrong?" And I'd be like, "Go away, Ryan. I'm dealing with something right now and you're only making it worse."
And then he'd see how strong I am and how much I so do not need him. Or anyone. I'm better off by myself.
I kind of wish I believed in heaven or something, so that I wouldn't really have to let go. But maybe the idea of the afterlife is just a way to protect yourself from ever having to let go by fooling yourself into believing whatever you want.
Wait, since when would I rather be right than happy? That doesn't sound like me.
My head hurts.
I wonder what time it is. Whoa, seriously? I thought it was like, four!
Ew.
This day officially sucks.
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