AN: This idea was spawned on tumblr. Someone asked me and Cabirila il Notte what we thought of Jack, Aria, and Shepard having 'guy time' together, and our reaction was 'hell yes'! We had to write it after that.

This story references both 'A Minor Inconvenience' and my TBE universe. There's no actual sex, but plenty of discussion surrounding it. *cough* And who knows, we might write a second chapter later, uh, expanding on things.

. . .

Bragging Rights

. . .

With Cabiria il Notte. Seriously, I couldn't do this alone.

"How many shots of ryncol have you had, Shepard? I know you like to get down and shit, but you must be fucking hammered if you think anyone's gonna believe Liara let you do her in a public bathroom."

Shepard smiled. She had needed a night like this for a while - time off to get stupidly drunk and make questionable life choices. Jack and Aria were always excellent in that capacity. So was Omega itself, and Aria's 'throne room' was the perfect place for debauchery. Granted, she hadn't expected the conversation to turn from war stories to sex so fast, but she wasn't all that surprised either. She gave a soft shrug and tried to maintain her innocence. "You didn't hear it from me."

"I did hear it from you. And that's why I'm calling bullshit. There is no way." Jack grabbed the bottle of ryncol, taking a long drink without bothering to use a glass. "Liara's the only person I've met who's more uptight than Miri. One time I stuck a lump of coal up her ass, and boom. A week later, I had diamonds." She downed another swig from the bottle and turned to their third companion. "Aria, back me up on this."

Aria reclined on the couch, a casual smirk twitching at the edges of her lips. "To be fair, it takes T'Soni about two weeks." Her eyes darted over to Shepard, and the smirk became a smug grin. "I've seen it first hand."

Shepard tried to silence her with a gesture, but it was too late. Jack stared at her in shock. "Wait, the four of you are fucking each other? Damn it, Shepard. I thought we'd been through some shit. Seen some things. And here you are, going face first into muff town with someone other than your bondmate, and you can't even be fucked to give me and Miri a call?! Is it an 'azure only' sort of thing or what?"

"Not necessarily," Aria drawled. She gave Jack an obvious up and down, and the biotic bristled slightly under her gaze. "You know, those tattoos are pretty hot. I might be able to talk Tevos into it, but Miranda would be your selling point with her. She doesn't like fucking people she doesn't know. She's respectable that way."

Shepard snickered behind her hand. Although she was too polite to say so, she had seen Tevos in plenty of disrespectable positions.

Meanwhile, Jack's eyes lit up with sudden interest. "Really? I wouldn't mind fucking the Queen of Omega and her bondmate…for bragging rights, I mean. And I'm sure Miranda will jump at the chance to literally kiss a member of the Council's ass."

Shepard's laughter grew louder. She tried to stifle it by taking a sip of her ryncol, but only ended up choking as she sucked it down. After an embarrassing coughing fit, she managed to clear her throat. "See, this…" She let out a loud hiccup and clutched a hand to her chest. "Excuse me. This is why I only hang out with you two in small doses. Liara's right. You're a dangerous influence."

Aria gave her a look. "But that's what T'Soni likes about me, Shepard. She might have settled down with the Savior of the Galaxy, but the innocent ones always swoon over bad girls."

Jack leaned forward on the couch, grinning as she rested her elbows on her knees. "Lucky for me, then. Before I fell into the whole teaching thing, I was wanted in just about every system in the galaxy." She cracked open a fresh bottle and drained a considerable amount, looking very pleased with herself.

"That's cute," Aria said. She took a sip of her own drink, but the process was much more refined. If she noticed Jack staring at her in annoyance, she didn't let on. She crossed one leg over the other, leaning back on her couch in a way that clearly said she belonged there.

"Cute? What do you mean cute? Didn't you hear what I fucking said?"

"Yeah. You were wanted in every system in the galaxy. I own an entire system of the galaxy. There's really no comparison."

Shepard held up her hands, all too aware of the fact that she was sitting in the middle of the group. If Jack lunged, she would be right in the way. "Hey, we don't need to argue, right? We're here to have fun. Drink, relax, talk… drink…" That reminded her about her half-finished glass of ryncol, and she took another draw. She had a feeling she was going to need it.

"Who's arguing?" Jack snapped. "It's a fact. You're both old, boring, and married. Shepard, you're still a fucking girl scout. And T'Loak? That 'Queen of Omega' shit is more like 'Queen of the has-beens' these days." Aria's eyes narrowed, and she glared at Jack while Shepard tried desperately to silence her. Unfortunately, Jack didn't seem to notice. "Sure, you might still be a badass criminal, and Shepard may have saved the galaxy. But aside from this weird wife-swapping thing you've got going on, what the hell have either of you done lately that hasn't been kids and diaper bags and Blasto Counts to 4? Me and Miri are free, not boring and shit like you two."

