Disclaimer: I am not Stephanie Meyers.
I try to calm my nerves by taking another deep breath as I cautiously slide down from my truck and onto the pavement. Air whooshes out of my lungs sounding like a loud huff and does nothing but make me feel like I will hyperventillate if I try it again. The air stings cold and damp, so I tug my scarf a little tighter around my neck in an effort to keep warm. I feel fairly uncomfortable, it being my first day at school. It's bad enough that I have to finish my senior year of high school in a new state and away home, but in January? Seriously, what the hell Renee? My capricious mother decided she needed to follow her new boyfriend to Jacksonville for spring training. Ugh… baseball. I'm just really disappointed in my mother's lack of consideration for me. She's always been self-centered, but this kind of takes the cake. I am grateful however that my father could accomodate me and on such short notice. He orchestrated my enrollment into Forks High over winter break. Apparently the principal is an old fishing buddy of his. Though he's been trying play it cool I can sort of tell Charlie is tickled that I'm here. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised. I always assumed he didn't want me to live with him. But this affection has single-handedly halfed the resentment i'm carrying towards Renee. Poor guy, I do feel badly that his teenage daughter was thrust upon him completely out of the blue. He bought me a truck so I could get around town. It's old, sort of a relic, really. Most kids my age would rather walk, than be caught dead in an old clunker like this. But the truth is my father bought this for me with his meager savings. Knowing he wants me to be as happy as possible here – knowing how much it hurt me that my mom uprooted me. I would never hurt his feelings by telling him it's hideous. He can barely afford the mortgage, and he got me this. So I told him I loved it. And I do. I love what it represents. He was trying his best. So, I resolved to try my best, too.
I set my gaze straight ahead and toss my bag over my shoulder as I amble my way towards the main building. Breathe, Bella, I say to myself in an effort to look nonchalont, but not too deeply. I don't want to look as though I'm having an athsma attack or something. I do my best to avoid the sideways glances and whispers I hear echoing around me as people me size-up and down. I want people to have their look and move on. It was so easy to fade into the background back home, having fairly non-descript features - long brown hair, pale skin, and brown eyes. I dress plainly. Not because I don't care about how I look, it's just my family has never had the cash to throw around for new clothes. It's not something that I can think about too much, so I don't. I usually shop at consignment stores and pick up stuff that I need. Before I left Phoenix I splurged on a pair of skinny jeans from Forever 21. They were only nineteen dollars. Everything else I own is used. Even my pointy-toe flats that I'm wearing are second hand. They're pretty scuffed, but nobody needs to know that it wasn't me that did the scuffing. If I can fade into the backgound while here, and maybe make a quiet friend or two, I think I'll be okay. I'm actually pleased I'll be able to devote all of my time on my schoolwork. I need all the scholarships I can possibly wrangle for college. I've applied to Columbia University and the University of Washington – the only two schools in the country that offer undergraduate degrees in Neuro-Biology. I'm planning on going to medical school. I have my fingers and toes crossed that I'll get in. I won't hear for another couple of months though.
As I climb the steps I pray I can get past everyone without tripping, falling, or wheezing. I really just want a smooth and uneventful day. And I hope that this boring day will progress into many, many more boring days, until I can graduate and go home to Phoenix, and back to work for the summer.
At lunch, I find myself sitting at a table with a girl named Jessica. She's nice enough, if not a little chatty. She found me in Spanish class earlier in the day and seems to have adopted me. At least someone likes attention, and being around the new girl is giving her plenty. I find that if I nod my head occasionally and seem interested in what she's saying she'll just keep on talking. So that's just what I do, as I nibble away at my apple.
After about five minutes or so, a tall and very handsome African american boy sits down at our table.
"Jessica… talking the new girl's ear off, I see. Didn't waste much time, did you, babe?" The boy is smirking and gives me a quick wink.
"Tyler, this is Bella. Bella, Tyler. Tyler thinks he's some sort of comedian." She snips.
I smile shyly back at Tyler. "Nice to meet you."
"You, too." He says. "Welcome to Forks High."
