(a/n): This is a belated birthday present written for my AMAZING friend Sukii. I haven't really written anything in a long time, so this may be a little shaky, but hopefully it's not too bad. I like doing songfics :3 they can be difficult, but the finished product is always nice.
The song is So Contagious by Acceptance. If you aren't familiar with it, I'd recommend giving it a listen! Not only is it a lovely song, but I believe songfics are better when you know what the song sounds like, you know? C:
warnings: In this story, Rima is mildly perverted and lesbian. Utau's boobies are huge and greatly emphasized. If this bothers you, please do not trouble yourself to read it! Simply go read something else you'd actually want to read.
disclaimer: Don't own the song or the series
So Contagious
Rima leaves the concert in a daze, physically at her friends' side, but mentally distant from their excited chatter. She comes to realize now why she's never had a boyfriend: the boys at her school lack the passion, individuality, and independence she has seen here tonight. At one point she wondered if she was too picky, but now she knows there is no reason to compromise her standards. A match exists, though perhaps not in the form she had expected.
Thirteen is a confusing age. It's the beginning year of the hell that is being a teenager. Boys and girls are looking at each other differently than they did when they were five and ten. Cooties have been replaced with puberty, development on both ends of the spectrum. Fickle attraction hangs heavily in the air like smog, harmful to those caught in the middle of it. Mistakes are going to be made; hearts are going to be broken. Rima has already seen this process starting up in the lives of her two friends, Amu and Yaya. For a moment Rima drifts into their conversation and finds Yaya teasing the pink haired girl about the boy on stage with the violin. Rima vaguely remembers this boy, but thinks him too old for Amu. Her thoughts then return to her own feelings for a different member on the stage- the main lead, the center of attention.
Amu and Yaya suddenly take notice of Rima's silence and invite her back into their conversation. Before Rima begins to talk she thinks of all the other fans crowded around the stage and wonders if any of them looked at Hoshina Utau the same way she had.
Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected
And I can tell that I've been moving in so slow
Don't let it throw you off too far
Cause I'll be running right behind you
The advantage Rima has over the rest of Utau's fans is Amu's friendship with her. Rima does not know how the two came to be friends, nor does she question it. She simply accepts it, grateful. Amu has arranged to meet with Utau at a local ramen shop and has invited Rima and Yaya along. Rima accepted perhaps a bit too eagerly, but she does not worry, figuring Amu sees the excitement as nothing more than love for Utau's performance.
Sunday is three days away, but time passes slowly as though the hours have become years. Rima feels a pang of guilt in her stomach when she thinks of Amu and Yaya, for she has been focusing on a way to be alone with the other blond ever since Amu made the proposal. The desperation distracts her from other things such as school work. Instead of studying for her English quiz, Rima spent her Wednesday night wondering how Utau would respond if Rima suggested they browse around town. When her parents scolded her for the failing grade, she simply nodded and agreed with whatever they said, paying more attention to the flaws in her plans than to her parents.
It is not in Rima's character to be shy or afraid of others' opinions, and so when Sunday finally arrives, Rima is anything but nervous. She is filled with excitement and glee, though one would not be able to tell by looking at her. On the outside she is indifferent and blank, wearing a mask. After all, she is a beautiful young teenage girl. Her interests should lay in boys, not young women several years older than she is. This is society's rule, but Rima refuses to abide by it.
Her rebellion is strengthened when she arrives at the ramen shop. Amu waves but Rima hardly notices. Her eyes are glued to the blond girl who has yet to take interest in her. Rima takes a seat next to Utau as though it is no big deal. However, her insides are beginning to squirm, something Rima is not accustomed to. Her cheeks start to burn red hot and she looks down so neither of the other girls will see her blush. Then Amu gives a piece of news that calms the storm of emotions raging in Rima's head.
"Yaya called me at the last second and said she couldn't make it. So… I guess it's just us!"
Rima looks up momentarily at Amu. Then, before she can help it, her gaze falls back to Utau and Rima examines her from top to bottom. Utau's long yellow locks are in twintails, a hairstyle that Rima is suddenly inspired to try on herself. She is wearing a short, low cut shirt that bares cleavage and the bottom half of her abdomen. Rima's eyes hover over Utau's large breasts before slinking downwards to Utau's indecently short skirt exposing almost every inch of her legs. Utau was not dressed like this at the concert but Rima isn't complaining. She stares too long and finally Utau takes notice of her.