Aria rolled her shoulders in a half-shrug. "So? Prove it."

"HA! The fuck do you want me to do? Interrupt her dumb book club meeting and fuck her on your couch?"

Shepard's eyes widened, but she stayed silent as she watched the back and forth. She knew better than to get involved.

Aria swirled her glass and took another sip of her drink. "It's not like you aren't my type, Jack, but if I want to watch some idiot with poor impulse control writhe on a half-naked stripper with big tits, I've got a club full of willing participants. Give us a convincing account, and if it impresses me, I'll make it worth your while."

"I get to fuck you," Jack said immediately. "You and Tevos. On this couch."

"Close," Aria purred, fingers dancing over the leather. "I'll need some time to negotiate the fucking part, but I'll relinquish couch rights to whoever can tell the best story." She pointed to herself, then Shepard, who hiccuped in surprise. "You win? We'll go back back to our bondmates, and you can have less than inspiring sex with Lawson up here."

"Deal!" Jack's face scrunched up as she thought, searching for a suitable story. "There was the time Miri got horny while we were passing by the Elcor embassy. So, we slipped inside and…" She hopped up from her seat, sliding down to her knees and grinding her pelvis against the edge of the couch. "Uh, uh, uh, right on Xeltan's desk."

Shepard hiccuped again and started laughing, but Aria remained unimpressed. "Was he there?"

"Wait, what?"

"The elcor ambassador. Was he still there?"

Jack stumbled back to her feet. "Hey, I'm no prude, but fucking in front of an elcor isn't on my bucket list. Why? They get your azure all slick or something?"

Aria rolled her eyes. "I've sampled a wide variety of species, but I have to admit, elcor isn't one of them. But a diplomat's office is nothing. I got Tevos to fuck me at work…"

"So what?" Jack interrupted. "You two fuck in her office all the time. Didn't you send Liara a vid or something?"

Aria's eyes fixed on Shepard. "You told her about that?"

Shepard gave Aria a sheepish look. "Um, well…you know, sometimes when I get drunk…" Alcohol. She needed more alcohol. She stared sadly at her empty glass, unable to remember when she had finished it. Fortunately, the bottle that Jack had abandoned was still half full. She poured herself another drink.

"Yeah, Shepard. I know. Trust me, I know." Aria turned back to Jack. "But I wasn't talking about Tevos's office. I'm talking up on the Council podium, where everyone makes their petitions."

Jack looked impressed, but she managed to hide it quickly. "Yeah? Well, I nailed Miranda in front of her stupid ex-boyfriend."

That made Shepard put down her glass again. "What? You mean Jacob? He isn't stu…" She coughed again, spluttering as she tried to keep from swaying from side to side. "Where the hell did you get this ryncol, Jack? And…Jacob?"

"He is too stupid," Jack said childishly. "Come on. Walking around the SR2 like he owned the place. What a prick, right? Anyway, he came into the XO quarters to ask Miranda something, and we were…" Jack pantomimed grinding an invisible head into her lap. "And he just stood there like a creep, practically holding his dick in his hand until we finished. It was awesome."

Shepard was unsure whether to be impressed, amused, or horrified. "Wait, you two were fucking on the SR2?"

Aria shot Shepard a bemused look. "Really? That's what you took from the story?"

Shepard shrugged, and Jack let out a sigh. "I mean, haven't you ever wanted to rub it in your girlfriend's ex's face? Like… 'No, bitch, this is mine now?'"

"Liara, um… Liara doesn't have any exes… Crap, give me the bottle," Shepard mumbled.

Aria shrugged. "I get it, Jack. Tevos has an ex that makes me a bit touchy."

Jack gave Aria a nod. "See? That's what I'm talking about. Guy was a prick. Miri said he called his cock 'the prize' and would talk about it in third person and shit." She adopted a deep voice as she scuttled back to her spot on the couch. "Miranda, I heard you had a rough day. Here's The Priiiiizeeeeee…" She shook her head, tongue clenched between her teeth. "I can't even understand how they were ever a thing. Gross."

"Thanks for that visual, Jack," Shepard mumbled, staring sadly into her drink.

Aria remained unfazed. "So, that's it? You fucked your girlfriend and her ex walked in? This is that 'world shattering' sex you were telling us about? Because I've seen Shepard and T'Soni do worse, and they're kind of boring outside the bedroom. I expected better from you."

"Hey," Shepard said, several seconds too late. "I'm not… we're not..."