There's something about Tyler that I like instantly. He has a twinkle in his eye and he exudes genuine warmth. He's friendly, but not overly friendly or flirtly, and it puts me at ease.
"I tease Jessica, because she's such an easy target." He says. "But seriously, if you want to know about anyone or anything in this school, she's your girl. She has her finger on the pulse, if you know what I mean."
"Yeah, I'm kind of getting that." I smile.
"Well someone has to educate her." Jessica huffs. "What if she get's caught up in the wrong crowd or something…?
As Jessica chastises Tyler, I find myself becoming intrigued by a table of kids across the way. All of the kids sitting there look as though they're filming an episode of some MTV reality show. Everyone, and I mean everyone looks insanely gorgeous. And upon closer scrutiny they look more like college students, not even high school students.
"Jessica?" I ask. "Who are they?" I inconspicuously nod my head in the direction of their table.
Jessica quickly gives Tyler an, 'I told you so' glance before answering.
"They're the Cullens." Jessica whispers, leaning in closer.
"They moved here last summer from New York City.
"I know, they're all gorgeous, right?" She smirks.
"The short, waifish one with the pixie is Alice Cullen – the only one I'd even talk to, FYI. Every one else is a snob."
"See the blond boy with the shagged-out hair? That's Jasper Hale - the waif's boyfriend. The blond bombshell is his sister, Rosalie. Complete b.i.t.c.h. Seriously…"
Jessica keeps looking at me as if to wait for validation, but I make no move to respond. I stare impassively.
"…And sitting next to her, the incredible hulk-slash-Calvin Klein underwear model, is her boyfriend Emmett Cullen. The story goes that the Hales refused to stay in New York when they found out their spouses were moving across the country, so they just up and moved here with them. Dr. Cullen, their dad is the new chief of staff at the Clallum County Medical Center. Apparently, his wife developed some strange medical condition, photo… phobia? Ur.. photo-something or other… anyway, she like, can't be in the sun. At all."
At that moment, Tyler excitedly interupts her; "Ooh, like that movie… 'The Others!' Now that movie scared the crap out of me."
'… but I AM your daughter.' Tyler recites in an English accent.
Remember that scene? I almost peed my pants…" He says taking another bite out of his sandwich.
"I know, right? I loved that movie, too. I think that's when I first noticed Nicole Kidman's face stopped moving." Jessica says, finally starting in on her lunch.
"What do you mean? Like…botox? Tyler is shocked. "Nicole doesn't have botox. He sniffs, seemingly offended by her comment.
"Really? Then why can't she move her forehead, Tyler? Why do her eyebrows arch into a permanent scowl? Her skin is too smooth - I mean, come on; get a clue. The woman looks like a characature of herself from Madame Tousouds wax museum. I don't think anyone could tell them apart if you put them side by side..."
Wow, this girl can talk. As the bickering continues, I can't help but notice another girl sitting at the Cullen table. She's quietly reading a book - not at all engaged with the others. But she's just as gorgeous, if not more so than the rest. I can't quite see her eye color, but I spy her long dark lashes and long-layered, wavy, chocolate-brown hair worn with a side swept bang. It's a very trendy look. She's exudes a quiet confidence and looks to be, well, slightly brooding. There's something different about her; an intensity that I can't quite describe. I don't even realize that I've been staring until I hear Jessica asking me to validate her feelings of distain for the actress. I'm quickly pulled out of my abstraction.
"Tyler, she looks freakier by the day, don't you agree, Bella?"
"Bella?"
"I, um…."
"Bella, Nicole Kidman? Used to be married to Tom Cruise; abandoned her adopted children with the squirilly-eyed Theton and had a kid with the Austrailian cowboy? She seriously looks freakier by the day. Don't you think?"
"Well." I reply. "I haven't really seen any movies or anything of hers lately so, I can't really say." I get out of that one and exhale a relieved sigh. I'm not sure at this point how much of a friendship I'd be able to share with Jessica.
I peer back over to the Cullen table and my curiosity gets the best of me.
"Jessica… who is that other girl at the table?" I ask.
Jess is officially riled up from her conversation with Tyler so I don't know how to take her reply.
