I sit with my father at the breakfast table pushing my scrambled egg around my plate, feeling far too nervous to eat. My mother and sister Beatrice have already eaten, as my mother needs to cut my sister's hair today. It is the second day of the sixth month, and we are only allowed to look in the mirror four times a year. My sister looks so unlike my father, but she has inherited my mother's dirty blonde hair. I have inherited my mother's eyes, which are an unusual dark green colour. My father has given me his dark brown hair and bent nose, whilst Beatrice's only feature of his are her icy blue eyes.

Both of our parents fit the perfect Abnegation stereotype, they don't seem to have a selfish bone in their bodies. They spend their days helping the factionless, something I know I won't be able to do for the rest of my life. Sometimes I envy my parents for being able to fit into Abnegation so easily. I have to mask myself in a selfless disguise, only so I fit in. That is all I have ever wanted, and I doubt I will ever fit in here in Abnegation.

I wonder what my sister will choose tomorrow on Choosing day, she has never completely fitted the mould that most of the Abnegation were born into. Quite often I see her watching the Dauntless come to school on the trains, and gazing longingly after them in the afternoons. If she chooses Dauntless tomorrow then I will know that she truly belongs there, for if she stays then she wouldn't have been brave enough to transfer, and staying would be selfless. If she leaves though, she will have been brave but selfish in her choosing. Choosing one over the other is more than enough to show where she truly belongs. If she does transfer though, it will be a surprise for many people across the city, and not just the Abnegation. Beatrice looks just like the perfect Abnegation member, her pale skin and dull hair not making her stand out in the sligtest. My wondering over her choice will be answered tomorrow though, and I will be happy for her no matter what choice she makes.

My father, seeming to sense my nervousness, places his cutlery down carefully and looks up at me, his eyebrows drawn together in sympathy. I wonder if he is remembering his own aptitude test, and how nervous he was. "There's no need to worry Caleb, the aptitude tests just help you to make the right descision on choosing day. Without them a lot more sixteen year olds wouldn't choose the right faction."

I know he is right, but I am worried about what the test will tell me to do, and if it gives me the result I think I am going to get. By Abnegation standards, I have always had an abnormal thirst for knowledge, but I have had to keep that hidden for sixteen years under grey clothes and a selfless mask. I have hidden books around my bedroom wherever I can, and if I can't sleep at night I will sit on the end of my bed and use the light form the street lamp outside to read from. I find that in the small hours is the only time safe for me to read, I do not want to arouse suspicions about my loyalty. The Abnegation do not crave knowledge, that is an Erudite trait.

My father, as far as I can tell, has always hated the Erudite, especially when they started publishing the articles against the Abnegation. Being on the council, my father has always had a crucial role in the govenment. The leader of our government, Marcus Eaton, had an article published about him after his son Tobias defaulted to Dauntless two years ago. The Erudite accused Marcus of abusing his son, and that was the reason for Tobias's transfer. These reports had always seemed illogical to me, to accuse someone of abuse just because his son transferred seems strange. Many sixteen year olds transfer every year, though an Abnegation transfer is rare. Despite this, dependents default all the time, and it is more likely that an Erudite would abuse their child rather than a selfless Abnegation. Although, the Erudite wouldn't release reports that do not have facts to back them up. Beatrice and I have only seen Tobias once, though she probably doesn't remember the sombre occasion. Evelyn Eaton, Tobias's mother, was pregnant, and the Thursday before she had died tragically in premature childbirth. Her infant had died as well at some point in the night. Tobias was at the funeral, but he was standing off to the side, worry and guilt plaguing his childlike facial features. I can remember how he had winced as if in pain whilst walking away from the grieving adults to stand by the window in the family room. A few minutes later I had walked up to him and placed my hand gently on his back, and as soon as I did so he flinched away from me and asked to be left alone. I thought that this wasn't very Abnegation of him, but considering the occasion I didn't think anything of it. Now I am thinking about it, throughout the entirety of his own mother's funeral, I hadn't seen him shed a single tear. Strange.

"Caleb?" my father says. I realised I must have zoned out. "Yes dad?" I say to him, and realised that if I choose to transfer tomorrow then this will be one of my last meals here. The thought fills me with sadness, and suprisingly excitement. I immediately feel guilty and stare down at my hands in my lap. "You know I'll always love you son, no matter what. It doesn't matter what you and your sister choose tomorrow, you will always be your mother's and I's children." I certainly wasn't expecting my father to say. That means that wherever he had in mind for us to transfer to, Erudite was not one of the Factions he had in mind.

The knowledge of my father's ingrained hatred for Erudite makes me feel guilty about ever wanting to leave.

I let Beatrice on the bus first, considering this is probably on of the last days I spend in Abnegation, so I might as well be as selfles as possible. We both sit down near the front of the bus, and I can tell by the way my sister is biting her lip she is worried about the aptitude tests. So am I, but I know deep inside of me that I belong with the Erudite, surrounded by books and an endless supply of facts for me to discover.

When we reach the next stop outside of the Candor head quaters, all of the seats fill up with arguing loudmouths dressed in black and white. Just as the bus is about to leave I see a red-faced Candor man running for the bus. He gets on and looks around for a seat, and when he realises that there isn't one he stares at Beatrice and I expectantly. Annoyance flashes through me, but considering it is unlikely that I will still be clad in grey by the end of tomorrow I ignore it. I briefly look at Beatrice, who is gazing obliviously out of the window. With a sigh, I leave my seat and the Candor man sits down, without even bothering to say thank you. I could never be a Candor.

Now I am standing I look around curiously at the other people. To anyone watching it will just look like I am being a typical Abnegation, always trying to lose themselves in their surroundings. I try to imagine myself among the smiling Amity, their eyes constantly alight with abnormal happiness. Certainly not. I see myself marrying Susan, and living the perfect Abnegation life, although I know I will be about as happy there as I would be in Dauntless. The Dauntless don't ride the buses, and joining them has never appealed to me in the slightest. My father calls them 'Helions,' and that is something I can totally agree on with him. The Candor loudmouths are given a truth serum at the end of initiation and are asked many personal questions, which anyone with a conscience wouldn't dream of answering. I wouldn't survive there. Lastly I look at the smartly dressed Erudite, and I imagine myself in their libraries and studying with my colleages. That is where I know I truly belong.