Before she could offer a defense, Jack continued. "Okay, fine. I was trying to be a little cautious, because you know Miri. She doesn't like to gossip, right? So, anyhow, she's jealous as hell of this ex-student of mine, Rodriguez. Good kid. Crappy taste in men, but she's smart. Anyhow, I guess I mentioned her one too many times, 'cuz Miri went on the war path. She shows up in a fucking Grissom uniform, holding a detention slip saying I had to discipline her properly."

Jack took a moment to stand, pantomiming along. "So I hike that skirt up and bend her over, slap her ass with a ruler and all that good shit. She's pretty much begging me for it, and I'm not giving it to her." Her proud smile stretched all the way across her face, and she clearly believed her story was worthy of winning. "She's like...wet as hell, and I'm really getting into it, so I sink into her, and two fingers isn't doing it. I'm up to three, and she's all 'fuck me harder!' And I'm like, 'take it all' and then..." She raised her hands to eye level, making a circle with one and balling the other into a fist. She made a popping sound and allowed her fist to slip through, holding her fingers around her wrist in a far too graphic re-enactment.

A sarcastic slow clap broke the awkward silence that followed. "Are you kidding?" Aria laughed. "That's the best you've got? You fisted your girlfriend at work? Yeah, you two are just wild."

Shepard snorted into her hand as Jack blushed and tried to defend herself. "Well… it… I mean, we… I got a noise complaint on my desk the next day!"

"How many systems were you wanted in again?"

"Fuck you."

"After that story, I'm not so sure you're worthy."

"Okay, why don't you fucking do better, Miss… I have a couch or… something."

Aria set her drink aside and folded her arms across her chest. She didn't bother gesturing to enhance her story, but each word was deliberate. "I can do way better. You've seen the series of vids based on us, right?"

"The ones with Amara Anjali? Yeah. Don't even try pulling something from there. I've already memorized most of them." Jack suddenly seemed to realize what she had admitted and gave Aria an annoyed look. "Just finish your stupid story, T'Loak."

"Remember the aerial shot at 59:43 in the second one?" She paused, drawing out the suspense for several moments. "That's us. I bribed Amara to slip it in."

Jack's jaw dropped. Aria continued smirking. Shepard nearly dropped her glass. Thankfully, it was empty again. "Holy shit," she slurred. "Really? How did you convince Tevos to do that?"

"I didn't have to convince her of anything." A brief, fond look crossed Aria's face. "It was her idea. She's kinkier than Miranda and Liara put together. The best part is, Amara does such a convincing version of me that no one else will ever figure it out."

"Wow," Shepard laughed, slapping a palm over her forehead. "I…would not have expected that. I didn't think Tevos was that much of an exhibitionist. I mean, Liara is too, but she nearly killed me that time she came over the Shadow Broker network."

Jack and Aria whirled on her at once. "What the fuck?"

"You're joking."

"T'Soni wouldn't…"

"...You're not joking. You're too drunk to be that clever."

Shepard blushed when she realized exactly what she had revealed. "No, y-you're right, Aria. I was just, uh - joking. Yeah… Heh."

"Come on, you can't leave it like that," Jack shouted. She swung her hands through the air, clapping Shepard's shoulder and almost sending her sprawling onto the floor.

"But…"

"You're the only one who hasn't given us a story," Aria pointed out. Her curious expression made Shepard's face burn even hotter.

"...Okay. But you have to promise not to tease her about it. If she finds out I told you, she'll kill me. I'll never have sex again for the rest of my life. And the rest of my life will probably be about five minutes."

Jack nodded anxiously in agreement, while Aria sighed. "Your secret's safe with me. I can't handle my bondmate and yours full time. Tevos is high-maintenance enough, but the two of them together... Well, it's in my best interest to keep you alive."

"All right." Shepard sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She set her drink down and started to explain. "So, remember when Liara finally changed the VI for her audio output? That old one was just all garbled nonsense. EDI helped us program a new voice scrambler that didn't sound like vorcha mating rituals, and she must have moved some of the control commands around. Anyway, it was my third shore leave on the SR2. We hadn't seen one another in a long time, and things just… happened."

She hesitated, but Aria and Jack continued staring at her expectantly.

"At first she said, "We should wait until we've got a moment of privacy". But that lasted a whole five minutes before her hands were down my pants and she was pressed against her console. I guess her elbow hit one of the new switches or something. It started transmitting every sound she made, and after a while, we started to hear the agents' reactions. Some of them were laughing, some couldn't tell what was going on, a couple started egging us on."