"That is Angela Weber-Cullen. And THAT will not be good for you.
At that very moment the bell rings and my companions gather their things and scurry off to their next class, waving casual goodbyes.
I take my time cleaning up as I watch the Cullen table and its occupants smoothly navigate through the crowd and return their lunch trays. I can see why Jessica thinks the Cullen's are snobby. Their designer clothes and and the way they carry themselves scream money and priveledge. Rosalie, the flaxen-haired beauty, and the little pixie are dressed almost over-the top fashionably. They certainly look out of place in this po-dunk town. But the unattached one – Angela, seems more, I don't know… forlorn? Serious? She looks like she's fairly tall. She's wearing a pair of expensive-looking jeans and a pair of brown, Frye boots. A camel colored wool sweater and a very cool, heather gray, fringed, cotton scarf worn artfully around her neck. Her black plastic Clark Kent glasses add a look of prestige to her already confident demeanor. Even though she seems completely out of place here, maybe it's just me, but she does appear slightly more approachable than the others. Maybe it's because she's not all made up like her friends – a natural beauty.
As the rest of the cafeteria empties, Angela is still sitting at the table reading. I throw my bag over my shoulder and slowly start to walk her way towards the exit double-doors. I can't tear my eyes away from her. Suddenly, as if feeling the weight of my stare, she lifts her gaze away from the book and looks directly at me. My breath hitches in my throat when I see that she has the most emerald green eyes underneath those dark lashes. And they seem to burn right through me. I quickly turn away and dart out the door, embarrassed for being caught staring, and I trip over myself slightly. I'm grateful I'm able to right myself without falling, but I'm embarrassed nontheless. I pray she didn't see me stumble.
I get to my biology class unscathed and am told to sit at an unoccupied lab table in the back of the room. My face is still warm from my earlier embarrassment and I hope I don't look like a freshly steamed beet. I pull out my notebook, look down, let my hair cascade over my face, and start doodling to avoid the stares I continue to get from others.
Just before the bell rings I hear the chair beside me scrape against the floor. I casually look over my left shoulder to offer a quiet hello but what I see makes me choke that hello right back down. It's her… Angela. Sitting right beside me, wearing a look of utter distain as she assesses her new seating companion. I think I was partially wrong about my earlier assesment of her personality. She is conceited. And from the energy radiating off of her body, I'd say she is not happy to be seated next to someone like me.
I feel totally unnerved at this point. Maybe this is what Jessica meant by insinuating I needed to stay away from her.
I don't have time to contemplate her anymore, as the instructor is starting his class. My attention is drawn to the front of the room and I'm curious to see what I'll be working on. Mr. Banner is passing out a worksheet on… chromosomal mitosis? I was really hoping that the class was working on something a little sexier. I did this work as a sophomore in my advanced class in Phoenix. I can't help but let out a defeated sigh.
I hear a slightly sinister laugh beside me.
"Maybe you shouldn't have signed up for this class if advanced science is too challenging for you" Angela says in a very low and cutting voice.
I steal a quick sideways glance and see that even though she's spoken, she's now ignoring my presence. Her comment was made without the expectation of a response by the way her body is angled away from mine. She wears an irritated frown as she stares straight ahead.
Why is she being so rude? I feel shocked and very uncomfortable sitting next to this person. I really dislike unneccessary mean-ness. I force myself ignore her comment. Five more months, I repeat to myself. Gosh, this is so not how I expected this day to go.
Mr Banner instructs us to work with our partners and fill in the worksheet. Great... now what do I do? Do I engage this person or…? I didn't even get the chance to finish my thought when Angela finishes it for me. "Don't even think about it." She sniffs as she turns even farther away and begins the assignment.
Okay… that answers that. I think to myself.
I open the book to the corresponding chapter and start in on the paper. It all comes back to me very quickly and I have no trouble filling in the blanks. I was finished before everyone else and decide to familiarize myself with the textbook.
After a short while Mr. Banner brushes by our table. He stops and skims over my paper.
"Ms. Swan, you're very fortunate to be sitting beside Ms. Cullen, but I hope you don't think you can skate by this class by copying her work."
