Soooo, I blame this on being sick for three days. There's only so much spongebob you can watch while drenched in sweat and hallucinations before crack!fic will occur. Thus I give you the amalgamation of Spongebob and Big Time Rush. Based on the episode "No Weenies Allowed" James is Spongebob, Logan is Sandy, and unfortunately poor Carlos is Patrick...and there's slash in this
"Hey James!" Logan shouted as he threw a large armed wave to the other boy. A smile lit up across his entire face at the other, but quickly his elated expression turned confused. James waved at him with his free arm, the other clutched a beach bag adorned with stripes and flowers.
"Um, James, how do you plan to hang out on the beach in full work clothes?" Logan asked, gesturing to the fabulous if overdone outfit. James' smirk grew even as he waded through the sand in jeans and street shoes. He didn't respond until they had met and exchanged a greeting kiss, just long enough to take their breaths away.
"How foolish of me," the pretty boy murmured, gesturing to his beach bag, "I'll go change in the changing booth, to change into beach clothing," he said fishily, disappearing into the booth, "And not doing anything else!" Logan frowned and put his hands on his hips.
"Wow, James is acting jumpier than a rattlesnake in a pickle barrel," he said, then frowned, "Wait, what?"
In the booth, James quickly shimmied out of his jeans to slip on his new bathing suit. It was the newest in the line of sex appeal, and he was probably the only one daring enough to engage his boyfriend in Judo while wearing one. He was planning on using it to throw Logan off guard enough to get the upper hand. The slippery, flexible devil always managed to get the better of his own larger, clumsier frame. Not this time.
As he leaped softly out of the changing hut, James abruptly felt a weight leap onto his back and force him to lose balance and topple over in the hot sand, his legs coming over in a half-somersault so he was pinned face first in the sand. His back arched uncomfortably, his legs and arms dangled uselessly in the air. A light chuckle let him know that it was Logan who had him pinned, and was currently sneakily stroking his ass through the new bathing shorts.
"These shorts are very Rocky Horror Show-esque, although you are a bazillion times as beautiful as that creepy blonde creation in them," Logan drawled, stroking the seems of the gold shorts to make James shudder with pleasure even as his back creaked and sand flew up his nose, "I guess they didn't throw me off of your plot as easily as you thought though, eh?"
"Eh," James grunted out as his legs were released, to fall with a thump on the sand. Catching his breath, James flipped over and grabbed Logan's forearms, lifting his legs up to roll the smaller boy over and try to throw him off. Flexibility and gymnastics, however, had Logan twisting out of his grip and sending him flying.
With a thud, James landed on some family's picnic. He felt something cold and creamy engulf his foot. He craned his head up to see his foot buried in some blue bowl of white goo. An enraged man glared at him while his wife and child stared in awe at the gold sparkly man-ling laying across the sand.
"Thanks buddy, it took three days to make that potato salad," the man growled. Not wanting to stick around, James took off at a lope towards Logan as the man shouted after him, "Three days!"
Logan lazily conversed with the pretty lady at the ice cream stand about something Texasy when James came into view.
"Just a second," Logan said politely before stepping out of James' way, grabbing his flailing ankle, and giving it a twisting yank. James tumbled into a pile, which Logan abruptly turned into one of the moves from Saturday Night Smack down. His shoulders pinned to the sand, his hands scrabbling uselessly at the sand, hips curved toward his face with Logan sitting on top of them, gloatingly eating his ice cream while James gasped and flailed.
"You win," James finally rasped out, and groaned as his spine finally unfolded and Logan gave him a hand up. The chocolate eyed boy reached up and kissed him in apology. James swiped his tongue inside of the others mouth, smiling at the coffee ice cream flavor.
When Logan broke the kiss, his eyes abruptly focused in on something behind James, then a smile broke out.
"Sweet, a skate park," Logan said and grabbed James' hand and began to run towards it. The tall brunette followed along, his excitement building. The skate park was a large building on the edge of the beach and the sidewalk leading up to it was lined with skaters. He and Logan headed towards the end.
"What is this place?" Logan asked the guy. A worn skateboard was underneath him.