Shepard paused to chew on her bottom lip. "And then Liara gets this look in her eyes. Before long her nails are digging into my shoulders. and she's clenched around me so tight I can hardly pull out. We melded, and I was ready to ask her to shut the feed off...but I got a glimpse of how much she enjoyed being put on display like that. And so...yeah. She made up some excuse later, but I'm not sure any of the agents believed her. It's a good thing she didn't scream my name, or her cover would have been completely blown."

Jack's jaw was nearly on the floor by the time she finished. "Are you fucking serious, Shepard? EVERY agent?"

Shepard averted her eyes. "Well, a lot of them..."

Aria pried a new bottle of ryncol from the side table next to the couch. "You're an ass for making me promise not to mention this. I could have used it to make fun of her for at least a century."

"Please," Shepard said, refusing the bottle when Aria tried to pass it her way. "Don't?"

"Well, congratu-fucking-lations, Shepard," Jack said, laughing despite herself. "I think you won this round. I guess you and T'Soni are freakier than I thought. Hard to believe, with the kid and all. I thought you'd lost your edge."

Shepard's face flushed in embarrassment. "It's not… It wasn't like that. It was just a one time thing."

"I don't know," Aria teased, giving her a good natured nudge on the shoulder. "I think Jack is right. Turning the entire Shadow Broker network into a porn channel wins. You and T'Soni get full access to my couch for the rest of the night." She stood up, somehow able to walk in a straight line without showing any signs of stumbling. "Come on, let's go see what Thea and Miranda are up to."

Jack snorted. "Probably something boring. Who the hell our age forms a book club, anyway?"

"I'm almost a thousand years older than you, Jack," Aria reminded her as they headed down the stairs. "And don't you dare throw up anywhere in my nightclub. I see that look on your face..."

Shepard stared after them in disbelief. In all the years that she and Liara had known Aria T'Loak, the Queen of Omega had never - never ever - left her alone on the infamous leather couch. After taking a moment to make sure she wasn't experiencing a drunken hallucination, she leaned back and put her arms behind her head, kicking her feet up across the corner cushion. "Know what?" she said aloud to the empty platform. "This is a nice couch. A reeeeally nice couch."

. . .

"Do you think they bought it?" Miranda asked, resting her chin on Tevos's shoulder from behind. "I mean, "Book Club"? It's not exactly the best excuse. They're going to figure it out eventually."

Tevos turned on the couch and gave Miranda a flirtatious smile. "No, they won't," she purred, pulling Miranda's arm tighter around her waist. "The three of them are convinced we're boring."

"Oh, I don't know," Liara teased, swaying over from the kitchen bar with a drink in each hand. A third floated beside her, swathed in glowing blue light. "If they saw the two of you like that, they might change their minds."

Miranda laughed, letting her lips graze Tevos's throat. "Maybe Shepard and Aria would think twice. Jack would gloat. Or maybe skip the gloating and just take off her pants."

Tevos accepted one of the drinks from Liara and set it on the table to her side, sinking back into Miranda's arms. "Jack deserves more credit than that, doesn't she?"

Liara set down the remaining drinks and joined them on the couch. She straddled Tevos's lap, and their bodies melted together. "No. She doesn't." Tevos started to respond, but Liara cupped her chin and brought their mouths together.

One kiss soon became a string. Liara parted her lips, anxious to continue, but Tevos pulled back. "Liara! That's not a very nice thing to say," she scolded.

Miranda rolled her eyes. "No, she's right." She sighed in exasperation, but one of her hands slipped between Tevos and Liara. Her fingers stayed light as they trailed down the Councilor's stomach, but their goal was obvious. "I love her, and I'll defend her to the death, but Jack is a creature of simple tastes...and a bizarre lack of social graces."

"Unlike you, Miss Lawson?" Tevos teased. She threaded her fingers through Miranda's, slowing their downward descent. "While I'm grateful for her open minded attitude, it's only right to know for certain if Jack and Aria approve before we proceed."

Miranda sighed and withdrew her hand, running it along Tevos's hip instead. "Of course," she whispered, placing a soft kiss along her neckfolds. "I wouldn't want to violate any boundaries. But I know Jack. Her only complaint would be that I didn't invite her to watch right away."

Liara sat back on her heels, still watching the two of them with unconcealed interest. "I don't think our bondmates will have any problem with this arrangement once we tell them. But they might insist on joining us more often..."

"That might be a problem," Tevos said. "I don't want Aria pouting on the days we actually want to discuss the finer points of literature."

"Don't worry," Miranda said. "We'll teach them the difference between Book Club and "book club". I've already got Jack well trained."