Completely flabbergasted, I stammer "I... I didn't copy her work, sir. I'm already familiar with the subject matter.
He looks down and eye's me suspiciously.
"Were you in Advanced Placement in your previous school?"
"Yes, sir." I look directly up at him.
What were you working on in class before you relocated?" He asks.
"Well, our class was in the middle of a segment on DNA translations but, well… I was also doing an independent study on mutations of the genetic code?" I inwardly cringe as I realize my statement comes out like a question.
He blinks down at me a few times before he speaks again. When he does, I see a wry smile spreading across his face.
"See me after class, Ms. Swan."
It takes all of me to not to smile even just a little bit.
A few minutes later, a boy sitting at a table diagonally behind me tosses me a note.
Hey Swan, Nice way to make Banner look like the idiot that he is. Haha.
I'm Mike by the way.
Where did you move from?
I haven't passed notes back and forth in school since junior high. But I scribble back.
Phoenix
I toss it back when Mr. Banner isnt looking.
Mike has a baby face, and soft blue eyes. His blond hair is combed towards his face like Justin Beiber. I wager he's pretty popular by his jovial and confident demenor, and by the athletic jacket he's wearing. I hear him scribbling some more and then he whispers, "Hey, Swan?" He passes the note back this time and then he winks at me. Huh? What's with all the winkers at this school? Is he kidding me with that? I take the note back nervously. I don't want to encourage this boy but I don't want to seem standoffish either.
Hey you should come to the basketball game Friday night. A few of us get together after and have a few beers down at the mill. Think about it. And hey, sorry youre stuck sitting next to the bitchy school dyke. You should sit next to one of us next time.
I stare open-mouthed at the note. So many things are wrong here. I can't possibly say what I really want to or I'll make an enemy really quickly, and that's not what I want. God, why can't people just ignore me like they did in Phoenix? I'm glad he said what he did as it will make what I'm about to do so much easier.
It's nice of you to invite me Mike. My dad is the chief of police, so drinking down at the mill is totally out of the question. In fact, the chief is crazy-strict. I got into some trouble back in Phoenix so I'm not really allowed out on weekends here - my punishment. Good luck with the game though, and the rest of the season. Bella
I hope that will do the trick. I don't like lying but I needed to discourage that from happening again.
The bell hasn't even finished chiming and Angela is up and out of her seat. Gosh, what is her problem?
My next class is a free study, so I walk over to the library. I'm grateful I know where it is. Once I step over the threshold I see Jessica waving her hands at me excitedly to get my attention. I reluctantly walk over to her table where she's sitting with two other girls.
She whispers softly.
"Hey Bella, sit with us." I sit down and peer at the others. They seem neither pleased nor annoyed that I'm about to join them so I do. The bell rings and it's very quiet in the room. I pull out my spanish workbook to get started on my assignment when out of the corner of my eye I see Angela slip into the room. She walks over to an empty table near the door. I watch her take off a faded, black, military-style jacket and rest it over the chair back before she sits down. She pulls some books out of her messenger bag and puts a pair of white ear buds in her ear before starting to study.
Jessica catches me staring.
"She's a model, you know." Jessica offers up in a very soft whisper.
"Really?" I whisper back.
"Totally, here look." Jessica pulls her laptop over to me and proceeds to google, 'Angela Weber.' What I see almost makes me fall off my chair.
"Oh my Gosh." I whisper. Jessica has pulled up a black and white image of Angela dressed in a very slinky short dress, her hair is wild, makeup heavy and slightly smeared. Her sweaty body is draipsed over a handsome italian-looking man wearing only jeans with the top buttons unfastened, and they look as though they have just had their way with one another. I can't take my eyes off the photo, which I see is an ad for a men's cologne. I don't even have words.
"Don't waste your time trying to get to know her. She doesn't talk to anyone and she doesn't do friends. And besides, rumor has it she's like, totally gay, anyway. I know, gross, right? As soon as they all graduate I hear they're taking the first plane back to New York. Good riddens is what I say." She harrumphs.