"Do you need something?"
Yes. Rima looks Utau directly in the eye, offers an angelic smile, and shakes her head. Yes I do.
Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously
"I want you to write me a song," Rima demands of Utau when Amu has left them for a trip to the bathroom.
Her insides aren't so restless now that she has started off their first conversation with confidence. She no longer worries about what Utau might say whenever Rima's motives become clear. Rima must be direct and avoid beating around the bush at all costs; otherwise she will risk sending the wrong signals.
"A love song," Rima adds further detail to her request, watching Utau fixedly for any signs of change in expression.
Utau's face is impossible to read as she turns her head to Rima. Though her heart has just dropped into her stomach, Rima also holds control over her own expression. The two girls study each other's faces for several moments. Rima grows anxious, knowing that Amu will soon be back, and she wonders if Utau is doing this purposely.
Finally, Utau speaks.
"Why?"
Rima has already anticipated this question and responds easily.
"Why not?"
Utau says nothing more, leading Rima to believe she's mulling over the idea in her head. Utau's eyes have dropped the connection between Rima's; she's now staring down at her feet. Rima takes this opportunity to look closely at Utau once more. She is unsure where to look. There are only two options at the moment, breasts or legs, but Rima wants to take it in all at once. Her fingers begin twitching and Rima feels the urge to touch, feel, discover.
Again, Rima's gaze lingers longer than it should. This time Utau catches Rima in the act. For a moment Rima's breath catches in her throat and her heart skips a beat, maybe even two. Much to Rima's surprise, Utau does not scowl or show signs of disgust. Perhaps she has simply chosen to ignore it. Perhaps… she does not mind, Rima hopes.
"Hmm," says Utau, taking a pause before giving Rima an answer.
"No."
Rima's jaw falls and her eyes widen. She is too prideful to admit she had never considered Utau giving her a direct negative response. Part of her wonders if Utau has declined because Rima's eyes have peeked where they should not, but she is too numb with shock to worry over it.
"Why would I write a song for someone I don't even know?" Utau elaborates with her nose in the air. "Besides, how do you know I write my own songs? What makes you think I'm a singer and a songwriter?
Amu returns before Rima has a chance to give any reply, and for the rest of the hour Utau directs her attention to their pink haired friend.
Later that night Rima is seething in the shower. She holds herself, scowling down at the tile floor, wondering why. She is alien to the idea of being denied her wishes, save for the situation with her parents. Boys will bow at her feet like servants, and even girls (who do not know her) are won over by her angelic looks. Most of the time, the word 'no' is not in her dictionary unless she is the one voicing it.
The rejection stings, but like most human beings, Rima has become even more drawn to what she cannot have. She is going to pursue Utau, she decides. She has already made up her mind, even if Utau's sexual preference rolls in a different direction. At the very least, she is going to make Utau write that love song. No matter how long it takes, regardless of whether or not Utau will ever return Rima's feelings, Rima is going to get her song.
Ooh, when I'm around you I'm predictable
Cause I believe in loving you with first sight
I know it's crazy but I'm hoping to…
To take a hold of you
Rima sees Utau three times around town before finally approaching her on one windy afternoon. Today Utau has gathered her hair in one long ponytail on the side of her head and has large square glasses in front of her eyes. Rima prefers the twintails, but that is not important at the moment. She walks right up to Utau and stands at her side, silent until the older blond notices.
"What do you want?"
Utau's voice is sharp. Rima keeps hers pleasant.
"Have you started writing my song yet?"
"I told you I wasn't going to write you a song!"
The confusion and frustration evident in Utau's voice gives Rima a form of satisfaction. She speaks even more cheerily, beaming. "Yes you did. When I asked you, you said 'okay! I will!'."
"I said nothing of the sort!"
Utau is beginning to yell and attract attention. The light turns green and she takes the opportunity to escape across the street. Rima follows with a bit of difficulty (Utau is able to move quickly with those long legs of hers. Whereas Rima was never good at any physical activity), but is fueled by the triumph she gets from her little game.
"It's okay if you haven't started yet," says Rima, "take all the time you need."