Tevos leaned her head back against Miranda's shoulder. "That's reassuring to hear. She does seem a little… unrestrained at times."

"Don't worry. I'm sure the two of you can handle her. We should probably host the first time, though. She has a bad habit of breaking things."

Liara gave a small, pleased shiver of anticipation, and Miranda laughed. "I saw that, Liara. Don't worry. She's stronger than she looks, but she only takes it out on the furniture. Besides, I would think you'd be used to it, Valkyrie of a woman that Shepard is."

Tevos's brow furrowed in confusion. "What? My translator didn't get that."

Miranda silenced her with another quick kiss to the corner of her jaw. "Never mind. I was just appreciating all that muscle. Liara's very lucky to..." Her voice trailed off as the sound of a door hissing open travelled through the room. "It looks like our bondmates have come to collect us. Do you think we should tell them?"

Tevos and Liara shared a mischievous glance as the footsteps grew louder. "Why not?" Liara suggested. She melted down into the couch, resting her head in Tevos's lap. "We need their permission anyway."

"Permission for what?" Jack stood in the doorway with her arm slung over Aria's shoulder for support. Her fingers tightened, clutching the collar of Aria's jacket as a squeak fumbled from her lips. "Looks like we came back too early…"

Aria barely glanced at Tevos, Liara, and Miranda. Instead, she pulled a disgusted face and shoved Jack's arm away from her. "Get your hand off the leather. Do you know how much my jackets cost?"

"Fucking touchy…" Jack removed her arm and motioned to the pile of women on the couch. "Could take a lesson from your bondmate on being polite and shit." She turned to Miranda and beamed toothily. "So, what's a girl gotta do to get in on this?"

Miranda sighed behind Tevos, closing her eyes as she rested her chin on the Councilor's shoulder once more. "I told you so." She extended her hand toward Jack, who was quick to accept it.

Jack closed the distance, slipping behind Miranda just as she was seated behind Tevos. "So, what're we doing?"

"The freak's right." Aria crossed her arms and gave Tevos an indulgent smile. "What are you three doing? This doesn't exactly look like book club to me."

Tevos blushed as Liara's fingers trailed along her thigh. "Miss Lawson and I were just having a discussion."

The tattoos on Aria's forehead lifted in surprise. "A discussion, huh? Well, you know I'm open to that. Please, Councilor, go ahead and make your case."

Before Tevos could begin, Liara looked up in surprise. She shifted into a sitting position, and her brow creased in confusion. "Aria, did you lose Shepard again? Where is she? You didn't give her ryncol, did you?"

Aria groaned and shook her head. "Great. I lose your drunk bondmate once and never hear the end of it. When I started fucking you, I didn't know I was giving you permission to nag me, too. I've got Tevos for that." She jerked her thumb back over her shoulder and explained. "Shepard's back at Afterlife. Upstairs. On the couch. Don't say I never gave you anything… and try not to ruin my couch."

Liara's eyes shot open in disbelief. "What? You mean…the couch?"

Aria continued staring at her in silence.

"That's as close to a yes as you're going to get," Tevos told her. "I'd go before she changes her mind."

Liara's face split into a wide grin, and she headed for the door, not even bothering to retrieve her coat on the way out. "Take your time," Miranda called after her. "The four of us have some talking to do anyway."

"Right," Jack laughed. "Talking."

"Yes, talking. I mean it, Jack. Before we agree to anything, we need to…" The door hissed shut before Liara could hear what Jack needed to do, but she didn't much care. Her thoughts were already upstairs with Shepard. She covered the distance between Aria's apartment and Afterlife in half the usual time, running through all the delightful possibilities in her head.

She was already slightly out of breath by the time she reached the top of the platform, but the sight of Shepard draped across Aria's couch stole the rest away. She had left her clothes in a pile on the floor and was wearing nothing but a smile. Miranda had been right earlier, Liara thought as she admired the sleek lines of Shepard's body. She was very lucky.

"Hey, Liara. What took you so long? I've been waiting for you."

Liara didn't waste any time. She hurried to remove her own clothes. "How did you manage to convince Aria to let us use her couch?" she asked, fumbling with the button of her pants. "I've been trying to blackmail her into it for years, and nothing ever works."

A deep blush spread across Shepard's cheeks, and she coughed nervously. "Um...you don't want to know. Let's just take advantage of the opportunity while we can."

Liara kicked her pants aside and yanked her shirt over her head, tossing it back over her shoulder. "Oh, I intend to," she purred, practically leaping onto the couch. She pinned Shepard's broad shoulders to the cushions and lowered her head, brushing their noses together. "Believe me, we're going to make sure Aria ends up with a very expensive cleaning bill."