I have so many questions racing through my mind. I can't believe the woman in this photo is Angela. I ignore Jessica's second tirade of the day and continue to browse through google images. There are dozens of photos, many duplicates of the same photo shoots. There are actually pictures of her on the runway for Marc Jacobs. I mean, I don't really know who Marc Jacobs is but I think he's somewhat important in the fashion world. This is kind of unbelievable to me. It's so weird that she's in Forks. I wonder what she thinks about living here. I thought it was hard on me moving here, it must be really hard for her.
I look up and see a boy dressed in an athletic jacket just like the one Mike was wearing earlier, saunter over to Angela's table. He sits down next to her. She nary's a glance at him, acting completely oblivious and then he leans in and whispers something in her ear. He reaches out and touches her hair. Suddenly, Angela winces and stands up.
"Leave me the hell alone." She snaps at him. Everyone in the room turns their heads now to look at them. I hear the librarian shusshing. The boy walks back to his table and is met by soft cheers and jeers by his other jock friends. They're laughing and congratulating him for hitting on her. At this point Angela stands up tall, throws on her jacket, tosses her stuff inside her bag and heads for the door. She hesitates for a minute, and walks by the jock's table. Looking directly at the boy who touched her, she calmly but warningly mouths,
"Fuck You."
The boys laugh and the one who hit on her, stops smiling and seriously responds,
"No. Fuck YOU, dyke bitch." Angela turns and walks right out the door.
I can't believe what I've just witnessed. That boy is such a jackass. I'm not sure why but the thought of staying seated in my chair is utterly unappealing. My body is riddled with anxiety and my leg starts tapping in nervous staccato. I ask Jessica to watch my stuff so I can get up and find a restroom. Once I get out of the library, I glance down the hall and see Angela turn right at the end of the corridor. Before I know what I'm doing I'm pursuing her. She's ducked into a girl's restroom and after only a moment of hesitation, I follow her in. I can see her boots in the handicapped stall. With my heart racing, I slowly walk over to the sink. Not knowing what to do, I decide to wash my hands. Hearing the water running, Angela knows there's someone else in the room. All of a sudden I hear a couple of loud bangs as she's banging the wall.
"Fuck, fuck fuuuck! Get the FUCK out of here!" She yells. I feel a little nervous but more than anything I want to talk to her. Or get her to talk to me. I want to tell her that I'm sorry for the way that boy treated her. For the way most of the people in the school treat her. I don't know why but I know that the only reason she was such a jerk to me earlier is because she thinks I'm going to be just like them.
I wait patiently for her to come out and I think I'll wait all day if I have to. I'm not sure but I think I can hear her sniffling. After waiting for about five minutes she finally comes out of the stall and when she see's me her eyes darken, and anger seems to explode out of her.
"What the FUCK are you doing in here?" she yells. "Here to see the school dyke cry?"
"No, I… I'm sorry. I just well. I don't know…" I stammer. Angela starts laughing a slightly maniacal laugh.
"You don't know? You don't KNOW? Look… Bella is it? Bella, you don't know anything. Now get the hell out of here, and stay away from me, got it?" She growls as she walks over to the sink and turns the water on.
I gather some courage and in a soft voice, I say.
"I wanted to see if you were okay. Those boys… what that boy did to you was not okay. It was awful, really. Does that, um… does that happen to you a lot?" Angela just stands there for a bit, glaring at me. Then, she takes off her glasses and leans down to splash some cold water onto her face. After drying it with a paper towel and tossing it in the trash bin, she stands in front of the sink and stares at my reflection. Her back is to me, but I can see her face clearly through the mirror. I can't quite read her expression, but she seems to be contemplating what I've said - she seems to be weighing whether or not she can trust me. Finally after a full minute passes, she speaks.
"It happens occasionally when my brother isn't around." She turns around to face me and her emerald green eyes stare right into mine. She crosses her arms in front of her chest. I can start to feel that intensity that I noticed about her before. She's looking directly at me, almost as if to challenge me to keep engaging her.
"Your brother, the big one?" I ask.