"The Death Gate, where only the best skaters get in," the tattooed and pierced guy said, "You need scars," he said as he showed them his scarred ribcage, "You need scars on your scars," as he flexed, more crisscrossing scars appeared, "You need to have scars on your eyeballs," the guy pulled his eyelid down and displayed a gash underneath his iris.
"Ewww," James murmured. Logan smirked.
"Well, I'm an awesome skater, that's what we did back in Texas," Logan said, "Looks like fun,"
"Heck yeah," James smirked. After several minutes, watching people proving their worthiness, Logan was next.
"Why should I let you in," The tattooed bouncer asked. Logan smirked charmingly.
"My buds and I in Texas used to skate through a mall, which was never allowed, and see who could get through without getting arrested," Logan said. The bouncer nodded and Logan darted inside. James moved to follow him, but the bouncer blocked his way.
"Um, I'm with him," he said.
"Doesn't matter, we only let the best skaters in," the bouncer growled, "Now why should I let you in,"
"Um, what can I tell you to let me in?" James asked. The bouncer rolled his eyes.
"Either a demonstration or a story. Maybe where you got injured," he said. James scratched his head thoughtfully.
"I burned myself on my straightener this morning," James said and raised the back of his hair to show the sunburn-like mark on the back of his neck. The bouncer deadpanned.
"Get out of here," he said. James started to protest when someone bumped into him so hard he ended up face planted all over the bouncer's chest.
"Hey Reg, what's up?" The skater said, his brain obviously damaged from multiple hits if the crossed eyes said anything about it.
"Hey, go on in buddy," the bouncer said as he motioned with his head in. Then he looked down at the brunette plastered to his chest.
"Sooo, you're name's Reg," James said flirtatiously. Reg rolled his eyes.
"Go hang out at Weenie Hut Jrs, that's where all your friends are anyway," Reg said.
"That's so not true, my friends do not hang out at Weenie Hut Jrs!" James proclaimed.
"Hey James!" Carlos smiled over his smoothie at the bar.
"Carlos, what are you doing at Weenie Hut Jrs?" James asked in a hushed whisper. Carlos stared at him wide-eyed.
"I always go to Weenie Hut Jrs on our days off," Carlos said, then frowned, "Speaking of which, where's Logain?" James pouted and sat down angrily.
"Over at Death Gate, which I can't get in unless I show that I'm some awesome skater," he growled. Carlos frowned for a second before getting a big grin on his face.
"How about street acrobatics," Carlos suggested, "Like running toward a building, running up the wall, then pushing off with a flip?"
"But I can't do any of that," James said, "I can only back flip, and dance pretty good. I can't do any funny footwork."
"Well, I could always support you with a rope from the ceiling of the building. Just unclip it before anyone gets close enough to see!" Carlos said.
"That could actually work," James said.
"Wow kid," Reg said, as he watched James swing his arms back and forth, having just completed the trickery, "I never thought I'd say this, but go ahead,"
James fist pumped and ran inside. As he ran in, the floor abruptly dropped off. He would have been able to stop had it not been for the skateboards lining the floor. His foot caught on one and he took off down the huge halfpipe. For a miraculous second, he felt the gravity flow through him and it felt like surfing. Then he reached the top of the pipe and lost control due to the wheels. As he flew off the board and to the floor, the last thing he heard before blackness won was Logan shouting his name.
"Stop laughing at me!" James whined and swatted at his boyfriend. Logan chuckled and ducked under the flailing arms to kiss the sullen pretty boy. The black eye was just enough to keep him giggling at the way James had failed.
"Honestly, it was a two foot ramp. How did that happen," Logan asked through giggles until a pair of strong arms reached forward and yanked him into a strong lap with a yelp.
"You forget who lifts weights in this relationship," James growled as he buried his fingers into Logan's sides, causing the brunette to squeal and squirm around in his lap.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Logan cackled out, "Mercy, I'll be good," until James stopped. He lay back in the other's lap for a while, catching his breath, before he just had to let out.
"So how are your booboos?" before he let out a squeal as fingers buried in his side and teeth tickled his neck in a way that had him unable to breathe for the next several minutes.
And now I go back to being disgusting and getting snot and sweat and eye-watery-juice all over everything...thank you for reading and please review!