"I told you I'm not writing you your stupid song!" Utau shouts and stomps her foot. Her faces is red with emotion and her fists are clenched tightly. She looks angry, but Rima longs to believe the older girl is feeling more than anger.
"Now leave me alone! I can call the police on you, you know?"
Rima's smile is gone. She allows moisture to build up in her eyes, knowing Utau will not be moved by tears, but curious to try it anyway. When Rima hears nothing, she glances up at Utau and their eyes meet. Utau is studying her hard, as though she could actually break through the physical barrier of Rima's skull and dip into her mind, her thoughts.
But this is good, Rima realizes. Utau is still here. Utau has yet to storm off in a heated fuss. A chance, though delicate, exists.
"Write me a song," Rima demands again before she can help it. Her mind is cluttered and she cannot think straight. She wishes she could take back her words, replace them with something more appropriate for the situation, but it is far too late.
"Why?"
This time Rima makes no reply.
"Why do you want a song from me? You've only seen me perform once, haven't you?"
"Do you not want to write a song for me?"
It is difficult, but Rima bites her lip and fights a smile. Utau could simply reply "no" and be done with it. Instead she hesitates, eyes locked with Rima's. Minutes pass, along with a few stares, for the girls are standing on the edge of bustling crowds outside a small furniture shop.
"It's hard to write for someone you don't know," Utau answers dully.
"In that case," says Rima, allowing herself to smile, "let's get to know each other."
Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously
"What do you think people see us as?" Rima dares to ask one day when the two girls are sitting in an ice cream shoppe. Nearly three weeks have passed since Rima's suggestion. She is happy on the outside but empty on the inside: their relationship hasn't gone in the direction she would have liked.
Soon. She will admit her feelings soon.
"Probably friends… maybe sisters or cousins." Utau says.
What do you see us as? Rima makes no response and looks down at her lap to distract her eyes. Utau's new shirt is so low cut that even complete strangers, male or female, stop and gape for a moment or two before they remember their manners. It doesn't help that Rima is certain Utau's breasts have gotten even bigger since their first "date" in this very ice cream shoppe two weeks ago. Perhaps if she wasn't such a coward, perhaps if she hadn't kept her true feelings silent, Rima would be permitted to stare all she liked. Maybe even touch.
"Hnn…"
The younger blond decides to sit on her hands. She is not sure how much longer she can go on enduring this friendship. At first she said nothing out of fear that Utau would push away, appalled by the truth. Now nothing, not even losing Utau, seems worse than remaining silent. She would be tempted to confess at this very moment, but they are in public. Something like this is better off dealt with away from curious eyes.
"Are you feeling okay?" Utau takes notice of Rima's sullen mood.
"This place is small and crowded," Rima replies. She wonders if she is being too vague or too obvious with her choice of words. Part of her is tempted to file another complaint, but she pauses to see what Utau has to say.
"Do you want to leave?"
"Yes."
"… Do you want to go home?"
"No."
Utau's next question makes Rima quiver.
"Then would you like to come over to my place for a little while?"
Oh you're everything I'm wanting
Come to think of it, I'm aching
On account of my transgression..
Will you welcome this confession?
Utau lives in a single bedroom apartment on the higher class side of the city. The entire building itself was built in Western style and Utau's apartment is furnished with modern furniture. When Rima arrives she is so fascinated with this alien look that she momentarily forgets her inner struggles.
It is like a slice of heaven on earth with its small yet quaint rooms, and Rima wonders how anyone could want to leave the building. She half dances from the living room into the kitchen, eyes lit up like a child's on Christmas morning. Everything is so bright and pretty and stylish. It much be amazing to live in a place such as this! If only she could—
The euphoria disappears as Rima is called back to her current situation. She glances at Utau, who has taken a seat on the coffee table. They are alone now; Rima has gotten her wish. If she does not speak, she may never get the chance or muster the courage to do so again. If she does speak, there is a possibility she will never be invited back. However, there is also a possibility she will be invited here frequently, if she does speak. She isn't sure which is more likely, though the idea of returning here freely, happily, seems something of a dream rather than reality.
"Do you need to lie down?"
Utau appears behind Rima out of nowhere, bending down to the younger girl's height. Rima goes rigid and forces herself to stare straight ahead.
"Actually, I need to say something."