"Yes, that's Emmett. She replies. He's actually a practicing Buddhist, but when I need him to, he'll make idle threats that will make those jerks lay off for a good month or so." The way she is staring into my eyes is making my heart rate speed up even faster and my palms are starting to sweat.
"Why are you really here, Bella? She asks. I drop my gaze to the floor. I take a deep breath and exhale before I answer. "Well, I saw you at lunch and I was, well, watching you. You looked… lonely or something. And after what just happened I thought maybe you could use a friend." I'm afraid to look back at her. Afraid to see her distain for me as she tells me I'm not cool enough to be her friend. And then my worst fear comes true.
"And what makes you think I'd want you as a friend?" she asks. My heart stops as I feel the sting of her rejection. She's right. What the hell was I thinking? What the hell am I doing here? I don't even know this person, and she was rude to me earlier. I cringe.
"I'm sorry. You're right. You're so cool and well, God just look at you - of course you wouldn't want to have a friend like me. I'm sorry. Please just forget I came in here." I can feel tears start to pool in my eyes in my embarrassment. I walk over to the door and reach to grab the handle to leave but when I pull it the door won't open. Suddenly, I can feel her standing right behind me. She's put her hand on the door above my head pushing it closed with all her weight.
"Hey, that's not what I meant." She says in the softest voice I've heard come out of her mouth. I can feel her warm breath fan across the side of my face. My heart begins to race. "Hey, turn around." She asks. Suddenly, I'm afraid of what will happen if I do.
"Please?" she asks in an earnest voice. Slowly I turn around and look directly into her eyes. She's no longer angry, thank goodness. But what she does makes my breath hitch. She uses her thumb to wipe away the lone tear streaming down my cheek, and she's looking down at me with concern.
"Bella. You misunderstood what I meant. You have to know that you are the first person who has approached me… well, the first GIRL to approach me after knowing what I am. You'll have to forgive me, but I'm kind of in shock. I'm not used to random girls offering me their friendship. People here have been incredibly cruel, actually." She laughs but I feel nothing but compassion for her.
"That's terrible. I'm so sorry that's been your experience. I've heard things from people all day. I can't imagine what it's been like for you." She can tell my sympathy is completely genuine.
"I saw you sitting with Jessica at lunch." She confesses. "I assumed she was feeding you all of the latest gossip. The way you were looking at me when you were walking out of the cafeteria made me think were afraid of me. You looked so scared."
"That's… not what I was thinking." I whisper. My face starts to blush and at that moment I realize how closely we're standing next to one another. I look down at the floor, again. I feel her hand lift my chin up ever so slowly, so she can see my face. Suddenly, she looks a little nervous. "Then, what were you thinking?" I can't believe I'm about to say what I am about to say, but it feels right. And I'm sure.
"I… was thinking that you were the most beautiful person I'd ever seen in my life. But that there was something about you that seemed so sad… and I felt like… I wanted to be the one to try and make you smile, if even just a little."
Angela looks as if what I'm saying makes little sense to her and then suddenly she stumbles back. She knows. She knows what I'm saying and she's stunned. She looks at me incredulously for what feels like forever.
"I'm not afraid of you." I whisper. She laughs out loud, then.
"Oh, Really? Because I think I'm becoming a little afraid of you, Swan…."
We hear the bell ringing and it pops the little bubble we've operating under.
"Oh no! I have to go back to the library and get my stuff." I scramble out the door.
Angela follows me into the hall and walks with me towards the library. I can't describe how hopeful I feel inside. It's almost as though a light switch has been turned on somewhere deep inside my being that I never knew existed, and I can't but help the silly grin that spreads across my face. When we get to the library I turn towards her.
"So… friends? I ask shyly, as my pink blush stretches across my cheeks. Angela narrows her eyes at me in a playful way and then surrenders to the moment with a sideways smirk.
"Yeah, okay. We can be friends."
"Great. So… I guess I'll see you tomorrow in Biology, then? I ask.
"I guess so." She responds. She's clearly lingering even though the next bell is about to ring. I can't believe how strange this day has been. Before turning away, I give her a slight wave goodbye, and do something that I have never dreamed I'd ever do in a million years. I wink.