I'm back again, with yet another fill from the Phoenix Wright Kink Meme. This time the prompt was for, and I quote:

Both Phoenix and Edgeworth, my favorite lawyers
Well-dressed in court, with pants over boxers

I don't really care about what's in the story
I just want Seuss-ness and its rhyming glory!

Then, another person commented on wanting a Fox in Socks-esque fill. I decided to deliver by pretty much directly parodying Fox in Socks. Because I was constrained by this style, the story (a gen court case) might be less than clear. Have no fear, I've put a summary at the bottom.

Regular test is Edgeworth speaking, bold is Phoenix. I hope you enjoy my first poetry fanfiction...

Sport In Court

Defense.
Sense.
Prosecution.
Solution.

Defense lacks sense.
Prosecution provides solution.

Witnesses with lies come.
Witnesses with ties come.
Witnesses with lies and ties and guise and cries come.

Look, Wright. Look, Wright.
Let's talk to those cries and ties, Wright.
Let's see through those lies and guise, Wright.

First, I'll uncover the truth, via sleuth.
Then I'll tell it to the court, in short.

You can bumble and mumble.
You can press and guess.

And here's the next step, Mr. Wright…
Defense lacking sense at the bench.
Defense objects without foresight.
Defense is dense and tense.

Now we come to "Hold it!"s and "No wit!"s, Wright.
You know what's next, Wright…

Defense is dense.
Prosecution makes sense.
Judge needs no nudge.
Very sensibly, he gives penalty.

Please, Edgeworth. I don't like this rhetoric of yours.
I won't quit or throw a fit, Edgeworth.
I'll just make sure my client gets an acquit,
Then you'll lose it a bit, Edgeworth.
I will do it, Edgeworth.

Don't you worry, Edgeworth.

Here's another witness to question.
The prosecution will win, that's my impression.

Blood.
Mud.
Who's blood?
Sue's blood.

Who muddied Sue's blood?
Look at Joe's boots.

You saw Joe mud Sue's blood, right?
You see Joe's boots have mud, Wright.

It's not that simple, Edgeworth, wait.

What then? …
The hen.
Then Joe took the hen.

Who owned the jewels?
Sue owned the jewels.
Joe stole whose jewels?
Sue's jewels.

Sue's jewels were in the stuffed hen.

Joe took them away, then.

But Sue put things in more than one hen.
Joe took the wrong hen, then.

Joe's hen.
It has tools.
The picture shows no jewels.
Here's the original, in accordance with the best evidence rule.

Edgeworth!
I hate your superior mirth.
The truth is what I'll unearth.

Mr. Wright, what a shame.

I'm afraid there's no way you'll win this one.
I find this rather fun, though it's all the same.
My goal. Your goal.
Truth. Truth.
Your goal. My goal.
Just the truth. Just the truth.

Lawyers present the proof to uncover the truth!
That's what the prosecution is doing.
Do you choose to present some proof, Wright?
If you do, Wright, present away, Wright.
Show the court, Wright.
Present your proof.

Edgeworth,
I wish I might.
But right now I lack the proof.
Though I do know the truth.

Very well, Wright.
Here's another witness.
You can question him after the recess.

Joe came.
Moe came.
Moe saw Joe's hen.
Joe showed Moe his hen.

Moe looked in Joe's hen.
He saw Sue's tools then.
Sue's tools.
Not her jewels.
Joe took the wrong hen.
Moe was mad then.

Moe was mad. Joe had done bad.
Moe attacked. Joe fought back.

Moe and Joe fought because of the tools.
Moe and Joe fought because they'd wanted the jewels.

Big fight! In the night!
Moe died! What a fright!
But that's not the whole story, though.
There's more truth to find, I know.

Well then… bring the defendant this way.
We'll see now what he has to say.

Joe is sad.
Joe feels bad.
Joe should be sad.
Joe did something terribly bad.

Joe killed Sue for her hen.
He killed Moe too, then.

I can't believe that of him!
He's actually a victim.

Mr. Wright. Now come now. Come now.
You don't have to be so dumb now…

Try to see this, Mr. Wright, please…

The problem is Joe is just slow.
Joe is so slow, he didn't know.
Slow Joe didn't know he committed murder.
But he did, and it was a two-fer.

Hold it! Hold it!
That's enough!
I expect you to prove that silly stuff.

Very well, then, Mr. Wright.

Let's have a little talk about the proof…

What do we have as proof? Well…

We have boots with mud,
And mud in Sue's blood.

And the boots with mud are Joe's,
Ergo, the mud was left by his soles.

AND we have the matter of the hen,
Let's discuss that next then.

Moe sent Joe to take the hen,
And Slow Joe took it, because he's crooked.
Joe took the wrong hen, what happened then?

Instead of jewels, inside Moe found tools!
No jewels in the hen, Moe got mad then.
Slow Joe fought back to save his life…
Only to commit a second murder that night.

HOLD IT a minute, Mr. Edgeworth!

I know the true answer, which is that Slow Joe did not know!
Not about Moe's plot, nor Sue's hen! Joe was delirious in bed then!
When a defendant is sick in bed during the murder, that is what we call an alibi; no lie!

MOE wore the boots, and MOE committed murder!
And when he found tools instead of jewels, Moe hit his head in frustration – he hit his head so hard that he became dead!

Edgeworth, here is proof that what I say is true. The hospital records have finally come through.
This trial is done. You're right – it was fun!

So the case basically went like this: there was a rich girl named Sue, who for some reason hid her things in stuffed hens. Moe hatched a plot to steal her jewels, which she kept in a hen because she was rich and weird, but he ended up having to murder her in order to get the hen. He wore his roommate Joe's boots in order to frame him, and since it was rainy the boots left muddy footprints through Sue's blood. I know I didn't mention half of these things, but rhyming was hard enough as it was.

When Moe got home he took off Joe's boots, and opened the hen only to find that it contained Sue's tools instead of her jewels (crazy rich girl). He was so angry and frustrated that he face-palmed (or something of that nature). But since he was holding the tools in his hand, he, um, hit himself with them and then got a bad concussion and passed out and died. Or something of that nature.

Anyway, Joe is kind of dumb and impressionable. Since he was really sick and delirious in the hospital, his memories of the night were fuzzy and he became convinced he had committed the murder. Phoenix believed he was innocent, but had no proof until after recess. He got a phone call from the hospital then, and spent the rest of the trial buying time while he was waiting for Joe's records to arrive just in time for his big turnabout. Edgeworth didn't already have the records because Gumshoe was on the case. Yes.

...I included lots of rhymes, anyway.