There is no turning back now. It would be best to just get it over with, like running and jumping into a pool instead of slowly lowering into the cold water. Never mind how stupid it sounds, just say it.
"I don't want to be your friend!" Rima cries out, and whirls around. "I want… I'd rather be…more— c- closer than that!"
Rima's cheeks are red and burning. Everything has come out all wrong, nothing like she planned. She sounds childish and desperate. She has ruined the moment she once planned to make perfect. Tears stream from her eyes, adding to the humiliation. What has she done? What has she done? What has she d—
"Is this what you want?"
Utau stands up and pulls Rima into a hug. A small squeak escapes her throat as her faced is pressed against Utau's breasts. Rima's body has broken out into a fit of tremors she cannot control. Her head is spinning; she feels dizzy and confused and (somehow) elated all at the same time.
"I wondered when you were finally going to say something," mumbles Utau, "there were a lot of times when I was sure you were going to speak up, but I never allowed myself to lead you on: I was too paranoid I might be misinterpreting the signs and I'd scare you away."
"…Wha—?"
Suddenly Utau is weaving her fingers through Rima's ringlets and using her free hand to stroke the younger girl's back. Rima struggles to make sense of her situation, but is too dizzy to think straight. She has dreamed for this, yearned for this, prayed for this. Yet now it all seems too good to be true, like an amazing dream she will wake from at any moment.
"When?" Rima somehow manages to ask. As soft as they are, Rima has realized it is much harder to breathe while buried in Utau's breasts than she thought.
"From the beginning. You were different, interesting. But I needed to make sure you were genuine."
"Oh!"
Rima pulls away for a moment and frowns up at Utau. "Rejecting someone is a bad way to test their love for you. It can have too many undesired outcomes."
"Hmm," says Utau, "well I'm lucky I got the result I wanted, aren't I?"
Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously
She tries her best to play her role as a friend, but Rima struggles to take interest whenever Amu and Yaya begin their gossip. She wonders what Amu sees in her new boyfriend, a boy who wears glasses, when girls are so much sweeter, prettier, better. She also wonders how Amu would feel if Rima suddenly declared her relationship with Utau, but she keeps these thoughts to herself.
If Rima could have her way, she would go to Utau's apartment every day as soon as the final bell rang. She would spend every waking hour of her days off at the older girl's side. Her relationship, however, is not embraced by society, much less her parents. What a fit they would have if they knew their only daughter's sexual preference! More than likely, they would accuse every living thing around them of being a bad influence on their girl, and then they would pack up and move far away.
The sacrifices frustrate Rima, but she is willing to make them so her parents do not even suspect her to be in any sort of relationship at all. Another plus is that the limited freedom makes each visit with Utau all the more wonderful.
Today Rima is finally going to see Utau again after more than a week has passed without a single phone call. Eight days ago Rima played a bold but stupid move, and their relationship was cast into jeopardy. Thus Rima did not so much as send Utau a text message out of fear her parents might discover where she had been when she missed her curfew. She has given her parents time to cool down and believes it is safe to pay her girlfriend another visit. Her excuse for the afternoon is that she and a friend are going to see a movie, so that will give her a little more than two hours. Rima has created an entire classroom full of friends that do not exist, but her parents are too busy to wonder why none of them visit or call the house.
"You had me worried," Utau grumbles when she opens the door for Rima, "One frantic phone call explaining you were nearly caught, and then not a single word for over a week?"
"I'm sorry."
"We have a lot of time to make up for," says Utau, wrapping her arms around Rima's shoulders. "And I have something for you."
Rima's attention is caught and she blinks curious eyes up at Utau. "What?"
"Do you remember when we first met? You asked me to write you a song."
Her life before Utau seems like a distant memory, but Rima remembers the request she made during their first encounter. She cocks her head curiously in Utau's direction, and without any delay, Utau begins to sing.
It is a soft melody, like a lullaby. Utau does not stop singing when she goes to wrap her arms around Rima and holds her tightly. In fact, Utau does not stop singing even when Rima is sure the song has ended. She starts it over again, as though set on replay. She sings and sings and sings, pausing only every now and then to take a breath and a sip of water.
Finally Rima learns the lyrics, so when Utau starts over, Rima sings with her, and together they sing her song. Their song.
Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously